You know that feeling when you go to the beach and as you stare out into the ocean you realize how huge the rest of the world actually is? This book replicated that experience for me to a tee.

Prior to reading I thought I was rather equipped to speak about and advocate for more reproductive healthcare, specifically abortion care, however Matthew’s work utterly humbled me. Her personal experiences, professional work, and thorough research has created such a compelling book that successfully taught me that I know nothing and yet wholeheartedly encouraged me to go out and seek more knowledge. While I would not suggest starting here if you are new to reproductive justice or to gender studies in general, I do think it should be on everyone’s radar. After all, and it should go without saying in light of recent legal decisions, you or someone you love have been or will be directly impacted by abortion care. This book captures the way that should matter to us all and how important it is to ensure that care is supported and complete.

Thank you to NetGalley, Hannah Matthews, and Atria Books for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review!

Statistically, nearly everyone knows someone who will receive an abortion in their lifetime. Since abortion potentially touches all of our lives, we can learn how to offer compassionate care to our family members, friends and neighbors.
This accessible guide details the emotional and physical realities of receiving, providing and supporting abortion and care to ourselves and others. It features stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, and offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care across gender, race, and class lines.
The writing is quite flowy at times, which is annoying. I skimmed those parts.
The author does point out the flaws in both sides of the abortion debate but is lighter in her criticism of the left.
I grew up believing that all abortion is wrong, murder and traumatizing. This book offers a different perspective. I read with curiosity and am grateful for this book. It helped me expand my view, soften hard edges and offer more compassion to the folks I meet. In fact, every person deserves love and the opportunity to make decisions that serve them best. I may have never had an abortion, but I do make plenty of other choices that negatively impact my health and well-being. So who am I to judge?

Matthews skillfully dives into the world of abortion care in You Or Someone You Love, shedding light on the complex layers that surround it. The book's mission to destigmatize and create a compassionate community around abortion is evident, and I appreciated the depth of understanding the book lent.

Thanks so much to Atria Books for an opportunity to read an advanced copy of this book ahead of publication in exchange for my honest thoughts.

I found this book to be an important resource in the cannon of abortion resources. It expanded my understanding of the perspective of those that may think differently than me. It diversified the conversation. This book is provocative both in content but also form. It felt as though Hannah Matthews was intending to use the jarring nature of her position to move the needle towards a more radical understanding of abortion rights. This at times overshadowed the complexity of the stories being told.

As an anthropologist, I think books like this are insanely important. They inform how we move through the world and talk to each other. This was a very poetic and concise look at how communities are dealing with the current climate around abortion in the United States.

I will say, if you’re giving this to someone you know who is maybe not fluent in gender and sexuality terms in the last few years, that language is heavy. Expect pushback or questions from them

This book is what people(who can get pregnant) need. This is what every single person who is capable of giving birth should read. I cannot emphasise enough the importance of this book. I’ve never had an abortion and still this book felt like a warm hug. The way the author wrote about those abortion encounters felt too personal. It felt like I was there in the room with them, witnessing their pain, sorrow, and liberation. I cannot praise the author enough for what she has done. Good job. I feel honoured to get to read this book.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley.

You or Someone You Love is a memoir by an abortion doula. The basis of this book is to bring light and awareness to abortion care, which is so very important.

There are personal stories of abortions featured in this book, in addition to the author's own abortion.

Overall, this was a great read. I've never read something like this, and I"m glad it exists.

A beautifully written and compassionate chronicle of abortion care in America--who gets abortions, who doesn't or isn't allowed to, who the caregivers are, what their own abortion stories are. As an abortion doula, author Matthews helps women navigate the process of getting an abortion, choosing what kind of abortion is best for them, getting funding if they need it, and giving them in care they need during and after their abortions. Woven throughout the narrative is the story of Matthews's own abortion. The writing is honest and full of care and love. I wish everyone would read this book, and understand why abortion care is medical care, and why keeping it safe and legal is so crucial.

I highlighted this book on my Booktube channel. The video will go live on 5/3. You can access the video here: https://youtu.be/diwMaCxtRao

Author Hannah Matthews has an extensive background as an abortion care worker, doula, journalist, and reproductive rights advocate. Her book “You or Someone You Love” explores the reasons why she, and others, may have very diverse backgrounds, cultures, and reasons for making this extremely difficult decision. Secrecy and shame often stops us from talking and exploring the reasons for our societal pregnancy decisions. I advocate for this book because it brings class lines, gender, and race differences to the forefront of the decision for or against abortion. This is a controversial subject and the more informed we are, the better our society is. Four of five stars - one star taken because there were parts I had to skim over, and too detailed for me. Overall, a very good resource. Thank you to the publisher for this arc. I voluntarily read it and all opinions are my own.

