I Didn't Sign Up for This

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Humans are so complicated. I admire those who spend their career helping people dig deep and make positive changes.
Therapists aren't immune to any of the issues the rest of us may face. The author does a nice job of showing several couples, including her own with her husband, that have common issues in their personal lives and relationships, dig deep and help get on a better path for a happier life.

Thank you to NetGalley for providing this ARC in exchange for a review.

I love books about others' experiences in therapy. It helps provide insight into something that doesn't often come up in conversation and requires a lot of vulnerability if it does. I also love when books by therapists include their own stories about personal growth through therapy. This book did a great job of including multiple perspectives and situations providing a "something for everyone" reading experience. I don't have children, but I enjoyed reading about the shifts that happen in a marriage/partnership when coparenting is thrown into the mix.

I would definitely recommend this book for folks who are curious about couple's therapy, healing or working on their relationships, or just interested in a new perspective.

I’m a member of Dr. Tracey’s membership group, Be Connected. I was happy to read and review this ARC and provide an honest review.

In this boom Dr. Tracey covers much of the same material shared in the membership group. Her work is geared through a lens of relational attachment which I have found transformative. The book features stories of several couples with diverse concerns and relationships. She also includes herself and shares her personal relationship struggles after childbirth.

I’d recommend this book to anyone looking to grow in their relationship, particularly those struggling with attachments or the mental load. I think there is good advice here for almost any couple looking to build a stronger relationship.

Tracy Dalgleish's "I Didn't Sign Up for This" offers readers a compelling exploration of the complexities that arise within intimate relationships, particularly when faced with unforeseen challenges. Drawing from her extensive experience as a couples therapist, Dalgleish combines elements of memoir and self-help to shed light on the struggles couples encounter and the importance of healthy relationships, especially during times of societal stressors.

In an era marked by various external pressures, such as work demands, financial strain, and global uncertainties, the need for strong and nurturing relationships becomes increasingly vital. Dalgleish underscores this significance by sharing her personal journey as a therapist and a new mother. As she balances the joys of motherhood with the burden of increased domestic responsibilities, she finds herself echoing the very words spoken by her clients: "I didn't sign up for this." This pivotal realization becomes the catalyst for deeper self-reflection and a search for solutions to bridge the gaps within her own marriage.

Through the lens of her own experiences and intimate therapy sessions, Dalgleish delves into the fundamental issues that fuel conflicts in relationships. She fearlessly examines breakdowns in communication, lack of intimacy, and external stressors that strain the fabric of partnerships. By weaving together relatable stories of real-life couples, she provides readers with a rich tapestry of scenarios that allow for reflection and self-discovery.

"I Didn't Sign Up for This" goes beyond simply highlighting the challenges couples face; it offers practical tools and insights to help individuals establish and maintain healthier connections with their partners. Dalgleish's empathetic and non-judgmental approach allows readers to feel seen and understood, creating a safe space for introspection and growth. By addressing the universal struggle of showing up authentically in our relationships, Dalgleish invites readers to explore their own vulnerabilities and work towards fostering stronger emotional bonds.

In a time when societal stressors can take a toll on relationships, Dalgleish's book serves as a timely reminder of the importance of nurturing healthy connections. By providing relatable stories and actionable tools, she equips readers with the means to navigate the challenges of modern relationships. Whether readers are embarking on new relationships, juggling the complexities of a blended family, or navigating the demands of parenthood, "I Didn't Sign Up for This" offers valuable insights that will help individuals feel more connected and fulfilled in their intimate relationships.

In conclusion, Tracy Dalgleish's "I Didn't Sign Up for This" offers a compassionate and insightful exploration of the complexities inherent in intimate relationships. By sharing personal experiences and real-life therapy sessions, Dalgleish encourages readers to reflect on their own relationships and provides practical tools for fostering healthier connections. In a time when societal stressors can strain relationships, this book serves as a valuable resource for individuals seeking to navigate the challenges and cultivate fulfilling partnerships.

