This book didn't go in the direction I anticipated at all, but I quite enjoyed it. I learned quite a bit about Nigerian culture and recent history in a totally immersive way, as part of the story rather than a lot of yappy exposition. I definitely sympathized with Yejide more than Akin, but I guess that's natural as a woman (and maybe because it was also written by a woman). The subjects of fertility and fidelity are universal, and so while a lot will be culturally unfamiliar with Western readers, it still resonates. The characters are incredibly nuanced and substantial, which creates a vivid slice of life narrative. Adebayo also writes with surprising maturity for a young woman, which adds a lot. Probably I only gave this 3 stars instead of 4 because fertility isn't a subject that's of much personal interest to me, but it probably does deserve a 4! I will definitely read more by her!

Oh, this is a gem! Set against the backdrop of constant political upheaval in Nigeria, the book opens with Yejide, 14 years after she left her husband, preparing to go back for his father's funeral. Yejide and Akin met in college, fell in love, married, then struggled to have a child. Then Yejide had to deal with her mother-in-law's constant interference in her marriage, personal tragedies, and her husband's betrayal. Told in flashbacks, the true story of their marriage unfolds, one chapter at a time. There are so many unexpected, great moments in this book - I absolutely loved this, although the end was not quite as powerful as I expected. I also liked the look at everyday life and culture in Nigeria. Just a great and wonderfully well written book all around. Many thanks to NetGalley and Knopf Doubleday for allowing me to read an ARC. Highly recommend!

This book was such a powerful meditation on the idea of motherhood. And that ending punched me right in the gut.

"Stay with Me" by Ayobami Adebayo is an absolutely fabulous read!!! I was hooked from page one. The writing is so captivating that I felt was I reading poetry.. In addition to being a novel full of secrets, betrayals and love , it is also a novel that delves into customs and tradition of Nigeria that affect a modern woman in Nigeria and the political and social environment of this nation. So much was packed into this novel and yet it was a pleasure to read. I truly did not want to put the book down. I can not wait to read Ayobami's next book.

What is it like for a woman whose husband told her he wouldn't marry again to find her husband has betrayed her trust? What if you are unable to do something that your culture deems to be one of the major things that gives you value.
This book was intriguing and interesting, I was immediately hit with the cultural differences that impact women in this area. The story line kept me captive and there were so many secrets to uncover as we travel with this couple, their decisions and we find out what will happen next. This book made me explore and embrace how women in different countries live both similar and different lives. I also found myself asking what if I had been in her place. At the end of the story, there is so much to learn and appreciate about the writer and the story she shares. Review coming soon.

3.5 but not rounding up [as of now]. Can't quite put my finger on why I didnt like this book more [especially considering the reviews].

Nigeria, 1980s-2008. "Yejide and Akin have been married since they met and fell in love at university. Though many expected Akin to take several wives, he and Yejide have always agreed: polygamy is not for them." Four years later, and still childless, Funmi enters their lives as Akin's second wife--expected that she will get pregnant. It's complicated. And though a short book, it takes the story a long while to unfold all its twists and turns.

Because it's a polygamous society, there's a lot of family involvement. Both Yejide's and Akin's stepmothers have a role and/or a lot to say. Never very pleasant.

The novel is told from both Akin's and Yejide's perspectives. Rotates back and forth to gradually reveal heartache after heartache. There is much devastation in this story. Deceit especially becomes toxic--and there's a lot of it. Intense and bleak.

I enjoyed the cultural insights and became enmeshed in Yejide's dilemma [I sided with her more than Akin--but she wasnt necessarily blameless]. [One of her stepmothers has a stall in the marketplace.]

Nigeria's turbulent society also has a role--political changes and gangs. The novel shows the shifts from traditional to modern life.

Some of the language is quite lovely. There are some great descriptions of the minor character Iya Bolu--a hairdresser, as is Yejinde. But whereas Yejinde is lovely, Iya Bolu is slovenly.

I'd recommend, but not a rave.

Absolutely wonderful. This debut is like Fates and Furies in that it explores the lies, misunderstandings, and assumptions that affect a couple’s marriage, but Yejide and Akin are depicted in a gentler, more compassionate fashion. The issue of infertility particularly makes this book ideal for discussions.

