This book just wasn't for me. The plot is interesting, but overall, I felt the story dragged and I didn't like any of the characters. Some of the scenarios came across as corny, and I don't like anything corny-related. It's a real shame because I think this novel showed real potential but ultimately lacked excitement and depth. I needed more substance and stronger plotline. I think a lot of readers would enjoy this story, but the whole novel felt flat and lackluster for me. Such a disappointment.

A fantastic novel about finding yourself and finding love, BUT HOW ARE YOU REALLY was exactly what I needed as a burnt-out millennial approaching her ten-year college reunion (ick!). Speaking to nostalgia, past loves, and past trauma, BHAYR found its footing when allowing characters to bloom into their true selves. A wonderful story about realizing that love is a strength, not a weakness, be it romantic or platonic.

5⭐️

Life following graduation is not what Charlotte Thorn had hoped it would be. She went from dreams of being an artist with a tightknit group of queer friends who are more like a family, to being stuck in a dead end job as an admin assistant and is regularly verbally abused by her boss, has no desire to draw and has mostly lost contact with her friend group. She had no desire to go to her college reunion and spend a weekend on campus reliving her glory days, but her boss is a featured speaker and she was given no choice. That's what brings Reece Kreuger, the one who got away, back into her life. And while things are different, Charlotte's avoidant attachment style may ruin everything before she can have a second chance with Reece.

As a burnout bisexual with an avoidant attachment style, wow I felt seen in this book. Between Charlotte's PTSD from her last serious relationship with a narcissist, her strained relationship with her mother and her not trusting that the family she found for herself actually likes her everything was just very relatable. Going from a relationship where you were made to feel unlovable to one with someone who actually cares for you is a hard transition and the way Reece handled the entire situation was just heartwarming.

I liked the way that even when Charlotte pushed them away, her friend group handled Charlotte so well. Sometimes your friends need handled with kids gloves and sometimes they need tough love and I feel like all of Charlotte's friends walked that fine line perfectly. I loved that Charlotte finally realized that she had been working herself to the bone for a promotion that would never come and that she had gone from a narcissistic relationship with her ex to a narcissistic relationship with her boss and that she finally stood up for herself. I think Charlotte really found herself by the end and it was just very encouraging when you find that right found family they'll still be there while you find yourself!

Thank you Netgalley and Dutton for providing this ARC to me!

NetGalley provided me with an ARC of this novel, in return for an honest review… so shout out NetGalley! Thanks as always for leaving me with loads of cool things to read 😊

This book surprised me! In the beginning I felt like I didn’t love the characters that much, and it felt a bit surface level. I fully thought it was just going to be a cheesy romcom where a college reunion brings two people back together. Pleasantly surprised to say that this book actually covered some tough topics in a really beautiful and uplifting way.

Trigger warnings for talks of abuse and dealing with the PTSD that comes afterwards- this book hit home for me in a lot of ways. There were moments I was able to really identify with Charlotte. The way she self isolates to cope with tough situations, the harsh inner monologue depicting that everyone is upset with you all the time, and the inability to ask others for support or help. The author did such an excellent job of not only describing these feelings, but really fleshing out the damage that unstable parenting can unleash in an adults coping mechanisms. They also did such an impressive job of showcasing how easy it is to slip into multiple abusive relationships after being the victim to childhood abuse, while still providing a realistic uplifting outcome of how to move through that trauma. The character development was insane. Also this book is QUITE gay (despite the main romance being between a cis man and cis woman) Which I am always a fan of 😊

3 stars just because it took me a bit to get into, but I really felt that the overall message was beautiful and I would def recommend this book!

Thanks to Penguin for inviting me to read this title early!!!

I enjoyed this a ton more than I expected to! I was in a bit of a slump when I started reading it and I worried that this one would fall victim to it because at the beginning, I wasn't sold. It didn't hook me immediately but I'm really glad I kept going. This was a really tender and thoughtful exploration of trauma and the way it impacts everything around it like a ripple effect and how hard it is to break free from it.

The focus in this book is entirely on the characters and their dynamics--there's kind of a plot, sure, but it's so far behind what's actually interesting about the story. I'm older than Charlotte is, but we're still within the same age category and being in her head felt almost like a HIPAA violation because why did my therapist tell you all that, Ella? Apparently I've never had a unique experience ever.

The romance was so delightful and I loved following Charlotte through the weekend as she rediscovered herself and her friends and what everyone meant to each other. I also REALLY loved the incorporation of the color chart to reflect emotions; it made everything feel so vivid and really helped me put myself where Charlotte was emotionally.

Finally, the "conflict" within the romance was so fresh compared to almost every single other romance I've ever read. Trust me. It's good.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson was a very entertaining read and enjoyed my time with it. I loved, loved, loved the bi representation and always love it when I see that in books. The characters felt like real people, which is something I always appreciate it. But How Are You, Really does cover some serious topics and I wasn't really expecting it but I appreciated it. The writing was well done and I felt like it kept me hooked the entire time while reading it. Overall, a good book.