I loved this book! I highly recommend to anyone in a relationship honestly not even just marriage. I love the workbook feeling you get with each chapter and the stories and how she is able to teach you how to better handle the scenario then the take away you feel after just feels like I saved money on couples therapy. Absolutely loved it ❤️ do yourself a favor and get your self a copy.

I received a free ARC of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This book contains some valuable advice and insight into recognizing the emotional state and needs of your partner. Doctor Tracy seems especially interested in how our attachment styles and childhood experiences shape our romantic relationships.

The structure alternates between the stories of different couples that she has counseled (I'm not sure if these were entirely made-up characters, or true-to-the-word stories with names changed; the dialogue, at least, sometimes feels too convenient/edited to be exactly what real people would've said--but I do think having them respond "correctly" helps model what couples are supposed to learn from the book).

I didn't love the structure, mostly because I had trouble keeping up with which couple was which as I moved through the book. Who was it that admitted a secret affair? Which one was the dad who didn't help with the baby? I personally would've preferred that each couple's story be told beginning-to-end in one chapter. However, I appreciate what she was trying to do differently here, showing the struggling relationships at the start and the positive resolutions at the end. Had I been reading a paperback copy, rather than on my phone, it might've been easier to flip back to earlier chapters and remind myself of each couple's deal before delving into their next section. Taking notes would help, as well, but I'm not always in the right environment for note-taking when I'm reading.

Dr. Tracy includes a lot of her own thoughts and relationship struggles throughout the book, even in the chapters that are not specifically about her. It almost reads like a memoir, at times. While I do think this serves the purpose of making her look human and relatable to those with imperfect relationships, I also found myself getting frustrated with her. She would have arguments with her husband that, from my perspective, were mostly her fault (which she does acknowledge by the end). This was distracting to me, as she was communicating in ways that I already knew were harmful to her relationship, and it made me trust her insight less. That said, if I was someone who had the same struggles as her, maybe it would be helpful to relate to her. I just didn't relate.

She's very good about figuring out why her clients act or feel a certain way, but I found the book to be a little bit lacking in practical advice. I think this is due to the structure, as well, though. The last few chapters were where we get all of the solutions/happy couples, and by that point I was desperate for anything I could actually use. The end-of-chapter gray boxes came the closest to ongoing practical advice, but even these seemed to be more about understanding the source of your emotions than actually changing your reactions to your triggers. The understanding is an important step, but I guess I'm just past that--I need the step that tells me "here's what you tell yourself, or here's how to journal, etc. to keep you from spiraling into negativity about your relationship." Some readers might catch more of that advice than I did, though.

I Didn't Sign Up for This : A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships … Including Her Own. This is a very interesting book based on the author's own client case studies. It is her perspective and the advice she gives, and also how similar issues creep into her own marriage. It is brutally honest, and very relatable. The writing is very good and keeps you hooked on each case study. Very interesting, and would definitely be useful to any couple considering therapy, or just anyone looking for more insight or enrichment in their own relationship.

Dr Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist from Canada with over 15 years therapeutic experience, largely working with couples and with relationship counselling. Dr Dalgleish shares 5 different couples stories. 3 who are couples she sees both of, one person she sees on their own, and Dr Dalgleish shares her own martial and relationship difficulties and how she had to navigate this. Insightful and full of strategies that you can try at home, this book is insightful and helpful for the right people in the right contexts.

As a psychotherapist, I admit that I suffered as the author did in following the unraveling of her patients' stories, but even more I appreciated her telling along with them in the difficulties she herself encountered in her own relationship. I don't think I would have been as brave. Apart from that the stories can help people with the same difficulties and even more the psychological insights at the end of each chapter, so clear and well explained, can offer an additional point of view to the "layman."

Come psicoterapeuta ammetto di aver sofferto come l'autrice nel seguire il dipanarsi delle storie dei suoi pazienti, ma ancora di piú ho apprezzato il suo raccontarsi assieme a loro nelle difficoltà che lei stessa incontrava nella sua relazione di coppia. Io non credo sarei stata altrettanto coraggiosa. A parte questo le storie possono aiutare persone con le stesse difficoltà e ancor di piú gli insight psicologici alla fine di ogni capitolo, cosí chiari e ben spiegati, possono offrire un ulteriore punto di vista ai "profani".

