I first heard of Tia in the Shiny Happy People documentary. I found her really compelling and have kept up with her social medias since. This is an incredibly well written memoir. It made me so angry and devastated hearing what all Tia went through. She really doesn't hold back and dives in deep describing the darkness in domestic violence, fundamentalism, patriarchy, and spiritual abuse. As someone who also went through an abusive relationship when I was younger, she articulated so well all the layers of sadness, fear, frustration, a sense of loss, an urge to people please, etc. It was also inspiring to hear of her journey towards healing in therapy and the empowerment she was able to find within herself along the way. If you've read the memoir Educated, this memoir reminds me of that in terms of the excellent writing and vivid descriptions. This book is going to take the memoir world by storm. Tia is very brave and I am so glad she is here to tell her story. I wish her well in any of her future endeavors! Thank you to the publisher and netgalley for the opportunity to read this memoir.

This book was one of the most challenging, soul wrenching, beautiful stories I have ever read. I was totally drawn in. I typically read 3-5 books at once, but I do one myself pausing other books to read this.

Tia Levings went through a lot of turmoil as a child. As a result, she learned as a young girl that rules are what kept her spiritually, physically and emotionally safe. She sets out to figure out what the rules are to be the best Christian ever, and follow them to a tee.

In this journey, she finds herself as a young wife and mother. In her attempt to create safety and security for herself and her children, and her husband’s to assert more control, she begins to follow patriarchal and quiverfull teachings, including those of bill Gothard, Doug Wilson, and Doug Phillips. These envelop her life. As a submissive wife, she follows her husband’s lead, even as things feel increasingly more precarious.

Eventually, for the safety of her self and her children, she is faced with a choice to leave. The courage and resilience Tia showed was astounding.

The narrative was fantastically written. I cannot recommend this book enough. It is one that I will be recommending for years to come. Easy five stars.

A Well Trained Wife is the kind of book that you should definitely read, but it’s a heavy story. I found myself weeping at parts of this book. Tia writes of her experiences so well, I could feel myself being there with her.

If you want to understand how dark some homes can be on the inside, take a walk with Tia through her trauma. It’s worth it to help us become more empathetic friends to those we meet who are suffering.

Tia’s memoir is a Very Difficult Read and, simultaneously, impossible to put down. The tagline of this book calls it her escape, and it was. In her own words, it was very possible she and her children might not have survived the highly controlling and abusive environment they were trapped in for many years.

Definitely check the content warnings if you’re interested in this book. The themes in it are not only traumatic and disturbing, but recurring—not ones you can skate over. I’m ultimately glad I read it, but it left me with a similar feeling as Jennette McCurdy’s memoir: an intense grief for the victims of such a vicious system and anger at those who continue to perpetuate it for their own gain.

I've followed Tia Levings on Instagram and appreciated her insight into the world of conservative Christianity in the Duggar doc Shiny Happy People, so when I saw she is releasing a book I was hyped!! Even more excited to be able to read it early thanks to NetGalley.

Her story is so intense and harrowing and I am so happy to see her thriving and doing what she loves. It's so interesting how she was able to accomplish a WFH career before that became more widespread. I think it just shows how resilient she is and her protective instincts when it comes to her kids kicked in in the face of her abusive ex.

Overall this cements my hatred for this form of Christianity, and I just hope that women in similar situations (esp with the recent "trad-wife" resurgence) can get out and live their lives.

A difficult heart wrenching read about how females raised in the Christian fundamentalist religion are treated and
what is their supposed role in life.
#AWellTrainedWife #StMartinsPress #NetGalley

It was March 8, 2024 when I first heard the term “baby fundie voice.” Senator Katie Britt gave the Republican response to President Biden’s State of the Union address the evening before, using a voice that was high pitched, soft and (to my ears) condescending. I’d not heard the term “baby fundie voice” before, but it rang true. Several interviews and articles at the time explained this as a trained voice employed by fundamentalist Christian women as a way to show submission to their husbands and other men. I didn’t find out until today that one of the people interviewed for these articles was Tia Levings, author of a viral blog, part of the documentary “Shiny Happy People” about the Duggar family, and now author of “A Well Trained Wife,” the harrowing story of her years inside a fundamentalist Christian community.

