Heart wrenching and so good. This book broke me and I loved every minute of it. Highly recommend but you’ll need those tissues handy!

I can count the number of books that have shattered my heart on one hand. and now I can add Underneath the Sycamore Tree to that list. I finished reading this book two days ago and I am still captivated by the story. I'm just glad that I had my tissues ready because I sure needed them! This book is so emotional and raw but in the pain of it all, there is pure beauty.

As I am writing this, I just realized that this is my first time reading B. Celeste. OMG, why have I waited so long? I was blown away from the very beginning and knew right away this was going to tug at my heartstrings. I feel like so many times we all want a happily ever after but in the real world it just doesn't always happen. I thought the author is so brave to write a story like this because it is truthful and heartbreaking.

I don't tend to get emotional while reading, but I think this one just hit too close to home. I am a twin and that is one of my biggest fears to this day; losing my twin. So, to read about a character like Emery and see how strong she is to experience life not only without her best friend but with a debilitating autoimmune disease crushed me.

Emery and Kaiden's story really came to life through the pages. I watched them go from disliking each other to having so much love for each other that it hurts. I will forever remember every emotion they felt and every single one I felt while I read such a poignant book.

To author B. Celeste. Thank you for writing this. Thank you for writing about true emotions. Thank you for bringing me to tears. And thank you for letting me experience a book in a way I never have!

I was initially drawn to this book by the stunning cover and then the synopsis reeled me in the rest of the way.

This book is beautiful and meaningful read,,,,but it isn't an easy one. You'll learn a bit about an autoimmune disease and how it brutally attacks the body. The impact of illness and death on families is explored heavily as well. The main character in this book, Emery lost her twin sister to lupus around ten years before. In the midst of it all, her father left them as well. Now she's fighting her own medical battle as well as trying to navigate the emotions of her damaged mother at the same time. When it becomes too much for both of them, she goes to stay with her father.

Emery is given a chance to get to know her father and his new wife, as well as her step-brother. In the beginning, Kamden is distant and rude. But as time progresses, the two of them develop a friendship and then it gradually blossoms into something more. Meanwhile, her illness is always lurking in the background like a monster waiting to pounce when you least expect it.

This is an emotional read to say the least but it's one that will stay with me for awhile. I enjoyed the author's writing style even if this particular book left me feeling a bit raw and worn out. I will definitely look to read more by her in the future.

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC. I voluntarily chose to read and review it and the opinions contained within are my own.

I was provided a free copy of this fr @netgalley in exchange for my honest review.
This one was a tough one for me. Although I think it would be tough for most.
Emery has had a rough 19 years. Her twin sister passes away from Lupus a short while after her Dad abandoned their family. Her mother, unsure of how to deal with the grief begins to fall apart. A few years later Emery herself is diagnosed with Lupus! Trying to change things up and allow her mother time to heal she asks to finish her senior year (a year late due to absences from her illness) living with her father and his new family. Little does she know, her moody, seemingly uncaring, also a senior step-brother, Kaiden, will help her feel more normal.
Written as a glimpse into life with an invisible illness this is a rough book throughout. I struggled because I come from a family of autoimmune diseases and I have Sjögrens. Although I was not diagnosed until adulthood I could sympathize with Emery in some of her difficulties.
I also wasn't sure how I felt about Emery and Kaiden's relationship. It was definitely a seems wrong, but maybe wasn't wrong, but maybe only worked because she was sick and didn't have much time type of relationship, and I felt that just played with my feelings. That was part of my decrease in ratings.
Overall it was a good book about a topic that doesn't get a lot of attention, but definitely had some parts that I didn't fully get on board with. There were some happy moments, and some character growth that was necessary, but there was also a lot of sadness and depressive parts of the story (in pretty realistic ways). Definitely be warned that this isn't a happy feel good book, but does realistically portray a person's experience with Lupus (although this wouldn't be everyone's experience with it, or other invisible illnesses)!
It is already published, so if you are interested in reading it you can go out and get it now!
#NetGalley

Underneath the Sycamore Tree was originally published in 2019 with a different cover.

