I'm not really in the target demographic for this book, as I don't have daughters, but I do teach teenagers, and I believe that they deserve better than much of what I've heard growing up in churches.

I appreciate that this book is based in actual evidence. If teachings should be judged by the fruit they produce (and I think they should), then it's important to dig into the fruit that has been produced by so many of the messages about sexuality and modesty that bombard girls and women every day. This isn't trying to be a theology book, but it is very honest about the impact of certain theological positions, and how toxic and dangerous those beliefs have been for girls.

Beyond exposing the dangers of these teachings, this book also does a good job of offering a better way by providing a guide for difficult conversations and for developing our ability to discern the truth or the toxicity in the various messages we encounter.

I enjoyed reading this book, although there were plenty of stories and statistics shared that will break your heart. It manages to be hopeful, in spite of the difficult nature of the content.

***originally posted to Amazon on 4/18/23


If you grew up steeped in purity culture, THIS is the book our mom's should've been reading to help lead and guide us through sex, self-esteem and advocating for ourselves. I am grateful for the work Sheila, Joanna and Rebecca have done when it comes to the extensive research showing the damage the literature of the early 00s on these topics have done to women--many of us now mothers to young girls ourselves.

If you've come to the realization that the teachings you were brought up believing in the church fell woefully short but don't know where to start in teaching your daughter(s) (or sons!) a better way, I would so encourage you to pick this up. The research and care that went into the writing and compilation of this book is second to none. I am so glad there is now a resources I can recommend to both friends and parents of students I lead at our church.

My hope is that this book will pave the way for a much better, much healthier way forward for the church around these topics. Whether you're a parent, church leader, or someone who is looking for a better approach to the topic of sex and self-esteem for girls, I would highly recommend!

I couldn't wait to dig into this book even though I'm a mom of boys. I've been harmed by the modern church's teachings on women's roles. I was affected somewhat by purity culture and definitely marital roles. It does MY heart good to read this affirming and BIBLICAL viewpoints.

I was actually going to give this book 4 stars until I got to the very end and the tone sort of changed. I think the authors make some really good points and are addressing very important issues. There is a lot of good to glean from this book. Although I disagreed with some of their theological stances, overall, I think it's probably one of the better books about talking to teen girls (and really even women) about sex, especially in the Christian sphere. I do agree that there is a lot of bad teaching out there, but I also think the authors were a bit biased, especially in the end toward anyone who holds a complementarian view. I know people disagree, but I think there is biblical justification for both complementarian and egalitarian views and I would hesitate to say either side is 100% correct and point such a heavy (and honestly, guilt-laden) finger at readers. I know that probably comes from how much the complementarian view has been mishandled in churches, I don't deny that, but there are also many complementarian churches who do a wonderful job honoring the women in their congregations. Besides that, I felt that the book was well written and informative.

5+ Stars

I'm already biased because I am a big fan of Sheila Wray Gregoire and her works but this book is an absolute must-read for the Christian woman.

This book offers research-based insights and guidance for Christian mothers, empowering them to challenge harmful church teachings on sexuality. It aims to equip mothers (or any parent, really) to raise daughters who are self-assured, independent, and capable of embracing their identities, speaking up for themselves, and confidently pursuing their future.

As someone deconstructing there are some churchy things I am not a huge fan of, but overall I did enjoy the deconstruction of harmful ideologies. I just think maybe I am a bit outside of needing this type of explanation, but I think it's certainly a valuable book.

A good book, great follow up to Gregoire's first. A nice balance of survey numbers, book citations, and personal narrative. We're at a stage on American Christianity where we must break free from what has become toxic culture, and seek out renewal in biblical principles. This book will help. It's written with a mother/daughter relationship in mind, but I kept imagining it as a youth group leader study. Anyone who invests in adolescents.

I really appreciate what these authors are trying to do… to look at the damaging messages that churches and church culture has perpetuated over the years and to try to change the narrative moving forward. As a Christian mother of a teenage daughter, I am definitely the demographic for this book. I was looking forward to reading it in order to help in my own parenting, as I want to make sure that the messaging and teaching I’m giving my own daughter is both biblically accurate and actually helpful. I have read the authors’ other book, The Great Sex Rescue and have already recommended it to others as a wonderful read and helpful resource. I also follow them on social media and have listened to some of the Bare Marriage podcast as well.