In “A Well Trained Wife,” Levings discusses in frank detail her life with a husband who was constantly seeking a life led the way he (and elders of the churches they attended) felt God wanted them to live. This included establishing a household where the husband was the undisputed head and the wife was completely submissive, up to and including complete isolation from anyone outside the church and “Christian punishment” for even the slightest infraction. Most people would recognize this as domestic abuse, but it took Levings many years and a horrifying threat to her life and the lives of her children for her to run.

I admire Levings’ courage, not only for living in such a life, for escaping it, doing the brave work of healing, and especially for telling her story. This book gives us not just an intimate look at Christian fundamentalism, but also a blueprint for understanding Christian white nationalism. This movement has become an increasingly part of our national political dialogue, and we all need to be aware of the goals of the movement. Read this book, please.

Many thanks to St. Martin’s Press and NetGalley for the opportunity to read and review this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

First of all, thank you Net Galley for this amazing arc.

I had this book on my “immediate buy” list and just about screamed when I saw the arc was approved.

And. It. Was. So. Good

It’s been a long time since a book made me cry. But I sobbed multiple times reading Tia’s gorgeous memoir. I also felt the urge to punch a lot of men in the face (though that’s probably not very Christian of me/sarcasm).

I would recommend this 100%

5/5

Thank you to St Martins Press for a preview copy.

This memoir is frightening and uplifting. This battered family is kept in check by evangelical/fundamentalist religion. I was so upset that her family couldn’t recognize the problems, and I doubt I would see the struggle when hiding the ugly is almost an art form. A really painful read for me in some places. If you are trapped, I hope that you will get help. If you are unaware, as I was, I hope you recognize this problem to help someone. This is NOT Christianity at its best.

This was such a hard book to read because of how visceral everything is. Levings doesn't pull any punches when it comes to describing her upbringing and marriage in the IBLP. She went through so much and still manages to be kind, loving, and hopeful after it all. The last 20% were focused on her therapy and healing from a life of indoctrination, and I found it very insightful as I also heal from church trauma (although not to the same extent). Levings is an inspiration and gives me hope. I'm grateful she wrote this book and I will revisit it and recommend it.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC of "A Well-Trained Wife" by Tia Levings. This book floored and horrified me and was extremely well-written. The author's account of being in a fundamental, abusive marriage is not a light read or for the faint of heart. She takes you through all the gritty, disgusting details and delves into the heart of the large fundamentalist churches, their requirements and teachings, and the awful way they treat women. It was an empowering tale of survival in the face of great adversity and was a phenomenal read.

When Tia Levings was a tween, her family moved from Michigan to Florida. There, she grew up attending a mega church as well as their affiliated Christian school, and from them learned a strict interpretation of certain Biblical passages; that wives should submit to their husbands in everything, that men should provide and women should stay home, have lots of babies, and homeschool them. The move meant she didn’t have a lot of friends, and she fell under the sway of a family that followed the teachings of Bill Gothard and his Institute of Basic Life Principles (think the Duggar family).

Surrounded by friends who were eschewing college for “courting” and having their fathers find them a husband, Tia tried to follow suit. The young man she ended up with already had a lot of red flags before their extremely short engagement, but she hid them–she believed it was the wife’s responsibility to present a perfect shiny face to the world. But it only went from bad to worse. After their marriage, they had a baby right away. Tia was happy to stay home with the kids, but her husband soon settled into a classic pattern of abuse–one sanctioned by their church. Next they left the Gothard movement and ended up at a reformed church that was, believe it or not, even more extreme.