I received from the Publisher a complimentary digital advanced review copy of the book in exchange for a honest review.

I'm a huge fan of books that delve into others' therapy experiences, as they offer unique insights that often remain hidden in everyday conversations. In a world where external pressures like work demands, financial stress, and global uncertainties seem to dominate, the value of strong and nurturing relationships cannot be overstated. In her book, Dalgleish beautifully highlights this importance through her unique perspective as both a therapist and a new mother. It takes a lot of vulnerability to discuss such matters, and that's what makes these books so special. Moreover, when therapists share their personal growth journeys through therapy, it adds an extra layer of depth and authenticity.

This book, in particular, excelled in providing diverse perspectives and situations, making it an enriching read for everyone. Even though I don't have children, I found the insights into how coparenting can impact a marriage or partnership quite fascinating. Through her personal experiences and insights, Dalgleish offers readers a heartfelt and relatable exploration of the intricacies of relationships and the power of understanding and communication. Her story serves as a poignant reminder of the need to nurture and strengthen our bonds with our loved ones amidst the myriad of challenges life throws our way. #IDidntSignUpForThis #NetGalley

Wow!!! I REALLY LOVE THIS BOOK! The author, Tracy, is so good at helping to discover the inner problems of a relationship and realizing EXACTLY what the REAL issues are! I SO relate to all of the stories that she portrays and wish I had this book many years ago. I’m on my 4th marriage and can see why I had difficulties in each of my relationships.
I am impressed by the fact that she uses her own relationship to demonstrate certain aspects of the psychological side of our relationships. I have the same problem as Greg does and it’s interesting that even though male and females have different agendas, we are all humans with similar characteristics. She gets “real” with us about her reactions to her husband that I found VERY refreshing!

I want to thank you for allowing me to read this book in advance. I feel VERY blessed to have this opportunity to work on the AWARE sections of your book. This is the first book that has ever helped me understand what I’m doing to MY relationships and the questions are bringing to light how I’M part of the problem, and the solution.

Ashley’s mom was just like mine and I could SO relate with her struggles. My father was there only physically but never emotionally, just like hers and my parents were divorced when I was 5 also.

Tracy indicates different doctors that influence the verbiage she introduces and examples of how it fits in with our lives. This book will benefit those with or without spouses. Anyone with a person with a relational relationship, this book is definitely designed to help.

I love getting an inside look at other people's relationships. it's my dream to be a fly on the wall during other people's therapy sessions so this book was so fun for me.

In "I Didn't Sign Up for This," Dr. Tracy Dalgleish takes readers on a captivating journey through the intricacies of relationships, blending her personal experiences and professional expertise to create an insightful and relatable read. With her unique blend of memoir and self-help, Dalgleish offers a rare glimpse into real therapy sessions and her own marriage, providing invaluable wisdom and guidance along the way.

As an acclaimed couples therapist, Dalgleish has spent years guiding couples through the complexities of their relationships. However, after becoming a mother and experiencing the shifts and challenges that come with parenthood, she finds herself echoing the very words she has heard from countless clients: "I didn't sign up for this." This realization propels her to delve deeper into the intricacies of human connection, unraveling the root causes of daily relationship conflicts and shedding light on the universal struggle for authenticity and fulfillment.

What sets this book apart is Dalgleish's unflinching honesty and heartfelt empathy. She fearlessly shares her own experiences, allowing readers to connect with her on a deeply personal level. By weaving her story alongside those of four diverse couples, Dalgleish offers a profound understanding of the complexities that can arise in relationships. It is through this combination of personal anecdotes and therapeutic insights that she provides practical tools and strategies for navigating challenges and fostering healthier connections.

I've always found the most impactful healers are the ones that are brave enough to show us a glimpse of their own vulnerability, their own humanity. I Didn't Sign Up For This may be part self-help and part memoir, but it is full of practicality, vulnerability, and validation. I highly recommend this to couples navigating the complexities of life beyond the honeymoon phase. Thank you to Dr. Tracy and to the publisher for an e-ARC of this book. I hope it reaches the hands of readers everywhere!

