Its a novel that I didn’t want to stop reading, but at the same time I also didn’t want it to end. The writing is sharp, and takes on a lot of contemporary issues with ease and careful responsibility.

I was excited to read this book, but unfortunately I just couldn't get into it. The pacing felt slow and it was hard for me to get invested. I would like to give this book a second chance since it hits on so many things I love, but I will likely do that via audiobook.

THIS BOOK!!! For a debut I’m blown away. Charlottes story felt so real. Facing your past and things that scare you most is not easy. I love that she’s taking back her life and following her heart in that she’s worth more than she thinks.

Oh this book was so much fun and it hit me quite hard. This contemporary romance story hits that spot that I seek where it provides depth of characters (main and side) while also exploring very difficult topics. In this book, Dawson does a wonderful job at portraying the cycles of abuse a person can get stuck in when it's all they've known. From parents homophobia, to emotionally abusive partners and bosses, this book shows how it can inhibit a person from knowing they deserve better from their families, friends, partners, and jobs.

This story is told form a 3rd person perspective, which scared me a bit because sometimes that makes it harder to connect with the inner world of the main character (in my experience). However, I think it does a great job at giving you the insight of how Charlotte felt throughout the book. On the other hand, I kept wishing I could get more insights on how Reese (mmc) or Jackie (bff) were feeling; even though it was 3rd person, it gave me the same vibes a 1st person pov gives me where all the insight comes from the main character and their perceptions of others. It still worked and conveyed the emotions it needed to, but I do wonder if fully committing to 1st person or exploring more of what a 3rd person pov could do for side characters would've benefit this story.

In summary, this one is for the queer kids with parent or partner-related trauma who don't know how to ask for help or they feel like they are so behind their peers. This book was fun, emotional, sexy, and sweet.

Side note: I LOVE that it didn't include an epilogue. The ending was perfect! Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this review copy.

The pace of this book is too slow for me. The opening felt like exposition with no real story, and I didn’t connect to the characters. DNF.

Thanks, NetGalley, for the ARC.

I enjoyed this book but wasn’t in love with it so I’m rating it a 3.5 rounded up to 4. I enjoyed the characters and really liked Reese. The boss & Aubrey were complete trash.

I think I might have listened to this too fast and didn’t give myself time to sit and fall in love with the characters.

I unfortunately resonated a lot with Charlotte’s relationship with Ben and how that can stick with you.

Read this if you liked Old Enough!

Thank you to NetGalley & PRH Audio for ARCs of this book 🫶🏻

I thought this book was okay. I wanted a little more from the story and characters. But I do love a messy post-college exploration of self

THIS BOOK!!! 🩷💜

If you enjoyed Old Enough by Haley Jakobson, I think you would really love this.

- millennial bisexual
- college reunion
- take-back-your-life story
- second chance romance
- friendships!!! + chosen family
- emotional abuse survivor (TW)

10/10 highly recommend! ⚡️

I loved Ella Dawson's writing style and her characters. I wish I could give it 4.5 stars instead of 4. I was hoping for an epilogue to really wrap up the story. I felt like there were a few loose ends that I expected a closing for. I'd love a follow-up romance exploring Charlotte and Reece and where Charlotte goes next. ORRRRR a book in the same universe that explores Nina and Jackie's new relationship.

2.5 stars

I am *ALL* for books that talk about mental health and trauma healing. And this book has an interesting cast of queer characters. However, the pacing was very slow and it was hard to connect with Charlotte. The first third of the book felt disconnected with jumping between past and present. It doesn't really feel like a romance, either.

I did appreciate the bi rep. Content warning for abusive relationship.

Thank you to NetGalley and publisher for the opportunity to read and review.

The way this book hurt my feelings… whew!

I cannot recommend this book enough to my fellow listless and burnt out girlies. This was so relatable and heartfelt and everything I’d want in a contemporary fiction book.

I loved it!

This book just wasn't for me. The plot is interesting, but overall, I felt the story dragged and I didn't like any of the characters. Some of the scenarios came across as corny, and I don't like anything corny-related. It's a real shame because I think this novel showed real potential but ultimately lacked excitement and depth. I needed more substance and stronger plotline. I think a lot of readers would enjoy this story, but the whole novel felt flat and lackluster for me. Such a disappointment.

A fantastic novel about finding yourself and finding love, BUT HOW ARE YOU REALLY was exactly what I needed as a burnt-out millennial approaching her ten-year college reunion (ick!). Speaking to nostalgia, past loves, and past trauma, BHAYR found its footing when allowing characters to bloom into their true selves. A wonderful story about realizing that love is a strength, not a weakness, be it romantic or platonic.

