Sometimes, especially when you're trying to resist it, a book, a film, a song, or a piece of art will just grip you by the neck and pin you to the wall, not letting go. And what may also happen in this situation, is that whoever is responsible for creating the beauty that has you in a grip will become all you care about. Welcome to the fandom experience, welcome to parasocial relationships. Even if you have some experience with this phenomena, however, you are not prepared for Y/N by Esther Yi, the weirdest book I have read in quite some time. Thanks to Astra and NetGalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. My apologies for the delay!

We are well and truly in an age of parasocial relationships with people you'll never know, pared with a heavy sense of disconnect to the actual life around you. Not to wax to philosophical myself, although that very much fits Y/N, but I think we have reached a weird point in society where we have never been more connected and have never felt more disconnected. We have so much access to the lives of others, through social media especially but also through global news which make crises at the other side of the world feel like they're taking place next door. And yet all of this input leads many of us, myself included, to also kind of withdraw from the onslaught, which means that the actual connection and contact you can have with those around you, dissipates. And this can then lead to you actually feeling lonely while not being alone. So, it's a weird time, socially. How do you approach something so weirdly complex? Through an absolutely insane book, and that is what Y/N is. I don't think a different approach would have worked for the themes this book is working with, but it nonetheless makes this a difficult book.

Our narrator is dragged to a K-pop boyband concert by her housemate, very much against her will, only to fall utterly in love with Moon, one of the singers. What follows is hard to describe. Our narrator becomes obsessed with Moon, starts writing self-insert fanfic (hence the title Y/N for 'Your Name'), and flies to Korea to track him down. Our narrator is also a young Korean-American woman living in Germany, who, I feel, is desperately looking for meaning, complexity, something real, something shattering. Her lack of a name is symbolic of how empty she feels, I think, and to a certain extent this makes it hard to relate. But I don't think Esther Yi wants you to relate or find answers. She wants you to get lost in the labyrinth of life with her character, to get so lost in the word-sauce that nothing means anything and everything means something. You have to be solidly along for the ride with Y/N because Yi will expect you to follow or get left behind.

I think this is Esther Yi's debut novel, which I find astounding because her voice feels so fully formed. Don't get me wrong, I sometimes had no idea what was going on in this book, but I never felt like Yi had lost the plot as well. Her writing feels very steady, even as the novel becomes more and more fantastical and absurd. The only thing I can compare it to is, to steal a line from H.G. Wells, a scientist gazing at creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. There is something clinical and detached about the writing, as if Yi is just as fascinated as we are about what is going on here, while at all times being in control of what is happening. But this approach does not lead to it feeling cold. Instead it feels like a fever dream, way too close to the skin. Esther Yi accomplishes all of that with a writing style that is incredibly dense, philosophical, and yet intentional. As you can perhaps tell from this review, I am very much in two minds about the book, always flipping back and forth. And I continue to think this may be the point. I can't wait to read something else by Esther Yi and I would wholeheartedly recommend this to readers willing to get lost.

Y/N is utterly absurd, but in a fascinating way. Esther Yi dives into themes that are current and ideas that are timeless, into the digital loneliness of the 21st century, and the lure of obsession and meaning.

An interesting exploration of fan culture and a rollercoaster ride through the ups and downs of online identity. Yi does a good job of fleshing out her characters, making them feel real and relatable, there were moments where I felt like I could predict what was going to happen next. It didn't ruin the experience for me, but it did take away a bit of the surprise factor.


(full review on YouTube)

Y/N expands the fandom discourse into the world of K-pop, metafiction, and spirituality.

Before I started Y/N I read the title as Yes/No. I expected paradox, an exploration of consent, and juicy drama - which the story has - but it turns out Y/N means “your name”. The story follows a young woman who is proselytized, almost incidentally, by the prospect of true devotion. Enter the paradox: will she find herself or lose herself? And which is worse?

So begins her journey around the world. In a fugue, we go to Berlin with her as she attends a boy-band’s first show. She finds one boy in particular, Moon, captivating because he “bothers her the most”. He will be her object of affection, which is fitting as she describes his as an artful dancer, his body architectural, and his personality as a hypnotic trainwreck. Soon after, she pursues him with a one way ticket to Seoul.

