Cover Image: Starfish

Starfish

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Member Reviews

This novel means so much to me. I had heard about it on social media, but at the same time I avoided all information on what this was about somehow thinking this was a fantasy novel along the way, but when I started reading and I got this heartfelt, emotional, and personal read I was floored. This book felt like it was speaking to me. Like it was written for me to open my eyes and to start to feel just that little bit more whole. Starfish is an absolutely gorgeous novel that is now my favorite read of 2017!

Kiko is an artist with social anxiety. However she is so much more then that. Within these pages she took steps forward and then some steps back and she lived and she breathed and thought deeply about life and what she wants for herself, and how she wants to see life. Kiko was so achingly human and she was so real you almost felt like you could touch her soul.

What hit me most was Kiko’s mother. A mother like my Grandmother who had adopted me when I was a baby. It is uncanny how much the words that Kiko’s mother said mirrored the words my own grandmother has told me so many times before. It is insane to think that the author could have captured the essence of the woman who had caused me so much pain in the pages of this story without even knowing it. It made me feel this story in my bones in a way that I have never felt a story before. It filled me with anger when the mother in this book said certain things and it filled me with my own brewing of things I always wanted to say to my own grandmother that were truths never gone to light. However, I have never felt such peace at the end of a story as this one and I never felt such healing, because this is a story for those who know what it is like to live with a starfish and who know that emotional abuse can cause just as many scars though they may always go unseen.

This book is like poetry to me, especially the descriptions of paintings Kiko creates at the end of each chapter. Those descriptions often gave me goosebumps. They showed most of all how Kiko felt on the inside and I don’t know how she made every emotion good or bad turn into something beautiful.

This book is about family and it is about discovering that beauty has more then one definition. It is about dreaming and chasing those dreams and being who you are unapologetically no matter what. This book is so many amazing things and by the end as Kiko is transformed so are you.

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But some people are just starfish - they need everyone to fill the roles that they assign.

Kiko's story is so tough to read at points - not only due to her childhood trauma, but also due to her struggles as a biracial young woman in a rural town. Her father is Japanese and her mother is white, and her mother has spent Kiko's entire life shaming her half-Asian appearance, name, and culture.
She once told me she wished she had given me and my brothers more "traditional" names because she was "kind of over the Japanese thing." You know, because being Asian is a trend or something.

On top of growing up with a narcissistic mother who has essentially ruined any chance at self-esteem Kiko ever had, she is also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and suffers from extreme social anxiety. As someone who has suffered from severe anxiety my entire life, Kiko's mental health struggles are portrayed in a way that I related so hard to.
Normal people don't need to prepare for social interactions. Normal people don't panic at the sight of strangers. Normal people don't want to cry because the plan they've processed in their head is suddenly not the plan that's going to happen.

While I will say that this book comes with serious trigger warnings for childhood sexual abuse, familiar abuse/neglect, and mental health illnesses, the story is simultaneously just as touching as it is heartbreaking. I spent the entire story rooting for Kiko because I wanted so badly to see her heal and move forward in life. Akemi drew such a beautiful story, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys YA contemporaries and is not going to be too upset by the aforementioned triggers.

While this book does also involve a romance subplot, I was pleased to find that it rarely felt like the forefront of the story; first and foremost, Starfish is the progression of an incredible young woman learning how to accept herself for the first time.

Thank you to Simon and Schuster for providing me with this ARC in exchange for an honest review!

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TW: emotional abuse by a parent, childhood sexual abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, racism.

I have to admit, reading some of this book was hard work because of how closely Kiko and her mother's relationship mirrors that one I had growing up. Being belittled, even when that person doesn't realize it and especially when they do, makes it difficult to survive sometimes. I had some flashbacks when Kiko's mother was being narcissitic and petty, reminding me of the past. I will say that as painful as those moments were, and I'd caution those with emotional abuse in their past when reading Starfish, Akemi Dawn Bowman wrote them very authentically.

It's easy to see the affect that Kiko's mother's treatment of her has on her everyday life, particularly one moment when she's at a fair with Jamie, a childhood friend. He's a photography major who's practicing and, when she looks at a picture he takes of her that night, all she can see is the things "wrong" with her face: the shape of her nose, the shade of her hair, etc. She can't not pick herself apart, even thinking about how it's no wonder her mother has been telling her she's going through a "funky" stage. These moments hurt and strike home with each page how badly things have gone in Kiko's past and present.