With a strong premise, the debut certainly has its shining moments. There’s a wonderfully queer and diverse cast of characters, the burnout millennial vibes are scarily accurate, and the ending climax and take down of a villain has me evil grinning.

That said, I found the main character, Charlotte, very exhausting. I think that in an effort to really drive home the burnout millennial angle, the author forgot to make Charlotte a meaningful or memorable character. She’s more of a symbol for millennial exhaustion and feeling like you didn’t meet those post college expectations. Being inside her head made me quickly run out of patience with her because time and again she refuses to do anything to address any one of her many problems and issues. She blows off her friends, she blows off work DMs too though, she’s hot and cold with her ex who she knows she left high and dry, she refuses to get help for her trauma. Personally I struggle with people who do nothing but complain and sadly that’s all Charlotte does.

While I thought the toxic and abusive relationship themes were handled respectfully, I did struggle to understand charlotte’s arc because she so steadfastly refuses anyone’s help yet clearly her trauma is still so crippling. It’s just like watching a car wreck but far too drawn out.

The romance element was fine though it felt more driven by sex and lust than actual intimacy. Everytime Charlotte would see the love interest she immediately reminisced about very graphic sexual events yet constantly brushed aside true affection and intimacy. It was jarring and didn’t execute well to make it seem like a really fleshed out and thought out romance.

Lastly, the pacing in general was very inconsistent. The first 30% features virtually no movement, just a loooooooot of talk about how shitty charlotte’s life is and her doing nothing about it. Then the middle starts to get a bit interesting as we dive deeper on Charlotte’s issues and trauma, but then it practically halts until the end.

Ultimately this felt like an ambitious debut with the focus split between the various emotional scars and backstory, and the main romance element. I do wish the romance was cut entirely to make charlotte and her arc really shine but I suspect the romance element was meant to make this appeal more. I’ve seen this marketed as a hockey romance which it certainly IS NOT. The love interest played hockey in college, and not even at a prestigious level to go pro. In the current timeline absolutely no one is an athlete. So all in all, I think the marketing sets readers up for the wrong impression.

thank you netgalley and dutton for the arc! this book was a bit of a heavier read than i anticipated- i do wish i had read some of the trigger warnings ahead of time, however the message of the book was great. it served as that oh so important reminder that it is okay to ask for help. this book was one i had to read in small bites so i didn’t overwhelmed myself with the story. i loved charlotte’s friends in the book and the way those friendships were portrayed, it was evident that they cared deeply about one another. they were a great support system to charlotte. i will say i wasn’t sure how i felt about charlotte at first, she started out a bit annoying with her woe is me nonsense however i did enjoy seeing her development throughout the book. i understand the struggles expressed with the feelings of being broken and unloved, those resonated with me a lot. she came a very long way from the start. i do always love the quality bisexual mc representation! what i almost loved even more was the fact this book did NOT have a miscommunication trope!! truly a massive win! i loved the chosen family and second chance lovers trope! this book was a solid read! for me i definitely had to be in the proper headspace and mood to read it but overall good!

Loved the characters and the bi representation and the sex scenes were fresh and tangy!
I also thought it was smart to place this in 2018, without the specter of Covid
The structure of the book didn't always work for me. We end up spending so much time in Charlotte's head in past and present, and the space between actual conversations and events stretched out too long at times.
Reminds me of a slightly less polished "Old Enough" - for a debut novel the voice is absolutely here though, and I think the next book will be tighter!

Review: But How Are You, Really By Ella Dawson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House for the opportunity to read this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

But How Are You, Really follows Charlotte, a 27 year old cis-gender woman as she attends her 5 year college reunion. She is reunited with a group of her good friends, has run-ins with 2 different ex-boyfriends, and is faced with the difficult reality that life after graduation isn’t living up to her expectations.

This book hit very close to home for me, as a 26 year old woman who is also struggling to juggle job security with the desire for a more fulfilling career path. I loved the LGBTQIA+ representation as well as Dawsons’s intentional focus on depicting safe and consensual sex acts. Dawson also built hot and steamy sexual tension between the two romantic leads in a way that felt authentic and not like instant lust.

This book contains triggers for those who have experienced abusive relationships, unhealthy work environments, panic attacks, loss of a parent, and absent/unsupportive parents. I had an emotional reaction to reading the parts of Charlotte’s story that had similarities to my past, partly because I felt very seen and represented in a way I hadn’t read before.

I can’t wait to read more from Ella Dawson in the future! But How Are You, Really will be published June 3rd 2024!

This book has all of the romance but with a broad lens. Addressing disappointing family and found family within the queer community, trauma, domestic abuse, addiction, grief etc, with a heartwarming central story is not easy. Very impressive.

I'm going to preface this review with I went into it thinking the relationship between Charlotte and Reece was WLW, but Reece is a male character! This is not bad thing, but I did go in with an expectation that wasn't met.