DNF at 40%

Disclaimer: My review is my opinion, and it is chock-full of bias and judgment. I’m sure it will anger and upset many people. If you think that may be you, I would suggest not reading any further. I won’t be reading any comments left on this review; I am not here for a political or moral debate. I hesitated writing this review and ultimately decided if it prevents one like-minded person from wasting a few hours of their life, it's worth it.

The description of this book is misleading. Yes, it uses the word radical, but I didn't realize just how radical it would be. Based on this snippet, "Featuring stories of real abortion experiences, including Matthews’s own, You or Someone You Love offers a glimpse into the stunningly diverse landscape of abortion care..." I anticipated the book would be a series of women's own stories, and I wanted to read it to better understand what they went through and garner more compassion and knowledge for myself. It wasn't until I read the stories available on the internet of what some women went through to get abortions at 20 and 30-something-week marks that I truly understood the dire medical necessity of the situation they were in. Objectively, the majority of abortions are not for health reasons*, and I wanted to learn more and hear directly from women in all situations so I could learn and grow myself.

Unfortunately, at 40% of the way through, I have only heard Matthews' own story and very tiny snippets of other abortion stories told through doulas or other women Matthews interviewed. Women from all walks of life, socioeconomic backgrounds, colors, nationalities and religions have abortions. Most importantly, they all fall on different places across the wide political spectrum. The author is extremely left-leaning in her political views, and this book is her soapbox. This book glorifies and celebrates abortion – not just safe and legal access to it, but the act itself. There is nothing glorious about abortion. It’s a necessity; it’s not a party. I know not every woman who has an abortion feels sadness or guilt. Many feel relief and freedom, but that’s not to say that abortion is a decision made lightly or followed through with easily.

I feel like Matthews goes to great lengths to make her abortion as casual and light as possible. Indeed, she and her husband did not even take a night to sleep on the decision, instead making it final over a short phone call. She got pregnant because of her own laziness. (Her word, not mine.) As an abortion doula, having her own abortion seems like it's almost a rite of passage for her. You would think someone who has access to an endless supply of birth control, knows how expensive abortion is, sees the first-hand effects of all the emotions women go through each day and already has a child would be a little more proactive about preventing a pregnancy.

As much as the book preaches inclusivity and condemns judgment and bias, Matthews is incredibly judgmental herself. To her credit, she admits her own biases and tries to address them. Interestingly though, judgment is simply reserved for anyone who believes any less than she does; it seems impossible to be more radical than she is, and if you are, that particular difference in thought is acceptable.

A woman who calls the author via an abortion help hotline says that she "killed her baby," which gives the author a visceral reaction. Matthews condemns any language referring to an unborn embryo/fetus as a child yet repeatedly revisits the “removal of tissue” from her own womb and how it was a piece of her and her husband and their ancestors. It seems as though she is troubled and mourns the loss of her child but cannot say that because it would be in direct conflict with everything that has been shoved down her throat in her time as a doula and everything she is trying so desperately hard to make you believe.

I am an anomaly. I believe that life begins at conception, and yet, I also believe that women should have safe and legal access to abortion. I am what the author would call “pro-choice” — someone whose lack of radicalism makes them unworthy of calling themselves an advocate.

I can say, unapologetically, that I will never think it’s okay to have an abortion for the purpose of sex selection.

I don’t think it’s okay for a 25-year-old having her sixth abortion to refuse birth control.

I don’t think abortion should be used as birth control.

I don’t think abortion should be policed, but instilling in women the belief that getting an abortion is good is simply not right. It’s not like getting a root canal. It’s not something one should ever do flippantly or casually. Abortion should be a last resort. I don’t think it is contradictory to think this and yet still love, support and help women who choose to have an abortion.

I had so much more hope for this book, but it was not at all for me.


*“The reasons most frequently cited were that having a child would interfere with a woman's education, work or ability to care for dependents (74%); that she could not afford a baby now (73%); and that she did not want to be a single mother or was having relationship problems (48%). Nearly four in 10 women said they had completed their childbearing, and almost one-third were not ready to have a child. Fewer than 1% said their parents' or partners' desire for them to have an abortion was the most important reason.” (Guttmacher Institute)

Thank you NetGalley and Atria books for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.