The relationship that develops between Kiko and Jaime was a good one in that a) it didn't feel like insta-love and b) it didn't magically make Kiko's problems go away. There have been some mental illness books and movies that make it seem like falling in love will make everything better, but Kiko doesn't do that. She actually recognizes, when she's with Jamie and considering the future that she's be really dependent on him because of how he makes her feel and, while she believes she might love him, doesn't want their love to be based on him taking care of her. It's a hard choice for her to make, but she makes the decision to take care of herself first. There's a RuPaul quote that's perfect for this moment, I think:

If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?


Things aren't magically better at the end with Kiko's mother either and that was a powerful statement because things don't always get better. You can try and reach out, but there are people that just can't be helped. I really felt for Kiko when she kept trying to reach out to her mother, trying to get her to care about Kiko and her art, hoping that maybe this time will be different. Being able to break away from a toxic environment like that can be insanely hard, but she does it and starts moving forward.

I was happy for the epilogue wherein there was more closure than I was expecting. It gives a glimpse into the life that Kiko is creating on her own now. Learning to accept help, learning to love herself, and recognizing that doing all that doesn't mean that her anxiety, the pressure she feels to please others and say sorry, will go away and that's okay. It's a one day at a time thing and she's taking those steps.

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A little slow to start, Starfish took my own self-confidence and rattled it around. Kiko has confidence issues and social anxiety that stem from a past trauma and an unloving, racist mother. So when she distances herself from her toxic home, she starts to find parts of herself in California, with the help of her childhood friend Jamie.

The romance subplot didn't draw me in (though usually I'm a sucker for friends to lovers romances) and any time there was romantic screen time, I felt like I just wanted to get a move on. I was mostly interested in Kiko's growth into a braver, more confident person.

The portrayal of anxiety was the best I've ever seen. I don't suffer from as intense social anxiety as Kiko, though I do have some milder form of social anxiety, but I know people whose anxiety is as bad as Kiko's. Bowman knew her stuff when she was portraying Kiko's anxiety and how people around her reacted to it, especially if those people didn't have anxiety themselves.

I loved watching Kiko grow as the story went on, and I resonated with a lot of her insecurities about beauty. I may never full understand how societal beauty standards affect girls of color, but as a fat girl myself, I've felt that pressure to look a certain way just to be seen as beautiful in a parent's eye. I've felt that hopelessness when I knew it wasn't something I could control and how my simply existing was a disappointment to some people.

I cried as Kiko made the realizations about herself and beauty and as she became this braver person because of her experiences. I couldn't put Starfish down and it changed my view on life.

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I'M NOT CRYING, YOU'RE CRYING.

If I could give this book more than 5 stars, I probably would. It was raw and beautiful, and I'm not sure I've ever shipped anyone as hard as I shipped Kiko and Jamie. I love them. I loved Kiko's growth and journey. And I especially love that a lot of the story is about Kiko trying to come to terms with her own identity. I needed this story when I was in high school, when I was trying to figure out who I was. I'm so happy this book exists.

Really, I am crying.

Thank you to the publisher and to NetGalley for the advanced reader copy in exchange for an honest review. Full review to come on my blog. I'll probably still be crying when I write it. ❤

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Kiko Himura has always had a hard time saying what she feels. With a mother that centers everything around herself and holds up traditionally pretty white girls as 'normal', it's no surprise that Kiko has never felt her round face and Asian features were 'pretty' or 'normal'. She's never really learned much about the Japanese side of her family either, since her mother never wanted it around, and her parents got divorced. Living in her small town has actually been kind of depressing.

Instead of the usual high school parties, Kiko loses herself in her art. She's been counting on getting into the art college of her dreams, Prism. When she gets a rejection letter, her world shatters.

When Kiko sees her old best friend and crush is back in town visiting, she makes a sudden decision to go back to California with him and look at art schools out there. She begins to figure out who she really is, instead of what others want her to be.

Starfish is Bowman's debut novel, and what a great debut! Starfish is a heartbreaking, beautiful work of art that hopefully means we'll be hearing much, much more from Bowman. This is a book you really shouldn't miss.