Desperate to have a child, hopefully a son, a young Nigerian couple struggle to meet the expectations of family and society. The story reflects a culture in which a woman's role is seen as bearing a child for her husband in a society where multiple wives are acceptable, especially if the first wife has not had a child. A society where a mechanic or a doctor would prefer to speak to the husband rather than the wife, where family members have a good deal of influence in this couple's relationship. The struggle is compounded by the lengths to which Akin and Yejide go to and the desperation is reflected in some things that they do that made me not like either of them very much.

There were some twists that I wasn't expecting - maybe too many. I kept wondering what else can happen. Too many things - curves in the plot line , too many secrets. Maybe meant to depict the desperation, but for me they diluted some of broader themes that I at first thought were the substance of the book. It definitely is a learning experience shedding light on the volatile political situation of the times , the culture, the place of women, the importance of a son, of children in this society. While I loved the ending, overall the book is 3 stars for me. A good effort for a debut novel and I will watch for what Adebayo does in the future.


I received an advanced copy of this book from Knopf Doubleday through NetGalley.

I'm still not really sure what to make of this book. I was talking about it to a friend at work and even trying to explain all the nuances and plot points made it sound wonky. What starts as a slow-building novel about Nigerian culture and a marriage desperate for a child- ends with so many twists I can't even keep them all straight.

Akin & Yejide marry and instantly get pressure from Akin's family to bear an heir. Yejide struggles to come to terms with polygamy, and even hikes a mountain holding a goat to try to induce fertility for the sake of their family. And then let the pivots begin...

I appreciate the writing and the messages conveyed by the author. At times the writing was clunky and dense, while others were concise and moved along. There were many moments that I wanted to keep reading, and then some parts when I lost interest. I think I just may need more time to think on this one...

Was love enough to help Yejide and Akin weather the storms of life? Perhaps, if they were not subjected to family and societal pressures in Ilesa, Nigeria. Loving couple Yejide and Akin believed in their love, however, the cloud of childlessness weighed heavily on their shoulders after four years of marriage. Akin's mother Moomi, reminded him that as first son, he had the responsibility to leave a child behind upon his death. Moomi told Yejide that if she could not produce a child, she should not be called a woman. Societal standards like these caused both Yejide and Akin to implement strategies to produce the "necessary" child.

Yejide is a motherless child. Her mother died in childbirth giving her life. Her father had four current wives, but none were mothers to her, neglecting her and favoring their own children. Yejide wanted to mother a child that was totally hers. Akin had purchased a hair salon for her where she did hair weaving and hair plaiting. Despite loving her job, she would have given it up in a heartbeat. She was willing to travel to the Mountain of Jaw-Dropping Miracles, participate in fasting and rituals while Prophet Josiah and the faithful chanted and promised a successful pregnancy.

Moomi, Akin's mother decided that since Yejide could not have children, a second wife would be chosen for Akin. Akin installed new wife Funmi in her own apartment with plans to visit her on weekends. When Yejide was informed that a second marriage had taken place, she called her husband "a bloody bastard". Her rebellion took the form of cooking "old" beans when family members came to visit. Akin drove them home and later asked Yejide, "What did you feed them? I had to park by a bush....." on the way home.

Yejide, having no mother, no siblings, felt that Akin would leave her and she would be all alone in the world despite Akin's assurances of love. She needed to have a child before Funmi did to make sure Akin stayed with her.

Akin had secrets of his own. People spending time with him and discussing their business and personal thoughts never realized that he didn't show his hand. He kept to himself. Akin took many business trips to Lagos. Akin's brother, Moomi's "favorite son" Dotun lived there. When Dotun lost his job, he crashed at Akin and Yejide's dwelling in Ilesa. Akin paid Dotun's debts and allowed Dotun to stay until he could get back on his feet.

"Stay with Me" by Ayobami Adebayo was an excellent tome both heartfelt and harrowing. The choices made by the principal characters were drastic and mind-boggling with only occasional silver linings. A page turner and a must read.

Thank you Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group and Net Galley for the opportunity to read and review "Stay with Me".

Ayobami Adebayo’s Stay With Me tells the story of a young couple who are very much in love, Akin and Yegide. Unfortunately, after four years of marriage, she is still not pregnant and the family has pushed Akin into take a second wife. Yegide, growing up without her mother and terrorized by her four stepmothers had insisted before they married that Akin promise he would not take additional wives, but he betrayed her under family pressure.

Yegide is desperate for a child, not only does she need to conceive before the second wife, she needs a child to feel fulfilled as a woman. Motherhood is everything in her culture. Although they are Anglicans, Yegide tries folks remedies and magic and even experiences pseudocyesis, a phantom pregnancy. This drives her husband to a desperate act that brings them joy, sorrow, and destruction.

