Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for granting me free access to the advanced digital copy of this book.

"Your name is Will because that’s what it takes to live among people who hate you for no other reason than that you exist.
So. Will. Will the Monster, here we are, and here you are.
Your life is about to change.
Ready?”

Oh. My.
Maya MacGregor did it again.
And once again, I'm left speechless. And in awe. Utter, speechless awe.

Will is an agender teen on the cusp of freedom. Six weeks away from their 18th birthday, Francis, their biological abusive drug-dealing mother, dies of a heart attack, leaving Will to figure out what they can do to not fall back into the hands of CPS (Child Protective Services), who did nothing but fail them over and over again, and be free once and for all.
While going through Francis' stuff before throwing it all away and get rid of her nauseating stench of roses, weed and tobacco, Will and their best (and only) friend Hannah come across a box containing letters, so many letters, all of them addressed to Will... They were written over the past four years by Raz, the only foster care mum who ever truly cared about Will and from whom Will was taken away by a now falsely-sober Francis just when they were about to be adopted.
And yes, Will knows they're a monster. Who else would be happy of their biological mother's death? They don't deserve to be happy. They don't deserve to be left in peace by school bully Levy. They don't deserve a life in which they don't have to take care, at 17 years old, about paying electricity bills or Francis' booze and cooking dinner every day. But maybe... maybe they get to have this one thing. Maybe they can find Raz and be a family with her, for real this time.

This is the book I wish I could have written. The book I wish I'd had when I was a teenager, when I needed a release for my anger and pain, when I needed a comforting hug.
I loved every single thing about it: every quote, every word, every dot.
Everything felt carefully, purposefully chosen to make this book the queer YA masterpiece it is.

I loved how nothing is black and white and everything is a spectrum of grays, up for grabs to be challenged and turned upside down, to make you question instead of giving established answers.
One of my favorite scenes is the "fight/argument" between Will and Hannah (chapter 18). In a world where it's becoming harder and harder to have conversations between people with different opinions that don't end up in never talking to each other again because you just cannot accept someone who thinks differently from you, it was bold and refreshing to see how differences of ideals and life experiences do not necessarily have to break people apart. You instinctually lean towards Will's side - after all, Hannah is blinded by her privilege and can't quite see nor understand Will's situation and harsh reality - but can you really blame her for not understanding something that is so foreign to her? And could it also be that Will is themself blinded by their own circumstances, their own prejudices and erected shields to see possibilities beyond what they've experienced so far? Does Will also fall prey to hypocrisy?
Can there be a point of empathetic contact - a conversation - instead of sticking to your own irreconcilable stances?

The second person narration hit me like a wave on its way to become a tsunami. Check mate move. Pure genius. I bow to Maya, deep deep bow. The way you feel everything on your skin: the pain, the despair, the anger, the panic, the incredulity, the slowly yet incontrovertibly blossoming happiness… all these raw emotions sinking into you through a throbbing yet healing papercut.
It’s my first time encountering it and I honestly didn’t think it could work for me – let alone work so damn well – but goodness me, it did. It absolutely fucking did and it shook me to my core and I loved every single second of it.

And Julian. Sweet, precious Julian. You deserve the world but the world doesn't deserve you, you beautiful beautiful soul.
All I'll say about it is that this book has the most tender, wholesome kiss. It was as delicate as a daisy’s petal, as intense as an electric shock, as strong and powerful as a hurricane (chapter 21 – a meaningful number to me, and no, I do not believe in coincidences).

“You are both nonbinary people in a world that doesn’t want to understand you, let alone romance you. You know this. Julian knows this. In some small way, you feel a surge of defiance.”

This book is a punch in the gut.
This book is a silent, desperate cry of help into the void of a world that either doesn't care or is straight up against you.
This book is finding your voice, your place in that complicated, messed up world.
This book is a warm, comforting hug.
This book is a quiet yet resilient whisper in your ear, saying you can weather this seemingly unending storm and hold on tight, there is someone right over there, beyond the dark clouds and the thunders, someone who loves you and is waiting with open arms, waiting to give you what you've been missing your whole life.
This book is the Odissey and the happy ending you never thought you deserved all along.
This book is the Will to exist, to take up space and belong and the journey that leads right to all that.