I think this is a decent book as a stand-alone, the overall information is helpful and could lead to some good discussions with your daughter.

It did startboff a little weird for me, as I felt like some of the cause and effects of the survey questions and their reasonings at times, felt like a bit of a stretch to me. I didn’t like the word clouds either… of course a topical book is not going to line up exactly with the NT frequency of important words... I’ve never heard this used as a standard for determining whether a book/a specific teaching is OK or not. It just felt weird to me although it’s not the whole premise of the book, so I was able to move past it and it did get better as it went along.

So having said that, I do think this book is a “good” beginning point for moms to start thinking about these issues and how to address them with their daughters… just keep in mind that the advice was a little basic at times.(examples : in the beginning, it’s reminding us of what an actual relationship with Jesus is about, the emotions that teens are facing are real, and then progresses from there.) Hopefully some of this is not “new” information, but a continuation of the healthy modeling and parenting you have already been doing. I did find that some of the reverse advice may not be needed for you as it speaks to things you would not have taught your girls in the first place. I had a few moments of “wait, people actually think that?!?” I suppose in many ways it just made me feel like I was already doing a pretty good job.

There is some helpful advice that I could see using, and I did try to read the book with that in mind. For one example… “ There is a big difference between saying “the purpose of dating is to get married” and saying “the purpose of dating is to discover whom you want to marry.” and further “When dating becomes a discovery process rather than a destination on-ramp, it removes the pressure and allows you to make an informed decision.” I think this is both clarifying and helpful in explaining the purpose of dating. I have already tried to give my daughter this messaging, but it provided some good language for the concept.

Another good quote: “Ironically, this idea that we must talk about sexuality and our genitalia in a completely different way than we talk about anything else does not impart an air of sacredness to sex but instead a sense of shame.”

My thanks to NetGalley and Baker Books for the opportunity to read this book. All opinions are my own.

This book is a must read for everyone. regardless of what gender your child is.
this book has brought freedom for me, as I grew up in the purity culture and there has to be a better way! this book helps you navigate it.

YES, YES, YES!!!! OH! How I wish I had read this book when my daughters were little! How I wish I had read it when I was a young woman! But it's here now, and it's so necessary! I found myself crying often as I read it. My heart was broken as I recognized all the lies and bondage I had been living under. I went into it skeptically because I'm not a fan of all the latest deconstruction of faith. But this! This wasn't deconstruction! It was reframing and reshaping into what I feel God truly desires for women in this world. I will be going through this slowly with my now-adult daughters.

Thank you for the opportunity to read an e-arc of this book!

This was a brilliant book and one I'll absolutely be recommending to people for years to come.
This is a resource for families raising daughters, church workers and people who grew up with harmful and toxic church teachings and need to hear that they weren't alone.
Such an important book, this will help so many people.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for a free eARC of this book

I received this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

When I first saw the book and title, I was not immediately aware that it was based primarily around Christianity. The book and its authors, is primarily a warning and toolkit for mothers on how to navigate their daughters' exposure to the toxicity of purity culture and certain teachings.

While I am not the primary audience for this, I still thought it was worth a read, out of curiosity.

My initial thoughts are: YES, these are the exact types of conversations practising Christians should be having with their children (because, although the book is around promoting the daughter's self-worth and strength of being.. ultimately, it should be a shared lesson with all genders - it's the responsibility of everyone to abolish toxicity and recognise where change needs to happen)

The book, via discourse and studies, explores the impact of Church teachings, the pitfalls of these and how to potentially course-correct, if required.

My issue with the book is how Mother-heavy it is. It's very much made out to be the Mother's sole responsibility to be having these conversations. I disagree and believe all parents should be tackling these conversations and nurturing a trusting atmosphere for their children to better face these difficult talking points.

I thought most of the exploration of teenage minds was positive. It's rare to see credence given to "teen angst" without them being deemed over-emotional and spoiled. This recognises not only how emotional that time can be, but also explains why.

