Fan tastic Fantastic. Everyone has their own story. They have their own journey to walk in this world. This is someone's personal story that up until now I have not heard much. I however, can relate to it very much. I appreciate this deeply personal life path being told bravely to the world. It gives a better understanding not just about this authors journey and life (though that is important and beatiful) but also gives more insight and understanding to others that are walking in that same or similar path. The author briefly shares so many aspects of this part of their lives.
I very much want a physical copy of this book for myself.

There are certain queer books I think everyone should read, and this is one of them. Harry opens a window to a world that I will never get to experience, and I'm glad there are books like this to teach me about trans identity and experience. It was the perfect blend of personal testimony and gay/trans history.

Two quotes:
"To me, transphobic violence doesn’t always necessarily mean being shouted at in the street. Violence takes many forms. Yes, physical–sometimes–but what of the violence of this government, who seek to put intentional and unnecessary barriers into legal recognition as male or female? Or of intentionally removing trans people from a conversion therapy ban, throwing the doors wide open to psychological torture and abuse for people who are not ill and do not need fixing? And what of medical violence? Choosing to continue having huge wait times (currently up to five years) for specialist care, making trans people jump through high, unfounded hoops that fit a strict narrative of what it is to be trans–gatekeeping life-saving hormones and surgeries."

"To be trans is to face violence while others ‘yaaas queen’ and ‘sashay away’ using the language of our ancestors while ignoring our struggle."

Thank you, NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for gifting me this ARC.
Thank you, Harry Nicholas for writing this book!

A vulnerable and very direct memoir about being a gay man in society, journeying through a number of the many 'steps' to becoming a man, with a focus on the risks and anxieties of being a transgender gay man in the digital and real spaces that are generally centered and focused on cis men.

One of my favorites of the memoirs thus far. The author's perspectives of life as a gay, transman made me think deeply about different aspects of queer identity that I hadn't thought about before. It's also well-written and fun to read.

Harry Nicholas’ memoir is an accessible, conversational and educational account of his own life and experiences as a gay, trans man. Overall, Harry seems like a lovely guy who I would like to have a chat with, and I found myself wishing that his book would go a little deeper. My favourite essay was “The Ponds” because I think it traced a beautiful and profound connection between queer history and his own embodiment specifically as it relates to swimming and water, and I wanted more of that insight to be present throughout the other essays. There were also some editing and syntax errors that distracted me throughout. I’m glad that this book exists as an honest, contemporary account and I wish Harry the best!

Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for this e-ARC!

The voice of this memoir drew me in, and I’m so grateful that it did. As someone who’s a part of the LGBTQ= space, but not trans, I learned so much about the experience of a trans gay man. Nicholas writes with such vulnerability. While I wish there were more moments where Nicholas overlapped his storytelling with informational inserts, I’m quite satisfied with this read. I believe the strongest element of Nicholas’ book is his voice. While serious topics and important questions came up, Nicholas was able to maneuver the conversation with honesty and a sense of humor. In a way, after reading, I felt like I knew Harry Nicholas personally.

Overall, I think this was a great read. Any reader can digest this book and you’ll definitely learn more about the trans community + perspective. Thank you Netgalley for this ARC and allowing me to provide an honest review!

Thanks to Jessica Kingsley Books & Netgalley for my eARC!

I absolutely loved this memoir by Harry Nicholas - an incredibly warm, funny, honest and poignant account of living life as a gay trans man in the UK. Nicholas was adamant on highlighting the joys of being trans, despite alarmingly increasing levels of anti-trans attitudes in the UK right now, and the violences, small and large, trans people are subject to every day. And he definitely succeeds, I loved every second of this memoir, though of course important to remember that this is but one person’s story.

As a cis lesbian, I don’t have that much in common with Nicholas (though at one point he did feel forced into identifying as a lesbian growing up), but I did feel particularly moved by one life experience we shared. Finally accepting that he was gay, Harry broke up with his longterm girlfriend and found himself faced with the daunting task of navigating the queer dating scene alone, which I related to hard. Our experiences then diverge, and I loved the insight into male gay dating culture.