Wow. This was stunning. I have no notes.

I'm honestly not surprised by how much I loved this because I adored this author's debut and know that they are definitely an autobuy author for me now. Everything about this book works. It's powerful and emotional and so full of hope that I teared out multiple times listening to it. The audiobook is fantastic. Cannot recommend it enough.

Agender autistic demiro demisexual MC

I came to love Maya Macgregor’s writing from Sam Sylvester, so I was really looking forward to this book. And it did not disappoint. While definitely a heavier read, the writing and the characters were still as compelling as their debut. Macgregor took such care with their characters and their troubles and this plot. Everything they brought to this story deserves to be seen.

This book is really emotional and powerful. I really appreciate the care the author took to tell this story. I loved so much about this book and I hope it finds its way to people who need it the most.

My Rating: 4.75 stars

Trigger Warnings: death of a patron, child abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, drugs, mentions of death by overdose

Will, an agender teen, is only a few months away from turning 18 - finally an adult, and finally able to have freedom away from their abusive, addicted mother. When their mother dies suddenly, Will is granted freedom earlier than expected, but her dying words haunt Will. Soon, their mother’s drug-dealing past comes back and threatens Will’s shiny new future, leaving them to scramble to find a past foster they haven’t heard from in years. And, they need to do this all before Child Protective Services finds out Will’s been left on their own.

I really enjoyed that this was written in second person. Besides fanfiction, I’ve never read a novel in this form and I’ve got to say, this works so well! And it makes perfect sense to use it for a character who is nonbinary or genderfluid.

The imperfections of the characters of this novel is what made this novel so perfect. Not one single person was the most amazing person ever - they all had their faults, their traumas, their own realistic story, and that made this beautiful.

I’m excited for those to need this story to get their hands on it. And I’m excited for those who may not necessarily need this story, but can learn from this story, because it’s all so important. With the amazing writing that is from Maya MacGregor you get so much representation that isn’t forced at all, it’s just who they are and that’s that.

Overall, I will be highly recommending this book to so many people. Though I will give a bit of a heavy warning to check the Trigger Warnings and to be gentle with yourself.

*Thank you Astra Books for Young Readers and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of this book in exchange for an honest review

I really appreciated this book. It felt like a very needed hug.
Will has been through so much and this book is about them learning to just live their life for the first time without abuse. Getting things in order, finding new friends and old family members they can trust. It's about moving on to better things and it was so lovely to read about.

PS : Will is supposedely agender which was one of the main reasons I decided to pick this book up from NetGalley. But, I can't remember reading anything about specific agender rep in this book and it's driving me mad. Did I miss it? Or is it something to do with the eARC?
From what I remember, Will is described as non binary many times but I don't recall specifically reading "agender". I need to look into this more.

Totally gripping and captivating, this book instantly pulls you in with the very first line. The second person point of view gives an incredibly intimate look into Will’s life and the abuse they faced at the hand of their mother, Francis. It’s as if they don’t know how to exist in her absence because she had such a strong hold over them, and this portrayal of an abusive parent was so accurate and authentic - so heartbreaking, but so real.

The casual queer and neurodiverse representation was incredible to see, and the found family that ended up developing with Will and their friends was absolutely heartwarming to read about. Will’s story will definitely stay with me for a very long time.

Thank you to NetGalley and Astra Books for the arc!

Desde el primer capítulo me gustó (si soy honesta, desde la portada).
Qué libro tan precioso, tiene muchos temas que no suelen abordarse y son necesarios, tiene representación que no es común verse y yo sé que las personas que lean este libro podrán sentirse comprendidos y abrazados.
Me gusta que esté escrito en segunda persona. Es la primera vez que leo un libro así y creo que funciona muy bien aquí porque te adentra más a la historia y sientes todo como si te estuviera pasando a ti; hace que te identifiques aunque no estés pasando por esas cosas. Entiendes más a Will y por qué piensa como lo hace.
Recomiendo este libro a todos, creo que puede ayudar a entender temas con los que no están familiarizados, o en lo contrario, sentirse comprendidos (como escribí anteriormente).
Quiero mucho a Will y a (casi) todos los personajes.
Gracias por escribir este libro.

