A. L. Graziadei’s sophomore novel IN REPAIR is a poignant yet hopeful character-driven narrative about a college freshman’s attempt to re-invent himself, only to run into someone instrumental to the criminal past he’s trying to run from.

This book gave me more of everything I loved about ICEBREAKER: an accurate portrayal of college students and life on campus, heartbreakingly accurate descriptions of mental health, the importance of supportive friendships, identity, and the transformative power of second chances. And, cameos! I didn’t know when I started that it was set at the same college in-universe, but it was a pleasant delight.

This book is sure to leave a lasting impression on readers, myself included, I have to commend Graziadei once again.

Thank you to Godwin Books for providing a review copy.

In Repair by A.L. Graziadei is beautifully written and emotionally devastating.

"I don’t know who I am as a person, but whoever it is, I don’t think I like him very much. Or maybe, Sometimes I don’t feel real and, honestly, I think I prefer it that way."

Nathaniel Conti doesn't feel real when he's alone, he needs to be seen. Well, the version of him he wants people to see, because underneath his eccentric persona, he's struggling. He's attending university where he almost accidentally makes friends who he's drawn to but also never feels worthy of. When he runs into an old friend from his past, it becomes even harder for Nathaniel to cope with his feelings of despair and guilt in relation to his past trauma.

Reading this book was hard. It deals with a lot of heavy topics like depression, childhood trauma, and suicidal ideation, and I highly recommend paying attention to the content warnings at the beginning of the book.

Icebreaker by the same author depicts depression in one of the more realistic ways I've read, and In Repair does the same - to an even deeper and and heavier extent. As someone who struggles with similar issues myself, I had to take several breaks while reading because some things hit too hard. Both for Nathaniel but they also felt too recognizable and I needed a breather.

Despite, or maybe because of, how heavy the book was, it was an incredible read. Being in Nathaniel's head felt harrowing at times, his feelings and thoughts were so raw, and you couldn't help but truly feel for him.

"Because it happened to me too. But I was a boy, and no one thought to ask me."

While the book was gut-wrenching, it was also hopeful. Nathaniel never feels worthy of good things but his new friends refuse to give up on him, something he's never experienced before. Watching him continue to struggle and fight to get better, even when he's been let down by so many people in his life, and the road to recovery is brutal and non-linear, felt both devastating and inspiring. He's *trying* and he's finally got people in his corner who're there for him, who he can't run off though he attempts to, and those friendships were so beautiful.

In Repair does an amazing job with themes like depression, childhood trauma, anxiety, loneliness, as well as the stigma surrounding CSA, especially for boys.

"It's not that I actually want to die. Not really. It’s more that I don’t want to exist anymore. There’s a difference."

An incredible read that I highly recommend. Just make sure you're in the right headspace for it. I was fortunate enough to get both an eARC and audio ARC, and the narrator for the audiobook was fantastic.

Hands down, 5 stars. This book is very heavy, heavier than Graziadei's debut novel. It deals with some triggering topics that I suggest being in a good headspace before reading this. While she tackles heavy topics, like childhood trauma and past sexual abuse, I believe that she does it justice. It is extremely important to open these topics for discussion to lower the stimga and shame surrounding them, especially as it hurts victims of these traumas. Plus, the representation in this is amazing.

*Spoilers*
Nathaniel's story was raw and real, and they portrayed his traumas and his reactions to these traumas in a way that was real and I was sobbing by the end. The climax of his breakdown and all of his buried feelings bubbling over. Being in his head felt jarring and at the same time, hoping for relief as much as he did. I wanted to wrap him in a blanket and protect him from the rest of the world and scream that he deserved so much more than he thought. I believe this book is extremely important to read to understand things that people go through, and recognize that it is not only girls that go through these traumas.

Nathaniel Conti hates being alone with his own thoughts. It’s why he’s always looking for ways to make sure that all eyes are on him, so he doesn’t have to feel his own emotions. That’s why he’s always had a reputation as a troublemaker.

But everything is about to change in his first year of college. He’s made some new friends in class, through lacrosse. An aspiring photographer has even asked him to be a part of their project. However, when an old friend shows back up, Nathaniel starts to spiral back into old habits.

Thanks to Macmillan Children’s and NetGalley for an advanced copy of In Repair by A.L. Graziadei to review! I loved Icebreaker when it came out a few years ago, and I was excited to find out this is set in the same place! So you’ll get to see some familiar characters pop up throughout.

A fair warning, this is a pretty emotionally heavy book to read. Nathaniel is struggling with a lot of mental health issues due to childhood trauma, and it’s expressed so well in this book. Graziadei’s writing reflects Nathaniel’s struggles so accurately that there were definitely moments where I had to pause. Because he is just hurting so much for most of the book.

However, despite the heaviness, there are so many moments of hope. Nathaniel finds some great friends, and they put in the effort to help Nathaniel. Is he the most likable character, for a lot of the book? Not necessarily, but so much of it is a facade that he puts up to hide his real emotions. Honestly, I don’t cry a lot in books, but I’m not going to lie, this one got to me a couple of times. It’s probably partly why it took me longer to read this book than it normally does.