It was a little slow and not a whole lot happened. It gave me so many feelings though that it made it close to a 4 star read for me but it’s closer to 3.5.

The main character suffers from Lupus and it was eye opening about how terrible the disease can be. And I loved the strength Emery had even though she struggled so much. There aren’t enough books that show this side of life.

⚠️Trigger warning: step sibling relationship

Thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks Bloom Books for a couple of Underneath the Sycamore Tree in exchange of an honest review.

Grab the tissues because this is a glorious emotional roller coaster! This was a wonderful quick read that I would love to see as a movie.

Thank you to NetGalley and Bloom Books for the arc in exchange for an honest review.

dnf at 20%

I will start off by saying that I was not the target audience for this book. Step sibling romances are not my thing. I will admit that this was more my fault more than anything as I misunderstood the summary which does mention that fact. Additionally this was a bully romance. Kaiden is unbearable in his treatment of Emery. His actions have been mean and unprovoked, and the fact that at some point Emery develops romantic feelings for Kaiden is horrifying. It almost perpetuates the juvenile idea that a person bullying you means they have feelings for you. I love any book that discusses mental health and chronic/terminal illnesses, but the added element of bullying and step siblings falling for each other ruined it for me.

4.5 stars

Loved this book! This was my first book by this author and I loved the lyrical writing. This story was so heartwrenching it tugged at my heartstrings. At the beginning I hated Kaiden. He was such a jerk to Emery, but later I ended up liking him. Kaiden made me laugh and swoon. I loved his character. Emery was so realistic and and very relatable. Her views on life and her illness made her honest and raw. I loved Kaiden and Emery together. They were great for each other. They were each other's best friends. I fell for them hard and was so sad with how the story ended. Although the story was sad it showcased about fighting back and living life with no regrets. Highly recommend! Now I want to read the author's backlist. This story will stay with me forever.

Thank you to netgalley for an early copy in exchange for an honest review. Book is out now!

I was truly blown away by this book as it reflected all sides of living with a chronic illness. It is about Emery Matterson, who is sick with Lupus, a disease that has already killed her twin sister. When that happens, her life is uprooted and she moves to stay with her dad and his new family. But while there, her brooding new step brother, a YA/teenager turns out to be much more than what he shows the world and he makes her feel normal and becomes her safe space.

Living with an autoimmune disease myself, this book felt way too relatable. From the fact that 'invisible illness' makes doctors and your community not believe how sick you are or that you're sick at all, to all the social handicaps it often creates. One part that struck all the feels is Emery's hate of hearing the 'but you don't look sick' or 'you look good/better/well', especially from doctors, who are the ones that definitely should know better. I don't know how many times Ive personally heard this and it just makes me angry and sad every time.

**SPOILERS AHEAD!
I really liked this book, no matter how dark and heartbreaking it was. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for Celeste to write. The only thing that bothers me is the stereotypical cliche of the MMC, a broody angsty teenager that in the beginning treats Emery like crap, which she continues to take in the hopes of changing him. Why are every MMC in every book where there is a teen/YA girl like this and why must this be the story line of these relationships. It annoys me that Emery was so withdrawn when it came to the MMC and the crap he served her. I understand the point that Celeste wanted to make with this, and the gift that the MMC finally became for Emery, but the author could have gone about it in a much less stereotypical, populist YA way. Unfortunately it took away from the quality of the story for me. Another thing that frustrates me is the fact that Emery wouldn't take the available treatment in the end. Considering my own chronic disease, I know how these treatments look and work, and realistically, with steroids in the picture, her chances were actually there. It's just weird for me and makes no sense that she would just give up life when she wasn't in the same place that her sister was in the end (not saying that she wasn't very ill, but there was a viable treatment plan available). Also considering that she was afraid of dying and would not face the facts about how sick she was throughout the book, until the end where all of a sudden she just whole heartedly accepted her fate.
**END OF SPOILERS

The focus on the family drama and the illness and the consequences of living with it however, was written really well and I definitely recommend this book to everyone, even though it is quite dark. If nothing else, it's such a good lesson for everyone to learn how to treat each other, because you never know what people are going through.