Nicholas raises interesting points about how phallo-centric male gay culture can be (ie dick pics and Grindr) and he’s very open about his worries about how he as a trans man would be accepted into this world. I cheered him on when he worked up the courage to take up space in traditionally cis-male-dominated spaces like gay saunas & the ponds at Hampstead Heath. Trans healthcare is also highlighted - particularly how woefully unprepared & ignorant healthcare professionals can be when faced with trans folk seeking healthcare, especially sexual healthcare.

Ultimately an affirming and hopeful memoir much needed at a time when rising numbers of people, including LGB people, are expressing anti-trans sentiments. I loved this quote ‘It was less about feeling comfortable within ourselves and more about not making others around us uncomfortable. In short, it was about hiding ourselves and our transness for the benefit of cisgender society.’ By the end of the book, Nicholas shares how he’s less concerned now with presenting a certain way or passing as cis - he just wants to be, and that’s all anyone wants!

This book is so exceptionally important right now in America and around the world as trans rights and trans lives are rung threatened. I think memoirs and storytelling are some of the most powerful means of communicating experiences, humanity and the truth of the trans experience.

There were parts of this book that were hard to read, but it’s more important than ever to force ourselves not to look away.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC to review.

When it comes to trans books, I've spent a long time looking for Mr./Mrs./Mx. Right. I haven't found that book yet, but this memoir comes closer than most. Nicholas himself is no stranger to the sentiment, and the introductory section "A Note from Harry" explains his desire to write the book that he needed to read.

The same introductory note sets the tone: honest, poignant, and quite funny. He admits that he does not have all the answers, only a story to tell. Trans or not, anyone who's questioned their sexuality will find something to relate to here.

For the most part, I enjoyed this book. The strongest sections are also where Nicholas's voice comes through strongest--his anecdotes about dating, saunas, and pacing the outskirts of the gayborhood not sure if he will be welcomed into it. I found myself starting to skim over some of the sections that speak more about current affairs. As a trans person, I have a vested interest in current affairs, and I don't object to them being included, but I found the tone shift from conversational to academic jarring.

Overall, this is one of my favorite trans memoirs. Some of that is my personal bias: The author is not only close to my age, but also of the same trans "generation." We started transitioning in our late teens, just before trans hit the mainstream culture. I also appreciate that this is not a memoir focused on coming out or one that centers on the difficulty of being rejected by family, friends, or partners. It is an exploration of self-acceptance and finding joy in everyday existence.

I received a free copy of this book from Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

I received an ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

A Trans Man Walks Into a Gay Bar is a sorely needed book right now, with all that’s going on and all the pointless animosity directed at the trans community by certain cohorts of the wider queer community. Nicholas explores queerness eloquently, unflinchingly, and holistically. I’m confident that any trans person who identifies as anything other than straight will see at least a sliver of their own experience reflected back at them, even if it’s in an unexpected way.

This is a collection of essays- a problem I occasionally have with books of this format is the disjointed feel they can have, but ATMWIaGB has a lovely through-line. When I first picked it up, I only intended to read the first couple of pages, and got halfway through the book before I turned out the light. Nicholas weaves his personal experiences with queer history and culture so seamlessly. He’s raw and honest, and all of those other things we usually say in praise of good memoirs.

It can be extremely isolating to be a trans person navigating their sexuality, now more than ever. ATMWIaGB is timely and honest- like an interesting chat with an (intelligent and well spoken!) queer friend in a coffee shop. I believe this book will make lots of people feel less alone, and for that quality I highly recommend it. It also seems like an approachable read for cis people, queer and straight alike, who might be interested in the spaces where gender and sexuality intersect.