The novel seems to explore the discourse of rationality when it comes to fandom. Of course, this narrator seems susceptible to fandom. She has little going for her in her real life and believes herself too special and refined for quotidian interaction. But also, she is hyper aware of her own willingness to dissociate and hallucinate. She romanticizes everything, prefers to be in her own head. Reality isn’t good enough for her.

As the novel progresses, the scope of it grows. Moon becomes an archetype, as does the process of finding him. In fact, Moon begins to mark time for her. If interaction with him are the only worthy reality, then all of life between is dedicated to their next interaction. She becomes blind to herself, incapable of growth and change while on a journey that is begging her to transform. The effect is unsettling and infuriating.

Pick up this novel if you want something lyrical, indelible and fresh.

This was my second try to read this title. DNF at 20%. At this point, I decided this novel was not for me. I love literary fiction, different narration, and surreal stories. But here, I found out the main theme is just not what I want to read. This novel sounded intriguing, but maybe I didn't read the blurb carefully enough. I won't post my review anywhere else because I didn't finish the book.

🥴 what did I just read.

Got 10% in and I couldn’t finish. Loved the cover, the plot was intriguing, but the writing just wasn’t doing it for me.

I really wanted to like this and enjoy it, but unfortunately I don't think it's for me! I've actually gone back to this book like 4 times now, and I just can't get into it. I do however think the premise is so interesting and the way the character described things was eerie and interesting. I just couldn't get grabbed or intrigued by it. I have however bought this as a Christmas gift for my friend as I know it's absolutely her kind of book!
Thank you for the eARC

I’m so conflicted. There were lines of writing that were so beautiful…. But I’m also not sure if this book was as confusing as listening to a three year olds dream, or am I just dumb? Both? I have no idea. I can't really write an actual review for this because I'm not sure what I read.

A wild trip, Y/N is a must-read for the fans, the stans, the obsessives and the daydreamers of boy bands, celebrities, and crushes. This book is not for everyone - it is often times so abstract it is hard to tell what is going on (we switch from a narrative story to surrealistic fan fiction in quick successions). But if you are interested in parasocial relationships and fanatical love for celebrities, this is a must-try.

It is certainly a bold debut. Yi has created a fascinating character in Moon, the Korean boy band member our unnamed narrator is obsessed with. She goes to a concert of his without so much as a passing interest, and leaves a changed person once she sees him on stage. I think this is a book where you're either going to love it or hate it. I think I loved it, but I didn't necessarily enjoy reading it. It's hard to get through, but I love the content and was blown away by the prose.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

3.5 stars rounded up. Maybe a niche topic, but maybe not. I do think having been in the k-pop fandom scene in years gone by gave me a lot of context that someone without that experience might be confused by. I really like the way this author writes, though I could see how it might not be for everyone since it was very flowery but with a darkly philosophical tone. I couldn't put this down because somehow following along as the narrator and also her created Y/N character lose themselves entirely in their obsession for a celebrity was addicting. It was also a very quick read, and I'm not sure I have read anything like this before.

This is hard to review, I found it totally unique and different from so many books out there, so the author has creativity and a new perspective, and I just couldn't get into what was happening, or understand it.

This is a brilliant and fun read. It can often be difficult to bridge the gap between the literary world and internet culture in long-form, but Esther Yi does it beautifully here. It's a reflection on fan culture, individuality, and par asocial relationships.

I tried, re-tried, and restarted to read this book on a couple occasions. I’m at 50% and I am for sure now that I can’t fully understand/appreciate the effort that was put in constructing this story. I think I’m not the intended audience and that it’s simply too artistic for me to understand. I just don’t “get” where the book is heading, what it supposed to address, and I feel a bit lost how to navigate through this story. I feel defeated to dnf this book, but this book is definitely going to be someone else’s favorite, because the writing is for sure excellent.

Ether Yi's Y/N deals with fan fiction, but more than that, this novel examines the ways in which we identify or seek to define ourselves by our interests. While I'm not really familiar with K-Pop, I do know that it is incredibly popular. I was a little concerned that my lack of familiarity might obscure my understanding, but when I think about how this novel examines celebrity and pop culture and how we often try to identify with celebrities and how obsessed or interested we become with them, I really appreciated Yi's story. Furthermore, her writing and descriptions were another highlight in this book.