Definitely make sure you’re in the right headspace before picking this book up. But if you do, it’s absolutely worth the read. And shows how messy recovering from trauma can actually be. This is a book I’ll probably be thinking about for a while.

Thanks Macmillan and Netgalley for this eARC, these opinions are my own. A beautiful story! Nathaniel is in his second semester of college. Recently he’s developed this need to be the center of attention. If he’s alone the urge comes to him and he’s had to fight not to hurt himself. But when eyes are on him he feels alive. When he meets Celeste and Tasha their attention makes him feel special, especially Tasha’s. Even with his poor family life things are going well as long as he doesn’t have to focus too much on himself. Then he reconnects with an old friend and he also finds out about a family member getting married and things start to unravel. Past traumas are brought to the forefront and he’s not able to bury them. In his past he’s had a tendency to react recklessly, and this time is no different, except that he accidentally drags his friends in with him. Will he be able to fight through his trauma? Will his friends forgive? Can he forgive his family? Can they all heal? This one will have you feeling all the feels! Nathaniel’s journey throughout the book is both heartbreaking and beautiful! I love that he meets a group of people who genuinely care for him and want to be there no matter what! Even Mickey and Jaysen from Icebreaker! A book about pain and trauma and what it takes to work through it! Definitely will have you in tears! But it’s so worth the read! Highly recommend!

"But I was a boy and no one thought to ask me."

My heart broke when I read this sentence. This story is on the heavier side of YA contemporary, and I feel like that's typically a lot less popular than fluffy YA romance, but it deserves so much to be read.

I loooved Icebreaker by this author, and their next book follows Nathaniel, who goes to the same university and even befriends Mickey! Nathaniel is known for acting out a lot, and no one knows why, because he's never told anyone what happened to him. Thematically, this book reminded me a lot of All For the Game by Nora Sakavic, and specifically The Raven King.

Nathaniel's story was told with so much care, and I loved the ending so much. There's a lot of growth, but also a lot of acknowledgement of the growth that still needs to happen, and I was glad to not see this book wrapped up neatly.

In Repair is fine. Just fine.

I wanted to be wowed. I wanted to sob and scream and fall in love with this story. None of that happened.

Stop me if I don’t make sense, but when I love a book, I get so invested that I forget that the story isn’t my life. For those few hours, I’m competently immersed in someone else’s story. That never happened with In Repair. There are many beautiful moments, but I never got attached to any of the characters.

I struggled to connect with the characters because Nathaniel spends so much time alone. Most of the book is his inner monologue. Nathaniel's story is interesting, but I wanted more dialogue. There wasn't enough interaction between him and his new friends for me to become invested.

After years of radio silence, Nathaniel unexpectedly runs into a former friend. they reconnect and, all of a sudden, they’re everyday fixtures in each other’s lives. Like, what? (Is everyone that much better at making friends than me?)

Maybe I would have liked In Repair more if it were longer…

Bottom line: This is aggressively average.

simpl;y gorgeous and tragic. i was drawn in by the cover and just could NOT put it down at all. very well written, and would recommend. thanks for the arc!

thank you to netgalley and Macmillan Children's Publishing Group, Godwin Books for allowing me to read this book. Even though this book did address some hard topics I overall enjoyed this book.

'In Repair' acts as a sort of companion novel to this authors previous 'Icebreaker' but follows an entirely different, equally complex main character.

To be honest, I'm still a little conflicted on this one - it broke my heart, I cried (sobbed) at multiple times and I saw so many parts of myself between these pages that it hit even more. I dissociate a lot, this character dissociate's a lot and as such it was difficult to not compare my experience entirely to our mc's. The rep I found in this regard was wonderful, it fit in the gap between my feelings - summarised words I struggle to name myself and gave me purpose.

But, this novel also came across, sorry for the lack of a better word but cringey. It was another predictable YA story wrapped in the premise of having a complex main character and trauma used to sharpen him. A lot of things, in my opinion, could've been handled more delicately. As someone who shares a similar trauma - having everything wrap up in a neat little bow at the end of the novel felt like the trauma was only being used for a plot device - as if recovery is a resolution point and not the whole story from before it even began. I wish we could've been given this sharpened character making recovery slowly, realistically. But this is fiction so!

I understand this is an entirely subjective opinion so please don't take it to heart! Making me sob still gets bonus points and I'm excited to read more from this author in the future. Icebreaker is a favourite! They're 2 for 2 on making me cry so far.

This book was hard to read sometimes. The author did an excellent job at really portraying the effects of unaddressed trauma. As someone who has faced similar situations to Nat I really enjoyed the book and was able to learn about myself at the same time.

The cover is what drew me in and I’m so glad I was able to read this. It had a great overall feel for the young adult genre, it had a great set of characters, I thought it worked with confronting problems and growing from this. A. L. Graziadei has a great writing style that I was hoping for.

oh i just adored this book. im always on the hunt for book with adult characters that struggle with depression. accurate representation can be difficult to find but look no further bc this book demonstrates what life can be like as someone who struggles with depression. I love Will and see a lot of myself in him.