My favorite so far in this series… hands down!

The All Saints series is one of three of A.M. Arthur’s series that have common threads. I love it when a series brings characters from previous books back. Especially when characters are as ‘broken’ as some of Arthur’s. It’s nice to check up on them. 😉 These books take things even further by keeping readers in touch with not only characters from the current series, but with characters from past series. It seemed like As I Am had even more ‘cameos’ than most, but I’m not complaining. ❤

I’m also pretty sure that Taz and Will might also come close to being the most broken couple that I’ve read in a while. Both of their back stories were heart breaking, but they were individually stronger than they gave themselves credit for. I ended up admiring them both for their courage. They had set backs and revelations were revealed that could have easily crushed them… and almost did. They held on though and learned to trust, not only each other, but people outside their tight inner circle. That circle expanded to include several supporting characters that readers had already met. As I Am made me fall in love with some of them all over again.

I’m pretty much caught up on the books in the series that are set in Wilmington, but I still have a few to go. If you want to read a few of A.M. Arthur’s thoughts on her Belonging, Restoration and All Saints series, you can visit her website. It kinda makes me want to start from the beginning 😉

*Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure in hopes of an unbiased opinion, a review was not a requirement.*

As I Am is Book 3 in A.M. Arthur's All Saints series.  This book can be read on its own, but you should really read the previous books just to enjoy seeing broken men finding their happily ever afters!  Out of all the books in the series, this one is emotionally harder to read as both men are severely damaged individuals and then combining those damages together is a lot.  It's still a beautiful story, but it was emotionally exhausting to read.

Will is 19 and living in a halfway house, trying to find his "normal".  Will had an extremely abusive childhood, where he was sold by his mother for drugs.  He struggles with every day life and interactions with others, and finds himself hooking up as a way to get some form of touch in his life.  He works hard to make it through every day, and really has a great support system with the halfway house, his therapist, and a former foster mother.  In an effort to interact with others, but to keep his promise of not having hookups, he joins internet chat rooms and has made a friend that he connects with.  One day he suggests to Taz that they meet in person, in a public place to have lunch together.

Taz panics at the thought of meeting Will, the reaction he will get to his scar, and the chance of losing the one friend he has made.  Taz is a little older than Will but is a recluse due to his physical scars.  When he was in college, he was attacked for dating a man and was left with severe emotional and physical scars.  Whenever he would go in public, people would stare at his scars and he walled himself up in his apartment away from everyone.  His long lost father came into his life while hospitalized and he's helped get Taz a job working from his home and brings anything Taz needs to him.  But, Taz really wants to meet Will and despite his panic attacks, goes to the park.  

The men form a relationship despite all their issues and are able to understand what the other is going through.  They really do form a relationship, with the sexual side of it coming later in their relationship which may have been the most mature decision made by two young, immature men.  Once they get together, things are not any easier for them.  There's a lot of misunderstandings and lack of communication between the two, but that could be caused by their young side.  Plus, there's the added issues when someone from Will's past comes back and it turns out that Taz's father is not who he seems.  

I don't read a lot of emotionally heavy books, and this book is definitely that.  Overall, I think it's a great story of two young men maturing and finding a support neither ever expected to have, but it takes a lot to get to that place.  

Rating:  4 stars

4 Stars!!!

As I Am is book 3 in the All Saints series and can be read as a standalone, but really the previous books are really good so you'll missing out if you don't read them at some point. 

Will is healing and getting past some of the awful things he had to live through in the past five years with the help of his therapist, even if he still suffers from panic attacks every once in a while. After meeting Taz online, who suffers from PTSD, he thinks he might have found a kindred spirit and finally meeting him in person only cements that fact. 

Taz has barely left his apartment ever since one of his wrestling teammates threw acid to his face when he came out as bisexual, but something about Will makes him want to try. They are both broken, but somehow together they are stronger and the chemistry between them is undeniable. There are a few things that might put a damper on their growing relationship, though.