This is a couple with secrets, deep secrets they really needed to share with each other. Because they don’t, they suffer far more than they would otherwise. They never can seem to learn to talk to each other. They suffer so much sorrow because of this. I cried more than once, sad and frustrated by their failure to comfort each other and be honest despite their deep love.

Stay With Me is a deeply affecting book. The biological imperative to reproduce is universal. Every culture sees its future and its worth in its children. That this can be pathologized is also true across the world. For Yegibe, the in-law pressure, the social pressure causes her to suffer a phantom pregnancy. For Akin, the demands of masculinity prevent him from being honest with the person he loves most in the world and to set in motion a series of betrayals that will break your heart.

I have to say, Akin’s ultimate secret was not what I expected. I assumed something else and was shocked in the end, wondering at Yegibe’s own capacity for self-deception, as though she must have known, on one level, but just refused to countenance it. In the background, the national politics of Nigeria are playing out, the uncertainty and violence of coups and attempted coups in the background, sometimes affecting them even more directly.

I liked the story. I liked Yegibe and Akin. The story was well structured, going back and forth in time and narrative voice, carefully revealing bit by bit, drawing us deep into their lives, their love, their hope and their tragedy and their redemption, or maybe half-redemption. I am hopeful they will finally wise up, but we don’t know for sure which is as it should be.

Stay With Me will be published August 22nd. I received an e-galley from the publisher through NetGalley.

Stay With Me from Knopf Doubleday at Penguin Random House
Ayobami Adebayo author site

★★★★

Yejide and her husband Akin met and fell in love in college in the 1980’s in Nigeria. In their culture, most men have multiple wives, but Yejide made it clear to Akin that she wanted to be his one and only before they got married. Fast forward years into their relationship and despite everything Yejide has tried, she is still not pregnant and her family and Akin’s finds this to be a horrible thing since a woman (per their culture and traditions) is supposed to provide her husband with at least one son, if not multiple sons to carry on the family name. The pressure from the family weighs on Yejide and one morning she discovers family members and in-laws at her front door and they have brought with them a second wife for Akin, which the family hopes will become pregnant with a son for Akin. Yejide is devastated by this and the betrayal she feels when she finds out Akin already knew of their plans and went along with them. There are so many more twists and turns in this story that I don’t want to give away!

This book was hard for me to put down, I felt pulled into this storyline and the characters right away. It is an emotionally moving novel and my heart ached for Yejide. The story starts off in the future where Yejide hasn’t seen her husband for 14 years and is returning for Akin’s Father’s funeral and then shifts back to the past as the story walks you through the love, heartache, and despair of their relationship.

Very well written and is a fantastic first book by the author Ayobami Adebayo who is Nigerian. I received this book as an ARC for my honest review of it. More reviews can be found on my blog at www.apaigeinabookblog.wordpress.com

Stay With Me

My Review: 4.5 stars

Stay With Me deserves all the praise it’s getting and is deservedly on the shortlist for the Bailey’s Women’s Prize For Fiction. This book starts with a bang, right in the middle of Yejide and Akin’s life. We dive into the nontraditional love marriage this couple embarked on and see the raw pain that Yejide is feeling due to her inability to get pregnant. In a country where having children, most especially sons, is of major importance, she feels like a failure.

Enter Akin’s well-meaning yet intrusive family that brings with them the start of many twists and turns. Not often do books that aren’t in the mystery or thriller genre offer so many surprises. This is the author’s first novel and she has mastered the art of pacing with these plot wrenches. Although there is much despair and loads of untruths, there is also some light and humor that helps balance the sadness.

The story is told from the alternate point of views of Yejide and Akin. I can’t imagine it being told any other way. How each of these characters marinated on the same topic as they struggle with their issues was really eye opening. All the characters were uniquely drawn and realistically flawed.

Motherhood, being motherless, and the inability to be a mother are the main themes in this novel. The author’s nuggets of wisdom regarding mothering, marriage, family and love were plentiful. I must have highlighted and underlined half the book. These topics are sure to be a hit with book clubs.

I learned a lot about Nigeria and of course became curious about the Yoruba people. I can’t believe this is the author’s first novel. It’s a compact book that really packs a punch. I can’t wait to read more from her. Thanks to Netgalley and Knopf books for an early copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Quotes I liked:

The things that matter are inside me, locked up below my breast as though in a grave, a place of permanence, my coffin-like treasure chest.

