Motherland

Is it ever possible to recover from the loss of a child?

Amidst a tumultuous life of divorce, addiction, and destructive relationships, Barb finds herself on the brink of collapse. Little does she know that her world is about to shatter even further with the sudden death of her 13-year-old daughter, Molly.

From the agonizing moment when Molly was rushed to the emergency room with excruciating headaches to the heart-wrenching decision to disconnect her from life support, Barb confronts the reckoning of a lifetime. She grapples with the haunting question of responsibility: Could she have altered the course of events during those sixteen crucial hours?

In the days, months, and years that follow, Barb navigates the treacherous territory she dubs Motherland—a realm characterized by heartbreak and beauty, hope and devastation, self-doubt and grief, blame and loss. With determination, she takes countless small steps toward healing and rediscovering hope.

At the age of 57, Barb makes a brave and radical decision: she has another baby. This transformative experience reshapes her understanding of Motherland, redefining the meaning of motherhood late in life and illuminating the significance of this new life against the backdrop of Molly's untimely death.

Soul-searching, heart-wrenching, and unflinchingly honest, Motherland is both an achingly intimate memoir of a remarkable woman’s experience of child loss and motherhood and a powerful call to reevaluate society’s treatment and support of women, regardless of age.

Barb Higgins is mother to Gracie, Molly, Jack, and Baby Gordy. In 2016, she lost Molly to a brain tumor. In 2021, aged 57, she gave birth to her little boy, Jack. To date, she is the oldest woman to have given birth in New Hampshire. An educator at heart, she also loves athletics, music, theater and the arts. Barb graduated from Boston University in 1986 with a Masters in Education. She also has a Certificate of Advanced Graduate Studies (C.A.G.S.) from Plymouth State University in Education Leadership through Arts Integration. She has taught elementary, special, and physical education as well as health. She has coached cross- country and track and field for over 30 years. A Division One All American in Track and Field at BU in 1983, Barb was a competitive runner for many years competing for Nike before returning to her hometown in 1989. Barb coaches and participates in Crossfit and has a Podcast called A Thousand Tiny Steps. Creating The MollyB Foundation helps to keep the best parts of Molly alive and helps others to achieve their goals. Every day, Barb shares her thoughts of what it means to live in Motherland in the hope that it will help mothers everywhere feel comforted, seen and understood. She lives in New Hampshire with her Kenny and her two living children, Gracie and Jack.