I loved both Will and Taz, they were flawed, broken characters that had gone through so much already. My heart broke with each new revelation, but at the same time, I loved seeing how perfect they were for each other and how much they helped the other with their issues. They gave each other strength, unconditional love and someone to rely on. That's not to say they didn't have problems, because they did. They were so young and immature in some senses, miscommunication, a surprising reveal regarding Taz' father and their own ghosts being obstacles in their course, but I adored that they were willing to work through things and make it better. Taz, especially, won me over by how sweet and caring he was with Will and how he always tried to reassure him of his unwavering feelings, no matter what Will told him of his past.

This book was hard to read, it deals with abuse, PTSD and anxiety, but it does it in a sensitive and informed manner. A.M. Arthur did a fantastic job bringing Will and Taz alive for me, making me care for them and rejoice in their small victories. It was nice seeing characters from other books from this author featured in this one, they gave depth to the story, by accepting Will and Taz into their fold. As I Am was well-written and the progression was realistic and believable, all things considered. Very recommendable!

*** Copy provided to the reviewer via NetGalley for my reading pleasure, a review wasn't a requirement. ***

Another book that ripped my heart out.

As I Am is the third book in the All Saints series but it stands alone just fine.  I've read all of the All Saints books and they are wonderful and I highly recommend them.

Will Madden has suffered more trauma, physical and emotional, than I could ever imagine.  I know bad things happen in this world but what happened to him is just unbelievable to me.  I don't want say any more about it – I don't do spoilers – you need to read the book.

Thomas (Taz) Zachary also suffered physically and emotionally when he was attacked because he came out as bi to his friends.  He's pretty much a hermit and unwilling to leave his house.  Both Will and Taz suffer from PTSD and their understanding of each other's problems almost instantly creates a strong bond between the two.  

This was such a hard book to read in some ways but it was also inspiring to read how these two young people work hard to confront their personal demons.  This story contains a mystery and suspense along with a twist that I didn't see coming.

Characters from Ms. Arthur's previous Carina Press series – Belonging and Restoration – make appearances in As I Am.  Readers of those series will be sure to enjoy seeing more of them in this book.  I haven't read them yet but they are in my TBR pile.

Readers should be aware that this book discusses acts of sexual and physical abuse. 

A review copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley but this did not influence my opinion or rating of the book.

Possible triggers include: Statutory rape, coerced child prostitution, drug abuse, child abuse/neglect and assault.

I, like many others have waited patiently for Will’s story to be written. From the first time he appeared so fragile and distant in book one of the All Saint's Series, Come What May. With my interests peaked I needed to know more about this lonely boy named Will. Then I had an "ah ha" moment. I realized that the Will from this book is in fact the same Will from Getting it Right, another book by A.M. Arthur. I really liked how well she intertwined both series; making it her own “universe” so to speak.

I swear, as this series progresses so does the amount of pain the two MC's go through. I mean, I knew something horrible happened to Will with how he has carried himself since book one, but I never thought it was to this extent. He's broken yet finds the strength within himself, with the help of his therapist, Dr. James Taggert (also in above said series), to start to reclaim his life. Then due to a no-sex rule by his therapist he meets Taz in an online chat room; of course not trolling for sex. After some time passes, they decide to take the step to meet one another. Taz, however has his own demons he fights daily. One moment he's an outgoing senior in college, kissing his boyfriend for the first time, after his wrestling team didn't win nationals. The next he's a recluse hiding from the danger and judgement of others that lurk outside his apartment. It only took a split second and an ignorant asshole to change his life forever.