That said, overall, it's a little outdated. Perhaps this is a location thing. Where I am in the UK, certainly, there is less of a Church-going culture and therefore large sections of the book, where they're exploring what is being told to them in church and in the bible, doesn't really apply. That said, I can see how this would be much more prevalent in, say, the US.

It's not a perfect book. I liked the overall aim, though, which is ultimately to Raise girls to know their worth and give them the conviction to denounce anything and anyone who may try to unseat that worth.

Edit: Also, there's a section which touches upon the importance of acknowledging LGBTQIA+ struggles and their higher rate of suicide attempts, and yet this is then largely ignored for the rest of the book.

I respect this ministry for its work and thorough research (and I am also surprised and saddened by how its come under attack from other ministries), and so I knew I wanted to read this book. I will say the tone of the book can be caustic at times toward Christian leaders who have gotten it wrong when it comes to advocating for women in the fallout from purity culture in the last several decades. That disappointed me because focusing on the issue would be more gracious. BUT I can understand and learned from the compelling, insightful points given and feel more empowered to raise my daughter in the post-purity Christian life.

This book breaks my heart in its much-needed-ness. It also was extremely painful to read, as well as life-giving, as it spoke so directly to my heart. The purpose is to counteract the harm of the purity culture teachings before they cripple the next generation of girls and young women with the harmful blameshifting of men and boys sins onto girls, and squashing girls' and women's initiative, voice, leadership, and more. Helping girls grow to be strong, healthy individuals who are allowed to take up space and have a voice is so important!

I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and chose to review it here. All thoughts are my own

This book was so well written. Well researched, smartly written, and above all, kind. The authors have such a heart for women and a desire to educate so that we don't repeat the sins of the past. Thank you for writing this!

I have been pondering how to properly review this book. I know my opinions will be lost among the hundreds of others praising and thanking the authors for this much needed work. From start to finish, the attention to accuracy, the relevance, and the depth of compassion struck me to my core. For I am one of the book’s statistics. I am a child of purity culture who married into an abusive marriage, so naïve and unassuming. But now I have a daughter who I pray will not repeat my mistakes. With this book, I feel like I have a tool to guide my little one in the right direction. Because it is not about a set of rules and fear – it is about being loved by a God who created us in his image. May we all learn to walk in that light.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart Sheila, Rebecca, and Joanna.

I received this book from NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

"She Deserves Better" is a powerful guidebook for women seeking to improve their relationships and reclaim their personal well-being. With its compassionate tone, practical advice, and thought-provoking insights, this book serves as an empowering resource for anyone looking to cultivate healthier connections and prioritize their own happiness.

Raised in church culture, definitely felt like I deserved better probably when it comes to even more than the topics covered in this book. There's was a lot of things I agreed with and that were challenging in a good way, that made me think, although there were some vague things and opinions I didn't always agree with but I can always agree that She Deserves Better.

I’m a mom of three young daughters, and I care deeply that what they learn about Christianity (specifically through teachings geared towards girls) draws them closer to Jesus and gives them the hope, freedom and wholeness found in Him. That’s why I am excited about She Deserves Better.

Sheila, Rebecca and Joanna take their trademark statistical approach to common “purity culture” teachings: showing where they were unbiblical, where they (often inadvertently) caused long-term harm, and giving a more healthy alternative (complete with scenarios and discussion questions). Topics include dating, modesty, feelings/emotions, consent, faith and much more. My favorite part? The emphasis on relationship with Jesus and how transformative this can be for your daughter.

I found so much value in this book and I highly encourage you to read it. Even you don’t agree with the team on everything, it will help you to see and sort through ideas that deeply impact young girls. It’s written to moms with daughters, but I think that anyone in a position of care over young women (and older young women themselves) will find great value here.

“Simply put, Jesus gives us hope. As your child wades through the rocky waters of adolescence, starts questioning everything she knows, and tries to sort out how to navigate as an adult in this incredibly complex world, she has an anchor, a rock, a safe resting place in Christ.”

A very helpful follow-up to The Great Sex Rescue. The authors' science-based approach and clear examination of the real-life consequences of some of the toxic theology that has permeated too much of the Church for too long is a much needed resource for those trying to break free and those who want to raise the next generation in freedom.