It's personal and at the same time so much more. What does it mean to be trans? How does a gay trans man live? It also highlights how difficult it can be to be accepted, even within a community already made of outcasts. I recommend it for all the cis people out there.

This was a very digestible read on being a young trans man in London. It did get heavy in parts when he spoke on homophobia and transphobia but, overall, it was funny, entertaining and insightful. My only (minor) problem with it is that it felt a little repetitive at times. I would highly recommend this!

"This is not the body that I was born with; it has been made, created, sculpted. It is intentional. It is magic."

This book offers a raw, heartful insight into the struggles and triumphs that come with being both trans and gay in the modern world. This book brings the readers along through the author's journey from trying "really, really, really hard to be a gay girl" to finally stepping into a committed relationship as a gay trans man.

I think the approach the author takes towards discussing trans-ness is incredibly important for both cisgender and transgender people to read. For decades, trying to "pass" as best as you could has been hailed as the end goal for trans people. In the eyes of society, trans people could not truly succeed until they were no longer perceived as transgender, or in other words until they fully reintegrated themselves back into a cishet society. But this book presents a different narrative of being trans. It acknowledges that a trans body will never be the same as a cisgender body, and this should be celebrated rather than ignored. Just because a man has a vagina doesn't make him less of a man, and his choice to not get rid of it doesn't make him any less trans.

Not only does this book talk about self-love, but it also talks about finding real love in a hostile world. I think sometimes we can fall into the trap of believing that we must find love externally first before we can love ourselves, treating external validation as "proof" that we are really worth it. But in this book, we learn alongside Harry how self-love is the foundation for allowing other people to really love you as who you are. The fact that Harry writes this book from the perspective of someone who has found a caring partner who loves him not in spite of, but because of his trans identity shows the reader that they are worthy of love and self-respect.

Though I really appreciated how open and honest the book was, some sections made me a bit uncomfortable as a lesbian. I found myself cringing internally as I read about men having sex, and some of the details were more graphic than I was anticipating going into reading this book. But, I recognize that I am not the target audience for these sections, and I think the discomfort is something to confront rather than something to run away from. Cishet sexuality is very prevalent in the media, so hearing a trans man's experiences with the world of gay sex is an important perspective for everyone to read, not just trans men.

Overall I very much enjoyed reading this book, and I would recommend it to anyone who wants to learn more about the queer and trans experience. I would like to thank NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for giving me the opportunity to read an eARC of this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for a copy of this ARC.
This was a great insight into the life of a transmasculine gay man. I loved that he discussed all the facets of his journey, as well as the fears and work he has done in order to embrace himself and hold space for love.
This is a read I would recommend to anyone. It gives so much insight, and provides a story that other transmasculine men can find solace in and a sense of belonging.
There is not enough literature out there like this, and I am proud to be able to provide this with such a high rating.
My only qualm was it does need an edit, but I'm sure at release that will have been sorted.
4.5 stars

This was a really interesting read, one that both resonated with my own experiences and showed my a life very different from mine. I've been reading a fair few trans memoirs recently -- looking, perhaps, for a sense of my own future and its possibilities. As Harry Nicholas observes, it can be difficult, when you've never seen people who look like you, to know where you might go and what you might do in the future, because it doesn't seem like there's a path to follow. Nicholas is in fact the same age as me (around six months younger, I think), so can't offer me an image of the future in the sense of being a queer elder, but having come out younger than I did and medically transitioned at an age where I was still fussing around, too afraid to tell my doctor I was trans, does at least have more experience on the whole Being Trans side of things.

I think Nicholas's explorations of the intersection between transness and queerness are crucially important, for reasons he himself gives: a lot of transphobic rhetoric assumes that trans people are straight, and accuses them of transitioning to escape homophobia. It's very clear that's not the case, and for those who transition and face transphobia from other queer people, it's more like you get extra helpings of the bigotry. As someone on the ace spectrum, I don't relate to Nicholas's experiences of using sex as a way of avoiding being alone or thinking about things too much (I am, in fact, a chronic navel-gazer), but I thought the honesty was important there. I also thought it was a refreshing antidote to the perpetual infantilisation of trans men -- a reminder that we are not trapped in a perpetual boyhood, but are adults, with adult desires and the adult will to act upon them.