Even though they both suffer from PTSD, their pasts affect their actions differently. Will is on the verge of sexual addiction (hence no-sex rule); though it took a lot of therapy and over three years for him to get to this critical/risky behavior (not saying this is a positive result). His mindset being he's the one taking control; making the choice to give his body, giving him the power. While Taz is the exact opposite, and is too afraid to let anyone near him, much less be intimate with them. Fearing that some other hate monger is out there waiting for him. Practically making him a born again virgin; since he hasn't been close to anyone in over two years. However, I really like how the author took the time with these two. It means more to Taz to have a friend, than to give into their desires which might only result in a one and done. By doing this one simple act, which at the time caused a lot of strife, is what makes them work IMO. 

As time passes, and their friendship turns into something more, they find their lives connected in ways they never would have imagined. This is where the main turmoil lies, and where the mystery part of the story starts to unfold. As usual, I don’t want to spoil the story for others and will leave it at that.

IMO the author does a great job with the realism of these characters, their lives and of course their HEA. In fact, there are no magical wands that can be waived; no Band-Aids to cure-all nor free them of their psychological confinements. What does happens though for both Taz and Will, are that small victories are slowly won each day. Because together they can do anything, and in the end they are who the other needs.

As I Am is the third book in the All Saints series. I recommend reading them all, because I think it's a great series, but each one focuses on a different couple so you're welcome to read whichever one most interests you. For As I Am, the book focuses on Will Madden - who we meet in previous books - and Taz Zachary.

These two meet in an online chat room where the goal is just to talk, not to arrange hookups. They find quick friends in one another as they both suffer from PTSD. Eventually, the two decide to meet each other and that's really when the story takes off. I thought the background behind each character's PTSD was done really well. It was obvious that the author wanted to show that while the two could help each other, they couldn't completely heal one another. Just being in a relationship wasn't going to make everything okay. They would still have panic attacks and need other things in their life to help them heal.

Both Will and Taz are easy to love. They aren't perfect by any means, but I like that. They felt like real characters who were unfortunately carrying a lot of baggage. Their baggage just happened to go together well enough.

This book has a bit of a mystery attached, which was exciting! It gave the book a suspenseful tone, along with the budding romance and delving into the characters' respective pasts. As I Am is definitely a good read - as are all the other All Saints books.

There were things I loved about this book. Both Will and Taz are strong characters. Arthur does a great job with their characterization. She captures their selves, their responses to their respective traumas, and their growth and healing journeys in a way that resonated with me. I love that she did not attempt any kind of “love heals all” ending for them regarding the things in their lives that led to their PTSD. Will is at times immature and impulsive: that worked for me, as he’s a 19 year old who has suffered intense trauma and neglect in his life. Without it, I feel like his story would lack  touch of realism.

The blurb promises a story about healing, building sexual chemistry and offers a glimpse that we’ll see these boys work through issues related to intimacy and sex. She does a good job of this, and I believed their chemistry. Awesome job with buildup between them. I didn’t feel like anything was cheated to get them anywhere in the story. They have many miscommunications stemming from making assumptions and jumping to conclusions. Again, based on their situations, upbringings etc. that made sense to me, even if it was frustrating. It’s supposed to be! Life and learning to communicate is frustrating. That kind of reality works for me in romance novels. Life is messy. Jude digs a taste of that in her novels.

I had two issues with the story. One was that from time to time we would experience time jumps or tiny moments would be referred to that we didn’t see. It’s not a huge issue, but I’m the kind of person that likes to see those moments if they function as any kind of important plot point.

The biggest issue I had with the problem is that there was a huge plot element to this story I didn’t see coming — I don’t want to spoil anyone — that wasn’t my cup of tea. It’s sort of hinted at in the last line of the blurb, but I totally took that “demons of the past” as a reference to their trauma and PTSD. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with where the book went. It was just the kind of plot/story I don’t enjoy as much. This book addresses to many heavy issues, and the author did a great job with them. The additional plot line added a level of drama that tipped the book into the “too much drama” zone for me.

That said, this is the kind of plot that readers may enjoy — a more dramatic, solve the “mystery” or plot twist kind of story. If you don’t find the subject matter triggering, you’ll probably enjoy this book.