I’m trying not to give spoilers, but this book was shocking to me. I come from a relatively conservative Christian background myself, I thought, and of course abusive men exist in all groups, but this was something new to me. At one point they visit an Orthodox Church and are told, “God is love and values women equally,” and I could feel my shoulders relax. Finally some truth! When Tia finally escapes (not a spoiler–read the subtitle!), she has a lot to do to recover. Her anger at lost time, especially with her children, is raw and vulnerable. Her strength is obvious at all times.

I’m not going to lie–this is a hard read. But it’s good. I’m glad I read it, and it contains some very important “insider” information as to some of the extreme beliefs held in these groups, many of which are now represented in our government. Tia is a wordsmith, and the book is well written. Highly recommended, but not for the faint of heart!

Harrowing insight into the world of Christian fundamentalism. The phrase “hiding in plain sight” kept coming to mind because so much of the abuse is hidden right under the surface, under seemingly happy children and family life. As a pastor (who is also a woman) I’m horrified the way the Bible is regularly twisted by some. Gripping writing that kept me going chapter after chapter. Absolutely would recommend.

harrowing story of a women who didn’t know anything beyond extreme religious interpretation of the Bible Churches. That of she didn’t obey her husband, her family, her religious leaders that God would persecute her to hell after her death. In the realities of the world we live in now in 2024, we are seeing more and more this extremism. We never thought such things as the book and series the Handmaids Tale could exist in reality, but to an extent in some religious sectors it does. We’ve seen it in ways of the Duggars ( 19 kids and Counting) and how people who call themselves Christians come out and tell women how they should be home making babies and keeping the home. People that say with there words that they love people and God and Jesus loves all, but will tell you that you’re going to hell if you support others that don’t believe in what they do, or if you are different than they are. Newsflash Jesus loves everyone, he helped all people, the sick, the different, the people that even wanted to harm him, he believed everyone had a right to live and worship God.

This book was brutally honest, brave, beautifully written and a reminder that we all don’t know what’s occurring behind closed doors. I pray that Tia and her kids have a less fearful life filled with happiness, and amazing adventures. They deserve a life that shows the goodness of God and people.

Thank you Net Galley and St. Martin’s Press for this eARC. I truly thankful and humbled that I was able to read and review this book. Thank you for helping Tia share her story with the world.

This was so poorly written and full of word-for=word dialogue I couldn't take it seriously. It's hard when it is a memoir about such serious topic as domestic and religious abuse but the way it was written seemed forced and fake--no one remembers whole conversations like the ones presented in the book as fact. This made the book read like fiction and was really off-putting.

Right before I even open this book I knew that this would be the kind of book that I was going to yell at and that would anger me immensely. I also knew that this would be the type of book that I couldn't wait to get my hands on. Not only were both of those things correct but I was very surprised on how much I sympathized with our main character instead of felt enraged by her blind devotion. This book is a true story all about the author, Tia Levings, who is living in an abusive marriage. What made things much worse however was because of her faith of Christian fundamentalists, she was unable to turn to anybody on the outside for help and those inside her circles were consistently telling her how she should act in order to help him change. I love this book because it angered me so much. I felt so bad for Tia, I felt bad that she had to go through this and had no one to turn to, I felt bad that so many people let her down and let her husband get away with his wrongdoings, and I also felt bad that she isn't the only one that has ever gone through something like this. Even though I felt bad though I was very excited to see how she would survive this, and was very amazed and blown away by her strength and courage to face the unknown and get help for herself and a better life for not just her but for her children as well. I can't imagine the strength that must have taken in order to share her story with the world, especially when it was so bad even before they got married. Well this was a very sad story it amazed me at every turn and I was mesmerized on all of the experiences that Tia went through not just in her terrible marriage, but all of the brainwashing up to her marriage. It was very easy to see why she ended up in a situation she was in from her past however that does not make it right or excuse anything that happened to her. It was almost like watching a train wreck knowing that you can't stop it from happening. This book is very upsetting because I knew it wasn't a work of fiction and that all of this really happened. I blows my mind that in today's day and age there are still so many people who have to suffer for no reason just because of someone's twisted beliefs like Tia did. Very good read and even though a lot of it blew my mind and made me shoot steam out of my ears I still enjoyed every minute of it, however I think knowing she made it out all right helped. It was heartbreaking to read about all of the excuses she gave for his behavior and to watch her consistently try to change everything about herself in order to please him even when he implies she was failing her faith. I'm glad that she was able to share her experiences with other people because not everyone is that lucky. Read this book for sure because it will change your life. Great read and I'm so glad I was given the chance to check it out. This is one book that everyone has to read regardless of their own faith because it shines a light on domestic violence in a way that isn't often portrayed. I hope that this book brings light to everyone's situation the people who need to hear this message will find it. While it is a tough read at times just because of the subject is beautifully written and I liked how she expressed her positive moments as well as her darkest ones but at the same time she didn't go too dark where it overshadowed the progression of how it got so desperate. Very good job and I can't wait until this book is released and if you do decide to read this one make sure you have time to finish it because it will be impossible to put down. The only thing I can say I wasn't a fan of was all of the religious talks near the end of the book however I understand how important her faith was and how it helped her survive the trouble so I see why it was important.