A hauntingly beautiful queer YA story about a courageous nonbinary teen dealing with the grief of their drug addict mother and fighting to survive on their own terms. Told through second person narration, with a cast of queer and neurodivergent characters, this book tackles tough subjects but is such a powerful read. Highly, highly recommended! This was my first book by Maya MacGregor and definitely won't be my last! Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy in exchange for my honest review!

Thanks to NetGalley for the arc!

I requested this arc because I loved The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester, and was so excited when my request got approved. Was I worried it wouldn’t live up to my expectations? Yes. Did it instead somehow even exceed my expectations? Oh yes. If I loved Sam Sylvester, I LOVED Will.

The book is written in second person, which is such an unusual choice, but honestly it was perfect for this book. To me it felt like Will wasn’t ready to tell their story yet, so instead their older self was telling them what was happening, including things they didn’t actually know yet at that part of the story. Does that make sense? It made it feel so intimate, and made me feel so close to Will. I’m so glad the author chose to write the book this way.

I always love found family, and this book was no exception. It made me feel so warm and safe, knowing they all had each other despite everything that was happening. I also liked that it still dealt with messy friendships. All of the relationships in the book are so different from each other, just as all of the characters are really different from each other, and I loved that. It made it all feel so realistic. The characters are so human, and I loved them all so much (well, with some obvious exceptions). Of course I had my favourites – Matt and Julian both deserve the world – but all of them will stay with me in a way that most characters don’t (because I simply read too many books).

This book also has the absolute sweetest romance. It isn’t really a big part of the book, but it’s so achingly soft and they’re so sweet and careful with each other that I literally cried during their first kiss. And maybe I was just feeling extra emotional that day, because that has never happened before, but either way it was really something special. I desperately need more romance like this.

Finally, can we just take a moment to appreciate the titles of Maya’s books? They’re so beautiful and unique and I love them.

Rep: Agender demiromantic demisexual/gray asexual MC, sapphic SC, gender fluid SC

where do i start with this?

i guess i’ll start here: the book was okay.

the writing style is second person which is something i’ve never experienced in a full length novel. i enjoyed that aspect of the writing. i did not enjoy the rest of the writing.

this book is very stream of consciousness. which is not a writing choice i particularly like. the chapters had no reason to be chapters, like there was no discernible reason they were broken up in the way they were. it brought me out of the story slightly when there were bombs dropped and then will continued to just ramble on for a few pages.

and i don’t know if it’s just because i had an arc copy but this author seems allergic to double f’s for some reason.

i did like will though. they were resilient and all their hesitations and self sacrificing was on par with what they experienced. and i’m glad they got the happy ending they deserved.

i wish it was contrived a bit better though. things just kind of…happened? and there wasn’t ever really a rhyme or reason for a lot of the stuff that went wrong or right and just felt like plot points were thrown in for the sake of padding out the book.

overall, it was a semi-enjoyable read that i flew through with some amazing talks about sexuality, gender identity, family, love, friendship, and abuse. i’d recommend if you want a book that actually fleshes out those topics and deals with them appropriately.

This book is so beautifully written and the journey of hope and love after so much trauma and heartbreak is so powerful. You don't need to relate to the characters in order to love this story. You will not regret reading this.

4.5 stars

Thank you Astra and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I just have to say that I LOVE the way Maya MacGregor writes. I read The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester earlier this year and it’s easily one of my all time favourite books, and this one is just as beautiful and heart-wrenching as that one.

Both books are very different, and yet they tackle some similar themes in a very nuanced, honest way. You can tell it’s personal, that it means a lot to the author, and that makes it mean a lot to the reader, too.