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If you were to ask me what piqued my interest about Starfish, my answer would be both the social anxiety representation and the Japanese representation. Kudos to the author, Akemi Dawn Bowman, because she wrote both themes well! (Well, the social anxiety at least- I can't personally speak for the Japanese rep, but to the best of my knowledge she wrote it well.)
The three main characters I felt strong emotions towards were Kiko, her mom, and Jamie.
Kiko's mom... aka, the worst mom I have ever encountered in a YA book. There is not one single good quality about her: she is a narcissistic, narrow minded, unfeeling character. Some of the things she did to Kiko and her brothers had risen my blood pressure while getting my blood boiling. When you feel such strong emotions toward a character, you know the author is doing his/her job successfully. Few characters have angered me like she did.
Kiko is just a beautiful little soul who I just wanna hug and reassure her how worthy and lovable she is. I relate on a personal level to the social anxiety she experiences which makes me even more sympathetic toward her. The fact that she finds her happy ending in the epilogue of the book will leave me satisfied for the rest of my life.
Jamie...oh, my heart. It has been a while since I had a book character crush, because lately the male characters in my book just have been annoying and incorrigible. However, if I had to pick a boy for my friend Kiko to love, it would be Jamie. He is gentle, dorky, goofy, handsome, and compassionate, I appreciated how the author depicted Jamie as a perfect guy for Kiko to date. He was always helpful and understanding of her anxiety. I want a real-life Jamie.
The plot itself was fairly fast=paced and kept me eagerly flipping each page, which is not a commonality in my reading. I grew connected with the characters and storyline enough that I never wanted to put the book down. The author had several upon several plot twists that kept me reading past my bedtime. (Again- not a commonality in my reading!)
This will be one of those books I will recommend to each and every reader out there, especially if they are interested in books centering around mental illness because this book depicts mental illness with a more positive outcome. Kiko works towards overcoming social anxiety and fully understands that the capability to "conquer" her fears is within herself. Even though Jamie is absolutely wonderful and helps Kiko, it is still within Kiko to live her best life. I personally belief this is something each and every person should understand.
The author does a beautiful job with the story telling in this novel and I look forward to reading more of her work! If you are looking for a riveting, fast-paced, and diverse read, this is the book for you.

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Wow. Just, wow. This book is everything. Is. Not has. Is. This book IS everything. This is the book I needed, well, let's just say twenty years ago, because that's a nice round number. Kiko Himura. Sigh. I want to hug her.

The writing is gorgeous. The imagery is insanely good. No matter where you're from, what you look like, how you're raised, I think most teenagers suffer the same range of insecurities--to vary degrees, of course. I think a lot of people suffer from the feeling that they're on the outside looking in, and I loved how well this book portrays that emotion.

I finished reading this around midnight and had to stop myself from barging into my daughter's room and waking her up so she could start reading RIGHT NOW.

All the feels. READ this book!

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Starfish has been on my radar for a long time. I first heard about it shortly after it was announced and was so excited because the main character, Kiko, has social anxiety. I fell in love with just about everything in this book and I desperately want this to be a very well-loved book among YA readers.

Let me first say that this book handles a lot of difficult topics. Kiko was sexually abused as a child, her mom is racist and emotionally abusive towards her children, and Kiko of course also deals with social anxiety. There’s also a character who attempts to commit suicide. It’s pretty obvious there’s a lot of stuff here that might be upsetting or triggering, so PLEASE be aware of that!

But if you can handle reading about these subjects, please, please, please pick up this book. Like I mentioned, I was originally interested in it because the main character, Kiko, has social anxiety and as a socially anxious person, I’m always looking for more books that talk about it or represent it in any way. Starfish did not disappoint at all. There were so many things about Kiko’s anxiety that were relatable. Plus, a lot of her anxiety is a result of her abusive mother and while I have a great mom, I could still relate because a lot of it was similar to a horrible (probably abusive) friendship from when I was a kid. There was just so much that I could relate to with her – the situations that make her uncomfortable, her aversion to confrontation, other people’s comments about her anxiety – I could go on forever. It was so comforting to read about a character that I had so much in common with. I have mixed feelings about how the improvements in her social anxiety happen towards the end of the book, but my thoughts on it are kind of a jumbled mess so I don’t really want to put them in my official review. The short version is: I loved that Kiko is shown taking a hold of her mental illness and consciously trying to make improvements to her mental health, but I’m not sure that the improvements we see in the book are entirely realistic. It seemed a little too easy for Kiko at times. But like I said, my thoughts on it are messy. If you’d like me to expand on that, please feel free to let me know and I’ll try to explain a bit better!

As I mentioned, Kiko’s mom is abusive. And man, she was infuriating to read about. While Kiko’s dad is Japanese, her mom is white and really racist! Her mom constantly points out that Kiko isn’t “beautiful” according to American/European beauty ideals and she discourages her children from exploring Japanese culture (movies, books, food, etc.). She’s also ridiculously self-centered. No matter what happens, she finds a way to make it about herself and how she’s somehow a victim. Oh and there’s also the lovely (THAT’S SARCASM BTW) fact that she doesn’t care that her brother sexually abused Kiko. In fact, she tells Kiko that she’s not sure she’s telling the truth and that she could just be making it up. Great, right?! She was just the worst and I wanted to personally fight her.