This was the most interesting nonfiction book I’ve read in a long time! I plan on reading it again in a couple years as there is so much great info here. It’s unusual in that the author borrows from not only her therapy clients but also her own marriage. Highly recommend to married people of all pages (and anyone who is in a long-term relationship).

I Didn’t Sign Up for This is part memoir, part self-help book written by a Canadian family therapist. “Dr. Tracy” created four struggling couples based on her real-life clients and common relationship difficulties that she sees in her practice. She also chronicles her own struggles as she juggles caring for a toddler while working full-time, and her desire to evenly share the household chores with her husband.

Each chapter shares an appointment with the couple and part of their backstory. Dr. Tracy explains to the reader what patterns each individual is following and then teaches us how to break that script. She tells the reader what she wants to say to the patient and then what she actually says, because she often has to be gentle and lead the client to a conclusion. She provides brief summaries of researchers’ work and references to their books, which is helpful if a reader is interested in a particular topic. The end of each chapter includes a short discussion guide and exercises.

Dr. Tracy was sometimes surprised when she discovered that an unhappy patient had a secret way of dealing with their resentment towards their partner, such as infidelity or a secret credit card. I wanted to tell the overwhelmed mothers to hire a cleaning service and get take-out for dinner. There are many good lessons in this easy-to-read book. I found I Didn’t Sign Up for This to be very informative and useful, although I recommend reading it on a tablet or getting a paper copy.

I received an advance review copy (ARC) from NetGalley and PESI Publishing for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

This is the first relationship book I have ever read (and I’ve read a lot!) that acknowledges the realities and stresses of day-to-day living AND the legacy of our parents in a way that honors and accepts rather than blaming. She understands the challenge of getting individual needs met while being in a relationship which can sometimes feel like being Sisyphus. I found myself relating, laughing and for the first time understanding why we have the same old fight and why certain seemingly innocuous things cause a full blown fight. She is not only a therapist she is right there with us, sharing of her own marriage and how challenging it can be for ANYONE therapist or not.

I received a free e-arc of this book through Netgalley. My degree is in Community Counseling so I'm drawn towards books on therapy even if I no longer work in the field. This book is full of examples of couples in tough relationships as well as the therapist's own relationship issues. I recommend this to anyone who has been married, in a long-term relationship or is thinking about it. People sometimes think planning a wedding is stressful, but the success of your relationship requires dealing with your own unmet needs from childhood.

I Didn't Sign Up For This by Tracy Dalgleish, CPsych is a well written self help style book that covers personal experiences by the author as well as those from her 17 years of experience as a clinical psychologist. This book is designed for married couples and non married couples alike..

It is one of the best books I have read for couples. As a single person I also found some benefits and new ways to look at future relationships. Though it's not directed to singles it's not a bad book.

A helpful resource for couples based on the author's personal experiences and 17 year career as a therapist. Even if your marriage is solid and strong, this book may serve to provide talking points to help you stay on track. This is the type of self help book that I can see myself recommending to people to purchase a copy of, to re-read at a later time with a pen a highlighter to note pertinent sections, and fully get all they can from it. Definitely will be worth it to them in the long run. Highly recommend.

I thank the author, publisher and Net Galley for my ARC of this book.

I wasn't sure what I was expecting to get out of this book when I started it. I wasn't sure if this was a book more for therapists to read to help them for therapy for for those who are thinking of going through therapy or just anyone who is in a relationship in general. After reading this I think its a perfect book for anyone. I personally decided to read it because this year my goal is to better myself and strengthen my marriage. Not saying my husband and I need couples therapy but as someone who goes to individual therapy and thinks that it helps so much even during times that I am not struggling, that maybe every couple should attend couples therapy at some time. I enjoyed this book. I saw things in myself throughout and saw things in my husband throughout. Good things and bad things. Things we can both work on and things that we already do and I was proud that we do them and thought "Hey, we are already working on us and don't even realize it!" After i was most of the way through the book I decided I will eventually be buying this book and reading again and hopefully working through some of the assignments with my husband. I don't think I have ever read a self help book and thought hey I need a highlighter, a notebook, and a partner! I am just your average gal so therapists may read this and not agree or other people may not see the same but to a simple adult in a relationship I enjoyed the book and got some good insight I will and can use in the future.