Will is such a beautiful, broken character. Their journey through trauma and distrust of a system that had repeatedly failed them, their journey through life believing they deserve bad things, making it to a point where they could maybe start to believe they weren’t a monster after all…all of it was so achingly raw and real and vulnerable and I’m not ashamed to say I teared up multiple times.

I loved the people in Will’s life, too. The relationships they managed to forge with different people the more they allowed themselves to trust made my heart swell. Everyone from Matt to the school counsellor were just beautiful. The kinds of people everyone deserves in their lives.

I especially loved their relationship with Hannah and the way privilege was discussed between these two. Hannah’s knee-jerk reaction to defend herself followed by her heartfelt apology and genuine attempts to be a better friend and ally.

I will admit, though, that the second person narrative style really didn’t work for me and is the only reason this isn’t five stars. It took me until over halfway to truly feel comfortable with reading in second person, and even once I was used to it, it somehow made me feel less connected to Will instead of more, which I assume is the desired effect. This is honestly just a personal preference issue, though, and I absolutely still recommend giving it a go even if you’re unsure about second person narratives.

I received an eARC from the publisher via NetGalley, all opinions are mine.

A stunning, evocative, and important young adult contemporary!

I found this to be both beautifully poetic and heart-wrenchingly sad. I would definitely recommend a trigger warning somewhere, as the trauma Will recalls and goes through can be quite intense.

This is a love letter to queer kids making their way through a world that is often callous at best and cruel at worst to them. In the afterword the author mentions this is the book they wanted as a child, and I feel that in the depths of my soul.

This is queer identity and personhood, families of blood and choice, the gentle care of friends who really see you. It's also an exploration of abuse: the way it can change you, often in ways you won't know or understand for a very long time. It's grief, it's anger, it's bitter joy.

And the whole thing is in second person POV! I definitely went in wary, but MacGregor's use of this oft-maligned perspective was masterful. Will's heart, their emotional state, their grief - it's all front and centre, close to the reader in a way that I don't often see.

In conclusion: I highly recommend this, just be aware of the intensity of the subject matter at hand, and I cannot wait for 'The Many Half-Lived Lives of Sam Sylvester'!

This book really shocked me. I loved how well written it was, and how powerful the actual plot was. The characters were likeable and well developed, they didn’t seem to fall flat, which I absolutely loved. Seeing characters, especially main characters identities be so openly talked about and acknowledged so naturally was a really beautiful touch. It’s very rare in media that we see this being anything less than a spectacle, but in this book it just fell so wonderfully. Much respect to the author for that.

Oh. My. Word.

This is undoubtedly one of the best books I’ve read, not just this year, but in my entire life. Brimming with heart and feeling and, well, sheer force of will, The Evolving Truth of Ever-Stronger Will is a book that grabbed me by the hands and didn’t let go until the very last page.

I have never read an entire novel set in second person pov before, but I was blown away by this author’s command of the English language, as the second person point of view not only worked perfectly for me, but also added to the story in a way that I don’t think would’ve been possible any other way. We see such an intimate, detailed, heartwrenching glimpse into Will’s life that it only makes sense we read as if we are in their shoes ourselves - which we are not, but we see more than they trust any other characters with at first, so this style of narration works beautifully to complement that, that feeling of really being immersed in a story and its main character.

The relationships were all lovely, and realistic. No one was absolutely perfect and nor were their circumstances, but that conflict and nuance made it feel like… when Will talked things over with some characters, and they both reached understanding, it felt like one of those rest stops you take on a long hike, tired and weary but glad to have a moment to take in the view. The depth and care that MacGregor writes all of their characters with is astounding, and I genuinely felt as if they were real people, that’s how realistic and complicated they all were.

The author says at the end of the book that they wrote the book they wanted as a child. I’m not a child, but I’m still a young queer person, and so… I am honestly floored right now. Many aspects of Will’s life were also truths and realities that I needed a story about when I was younger, and I am so indescribably glad that I have them now, put into words better than I could but in a way that will resonate with I think all who read this. But the aspects of Will’s life that I didn’t relate to resonated too - and I feel like that’s important to mention in this review. I connected with Will, wholly and truly, in a way that I have with few other characters, and not only is that incredible skill on the author’s part, but it is also so so important, for I’m glad that this story will reach those who need it, but I’m also glad that it will reach those who don’t need it in quite the same way, but who need it to learn and see how to be a better ally, or more empathetic, or just to have a good cry. That is always important too, and MacGregor has written this book in such a way that it will resonate with both groups.