The best part of this book was seeing Kiko’s growth. As the story goes on, she tries to push herself out of her comfort zone and try new things, be more independent, etc. Because of her anxiety, it can be very difficult for her, but she does it anyway. She also learns that she needs to start sticking up for herself and that she shouldn’t have to sit there and take the crap from her mom just because she wants to avoid a fight. She realizes that she shouldn’t blame herself for her mother’s insecurities, problems, and faults. I loved seeing her learn these things and actually stick with it, too. She’s so brave, strong, and inspirational. I love her and am officially starting a #ProtectKiko group (even though she probably doesn’t need it because she’s badass, BUT I’M DOING IT ANYWAY because her mother sucks and she needs someone, okay?).

I was pleasantly surprised by how well-rounded the book was, too. Based on the synopsis, I thought it was going to focus pretty exclusively on Kiko’s budding romance with her childhood friend, Jamie. While that is a major storyline, I’d honestly say it kind of takes a back seat to Kiko’s self-acceptance and growth. That’s not to say the romance isn’t present, though. Their relationship was really cute and I loved that it was a friends to lovers romance because those are always super sweet. Jamie was a wonderfully real character, too. He tries his best to be supportive and understanding for Kiko (especially with her social anxiety), but he’s still flawed. There are times where he doesn’t understand what she’s going through or experiencing, times where he can be a little short-tempered, etc. I didn’t see this as a negative thing though because it just made him that much more real.

One last thing: I LOVED how much Starfish incorporated art. Kiko loves to draw and paint and Jamie is a photographer. Even though Kiko is rejected from her dream program/school, she doesn’t let that stop her; in fact, after she takes some time to work through her disappointment, it becomes motivation for her to work on her skills to become better than ever. She ends up with a mentor who helps her channel her emotions into her art and I loved seeing how much art means to her and helps her get through difficult times. Honestly, there were so many times when I was reading this that I wanted to work on my own art skills, even though I do not consider myself artistic at all.

Starfish is yet another fantastic new release this year and I really encourage you to pick it up, as long as you’ll be okay reading about all of the difficult subjects that come up. Kiko is not only relatable but inspiring and you’ll surely enjoy seeing how much she grows. I seriously cannot recommend this enough. If you like YA contemporary, this is a must-read.

Thank you to the publisher for providing me with an eARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

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Warning: This story does have abuse, sexual assault, and a suicide attempt.

To be honest, I didn't expect to like this story but maybe that's one of the reasons I loved it.
The writing style is beautiful and unique. It follows an artists named Kiko on her slow but sure journey to discovering who she is and what she wants out of life. Everything from familial relationships, her re-connection with a childhood best friend, abuse, the racism Kiko experiences, and anxiety creates a stunning, and painful, story that is easy to relate to.

Akemi's ability to write a story that held me captive was surprising and I can't imagine not coming back to reread this Kiko's story. There's something about it that moves me and it was 100% unexpected. I don't want to spoil anything. So, I'll recommend the heck out of it.

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*Thank you to Netgalley and Simon & Schuster (Simon Pulse) for allowing me to read and review this book before release*

Rating: 4/5 stars

Starfish is a beautiful story about a girl named Kiko, who struggles with social anxiety and a self-centered mother. The diverse representation in this book is lovely and shows the grittiness of Kiko’s relationships. Her passion is for art and she follows this passion by going to California with her best friend Jamie, where she is able to explore herself and her artwork more deeply. This book focuses on issues of sexual abuse (trigger warning here!), mental health and how important it is to look after yourself aka self-care.

I had heard about this book online and I was excited when I was approved! Kiko’s character is extremely ‘real’ and I felt for her throughout the entire book. One of my favorite elements of this book are the author’s portrayal of mental health as well as the progress Kiko makes throughout the book, as evidenced by what she draws/paints. Addressing the first part, Kiko struggles with social anxiety and speaking up for herself, and what she really thinks, in order to save others from harm. She doesn’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings, even those of her truly horrible mother. The author utilizes her inner thoughts by writing what Kiko wants to say and what she actually says. To me, this shows the reality of mental illness in that many try to hide it and pretend that they are okay, instead of speaking what they truly think. This doesn’t just speak to her anxiety, though: it speaks to her personality and how she was brought up to be a quiet, complacent girl. At the end of each chapter, there is a sentence or two in italics that describes what Kiko creates artistically after that chapter. I found this to be interesting because it showed her character development through another medium rather than simply words and I was able to visually picture these creations. Kiko was a fantastic character and I truly could feel my heart breaking at points for her. I related a lot to the thoughts she had about herself and her self-confidence level, which brought the character close-to-home for me. I think Jamie, her best friend in the story, complemented her so well. He was the exact opposite of what she had been taught her entire life and he truly liked her for who she was, much to the surprise of Kiko. This book does not focus on romance, though, and I liked that about it because there were much larger issues that were being tackled in this story.