5⭐️

Life following graduation is not what Charlotte Thorn had hoped it would be. She went from dreams of being an artist with a tightknit group of queer friends who are more like a family, to being stuck in a dead end job as an admin assistant and is regularly verbally abused by her boss, has no desire to draw and has mostly lost contact with her friend group. She had no desire to go to her college reunion and spend a weekend on campus reliving her glory days, but her boss is a featured speaker and she was given no choice. That's what brings Reece Kreuger, the one who got away, back into her life. And while things are different, Charlotte's avoidant attachment style may ruin everything before she can have a second chance with Reece.

As a burnout bisexual with an avoidant attachment style, wow I felt seen in this book. Between Charlotte's PTSD from her last serious relationship with a narcissist, her strained relationship with her mother and her not trusting that the family she found for herself actually likes her everything was just very relatable. Going from a relationship where you were made to feel unlovable to one with someone who actually cares for you is a hard transition and the way Reece handled the entire situation was just heartwarming.

I liked the way that even when Charlotte pushed them away, her friend group handled Charlotte so well. Sometimes your friends need handled with kids gloves and sometimes they need tough love and I feel like all of Charlotte's friends walked that fine line perfectly. I loved that Charlotte finally realized that she had been working herself to the bone for a promotion that would never come and that she had gone from a narcissistic relationship with her ex to a narcissistic relationship with her boss and that she finally stood up for herself. I think Charlotte really found herself by the end and it was just very encouraging when you find that right found family they'll still be there while you find yourself!

Thank you Netgalley and Dutton for providing this ARC to me!

NetGalley provided me with an ARC of this novel, in return for an honest review… so shout out NetGalley! Thanks as always for leaving me with loads of cool things to read 😊

This book surprised me! In the beginning I felt like I didn’t love the characters that much, and it felt a bit surface level. I fully thought it was just going to be a cheesy romcom where a college reunion brings two people back together. Pleasantly surprised to say that this book actually covered some tough topics in a really beautiful and uplifting way.

Trigger warnings for talks of abuse and dealing with the PTSD that comes afterwards- this book hit home for me in a lot of ways. There were moments I was able to really identify with Charlotte. The way she self isolates to cope with tough situations, the harsh inner monologue depicting that everyone is upset with you all the time, and the inability to ask others for support or help. The author did such an excellent job of not only describing these feelings, but really fleshing out the damage that unstable parenting can unleash in an adults coping mechanisms. They also did such an impressive job of showcasing how easy it is to slip into multiple abusive relationships after being the victim to childhood abuse, while still providing a realistic uplifting outcome of how to move through that trauma. The character development was insane. Also this book is QUITE gay (despite the main romance being between a cis man and cis woman) Which I am always a fan of 😊

3 stars just because it took me a bit to get into, but I really felt that the overall message was beautiful and I would def recommend this book!

Thanks to Penguin for inviting me to read this title early!!!

I enjoyed this a ton more than I expected to! I was in a bit of a slump when I started reading it and I worried that this one would fall victim to it because at the beginning, I wasn't sold. It didn't hook me immediately but I'm really glad I kept going. This was a really tender and thoughtful exploration of trauma and the way it impacts everything around it like a ripple effect and how hard it is to break free from it.

The focus in this book is entirely on the characters and their dynamics--there's kind of a plot, sure, but it's so far behind what's actually interesting about the story. I'm older than Charlotte is, but we're still within the same age category and being in her head felt almost like a HIPAA violation because why did my therapist tell you all that, Ella? Apparently I've never had a unique experience ever.

The romance was so delightful and I loved following Charlotte through the weekend as she rediscovered herself and her friends and what everyone meant to each other. I also REALLY loved the incorporation of the color chart to reflect emotions; it made everything feel so vivid and really helped me put myself where Charlotte was emotionally.

Finally, the "conflict" within the romance was so fresh compared to almost every single other romance I've ever read. Trust me. It's good.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson was a very entertaining read and enjoyed my time with it. I loved, loved, loved the bi representation and always love it when I see that in books. The characters felt like real people, which is something I always appreciate it. But How Are You, Really does cover some serious topics and I wasn't really expecting it but I appreciated it. The writing was well done and I felt like it kept me hooked the entire time while reading it. Overall, a good book.