Know its subject matter first, but… pick up this book if you relate, and pick it up if you don’t. You’ll feel and learn and relate, and experience practically all human emotions in the span of a few hours. This is a beautifully written book, with characters who latch onto your heart and don’t let go. Don’t miss it.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC, all opinions are my own.

This book seems to fill a very important gap in representation for young people who have experienced abuse or been in the foster care system, particularly LGBTQIA2S young people who may not have seen stories about people like themselves beyond stories about coming out (and because we know LGBTQIA2S and neurodivergent young people are more likely to experience abuse or neglect). This book has an agender character, a nonbinary character, and several queer characters. There's some representation for neurodivergence, too. The second person narration is unusual but in this book I think it really works. The characters are well developed, and the writing is distinctive (Will's voice is very well developed and there's a nice touch of humor as needed.) Other reviews have already commented that this book should come with some content warnings. I think for young people who know what to expect when they pick up the book, if they have experienced these things and feel alone or need a story that shows that there is life beyond their traumatic experiences this could be really wonderful. It was very hard for me to put it down (I finished the book in less than 24 hours despite a busy work schedule.) I can't wait to read more of MacGregor's books, including some of their earlier ones under different pen names. While my students are too young for this book, I will definitely share it with colleagues and friends who work with older students.

Honestly, it's been a few weeks since finishing this book and I'm still struggling to sum up my feelings about it.

Firstly, going into this story I felt as though I was unprepared for everything. Nowhere in the publicity did it say anything about it being in 2nd person the entire time - which is something so difficult to get perfect and something you really need to be in the right place to read - and because of that, I ended up not enjoying that (very central :/) aspect at all..

I understand the intention but it just caused a gap between Will and the audience taking in their story that just made my experience of reading it overall, worse. As well as that, the plot in this one just didn't make sense to me, events were happening in entirely unrealistic ways and in places of convenience when necessary. This is by no means a bad story, which is why it still scored 3 stars but the bones of this story needed more flesh than they were given.

However, the thing that drew me to this authors previous work was the fantastic autism and non-binary rep, and general queer rep within the cast of characters which I'm so glad were here and beautifully orchestrated again. Will is one of the few agender characters I've read, and having an agender character also be autistic and a-spec meant so much to me and my experience. It's so rare to see so many parts of myself on page without pushback. This author makes you feel seen and loved so easily with everything they do. All of the characters were so dimensional and so developed which was easily and probably will always be my favorite part.

So, overall: great characters, great rep but poor plot and a difficulty in reading the unexpected second person. I'm sure others will adore this story more and enjoy getting to see themselves represented on page just as much as I did!

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for this review!

First of all, I have to say that Maya MacGregor's writing is radiant. Their words and descriptions flow like poetry, using the most unexpected metaphors and analogies to describe things in the most perfect, spot-on way. The plot weaves along at a beautiful pace, like a emotional river shifting from rapids to calm. The dialogue is rich and deep, each interaction taking us further into the characters' heads and hearts. And I particularly enjoyed the intriguing narrative point of view - neither first nor third person, but a gorgeous, striking use of "you" throughout the book.

Will's story was tragic, heartbreaking, painful, and full of loss. But Will themself was a strong, determined, courageous person with a fiery desire to live rather than just survive. They thought they were a monster, but they were their own monster. They didn't let the world swallow them up.

Julian's character was incredible. They were a much-needed calm in the storm of Will's life. Having two non-binary leads is still so amazing to see, especially ones as well-written as Will and Julian.

All in all, not an easy book to read, but an important and magnificent one. We are not the monsters the world wants us to be. We are deserving of love and life, and this book is a reminder to never stop fighting for that.