Third in series, Will's story

I've been dying to know Will's story since the first book in this series, I had a feeling it was going to be heartbreaking and I wasn't wrong. He's only 19 but he's had a lifetime of misery at the hands of his drug addict mother and is fighting to deal with everything that happened to him and make a life for himself.

Taz had a decent life until an attack by a bigot left him scarred and anxious about leaving his apartment and interacting with other people. They meet in an online chatroom and slowly get to know and trust each other. I love Will, he has fought hard to get where he is and continues to fight every day to hold on to what he has and is learning to accept help from and trust others. His trust in Taz is put to the test but he waits to hear Taz's side of things and accepts that Taz loves him and doesn't want to hurt him.

I'm a big fan of this series and loved the cameos of couples from previous books and series. Series that I plan on reading soon.

This book is a bold book, the storyline is not conventional and I’ll admit to at first not being sure this book was going to work. 

Will Madden has a past, he has a past that tortures him emotionally and despite having help to get through it, it is still incredibly difficult for him. There is no magic switch you can use to make the emotional scars no longer exist. This book has some dark elements incorporated so please be aware of potential triggers. 

Taz has a past too which hurt my heart, there are so many different facets of abuse referenced in this book which as a whole made this book very poignant and different. I really did think it was well written and well researched but it felt like at the same, these two characters were the ‘cure’ and that didn’t sit very well with me. In fact maybe cure was the wrong term but it didn’t work as well as I thought it would.

I think this book is just a matter of being the right kind of read for some people. It didn’t completely work for me but I’m sure it’ll work for others.

3.5 stars

I enjoyed this books just as I have the others in the series. I like Arthur's obvious compassion for humanity (in general) and her ability to portray vulnerable characters in a manner that inspires respect rather than pity. I liked both Will and Taz, and although I found it a little frustrating that Taz's struggles were minimized a bit (in my opinion), overall, their relationship seemed realistic and thoughtful and nicely portrayed. This would be 4+ stars (if I had the option), missing the five simply because of the slight inequality of Taz's position. (I also appreciate how Arthur brings in characters from the past books -- it's always good to see them again.)

Packs an emotional punch that will leave you with all the feels!

This is the third book in the All Saints series and if you've read the others you've met Will before. He was the shy assistant of Jonas' new boss (book 1). Actually there's some time period overlap and we see the charity fundraiser from book two in this but from Will's pov. Will has a horrible background and suffers from anxiety due to his traumatic childhood. As a result he rarely leaves his home and he relies on the internet for his socialization. He meets Taz in a chat room and the two men become online friends. As the story progresses they decide to meet in person and a relationship then develops.

I say this is every review I write of this author's work. I know going in to them they will be a bit over the top and filled with drama and angst. Sometimes I like that and I know exactly what I'm getting when I start one. And that's not a criticism.....I've read almost everything this author's written. This one though was too over the top for me. The two MC's were interesting and likable but their backgrounds were too much for me...too much drama....and the big plot twist towards the end was just too much. It was so completely unbelievable that it annoyed me a bit. 

I was kind of bummed with this. I enjoy this series and I liked seeing the characters from the first two books again (as well as some characters from this author's Restoration series) but overall this was just too much for me. By far my least favorite in this series. While this book is the third in this series it could be read as a standalone. 

**ARC provided through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.**

A beautiful story of two damaged souls who find one another and start healing together. I had high expectations about Will's story since he has been such a prominent side character in both this and the Belonging series. He and Taz were a great couple and I appreciated the fact that the author took their individual issues very seriously and didn't make falling in love the ultimate fix. A.M. Arthur knows how to bring out the waterworks and she was successful once again with As I Am.

These series are twisting and turning around on themselves. I actually love it. Will's story is traumatic, yes, but I appreciated that I could see how much he was trying to get better, and beat his demons. There were steps backwards, and forwards, each one helping him find his best self.