With a strong premise, the debut certainly has its shining moments. There’s a wonderfully queer and diverse cast of characters, the burnout millennial vibes are scarily accurate, and the ending climax and take down of a villain has me evil grinning.

That said, I found the main character, Charlotte, very exhausting. I think that in an effort to really drive home the burnout millennial angle, the author forgot to make Charlotte a meaningful or memorable character. She’s more of a symbol for millennial exhaustion and feeling like you didn’t meet those post college expectations. Being inside her head made me quickly run out of patience with her because time and again she refuses to do anything to address any one of her many problems and issues. She blows off her friends, she blows off work DMs too though, she’s hot and cold with her ex who she knows she left high and dry, she refuses to get help for her trauma. Personally I struggle with people who do nothing but complain and sadly that’s all Charlotte does.

While I thought the toxic and abusive relationship themes were handled respectfully, I did struggle to understand charlotte’s arc because she so steadfastly refuses anyone’s help yet clearly her trauma is still so crippling. It’s just like watching a car wreck but far too drawn out.

The romance element was fine though it felt more driven by sex and lust than actual intimacy. Everytime Charlotte would see the love interest she immediately reminisced about very graphic sexual events yet constantly brushed aside true affection and intimacy. It was jarring and didn’t execute well to make it seem like a really fleshed out and thought out romance.

Lastly, the pacing in general was very inconsistent. The first 30% features virtually no movement, just a loooooooot of talk about how shitty charlotte’s life is and her doing nothing about it. Then the middle starts to get a bit interesting as we dive deeper on Charlotte’s issues and trauma, but then it practically halts until the end.

Ultimately this felt like an ambitious debut with the focus split between the various emotional scars and backstory, and the main romance element. I do wish the romance was cut entirely to make charlotte and her arc really shine but I suspect the romance element was meant to make this appeal more. I’ve seen this marketed as a hockey romance which it certainly IS NOT. The love interest played hockey in college, and not even at a prestigious level to go pro. In the current timeline absolutely no one is an athlete. So all in all, I think the marketing sets readers up for the wrong impression.

thank you netgalley and dutton for the arc! this book was a bit of a heavier read than i anticipated- i do wish i had read some of the trigger warnings ahead of time, however the message of the book was great. it served as that oh so important reminder that it is okay to ask for help. this book was one i had to read in small bites so i didn’t overwhelmed myself with the story. i loved charlotte’s friends in the book and the way those friendships were portrayed, it was evident that they cared deeply about one another. they were a great support system to charlotte. i will say i wasn’t sure how i felt about charlotte at first, she started out a bit annoying with her woe is me nonsense however i did enjoy seeing her development throughout the book. i understand the struggles expressed with the feelings of being broken and unloved, those resonated with me a lot. she came a very long way from the start. i do always love the quality bisexual mc representation! what i almost loved even more was the fact this book did NOT have a miscommunication trope!! truly a massive win! i loved the chosen family and second chance lovers trope! this book was a solid read! for me i definitely had to be in the proper headspace and mood to read it but overall good!

Loved the characters and the bi representation and the sex scenes were fresh and tangy!
I also thought it was smart to place this in 2018, without the specter of Covid
The structure of the book didn't always work for me. We end up spending so much time in Charlotte's head in past and present, and the space between actual conversations and events stretched out too long at times.
Reminds me of a slightly less polished "Old Enough" - for a debut novel the voice is absolutely here though, and I think the next book will be tighter!

Review: But How Are You, Really By Ella Dawson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House for the opportunity to read this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

But How Are You, Really follows Charlotte, a 27 year old cis-gender woman as she attends her 5 year college reunion. She is reunited with a group of her good friends, has run-ins with 2 different ex-boyfriends, and is faced with the difficult reality that life after graduation isn’t living up to her expectations.

This book hit very close to home for me, as a 26 year old woman who is also struggling to juggle job security with the desire for a more fulfilling career path. I loved the LGBTQIA+ representation as well as Dawsons’s intentional focus on depicting safe and consensual sex acts. Dawson also built hot and steamy sexual tension between the two romantic leads in a way that felt authentic and not like instant lust.

This book contains triggers for those who have experienced abusive relationships, unhealthy work environments, panic attacks, loss of a parent, and absent/unsupportive parents. I had an emotional reaction to reading the parts of Charlotte’s story that had similarities to my past, partly because I felt very seen and represented in a way I hadn’t read before.

I can’t wait to read more from Ella Dawson in the future! But How Are You, Really will be published June 3rd 2024!