I really couldn’t stand Kiko’s mother. That’s not knocking this book at all: I have known people in my own life who acted just like her and thought that this element was important to include. It related completely to Kiko’s character arc and taught a strong moral lesson as well. Kiko’s mentor at art school mentions something about her mother being a ‘starfish’, which means that she is someone who always needs to be the center of attention, with the starfish’s legs pointing to the middle of that center. This helped me to understand the title of the book and also relate it to my recent experiences. It hurt a little to think about that because, like Kiko, it was hard for me to admit that someone I was close to didn’t care about me and only about themselves. I think this metaphor is something that is honestly going to stick with me for a long time and the dynamic between Kiko and her mother was heartbreaking. I think, though, it is worth pointing out that the rawness of this book is what appealed to me once I finished it and it quickly became one of my favorites.

I would recommend this book to those who struggle with social anxiety because it has a very realistic depiction and shows what can be said by family/friend support, and also what shouldn’t be said. This book shows what happens when you say the wrong thing but also when you say the right thing.

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Starfish is a truly special book. But I do kind of regret requesting it. It’s not a bad book, it’s actually pretty good. Okay, it was great. But I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it just wasn’t written for me. Because it obviously wasn’t, but I like to be able to tell the people who will benefit the most from reading this book that they will probably adore it.



kiko’s japanese heritage being a source of pride journey is a big deal

And it’s awesome. At first it bothered me so much, that she’s so confused about how to feel about being divided in half. I live in my own home country so no has ever said ‘I don’t date girls like you’ to me referring to my race or nationality. I know how it feels to be the outsider because of other things about yourself you can’t change, so even though I couldn’t completely relate to her position, I got the gist of the anxiety she felt most of the time.

The thing is, it takes a special kind of confidence to say ‘I don’t give a flying fuck about what you think of me’ because we’re built to care.

So yes, I’m very happy about Kiko’s journey. Teens are allowed to be confused, to have doubts and ask themselves questions, and to have no idea about what will happen in the future.



on role models and abuse and adult figures

I hated Kiko’s mother with the passion of a thousand suns. Why doesn’t she support her? Why is she so self-centered? I think this is something I just could not connect with. My mother is difficult, and sometimes she doesn’t understand my dreams and the things I do, which angers us both, but it’s okay. Because I know very well that she always has my back, and in fact, she has made it clear plenty of times that should a man ever touch me or talk to me in a way I’m not confortable with, she’ll get a machete and start doing away with (relatively) important parts of male anatomy.

I’ve grown with that ingrained in my mind. So it came as a shock, as it always does when I read about this kind of mothers in literature, that Kiko’s mother would behave like that.

However, I’m glad Kiko found a positive role model to look up to. I think we all need someone we can emulate.



This is a short review I know, but I’ve tried to put my thoughs about this as eloquently as I could. I’m not a teen anymore, but this book resonated with that lonely, anxious girl that sometimes I still am, that all she longs for is to just belong somewhere, and finds her place in art, and in my case, stories.

I think that no matter your background, you’ll find a way to connect with this story, so I really do recommend you give it a shot.

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Starfish is an absolutely amazing debut that not only resonated with me on a deep level about the erasure of multi-racial culture, but also about a girl struggling to find her way and stand up for herself..

The absolute first thing that struck me about Starfish is the way that Bowman interrogates and subtly explores the racism and erasure of multi-racial experiences prevalent in today’s society. Kiko finds it difficult to fit into both American and Japanese culture – feeling shut out of both and unable to fulfill their standards of what a ‘valid’ identity would be. Her struggle manifests itself in a variety of different ways that not only include her brother’s embrace of Japanese representation, but also the ways her fellow students exclude her from certain identities.

But besides Bowman’s explorations of racism and erasure, Kiko is a phenomenal character. She is intelligent, soft-spoken, and struggling to find herself, her direction, and her inner voice. Her narrative style is engaging and moving. I could see myself in Kiko, not only because of her struggles regarding her multi-racial experiences, but also in her inability to speak her mind and to confront those who hurt her.

At times this is a heartbreaking book to read, because of the ways we so completely connect not only to the characters, but also to that feeling of being pushed aside, of being belittled, or of being ignored and in pain. But there’s also a hopefulness, an optimism, and resilience that bring you right back up. Bowman also explores themes of family: what is family? How do we form our families? And how do we be a part of them or leave them?