When I first began reading Stay With Me, I wasn’t captivated (at first) but had heard so much about it and wanted to give it a chance. I wasn’t disappointed, this book changed from what I thought it was going to be about, it grabbed me by the throat! There is nothing more interesting than our cultural differences and too, the commonalities that are ever present, such as love and loss, family and the truth that all of us must face difficulties. When Yejide and Akin fell deeply in love at University, they both agreed that Akin would never take another wife, as is the custom. Akin knew from the moment he saw her, that she was all he needed, no other could be enough. Yejide has strong resentment towards polygamy, which comes to light through the stories of her past and her many ‘step-mothers’. With her womb empty of child, his family will not let go of their hunger for their eldest to produce grandchildren, harassing Yejide until Akin has no choice but to take a second wife. A child is how we live on, how dare she deny their beloved son his future! For me, quite a bit of hilarity ensues with the ‘jealousy’, there is no way Yejide will welcome this ‘sister’ with open arms. The things women the whole world over are forced to tolerate is shocking. I know American women will smirk, imagine in Yejide shoes they’d like to strangle Akin and his family- but we have different expectations. The old traditions get downright disturbing, I went from laughter to gut wrenching pain as I read further along, from watching Yejide wish a baby into existence to all the wretched tragedy that befalls each of her blessings. The glimpses into her own cold upbringing as a sort ‘orphan, outcast’ within a large Nigerian polygamous family ripped me to the core, human cruelty can be quiet, it doesn’t have to be physical. What is more painful than a child outside closed doors as life is bursting behind them, hungering for connection, spying stories from the outside? How can I help but think tradition isn’t always something to be preserved?

Akin’s mother, do you despise or pity her? This is how superstitions and ‘tradition’ poison the mind, detaching you from children as if when fate picks them off one by one you just ‘erase them’. There are politics within, but for me- this story is so incredibly rich about womanhood and motherhood. There is despair in searching for cures, be it foul herbs, rocking a goat as much as in hiding your shame and abusing someone’s naivety. This novel has so much betrayal, darkness, and lies but all for love, love is always at the core. Fear is the biggest character and fate is the mean god. Men don’t have it easy here either, what a mess everyone makes.

I want to write more about the climax, but it would ruin all the secrets- darn it! Why is everyone forced to betray each other and themselves? Why is a woman nothing without a child, why is she the one to blame? The writing is beautiful. “See, we are not asking you to stand up from your place in his life, we are just saying you should shift so that someone else can sit down.” Can you imagine, reader? Would you see red? Oh the dangerous intentions of family, the very unraveling of Yejide is laid at their feet. Yejide is broken on the rocks of destiny again and again.

This story is not focused as much on the ‘second wife’ as you think, she has her time but this book is about motherhood more than anything else, and love- love as salvation and destruction. This is a fantastic debut novel by Nigerian born Ayobami Adebayo, I certainly want to add her short story collection Spent Lives to my reading pile. This is not just beautifully written, but with keen intelligence. Yes, read it!

Publication Date: August 22, 2017

Knopf Doubleday Publishing

<b>Stay with Me</b> is set in Nigeria, spanning the years of a couple, Yejide, and Akin, from college in the eighties up to 2008, the later years of their marriage. Yejide and Akin fall in love instantly and that love takes precedence over long held cultural mores such as polygamy. Yejide is beautiful and agrees to marry Akin even though she has not completed her college degree. Akin becomes a very successful banker. Yejide loves to braid hair and eventually opens her salon. She is happy with this life.<br><br> First, the marriage is as perfect as their love is intense. After a few years when Yejide is still not pregnant, the extended family steps in and the pressure for Akin to take another wife becomes powerful and all consuming. Eventually, Akin and Yejide agree to a second wife, but one who will live separately and serve only as a conduit to children in the marriage.<br><br>Simultaneously, Nigeria is going through the throes of political upheaval that builds, over the years, to violent demonstrations.<br><br> The marriage suffers drastically, and it seems that nothing can save it. The heartache of watching these two young people suffer is a compelling narrative. As a reader pulled into their lives, I had to know if they would make it. How could they possibly recover from all the sadness?<br><br>Ayobami Adebayo weaves a rich story of love, family, culture, and country with examples of Nigerian songs, fables, stories, and love. I learned about a country I have never visited through her words. <b>Stay with Me</b> is a seriously compelling debut novel. I am sure this book will propel the author into the literary world with a secure place in the ranks of literary fiction.<br><br> Thank you to NetGalley, Ayobami Adebayo, and Knopf Publishing Group for the opportunity to read this novel.