I also appreciated that the book was written from the point of view of someone living, now, in the UK -- facing all the bureaucratic barriers, media hostility, government indifference if not active cruelty that that entails. Nicholas's story isn't a trauma-filled sob story, but it also isn't plain sailing, where transition is as simple as asking for it and passing removes any possibility of violence.

But the part that really resonated with me was when Nicholas talked about loving his trans body -- embracing his scars, his differences, finding something beautiful in the choice to transition, seeing transness as liberation from expectation and prescribed paths -- while also still feeling frustrated or jealous or disappointed at times that certain aspects of his body would never look the way a cis man's would. I enjoyed that he held space for those 'contradictory' feelings: the love and the frustration, the liberation and the disappointment. The acknowledgment that body image isn't a binary between "self-loathing" and "loving everything about your appearance"; sometimes it's a little more complicated than that, but it doesn't mean you don't love yourself and who you are.

Finally, one thing that I appreciated about this one compared to some other books I've read was that it was very much in dialogue with prior writings by trans people. Nicholas talked about things he'd read, quoted them, and otherwise engaged with our literary past, and that helped give the book a level of depth and history that a purely self-focused story wouldn't have had. Sometimes it feels like people re-invent the wheel by writing everything as though they are the first ever to talk about it; Nicholas, by contrast, situates his work within a broader tradition, finding the niche that needs to be filled (the modern gay trans male experience) while acknowledging that he is not alone in the canon.

My only complaint about the book is that sometimes it felt it could have used a heavier hand on the editing, as now and again it seemed to repeat itself, and might have been more tightly structured; this is something I think many memoirs struggle with, because the author's voice is so integral, but sometimes an overly conversational style can lead to rambling. I also occasionally felt adrift with pinning down exactly what year / at what age certain events were happening, which I don't think was overly important, but it might have helped me follow elements more -- especially as towards the end of the book, dates become more important, with the impact of lockdown on Nicholas's life being a key theme.

(Actual rating: 4.5*.)

A sweet, powerful, and deeply needed book about a young gay trans man coming into his identity and navigating the world of hookup apps and contemporary politics fights. The writing is relax and conversational, the book's discussions extremely of-the-moment. I cannot tell you how much I WISH something like this had existed when I was in my twenties-- I'm trans and pansexual, and this would've made me imagine my life as something possible, which instead it took me another decade to realize-- and how much I WISH now, as a professor who queer students often seek out for conversation and guidance, I think this book needs to be in the libraries of every high school, college, and university. It may not be for every reader, but for the readers who have needed a voice like Nicholas's, it will be a lifeline.

This is a much-needed and beautiful memoir, in which Harry navigates multiple issues, pains and joys through a lens we don't often see as much of.

A real strength of this book for me is that joy- alongside heartbreaking and painful moments, from overhearing horrendous comments or being sidelined for who he is, there is also so much joy on display here- the joys of finding and exploring who you are, the joys of sex and love and being seen.

This is not to diminish the real force of this book, and how it beautifully describes the complexities of navigating the world as both a trans man and a gay man, but Harry Nicholas' ability to find joy, humour and sexiness in amongst it is a real treasure.

I received an advanced copy of this book from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

An interesting, often funny memoir about a gay trans man's experiences. I read this book within a day, which I usually don't nearly manage with non-fiction books. I really appreciated reading about this intersection of identities. The book does have some heavier moments, with descriptions of transphobia and homophobia, but the tone of the book is pretty lighthearted and there's lots of room for gay and trans joy as well.