There were also a whole list of things I loved that were all about the little things: the typography or the drawings of sea creatures. Or in the way that there is so much discussion of art as a medium of expression and storytelling (give me all the artistic sketches please). But also the meaning of the title! These factors just integrate to produce such a phenomenal book.

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I read this in two hours on a Saturday morning. I started crying within the first few chapters and I Did. Not. Stop. As a Korean-American adoptee who has dealt with social anxiety and crippling low self-esteem my entire life, I honestly I don't know if I can accurately describe how much "Starfish" meant to me, but I'm going to do my best.

Kiko has always had a hard time with her identity due to the fact that she is half-Japanese—she doesn't feel completely accepted by white society, yet doesn't feel ready to embrace her Japanese heritage. Her parents are divorced, leaving her and two brothers with their narcissistic mother. Her only reprieve is her art, and her dream of attending the Prism art school in New York City. After her dreams are dashed, she's left to pick up the pieces, as well as deal with the reappearance of her childhood best friend, Jamie.

I cannot wait until this is published because I want to paint this place with quotes. I don't know if I've ever connected more with a written character than Kiko Himura. I grew up in mostly white Iowa and was almost always the odd duck out. This, in addition to my natural inclination to be self-deprecating, has led to me feeling inferior and ugly for being Asian. And I've felt this way my entire life. Reading Kiko's thoughts about herself, her eyes, her skin tone, was like taking a look at my diary.

I related to her family more than I like to admit. I have a parent who isn't quite as demeaning as Kiko's mother, but who had narcissistic tendencies and always managed to play the martyr and make you feel bad about things that weren't your fault. Kiko's struggle to reconcile her behavior with the fact that she is her mother and she loves her, made me think a lot about my family dynamics.

Her relationship with Jamie made my poor little heart so happy. As kids, we don't see colors. Kids are just kids. Friends are just friends. And Jamie leaving when she started realizing that she looked different just reinforced Kiko's belief that there is something wrong with her Asian features. My love life is practically nonexistent, partly because it's never been a priority for me, but also because one of my deepest fears is being rejected for being Asian. There's a scene involving Kiko at a party that is pretty much my worst nightmare personified. At the end of "Starfish," Kiko isn't magically cured of her anxiety or 100 percent accepting of herself, but she's on the right path. And that gave/gives me hope.

Thank you to NetGalley, Simon and Schuster, and Akemi Dawn Bowman for letting me read this gem of a debut novel. I was truly touched—I cannot stop singing its praises.

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Poignant and heart-breaking, Akemi Dawn Bowman's winning debut novel tells the story of a half-Japanese half-white teen girl struggling with her identity, anxiety, art and family. It's a story that shines from every page and stands out among other YA contemporaries. The book world is in for some spectacular books if Starfish is just a glimpse at Akemi Dawn Bowman's elegant writing. 

Social anxiety-ridden Kiko has one dream - to attend the prestigious art institute, Prism, to pursue her dream career. Bonus, it will also help her escape her narcissistic mother, whose only impact has been to embed a deep lack of self-confidence in her daughter. Starfish is the emotional journey she goes on as she experiences rejection from her dream school, and decides to get out of her toxic home life with the aid of a friend. It's a journey that is necessary for her growth, and one that helps her understand her self-value. Kiko is a protagonist who will speak to many teen girls, especially mixed-raced teen girls, who often struggle with their identity, and the gross stereotypes they face from both sides. The subtle racism and the constant "othering" she faces both in her social sphere as well as her own home is infuriating, but painfully realistic. This undeniably affects her at a very core level, and she struggles throughout Starfish to see herself as someone beautiful, and important in the world. You feel for Kiko as she clashes with her insecurities, but you also find yourself rooting for her to finally see her self-worth. The journey to that version of Kiko is not an obstacle-free one, but it is written beautifully and fills your heart with happiness and pride as she begins to take small steps towards her happiness.

Relationships are also at the core of Starfish. Particularly, Kiko's complicated relationship with her mother. It's a relationship that makes you wish there was some kind of test to-be parents have to take in order to be able to have children, because it breaks your heart with how toxic it is. Kiko's mother is not a good mother. Though she provides for them financially, emotionally, she's a complete wreck, often times making situations all about herself, as well as emotionally manipulating her children. When Kiko finally breaks free from her hold, I felt like I could finally breathe in peace. Though her mother is an obvious negative energy in her life, her father isn't. Kiko's dad is a man who obviously cares very deeply about his children. It's not initially clear why he didn't get their custody at the time of divorce,  that part of the story untangles by the end. Their relationship, while flawed, is sweet and strong in many ways.