All in all, I'm glad I read this book! As someone just a couple of years past (what would have been) their 5 year college reunion. Someone who feels a little lost in life and working in entertainment, it was nice to not feel so alone. I did find myself rooting for Charlotte, I wanted her to succeed. I wanted her to reconnect with her friends and find love. I will say the romance took a backseat in book. If you're looking for straight romance, this is not for you. If you feel lost and burnt out, looking for a little escape this might just be the next book you should pick up.

Thank you to Penguin Random House and NetGalley for an advanced reader's copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

I really wanted to like this debut, I really did. As a graduate of a similar liberal arts institution as Hein, with a similarly nostalgia-obsessed reunion culture, I REALLY wished I liked this book. Alas, the premise could not rescue the book from the twin anchors of bad writing (like, so painfully awkward prose) and poor characterizations. These aren't characters, they are archetypes — and stereotypical archetypes. I can clearly see what the writer was attempting to do, but execution, and perhaps the ability, just isn't there. A slog to finish, and very unsatisfying,

Charlotte goes back to her alma mater for her 5 year reunion weekend. There's romance, there's a work disaster, there's a ex sighting.

Many thanks to Penguin Random House and Netgalley for an advanced reader's copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.

I was excited to pick up this debut for its LGBTQ+ cast of characters along mentions of mental health and job burnout and its unique setting of a college reunion. While the book touches upon all of these things, most of it was only at the surface level. The setting could have been anything really as it easy to forget it was happening at college except for the references of a dorm here and there. The characters felt very YA to me and I couldn't quite get a grasp on who they were though the author will tell the reader of their journey in the exposition. For the most part I liked Charlie and I understood how a toxic and an emotionally abusive relationship could have impacted her, but I didn't find her journey of self discovery satisfying enough. I kept waiting for her to come to the realization that she was in a similar situation with a toxic boss who exhibited similar behaviors of her ex-boyfriend.

I liked Reece as a love interest who is attentive, supportive, and it is clear that he deeply cares for Charlie, however; I still didn't really feel like I got to know him. Once again it is told of what he was like during college and how he supposedly changed post-college, but I would have liked to have seen it and not be told about it.

What i really liked about this book was the diverse representation of its LGBTQ+ cast of characters and their supportive network for each other. The book is highly readable with quip dialogue and just the right amount of pop culture references without feeling like it is overdoing it. I also appreciated the reality check that life post-college is hard and that people are still figuring out themselves even though they graduated.

I'm not sure if this will satisfy romance readers because the romance is a subplot. It might be better marketed as a coming of story.

Ella Dawson's debut novel follows Charlotte to her five-year college reunion, rife with exes, long-distance friends, and an abusive boss. The first half moved slowly, but I found myself rooting for Charlotte as she spent the reunion weekend figuring out how to grow beyond her post-college years by revisiting the places and relationships that made her the adult she now is.
Dawson's writing can be a bit overwrought, and the repetition of anxiety-calming mantas and the color wheel to describe emotions both feel a little overused. Charlotte is a main character whose side you want to be on, though, and that makes both the romance HEA plotline and her connections to her college friends feel like bright spots in her struggles with her awful boss and ex, and her own mental health.
Great read for fans of Ashley Herring Blake and Emily Henry! 3.5/5

oh my gosh, I loved this book so much!! It also reminded me that I've never had a unique experience in my life. Perfect read for for the bi babes this summer and for fans of Old Enough.

DNF @ 30%
Major disappointment!! The description had me so excited. I thought it would be just my type but I couldn’t get into it. The MC is milktoast and dialogue is v cringey

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the ARC!

From one burned out bisexual to another, who has also worked for a really abusive and horrible boss....Charlotte is me and I am her. I felt so so seen for so much of this book, and my heart aches for what she went through. It felt like Ella Dawson took a peek into my life and pulled right out of it and put it to paper. I read this in like 3 sittings because I really couldn't put it down. The found family and community around her was really amazing and I loved seeing their personalities throughout the reunion weekend.

"But I love bring queer. It's one of my favorite parts about myself."

I was cheering for Charlotte to put herself first, and the ending of this book was so gratifying. Thank you to NetGalley & the publishers who sent me this ARC to read & review! <3

*Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the arc copy in exchange for an honest review.*

3.5 ⭐ rounded up.

Check the trigger warnings before reading.

I related so so much to the main character and I wanted to like this book so much more than I did, but it was boring at times. I was rooting for the main character and her happiness the entire time.

This book was definitely heavier than I had expected. It might only hit me as hard as it did because of how similar the main character and I are. There's mental abuse, homophobia, trash parents, PTSD, etc and I wasn't prepared for it.

It was still a good book and I am glad I read it because the story was important, but I think it could have been told differently to make it more effective.

✨ Millenialcore
✨ Bisexual main character
✨ Chosen family
✨ Second-chance romance
✨ Heavy topics

The author did a great job with the main character's thoughts and feelings. It's so hard to convey someone who is so closed-off, but yet wants someone to know and love every single part of her, but the author did it well.

I really liked the love interest in the book. He was almost too perfect and it made me skeptical about him almost the entire time, but that was just me overthinking it.

Overall, this was a good book with an important message.