"When you have a chronic condition, you spend a lot of your life being doubted by others. Not all diseases can be seen. In fact, a lot of them aren’t."
I chose to read this book because I have lived with an invisible, chronic illness since childhood. This book shared very realistically the fears and frustration that are experienced as well of the constant desire to be normal. I found the book to be emotional, heartbreaking and utterly engaging. Thanks #NetGalley

I was totally The Fault in our Stars'd by this book! In the sense that I did not expect how it ended and was completely emotionally wrecked by it. It was a decent story following a girl with a chronic condition and showcasing her life. B. Celeste did a great job with this and I look forward to reading more of there works.

Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for providing me with an arc for an honest review.

This book hurt so much and I loved every second of it. I love when a good book can make me sob uncontrollably, there's really no better feeling. This story emphasizes how important it is to love the people in your life because you never know what could happen.

Thank you #netgalley and #bloombooks for an early read of #underneaththesycamoretree

A very well written book about grief, loss of loved ones and the struggle of fighting a chronic illness.
You will have to prepare yourself a lot of tissue for the last 10 chapters because from that point on my eyes are fighting between crying and trying to keep reading this book until the end.

I absolutely admire Emery’s character, reading what she’s been through that causes her both mental and physical pain just breaks my heart.
This book is very realistic, painful, heart-breaking but also include the sweet moments of forgiveness, the feeling of first love and the warmth of a found family.

However, as it’s said in the synopsis… Nothing good ever lasts.
The last two chapters feels like a blur cause my eyes keep tearing up every few sentences. I think I’m gonna start crying now every time someone plays the “You Are My Sunshine” song....

While I like most of the things in this book, I don’t particularly root for the romantic relationship growing between Kaiden and Emery. I would have like it more if they develop a strong sibling relationship instead. Nonetheless, I still love the story of Emery.

Overall, this is a highly recommended beautiful heart-breaking story.
It taught me to never take things for granted and always appreciate the time we have with our loved ones.
I’m going to check out this author’s other books for sure!

Actual Rating: 4.5⭐

⚠️ 𝐓𝐖 : Death, terminal illness, sexually explicit scenes, mentioned of suicide, eating disorder and child death.

5/5 stars!

WHEN I TELL YOU I SOBBED!
The writing in this book is amazing, I could see the personalities of the characters very well and therefore understand their feelings and their choices. The relationship between both Emery & her mother and Emery & Kaiden was beautifully explained.
And yes I cried a lot

The ending was expected, but that didn't mean it was bad. There were plot twists and foreshadowing.

I would recommend it to everyone who loves new adult, heart breaking, tear-jerking books
;)

I absolutely LOVED this book. I rarely cry but this one got me. B. Celeste's way of writing completely consumes you, allows you to to fall in love, get your heartbroken and be changed forever. I highly recommended this beautiful story.

This author has been on my radar for quite a while now and I’m impressed. This is one of those books that you want to stay up late to finish reading. Because that’s exactly what I did. This book is absolutely heartbreaking, beautiful and so well written. It’s also something I didn’t know I needed. Right around the third chapter is where I literally couldn’t put this book down. I don’t want to say anything or get into any details about it because I’m sure I’ll give something away. I just know going into this book that you are most likely to cry and feel so many emotions throughout your entire read. The last three chapters I read with tears in my eyes.

This is my first read going into 2023 and it’s already on my list of top reads for this year!

You’ve stolen a piece of my heart, Barbara.