I loved reading about different point of views and learning from people's experiences. It helped me personally learn and open my perspective.

"I Didn't Sign Up for This" by Tracy Dalgleish, CPsych, is a compassionate and insightful guide to navigating the unexpected challenges of parenthood. Dalgleish combines her professional expertise with personal anecdotes, offering practical advice and emotional support. The book delves into the uncharted territories of parenting, addressing the highs and lows with empathy. Dalgleish's writing is accessible, creating a safe space for parents to embrace the uncertainties and seek resilience. "I Didn't Sign Up for This" is an invaluable resource, fostering a sense of community and understanding for parents facing the unpredictable journey of raising children.

This book really hit home for me, as a mother of 3 young children. I think this book is an excellent read for parents who have married someone wonderful and involved, yet who you might struggle communicating with once the complexity of parenthood sets in. I’ve learned practical phrases and conversation starters to have with my partner thanks to this book, and I love that this book really helps us question our thinking when in moments of stress - we DID sign up for this, and here is how to navigate it together.

Consisting of both professional advice and personal experiences, "I Didn't Sign Up for This" by Tracy Dalgleish is a masterclass in understanding the common pitfalls and miscommunications between couples in their marriage. As someone who is currently struggling in my marriage and attending therapy, this book helped me realize exactly what my partner may be going through. Delivered in a non-partisan, professional matter Dalgleish is able to provide valuable information without blaming either partner. She does a fabulous job in explaining the reasonings and purpose behind seemingly toxic and/or frustrating behaviors in relationships.

Each chapter finishes with prompts to create an interactive, self-help experience. I especially appreciated the section on setting boundaries in relationships and the differences between rigid, healthy, and porous boundaries. As a "recovering people pleaser", boundaries have been hard for me to establish and the work suggested at the end of this section is helping tremendously.

Paired with examples and experiences from her own marriage, the author also explains that even couples therapists can have marital difficulty. I resonated with her acknowledgment for her need of control and order and how that also affected her personal life. Speaking to "imposter syndrome" and how struggling with something personally when your literal job is to help people with the same issues is cathartic and reassuring, especially in the career I am in.

Overall, I recommend this book to any married couple, regardless of the current status of their marriage. I feel that if I were able to better understand what my partner is feeling as well as being able to communicate my own feelings, we would have been in a much better place from the beginning. Easy to read and digest, "I Didn't Sign Up for This" validates the stumbles and imperfect beauty of committing to another adult and I will revisit this work regularly.

*Thank you to the author and PESI Publishing, Inc. for an advance reader's copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and sentiments are my own.*

We all can use a little help with our relationships. Even therapists? Yes.

This book shows that even therapists need to take their own advice in their relationships. Dr. Tracy brilliantly guides us back and forth between the stories of four couples in her therapy practice and how they interconnect with problems in her own partnership.

She writes,

“I’ve been a human a lot longer than I’ve been a therapist. . . . Even for therapists, knowing better and doing better are two vastly different things.”

If you’d like a true behind-the-scenes look at therapy—plus get advice for your own partnerships—I highly recommend this book. It's full of helpful insights that you can put into practice immediately.

Some favorite passages:

"When we accept that the only thing certain in life is that things will change, we open ourselves up to experience greater meaning and joy."

"I consistently come back to a few key ingredients that we need in our relationship to help us build healthy interdependence. I call them the four C’s: compassion, curiosity, connection, and collaboration."

"Avoid saying 'You need to' (e.g., be compassionate, listen better). Instead, start with 'I need' (e.g., compassion, to be heard)."

"Here are some ideas to practice getting really curious with your partner. • Each day, try asking, 'Tell me more about that.' • If your partner expresses a desire, ask them questions about what makes them long for that desire or what is exciting about the idea for them. • When your partner makes a decision, ask them how they felt it went (rather than telling them how it went)."