Kiko's friend that provides her with the motivation to escape to California is Jamie, an old friend who moved away from her life ages ago. Jamie is a sweetheart, who holds her best interest at heart. He constantly pushes her out of her comfort zone for her own good, and helps her achieve her dreams one step at a time. He is understanding, kind, and sympathetic, and does not try to turn Kiko into someone's she's not. There is a romance that develops between the two that romance-lovers will adore. The great thing about their relationship is how Kiko understands that she needs to take care and save herself on her own before starting anything with him, and Jamie understands that too. For most of the book, he's just there to lend her support. In California, Kiko also finds an art mentor and a new family in the form of Hiroshi, who embrace her for who she is, and help her fuel her rejection from Prism into spectacular art works. The description of her artworks at the end of each chapter were a stunning addition, and mirror her growth and struggles throughout the book.

Truly, Starfish is an absolute work of art that needs to be put in every teen's hands. Akemi Dawn Bowman is evidently a passionate author, one every YA reader should keep an eye on.

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I REALLY enjoyed this book. Not only could I relate to Kiko because of her narcissist mother, but also with her anxiety and with the struggle of who she was as well. This definitely addressed some tough subjects, which I think is really important to do in YA fiction in the world we live in today, and can help people become more educated on things like anxiety and different nationalities. Plus the cover art is absolutely beautiful!

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There are some books out there that you just connect with on every level, and Akemi Dawn Bowan’s Starfish was one of those for me.

Before I begin, I would like to that the Cover Gods for coming up with the ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL Starfish cover because everything about this cover works for this book and AAH. It’s just so pleasing to look at.

“I draw a girl on a plane, leaving her heart on the runway.”

There was absolutely nothing I didn’t like about this book, so let’s talk about all the things I did love:

1. Our Biracial Protagonist: Kiko is half American, half Japanese and from the very first page you can see her struggling with the image of beauty that her mother has drilled into her. She struggles to fall in love with the person she sees in the mirror, she struggles with anxiety, she struggles with her heritage versus just wanting to be “normal” which as an Indian is SO RELATABLE to me. I connected with Kiko, and fell for her instantly because her voice is raw, honest and most importantly, real.

“I draw water and fire, forgetting all the rules and morphing into something new.”

2. THE ART: I don’t talk about it one the internet much, but I’m also an artist. I’m nowhere near as talented as Kiko, but I can paint. When I feel like it. The words used by Akemi Bowan to describe Kiko’s art brought it to life in a way I’ve never seen done before. All the quotes are Akemi bringing to life her imaginings of Kiko’s art, because I thought you should see how BEAUTIFUL it was to read for me.

“I draw a thousand fairies circling around a girl so she can finally fly away.”

3. THE CHARACTER GROWTH: Three chapters into this book, I felt like I knew Kiko. I understood what it was like to be her, socially awkward and all. I loved how she blossomed and started gambling on herself more as the book progressed and by the end, she actually said out loud what she kept inside before. It was like a caterpillar learning to become a butterfly and I LOVED IT.

“I draw five Japanese women with very different faces, but all of them are equally beautiful because beauty is not just one thing.”

4. HIROSHI AND JAMIE: Now, they’re not love interests, this book DOESN’T HAVE a love triangle, but they’re both such SPECTACULAR characters. Hiroshi is an artist who takes Kiko under his wing, introduces her to his Japanese family and shows her what unconditional love is. Jamie, on the other hand, is her childhoos best friend with his blue eyes and kind smile. They’re both such perfect people, and exactly the supportive, kind people that Kiko needed and I fell in love with them too.

A lyrical, gorgeously written, poignant diverse book about loving yourself, growing up and first love.

5 stars and I COULD NOT RECOMMEND IT MORE.

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I have no words to describe my love for this book. Yes, I can tell it was written by a debut author. Yes, it has its flaws and lapses–but honestly, none of this detracts from the story for me. The beauty of the message of acceptance and self-love overshadows any imperfections Starfish may have. I think I may have just read one of my new favorite books.

I admit that I may be biased. Like Kiko, I am a half-Asian girl who hopes to one day go to school to study art. And while I am Filipina to Kiko’s Japanese, and my school is Yale to Kiko’s Prism, never have I related so closely to a character. I’m going to make a fairly safe assumption here in saying that most book bloggers/readers tend to be introverts, but I think anyone who has ever faced any sort of social anxiety can also relate to Kiko. Her struggles in facing the world are raw and realistic, written with elegance and accuracy. This book made me extremely emotional, and I think that is mostly due to the fact that I felt like I was looking into a mirror. Bowman writes with a sincerity that hits close to home.