This book is giving my very rare six star rating!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Screw you, Barbara indeed! You will be paying for my therapy bills cause this book broke me so badly! I cried so long my eyes hurt and they're so swollen. There were so many scenes that just hit home and it just made me cry my eyes out and I hate crying. This book made me cry so much cause I related to it so much. I lost a family friend to cancer a few years back and I remember when we got the news about his death and I couldn't believe it. I ended up going to the bathroom and crying cause just the week before he was fine. Well, as fine as he could be and he wasn't the only one I ended up losing. So reading about Emery's struggle with her sister's death and what her mom became because of it just had me crying, not only that cause she dealing with all of this but on top of that, she has to deal with her own sickness which her sister died from so wow. Talk about having to deal with a lot. There were times I wanted to crawl into the pages of the book to just give her a hug. Something that I wasn't blessed with whenever I needed one but the difference is that Emery has Kaideeennn! (<--- insert in a sing-song voice). Now, not gonna lie, Kaiden was a total asshole at first. Could. not. stand him. But it ended up with Emery confronting her dad about nobody knowing about her when their relationship start to bloom. This man was not perfect if anything he had his own pile of trauma that he was trying to deal with but it's what made them understand each other more. They both were beginning to heal and move on from the past to live in the now, which obviously had me crying all over again. But cause life is a son of bitch, it all started to go downhill again but this time they had each other to support each other. It was so GOOD but then Miss Celeste had to pull what she pulled and I started crying all over again!

(Also when I read this book there was one song that just came to mind which just made me cry even more -when I tell you I was a mess I was a MESS this is why I read these books at night- the song is called In the Stars by Benson Boone. Listen to it if you haven't already. )

OH MY GOSH!!!! Underneath The Sycamore Tree written by Barbara "B" Celeste was the most perfect book to start off with for 2023. This book was so good, but yet so gut wrenching and heart tugging. My emotions were all over the place while reading this beautiful book, from smiling, giggling at the cute moments, to having uncontrolled sobs. Underneath The Sycamore Tree was so raw, yet it was so beautifully written. I often question myself on why I read the most heart tugging books, but I can't seem to find an answer as to why I put myself through that pain. I loved all of the characters, even though a certain one kind of annoyed me at first. I have never read this author before, but I will definitely read her other books. At times it felt like I was on the world's most craziest roller coaster ride gripping the side of my blanket. I don't know how else to explain this beautiful story. Please do yourself a favor and pick up a copy of this book. From the very first page and the very first minute I started reading, I knew this book was going to be unputdownable. In my opinion, there's nothing better than eating a whole bag of chips while trying to control your tears. Underneath The Sycamore Tree will definitely be a book that stays with me for years and years to come.

THANK YOU TO NETGALLEY AND SOURCEBOOKS BLOOM BOOKS FOR AN ARC OF THIS BOOK IN EXCHANGE FOR AN HONEST REVIEW!!!!!!!

🎶Music Playlist🎶
Wasted On You- Morgan Wallen (I added this one myself)
In My Blood- Shawn Mendes
Nobody's Home- Avril Lavigne
You Are My Sunshine- Elizabeth Mitchell
I hate you, I love you- Gnash ft. Olivia O'Brien
Late Thoughts- Hanx
Team- Noah Cyrus & Max
How You Remind Me- Nickelback
Goodbyes- Post Malone ft. Young Thug
My Immortal- Evanescence
Soon You'll Get Better- Taylor Swift

"It doesn't matter what battle you're fighting, it only matters that you're willing to fight".

Emery Matterson is diagnosed with the very same thing that took her twin sister, an incurable autoimmune disease. Emery lost her twin sister, Logan. Emery did everything for Logan while she was slowing losing her battle. Logan and Emery weren't exactly the same person, but Emery did everything her sister liked to do, such as being a cheerleader, but none of Logan's friends really liked Emery, which absolutely broke my heart. Before Emery lost Logan they basically did everything together, from baking with their mother, to always being filled with laughter and smiles. Before Logan died, their father decided to leave their family for good. When Logan needed doctor appointments, their father would use work as an excuse. After Logan died, everything changed, Emery's mom's eyes would change a different color when she was crying, but the last thing that broke Emery was having her mom call her Logan.