I really enjoyed this memoir. There were a couple grammatical mistakes and there was a part talking about an election that said the choices were Pat Buchanan and Donald Trump? I don’t think that’s right.
The writing in the beginning was a little hard to get used to, seemed a bit more choppy. Probably because it was further in the past. As the book went on it became more flowy and I was hooked. Loved the ending and how she shared her therapy. It was vulnerable and beautiful. Amazing story.

Incredibly well written. The author did an amazing job at bringing out many issues in patriarchal family systems. The harm it does to women and kids, and even men themselves. I was so often incridibly frustrated during this read that unfortunately, do happen in today's society.

Tia Levings’s story of survival as part of an ultra conservative Christian community in “A Well Trained Wife” left an impression on me - it was so hard for me to put her memoir down. The author describes her severely restricted life and how she eventually found the courage to leave her abusive marriage and community in search of a life of equality.

It is incredibly scary to me that these ideas exist, and it is even scarier that they're practiced in this country and era. That people, in this day and age, suffer terribly and needlessly at the hands of Christian patriarchy.

Over the course of the text, Levings lays out the many things she wasn't allowed to do, things that are taken for granted by most of us American women nowadays. There are so many of them that I'm worried I'm not conveying the full gamut of the abuse she endured here. Among the things inaccessible to her are the right to vote, contraception, a career. She lives with book bans, harsh discipline - in a stay at home life of control, shame, and then some. At a certain point, routine marital spanking was normalized by her husband, incited by their church, not even for the (unlawful) punishment of breaking one of the myriad patriarchal rules, but just because.

Sometimes with memoirs the story carries enough weight to blow the reader away in itself. But this book is not like that. It is beautifully and skillfully written and carries you along as you take in the magic of its words. The text reads as if it were fiction, like a thriller that's all too real. Maybe because it's so unbelievable that these things happen in our time? Maybe because we women never fully lose the fear of being suppressed, used, our souls, wants, and needs exterminated?

I am keeping this review free from quotes because the publisher would like to see them taken from the final version of the manuscript. It breaks my heart though because there are so many special passages that I can't seem to translate into my own words. I guess this just means that you'll have to go and read them for yourself!

Thank you Netgalley and St. Martin’s Press for the Advance Reader's Copy!

Tia Levings tells her compelling and heartbreaking story of years of experiencing and overcoming religious trauma. I flew through this book, captivated and stunned by her experiences in an abusive marriage fueled by Christian Fundamentalism patriarchal beliefs. I’m so thrilled she was able to tell her story, overcome these hardships, and raise awareness of what happens to women in these quiverfull Christian families.

Thank you St. Martin’s Press , Netgalley, and Tia Levings for the digital ARC in exchange for an honest review!