The premise of Esther Yi’ s debut novel “Y/N” immediately captured my interest; it follows a Korean American woman who becomes obsessed with a K-pop mega-star. Her life starts to revolve around writing Y/N fanfic – fanfic in which the reader inserts [Your/Name] – to dream up increasingly more intimate and bizarre experiences with this unattainable pop idol. Yi’s writing had a very philosophical quality to it, and intellectually, I was interested in Y/N’s exploration of fandom, parasocial relationships, and the commodification of celebrity culture. However, reading Y/N was a strange, surreal and highly confusing experience— so much so that I didn’t particularly enjoy it. I don’t think I was the ideal reader for this book, because my friend (who unlike myself is a huge K-Pop fan) is currently reading Y/N and absolutely loving it. I think it helps that she is familiar with how extreme K-Pop fandoms are in real life.

If you’re a K-Pop fan and interested in these issues, you may have a different experience with this novel. Thank you to Astra Publishing House and NetGalley for the ARC! This book is available now.

“I wasn’t sure how to navigate a space filled with strangers who knew I loved what they loved. It was like going to the sauna, except our naked bodies were identical, which made the embarrassment recursive and pointless.”

A very bizarre and unique story! I must admit I was a bit lost at times and wasn’t sure what was really happening or what was not but overall enjoyed it.

Y/N follows an unnamed narrator who becomes obsessed with a K-pop idol named Moon. As her fixation on him grows she decides to travel to South Korea, search for Moon, and make him return her love.

There is so much to love about this book. It’s beautifully and uniquely written. Esther Yi never shied away from showing what obsession and unrequited love can do to a fan. The inclusion of self insert fanfiction in a book that has such a serious literary tone was jarring but in a good way. It also made some great points about modern love.

I think all of my complaints come down to the fact that this book isn’t what I expected it to be. I expected it to have a more lighthearted tone. I didn’t expect there to be so many tangents and abrupt changes in perspective. I really really hated the stilted, overly philosophical, formal tone that the every character spoke in. The way the characters spoke was intentional, so that wasn’t a point of failure on the author’s part. I just hated that choice. Sometimes I had to reread sections to understand them, and although I don’t typically mind that in books (especially in nonfiction), I do mind it in a book with this particular plot. I love a surreal book but it just felt over the top in this book. It was exhausting to read and I never wanted to pick it up.

I think this is a very impressive book, so I’ve decided to recommend it to you on the basis of its literary merit. I also know that everyone I follow who has reviewed it has loved it, so you might want to hold their opinions over mine. But of course I want you to know that I personally didn’t enjoy it.

Y/N is a story about many things, but mainly one woman’s obsession with a K-pop star, whom she goes to great and confusing lengths to be close to. I found myself in almost a meditative fog while reading and then would suddenly re-center with a random, beautiful sentence.

It’s a cool, philosophy girl novel that is not about characters or plot, but rather style and literary form. Very much too Thomas Pynchon or David Foster Wallace-esque for my taste, but also a million times more palatable because it’s written by a woman born in 1987.

Incredibly humorous and intelligent writing. The book purposefully resists contextualization - despite highly recognizable specifics (kpop, expat living in Berlin and Seoul, fanfiction), don't expect this book to treat any of those specifics as they are commonly known; expect them to be launching points for spiritual inquiries into love, obsession, devotion, universality, particularity. The three-part structure of the book presents a somewhat disjointed literary experiment that mimics a progression across time & space & abstraction. Although that narrative arc and intense character motivation blazes in the first section, it spreads thin across the rest of the novel. Still, the frequent occurrence of brilliant turns of phrase is more than capable of propelling you to the end. A marvelous debut: ambition matched by virtuosity.

This book is smart, mysterious, and crystalline in its prose; I had so much fun reading this and being challenged by the narrative, and had a blast chatting with Esther Yi for my literary fiction podcast, Reading the Room, here: https://youtu.be/iX069GQpuzY

This book is so strange. I'm not sure I know how to review it. Yi does an excellent job at taking a character and really diving into the messiness of their brain, to really look at them full stop. I loved that, and the way we deal with the narrator and her obsession. I felt myself jumping from feeling to feeling about her, and never knowing quite where to land. Overall, the look at obsession, the look at fandom, and the look at letting yourself be taken over by feelings was so raw and real, it was hard not to love this book.

That said, there were certain parts that took me out of the story. It felt like the author was often playing with real world v. a world of her own creation, and I couldn't find my footing here. I think that was often intentional, but in moments it felt like it was almost leaned on too much and it just lost me. Overall, I think people who love unique storytelling will adore this book, and I definitely enjoyed my time with it.