4,5

Raw and tender at the same time, this novel/memoir tells the story of growing up queer in a working class district in 1980s Madrid. It grew on me and then it touched me and I couldn't put it away.

Alana tells her story through the big-hearted women that she looked up to and that guided and taught her on her extremely hard journey as a trans woman.

It is one of those novels/memoirs that really manages to transmit all the doubts, feelings, inevitabilities and injustices. In that sense it reminded me of Edouard Louis.

Some reviewers say this should be mandatory reading and I would definitely support that - an important book!

Many thanks to the publisher and to Netgalley for the ARC.

Admittedly, I was not able to finish this book. Despite positive reviews, I struggled with this translation from the Spanish. The beginning in particular lacked a clear structure that I would have appreciated. I think this was a case of, the right book at the wrong time - I enjoyed the comps to this book and can see myself revisiting it for another go at a different time.

The English translation of Bad Habit was released this week and wow, did I love this book.

It is a tale of a trans girl growing up in 90’s Madrid, grappling with her less than accepting neighborhood and her desire to present as her true self. I absolutely loved the writing, especially as Portero depicted the older trans women in the protagonist’s life. This group, these “Furies”, acted as a guidepost of how to be yourself in a world that isn’t always accepting. Portero incorporates myth in her writing, portraying the women as the goddesses they are.

I felt so much compassion for our main character, as she dealt with isolation from others and the desire to recede back into the closet when it seemed to unbearable to be out of it. Go pick up this raw, vulnerable, but ultimately hopeful, read.

Bad Habit is an achingly beautiful story by Alana S. Portero that follows the journey of a trans woman growing up in Madrid during the turbulent '80s and '90s. Portero masterfully portrays the protagonist's struggle to carve out her identity among the chaos, exploring themes of love, community, and resilience in a way that is both heartbreaking and hopeful. I am very grateful that Bad Habit was so brilliantly translated by Mara Faye Lethem so that this remarkable book can reach an even larger audience. This is a must read and a coming-of-age story that is sure to make a lasting impact on readers.

gorgeously written book about the life of a trans woman in Madrid. very well written, i felt very connected to her. thanks for the arc.

3.5 stars rounded up. This is a very slice-of-life, character-driven novel, and much more of a coming-of-age story than I realized (the main character reaches adulthood just over halfway through). As an American reader raised with a romanticized view of Western Europe, it was great to read a portrayal of working-class Spaniards. I also loved seeing the nuances of how trans characters navigate a highly grammatically gendered language. For example, there’s a character (another trans woman) who knows the protagonist is a woman even though she’s never said it explicitly, and “[s]he addressed me in the feminine but allowing me the possibility that it was just pure camp, so I wouldn’t feel exposed.”

There are still so few openly transfeminine voices in traditional publishing, so it feels weird to say this, but some parts of the novel feel like well-trodden ground: the protagonist’s sense of being a “deviant creature,” her desire to “bury [her gender identity] in a mass grave of shame,” that she “hungered for role models,” the terror of clandestinely kissing her high school boyfriend, the joy of going to a gay cafe for the first time.

But there are also many parts that are wonderfully specific. The setting and many of the characters (even minor characters) are vividly rendered. The protagonist is sometimes treated with violence, but also with a huge amount of love from her family and from strangers. The gay cafe waiter, and her older trans mentor, and her parents all have monologues that made me tear up from how much they care for her.

If you’re looking for a post-transition or a post-coming-out story, this is not that book. But it is an often beautifully written reminder to trans women that “we have the right to a glorious life.”

Recommended for fans of Bad Girls by Camila Sosa Villada and the childhood parts of Fever by Jonathan Bazzi.