After that happened, Emery decided to leave Bakersfield, California to move to New York and be with her father for a fresh start, and to finish out her senior year. Emery got held back because she missed so much school spending time with Logan. Emery's dad now has a new wife, Cam, and his stepson, Kaiden. When Emery is diagnosed with the same disease that killed her twin sister, and her mother falling apart, Emery can't live under the same roof as her mother anymore, the only option for Emery is to move in with her father that she hasn't seen in ten years and try to start over. Emery holds baggage with her father for leaving them, but if Logan was still here on this earth she would want Emery to forgive their father and try to build a good relationship with each other. But nothing is harder for Emery than new beginnings, Emery is worried she will never get a chance to truly live.... until she meets her step brother, Kaiden Monroe. Kaiden is a brooding lacrosse athlete with more than enough baggage of his own.

Kaiden makes Emery feel normal, hatred, cared for, loved, and loathed. Kaiden was so sweet and kind towards Emery, but at the beginning he kind of pissed me off, you'll know why once you read the book. But, after you get past that point, Kaiden is such a sweet soul. Cam, Emery's step mom, opened Emery with open arms and made her feel loved as well, Cam has done so much for Emery that Emery's own mother couldn't offer. When Emery would go to Logan's grave and talk to her, it absolutely shattered my heart and made me sob like a little baby. As Emery cried multiple times, it made me want to reach into the book and give Emery the biggest hug ever. She just deserved the absolute world. If you do decide to read this book, have at least two boxes of tissues close by. I'm so sorry for how long this review is, but this book was so raw and beautiful, I can't help it. I absolutely love how Emery's dad was willing to build a healthy relationship with his daughter despite past mistakes. As i'm writing this review, my heart is still shattering, so i'm going to stop it here.

I’m actually rating this 4.5 stars 🌟

I truly have no words for the amount of feelings I had while reading this book. One of the things I appreciated about this read was its take on chronic conditions and ‘invisible illnesses’. In the case of this story, it’s Lupus. Theoretically speaking, I understand why people refer to certain chronic conditions as invisible illnesses, but that terminology drives me nuts because the audacity that one has to assume another person is healthy because they “don’t look ill”? Are they in that person‘s body? What is that? OK I need to chill.

Emery’s journey held my attention the entire time I was in her story. Her love of reading and her ability to get lost in a book to escape her reality is some thing I deeply relate to. I feel like this book did a fantastic job in describing grief, loss and how it affects different people, even within the same family. My advice to you is to pick up this book and bring all of the boxes of tissues in your home along with it 🤧

𝔽𝕒𝕧𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤:
✨ Chronic illness gives little wiggle room for peace of mind. Having “good” days doesn’t mean the pain isn’t there; it just means that it’s not as noticeable—like a limb that’s sort of falling asleep but still functioning. Days where I have energy can end abruptly for no reason other than fate playing games with me
✨ Reality is ugly and painful and full of the kind of heartache that some books help you forget exist for a short period
✨ Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It just means that it can no longer control our lives

✨ARC Review✨

“I find that the books with the saddest endings are the best because they make us feel. We don’t always get a happily ever after no matter how hard we work for it.”

⚠️Heed my warning: if your books must contain an HEA, then this is not for you (there is not one). If reading about death/chronic illness bothers you, this is not for you. If you don’t do well with emotionally wrecking books, again not for you. Lastly, if you don’t enjoy the stepbrother romance trope, turn away.

Did this book wreck me? ABSOLUTELY, but it was beautiful. Beautifully written, and full of love, loss, reparation, and awareness. I won’t go much into detail as the synopsis speaks for itself, but it involves chronic illness, death, love, and loss, while impacting multiple relationships. This was incredibly hard for me to digest, and I felt it in my core from the beginning how this was going to play out and ultimately end. I chose to carry on and allowed myself to be gutted. The writing was beautiful yet heartbreaking. It brought truth and emotion, love and pain.

What’s On The Pages:
-chronic illness
-death / grief
-no HEA
-stepbrother romance
-love / loss
-mending of multiple relationships

⚠️CW/TW: chronic illness, death of a sibling, stepbrother romance

✨Rating✨
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

A special thank you to NetGalley and Bloom Books for this eARC! Underneath The Sycamore Tree is out today! (This was a previous book written years ago by the author, now picked up with a new cover by a major publisher)