As promised, I am providing a review on Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo. Stay With Me is the gripping literary novel that follows the story of Yejide and Akinyele and their marriage and ultimate dissolution throughout the years. To say this novel isn't interesting a moving would be a lie and those who have read know that "if a lie travels for twenty years, even a hundred years, it will take one day... for the truth to catch up with a lie."

Adebayo shifts narratives between Yejide, with her being primary, and Akin. Readers are allowed insight into what it feels to be them, what they are thinking, and to help better understand the choices they make as we travel the years with them. Initially we are introduced to a strong, University educated couple who have chosen monogamy in a country where polygamy reigns supreme. After Yejide has had no success with becoming pregnant, Akin's family forces him to marry a second wife. They believe if she bares a child it will call the babies waiting to be born of Yejide.

Of course this does not sit well with Yejide who has strong reservations about being a first wife, or being in a polygamous union. Her upbringing causes her to be weary of the lifestyle, rightfully so. I would love to go on and on but there are so many opportunities to spoil this novel for those who hope to read it. But... there are moments of awful sadness, hope, fear, and just plain old sadness again that make putting this novel down impossible.

So why the 3.5 stars (which I rounded up)? The star rating is due to the fact that some of the story just wasn't plausible. Even in the 80s, I felt some of the outcomes of the illnesses were used to play every sort of sympathy string possible. Yes, I felt every emotion along with Yejide but after awhile... I just couldn't muster the implausibility.

The characters in this story are given a depth that makes their story even more engrossing. I felt I knew Yejide and could understand her actions. Even Akin, although he didn't share the girth of the narrative, he was fully fleshed as well. Adebayo draws readers in with the art of good storytelling. My biggest gripe is that I felt there was a huge story line introduced involving thieves that never really got sealed up the way I would have liked.

Overall, what Stay With Me meant for me was to value my family, the hope that gets me through the day, and to be honest with myself and others. Ayobami Adebayo weaved an interesting tale that was poetically written. I truly felt that I knew Yejide and Akin. I would love to know how/if Yejide was able to piece together her life after the big reveal towards the end. This story will definitely stay with me for a long time to come.

Copy provided by Knopf Doubleday publishing via Netgalley

This broke my heart throughout. A terribly sad but good read.

Free from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Wow, what a heartbreaking story. I very much enjoyed this and will definitely recommend it to friends and colleagues!

Instantly pulled in by the emotional turbulence Yejide is dealing with. You feel her pain and heartbreak, betrayal cutting with the sharpest blade. Her plight and pressure upon herself as well as from outsiders is affecting. She is a character stealing your every ounce of sympathy and empathy.

Yejide faces an array of emotions towards her husband. Her adoration tested by lies and betrayal. Finding herself walking a emotional tightrope she never imagined.

Yejide and Akin desire children beyond measure. The narrative alternates perspectives demonstrating the strain and leaps each will take to forge a family. Akin stretches your imagination, uncomfortable decisions and choices made in desperation and want.

The story unravels slowly with precision possessing incredibly strong punctuated twists. The rawness of this marriage garners your interest with the turn of every page.

Nigeria's 1980's political turbulence sets the backdrop for this evocative and emotionally rousing glimpse of a couple facing challenges conceiving as well as cultural and familia pressure in regards to this easily assumed expectation and obligation.

Let me say outright that I love a lot of Nigerian fiction and learning the mores of a culture is infinitely fascinating to me. Adebayo knocked this out of the park for me. I read it in one sitting as I did not want to let go of the characters and the intense pain I felt sympathizing with the main character,Yejide.The characters were so well drawn, defined and vivid. Set in the 1980's through the 2000, we first find Yejide and Akin trying for 4 years to conceive a child without any success. Both were college educated and dismissive of the rules of polygamy that were accepted in their Yoruba culture. However, one day Akin's mother comes to their house with another wife that her husband has already secretly married. Yejide,hurt and desperate, feels she must get pregnant any cost but the cost turns out to be greater than any of them had anticipated. Lies and betrayal provide a common theme intertwined with the demands of traditional culture vs modernity. Along the way we witness the political background of coups and elections which form an undercurrent of unrest to individual daily lives. But it is this marriage, this seemingly wonderful marriage, whose love gets tested and tested that provide the poignancy to this outstanding novel.