Taz is a better person with Will in his life. They suit each other. Once they start talking, and finding what sort of physical boundaries they need to set (what others they can break through), the story builds into a heart-warming romance.

Then there's the twisty element. I did see it coming, I must admit, but that didn't lessen the impact. The last section builds in intensity, and even though the plot threads may become a little too melodramatic, the boys' ways of coping, adapting, and accepting is really lovely.

I am being deliberating vague because it's best not to be spoiled.

Copy provided by Netgalley, read with thanks. Released February 13.

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ FOUR & 1/2 -STAR ✩ REVIEW ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ 

> > Judging a Book by it's Cover < < 
I love the gradient colors on the covers in this series, another wonderful addition, visually. 
Plain, easy to read title and author fonts. Synopsis sounds like it has the potential to be another deeply emotional story. 
> > Looking Deeper < < 
POV ~> Third-person.
WARNING: This story is about two broken young men that suffered sexual and/or physical abuse IN THEIR PAST. They both suffer PTSD, anxiety and depression as a result. This is a story of how they are TRYING to overcome their brutal pasts to LIVE again in the most normal way possible. They DO have flashbacks, they do have panic attacks. Their pasts ARE moderately detailed. May contain triggers for more sensitive readers. But, my gawd... if they are strong enough to make it though, I hope you can be as well, this is one that I hope you'd not want to miss!

* * * 
I've only read a handful of AM Arthur's books, so I was not familiar with all of the secondary characters (from BELONGING and RESTORATION series'), but recognized a few from previous All Saints books, if only by mention of name. Will was a minor secondary character that managed to catch many readers' attention early on. I noticed him in the background of Come What May, I believe, and he left a haunting impression on me. I am so very glad that Ms Arthur finally allowed him his story. 
I've read some broken characters before and love my flawed and imperfect lead roles, but Will broke my heart so many times in this one book. His past, the struggles.... and Taz! Taz's situation, while so very different, was no less traumatizing nor painful. Taz and Will were amazing together, so well-balanced for one another. I can honestly say, I was not sure where the plot was going to go with Peter. I mean, I was suspect of him but the plot did not go exactly how I'd thought it would. I loved so many of the secondary characters, they provided a rich, full and supportive cast. The story was dynamic, it had depth and tons of emotion. Fluidity was smooth, from start to finish. The conclusion was solid and satisfying, providing an implied HEA in a short fast-forward Epilogue. 
Overall, I love this author's ability to dig deep into her characters' personas and make the reader feel what they are feeling, the conveyances and portrayals are so very real and lasting. The series is incredible, and the secondary characters have made me realize that there are MANY more books from this author that I will NEED to read, not to better understand this story because it read strongly on it's own, but because the characters were so magnetic that I have to read their stories, too (particularly Romy's - and Ezra... he seems like a force of nature)! 
.
Rating: [R] ~ Score: 4.425 ~ Stars: 4 (4.5 if I could!)
==========================
⭐ ⭐ **** Disclosure of Material: I received a copy of this book from Netgalley and the Author/Publisher with the hope that I would voluntarily leave unbiased and unsolicited feedback. I was not asked, encouraged, or required to leave a review - nor was I compensated in any way. I am posting this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising". ***** ⭐ ⭐

As I Am is my least favorite book in this series so far. Both Will and Tax are very damaged characters who went through a LOT in their young lives. While I usually love damaged men in my books, having both main characters fighting so many demons is too overwhelming for me.

Will is a 19 year old boy who's proving that the TEEN part of his age means he's still a child. Having suffered sexual abuse and prostitution at the hands of his mother (yeah, that bitch sold his ass for money!!!), Will now struggles with his life on a daily basis and is as scared as a rabbit of any human interactions. Will doesn't like crowds and doesn't do too well when he has to work with other people, yet I found his character to be contradicting. Will is suffering of panic attacks at the simple thought of working with others, yet he's perfectly fine with a bunch of one night stands with strangers; no matter which way I scratch my head, it doesn't make any sense to me. Will is immature most of the time and childish sometimes, but I failed to see that old soul that most damaged characters seem to have.