Kiko’s learning to love herself was such an incredible journey to read about, and something I’ve been trying to achieve my whole life. The way Bowman shed light on racism and Western beauty standards has really put things into perspective for me. Every day, we tell ourselves that what other people say doesn’t matter, but that is a mindset much easier to think about than actually achieve. To watch as Kiko slowly learned this lesson from both heartbreak and hope was truly inspiring, and I felt as if I was growing as a person alongside her. She was such a well-developed, emotionally complex person–person, not character–that I couldn’t help but see myself in her shoes. I laughed and cried alongside her, and it is only with the best kind of book that you can do that. I devoured this book in one sitting, and I didn’t want it to end.

Also, there is a really, really cute ship. Jamie is our love interest in this story, and I could not dream of a better boy myself. He’s sweet, supportive, thoughtful, hot…There is a hint of insta-love, but I wasn’t opposed to it because it made sense in Kiko’s situation. Jamie was an emotional crutch for her in a time of need, which totally justified her attachment to him that occurred over such a short period. Heck, I was attached to him after 2 pages. Still, the romance was not overbearing. It was definitely supplemental to the story rather than detrimental.

I could not recommend a novel more highly. Starfish, while classified as young adult, was startlingly mature and complex. The prose was eloquent and raw in a way that provided a rich emotional atmosphere. What lacked in plot was made up tenfold by the beauty of Kiko’s self discovery. I was literally SOBBING throughout most of the book. Please, please do yourself a favor and pick this one up.

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I have a lot of feelings about this book because I related to Kiko so much. Growing up in a very white environment as an Asian person messes with your self-esteem and self-image, and like Kiko, I definitely felt that I would never really be seen as attractive by people because I was Asian. I literally had a white friend tell me he generally wasn’t attracted to Asian people (he is no longer my friend, in case you’re wondering). The various microaggressions she experiences are all too familiar to me.

In addition to sharing Kiko’s experience of being Asian American, I also have generalized and social anxiety, and the descriptions of Kiko’s anxiety in Starfish resonated strongly with me. There’s a scene at a classmate’s party that was especially relatable and brought back some painful memories of parties I went to in college. Another aspect of Kiko I saw myself in was her anxiety over having romantic relationships as someone with mental illness(es). The fear of falling into toxic and codependent relationships is so real. In general, the portrayal of anxiety was just so incredibly on point for me, to the point that it actually triggered my own anxiety at times because I was empathizing with Kiko’s experience on a visceral level.

Besides being really relatable, Starfish was simply gorgeously written. Kiko is an artist, and the author expresses her artist’s point of view through poetic language. Each chapter ends with a brief description of Kiko’s latest work of art, which is thematically related to the chapter in question and serves as a visual representation of Kiko’s inner emotional landscape and how she relates to the world and the people around her. These added details create a distinctive voice for Kiko’s character.

If it wasn’t obvious from the trigger/content warnings, this story deals with some heavy topics. Kiko’s home environment is incredibly toxic. Her parents are divorced, and she lives with her two brothers and her white mother. Her mother is emotionally abusive toward her. This abuse has a racialized dimension, as she uses her embodiment of white beauty ideals to belittle Kiko, whose features are more typically East Asian. Kiko craves her mother’s love and approval even while knowing that her mother does not really care about her except as it benefits or is convenient for her. It really hurt to follow Kiko through her interactions with her mother, the pain was so raw.

To make matters worse, during the events of the story, Kiko’s maternal uncle moves into the house with her family, which amplifies her anxiety. It is first strongly implied and then explicitly revealed that he sexually abused Kiko when she was younger, and she has lingering trauma from those events. Although Kiko told her mother what happened, her mother never believed her and sided with the uncle instead.

Despite the serious topics, the book isn’t all doom and gloom and angst, nor is it a tragic story. Kiko’s physical journey doubles as a psychological journey as well, allowing her to process everything she has lived through, refute the victim-blaming messages she’s gotten from her mother, and see that there are people and things outside of the cage of her toxic home. Her relationship with Jamie is very sweet and wholesome, and she also finds a role model who is Japanese American who sees her talent and gives her the push she needs to really chase her artistic dreams.

These parts of the story bring hope and light and an empowering message that were so lovely and satisfying to read. Perhaps others readers might think the ending/resolution is too much of a fairy tale happy ending, but personally, I loved it and think it’s necessary and important for readers who see themselves in Kiko. Her mental illness is not magically cured by the end of the story (which would be a very terrible message to readers), but she has greater self-awareness, a robust support system, and a means of channeling her creative energy and expressing herself honestly, all of which are critical to coping.

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