Thank you to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley Publishers for accepting me to be a pre-publication reviewer of this memoir.
Disclaimer: I don’t identify as a trans person (honestly very unsure but right now I’m comfortable using the label cisgender) so I would recommend readings reviews by transgender people. However, this memoir equally talks about being a gay man which I am.

I really did enjoy this book, I think Nicholas is really providing something that is lacking: a gay trans man’s story and discussion of his experiences. Throughout reading I learnt so much about both the trans and gay male experience, queer history, current affairs and lots more. Nicholas is a great storyteller having an effortless wit and likeness to his personality - the humour is never forced and throughout he injects the perfect level of nuance. How this memoir is set out is great, it’s not entirely linear with many sections cross-linking with others but do stick to the topic he is talking about. Personal anecdotes are intertwined with non-fiction like facts and statistics, he references articles, artwork, literature, social media figures and much more. It is certainly a multi-faceted book discussing many things that queer people deal with, he addresses the notion of ‘queer shame’ and the ongoing violence against our community, specifically the emerging transphobic rhetoric, but there is a beautiful exploration of the joy of being queer too. We have a dark past and still a long way to go but this book and Harry’s messages are so inspiring, centring on this notion of banding together which he puts so eloquently here: ‘…that's the epitome of LGBTQ+ pride and why the LGB and the T can never be torn apart. It's the same fight. It's about rejecting the prison of sexuality and gender that was inflicted on us without our consent and saying 'No, that does not fit me.' This fight is about freedom, escaping the barriers and systems that force us all down, and battling to live authentically away from binary, heteronormative structures. It's about being outsiders and owning it. It's about rejecting those who seek to control our authentic lives and dampen us down. Queerness is about creating a new space for us all.’ Don’t that make you wanna fight? I dunno but I just found that his words really spoke to me and this is a trend throughout this book. ‘Queer’ initially meant different or strange or odd and so we shouldn’t really be thriving to ‘fit in’ anymore and I totally fell in love with Nicholas’s philosophy I guess and how he’s learnt to become so much more comfortable in his body and place in society. He truly sounds like such an amazing person and I can only hope more good things come his way.

The subheading of this memoir is ‘a journey of self (and sexual) discovery’ and this is defiantly an accurate one. The author brings us along on a lot of his life events and pivotal events that has made him the human he is today. I think my favourite aspects was the self discovery but I also found the sex-focused topics very insightful too. As a trans gay man I believe he really showed us the beauty of how diverse and multi-faceted our community is. He is also white and British (and male ‘passing’) so has advantages that many people don’t, so a similar book by someone that is part of more sub-communities would be interesting to read of their experiences. That being said, I found a lot of what Nicholas wrote could be extended to other people in a similar position and was a great start and necessary book to fill a space.

This book is written really well and very engaging. I noted down many quotes and made VERY detailed notes on each topic but I won’t share these cause I want you to get the book. Nicholas also kindly provides the source of materials used and recommended reading at the end which I for sure will be checking out. I’ll leave you with a great quote from the start that reminds me we are and must remain a community that sticks together because ‘there is no one way to be gay, trans and queer. We are a million people under one beautiful, horrifyingly-large-if-slightly-misshapen rainbow umbrella.’

Author Harry Nicholas has gifted the world his story in this memoir/collection of essays that shatters the narrative of Trans brokenness and leans into the messy wonder of being Trans and Queer. A Trans Man Walks Into A Gay Bar is a brilliant look at the life of Nicholas, a man who is both Trans and Gay and is his self-examination of how his existence in these two intersecting communities has formed him as a person. In this book, he offers a blueprint for rejecting the expectations set upon us by our cisgender heteronormative society and being our wonderful gender-diverse queer selves. This book is an essential read for everyone, whether you are Trans or not, because, at its core, it is a tribute to seeing yourself even when the rest of the world cannot.

Available May 18, 2023

Disclosure: I received a complimentary ARC of this book through NetGalley. My review is my honest opinion.