Taz is several years older than Will and he's a total recluse. Having suffered and survived a horrific homophobic attack in his senior year of college, which left him physically and emotionally scarred, Taz now suffers from PTSD and agoraphobia. Meeting and befriending Will in a chat room is the best thing to happen to Taz, until Will decides he would love to meet Taz in person. 

Both Will and Taz make significant effort and compromises in order to make their friendship more real, but the genuine connection they have makes all the panic attacks and the flashbacks worth it. Tax and Will decide to ignore the chemistry between them in favor of deepening their friendship, an I thought that was the best decision ever, since I wasn't really feeling the insta-attraction. When they got around to the sexy parts I skipped the details, because I didn't find it hot at all.

This book would've scored somewhere around 3.5 stars if it wasn't for the immaturity of both Will and Taz. These two could definitely be gold medalists at jumping to conclusions, and the dramatic interpretation of any little thing made for a lot of eye-rolling on my part. Top that with all the drama and the "coincidences" between Will's past and Taz's present and I was done. 

My final rating is 2.5 dramatic stars (rounded to 3 because I'm feeling generous).

FINALLY!!!  Thank you, A.M. Arthur, for finally giving us Will's story!  This book was everything I hoped for and I was so glad to see Will get his happily ever after, while still addressing his issues in a realistic manner.  5/5 stars.

Copy from Netgalley

I have read and loved all the rest of this series, so when I got a chance to read this book I jumped at the chance. I really liked this story, liked that both characters where flawed and damaged, and had to find a way to come together in spite of these problems. I liked how they worked through them, even though sometimes it was 2 steps forwards and 3 steps back. I loved how both men understood what the other was going through as they had experience with it, but sometimes I just wanted a little more...grrrr between them! But thats just my thing...I love that conflict. ;) 
The story was well written and I got caught up in it like I did the other stories in this series.

Thanks to the acknowledgements in the back of the book I remembered reading about Will Madden when he had just started his therapy with Dr. James Taggert in Getting It Right. In book world time that was three years ago. Will is still seeing Dr. Taggert because sadly Will is still a wreck. The years and type of abuse that he suffered isn’t something that one can easily heal. Will is working hard for his health. His anxiety has him living at a halfway house now that he has aged out of foster care. The PTSD makes holding a job difficult. Will struggles. The one happy that Will has is the friend he has meet in a chat room. He knows that he needs real in the flesh friends but there is just something about Taz that has him looking forward to their internet chat times. 
Thomas Zachary knows all about social anxieties and PTSD. For the past two years Taz has hidden himself from the outside world. He has managed to find a job that allows him to work from home. His father does all the shopping and errand running for him. In all honesty Taz is so close to becoming a full-fledged agoraphobic. His own problems have prevented him from making any new friends since he relocated to Wilmington. He enjoys his daily online chats with Will. Taz is content with the life he is sort of living. All that changes when Will suggests they meet, in person. 
This is such a sweet love story. Taz and Will truly help each other in their healing process. They take baby steps in attempting to do normal dating things while battling the anxieties from their PTSD. They encourage the other to do more activities outside of their normal while offering any support the other could possibly need. They really did make a perfect yet unlikely match. 
I was overly pleased with having some page time with several of A.M.’s past happily ever afters. It’s always great to see how the couple is doing in the future. Brendan and Romy from Stand By You have a nice size chunk of page time with Taz and Will. In fact all of the couples from the Belonging series make some cameo appearances. 
As I Am EASILY works as a stand-alone book. I have not read any of the other books in the All Saints series. The couples from the previous books did not even have a large enough appearance to make me curious about them. I’m sure at some point I’ll go back and read them as I do love A.M. Arthur’s books.