I highly recommend this book. My thanks to NetGalley and PESI Publishing for the review copy.

Wow. Dr. Tracy Dalgleish really nailed this book. As a fellow therapist, I highly value books that are educational and applicable to the everyday person. I would consider this book as an invaluable client resource. I see clients individually and am frequently asked about book recommendations when it comes to couples counseling. This is now at the top of my list. Dr. Tracy not only provides real and relatable case studies, but also examines her own experiences in marriage and as a woman in the postpartum period. Her vulnerability is so wonderful. Also - therapists are regular people with problems too!

I appreciate Dr. Tracy's differentiation between clinical terms and some popular terms that have now become used in everyday vernacular (i.e. narcissist or gaslighting). She explains some of the concepts therapists use in easy to understand ways, while also giving readers a chance to explore their own experiences and selves at the end of each chapter. This book is enjoyable in so many ways. It is easy to understand, yet so rich in information. I would highly recommend this book to anyone in a relationship. Every reader will gain something from 'I Didn't Sign Up for This.'

Thank you to PESI Publishing and NetGalley for an ARC of this book! This book took me a bit longer to finish than usual, but it was because I made so many highlights of useful gems.

I Didn't Sign Up for This by Tracy Dalgleish, is a captivating book about couple's therapy. This is a book, I intend to purchase and re-read. Dr. Tracy does an excellent job of providing insightful examples and stories that are more than relatable. I found myself reading each chapter and learning something new.

This book blends self-help with a personal memoir. The fact that Dr. Tracy also includes her own examples and experiences, makes the book stand out among other similar books. I felt as though I was having a conversation with Dr. Tracy and perhaps even sitting on a couch during the therapy sessions of the various different couples. Being relatable and showing that even she doesn't have perfect relationships is very well played in this book. I would recommend this book to almost anyone as it has a number of learning opportunities throughout the book. Relationships are complicated and she boils it down to manageable bite-size points to take away after reading a chapter.

I found myself reading a chapter at a time and wanting to reflect on each chapter and what it taught me - about myself and about others.  


Thank you #NetGalley for the advanced copy of this book to read and provide an opinion on.

I really liked "I Didn't Sign Up for This" by Tracy Dalgleish. It had interesting examples and helpful information to help in any marriage or other relationships. I recommend taking notes as you read and reviewing them.

I Didn’t Sign Up for This is an approachable how-to guide to building stronger relationships. Told from the therapist’s perspective, the book follows several couples in therapy, including new parents, a blended family, and even Dr. Tracy’s experiences within her marriage, all of whom struggle with similar issues.

She encourages her patients to speak more openly, to be more vulnerable with their partners, and to accept their partner’s vulnerability. She focuses on addressing core emotions and recognizing past traumas like unmet needs in childhood that can inform our perception of our partner’s words and actions.

It is a perfect book for even happy couples to help open up discussions about needs and wants and to encourage the expression of gratitude for things our partners do well. Recommended for anyone looking to improve their communications at home.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for an Advance Reader Copy.

It is not often that I have the “I cannot put this book down” feeling with a non-fiction read, but Dr. Tracy Dalgleish’s “I Didn’t Sign Up For This” had me unable to walk away from this book.

As a mother of two young kids navigating raising two babies with my best friend, who I love and also can get so mad at, I saw myself in many of her clients and her own stories. I loved that she told her own story and wove some of her challenges in relationships with those of her clients. I love that it achieved what she spoke about in the beginning: by telling these stories, she normalized that all relationships are hard. We each bring our past experiences and traumas to our future relationships. I felt less alone. I felt heard. I felt seen.

Because of the reflections and questions she posed at the end of each chapter, I was able to work though a few of my own childhood experiences that I didn’t even realize were still impacting my relationships today.

Thank you Dr. Dalgleish for the amazing read, for sharing your expertise and writing this book. I will be sure to read any future books you write.

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced review copy. I plan to reread this one- it was that good!