This book was so touching. A wonderful example of coping as best as possible with an extremely horrible situation. I plan to call on Ruth’s strength whenever I find myself needing support. Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

This is Ruth Fitzmaurice's love letter to her husband Simon, her children, and her friends Daragh and Cath. Some might question the wisdom of getting pregnant when you already have three kids and your husband has ALS but Fitzmaurice is not daunted by much of anything. This could have been a very maudlin story- it's incredibly sad- but it's not. Wonderful book. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC.

Thanks to NetGalley, the publisher and Ruth Fitzmaurice for the opportunity to read and review this book.

This is the story of Ruth, a young mother of 5, whose husband is stricken with Motor Neurone Disease (ALS). He can communicate only with his eyes using a computer. But instead of focusing on the disease, this is more of a letter on how Ruth copes with the diagnosis and her life. By finding her tribe - the people and the places that nurture her spirit - she is able to continue forward.

The book was written in a different style and it was somewhat confusing to shift in time the way it did, but it allowed us to see all the love and joy Ruth and Simon experienced in their life before MND and how she struggled to keep that alive. Takes brave souls

“Finding your people is more important than what kind of house you live in. Decide whether you’ve found your tribe and go from there.”

What a beautiful tribute and personal story by Ruth Fitzmaurice. I highlighted many passages of thoughtful and beautiful writing. Her love story with Simon, “the reader, writer, poet, aspiring film-maker, weaver of dreams,” is simply stunning. Ruth shares their hopes and dreams of the past to current day’s tragic circumstances as her deeply loved husband lies in a state of only being able to move his eyes as he succumbs to the devastating Motor Neuron Disease (MDS). A cruel twist of fate and my heart hurt for Ruth, Simon and their children.

“MND had turned our big bed into a battleship. Well, if this is war, I thought, then hear me roar. Bring it on you bastard. I want my daydreams and my bed back.”

In addition to being primary caregiver to Simon, Ruth juggles the care of their 5 young children, who clearly she cherishes. She appears to be raising caring kids who brighten her day and I hope one day she will write another memoir letting us know how she and her children are doing.

“Bed is the birthplace of dreams and daydreams. Bed was my safe harbor after steering the dark waters of reality all day.”

Thank goodness for the dedicated nurses, “a merry band of the kindest souls mixed with some wonderful freaks,” and her network of devoted friends “The Tragic Wives Swimming Club” who have experienced their own challenges. This book is an inspiration, a love letter, and a wake-up call to live life to its fullest and cherish even the simplest things that may disappear tomorrow.

*Will be posting in additional online venues upon publication.

Last year, I read Simon Fitzmaurice’s memoir, [book:It's Not Yet Dark|22340465], about his struggle with Motor Neuron Disease. At the time I read his book, he was still alive but he could only communicate with his eyes, and used special technology that allowed him to communicate and type his memoir with the use of eye movement. Sadly, Simon Fitzmaurice died in October of 2017.

In a way, I Found My Tribe is a companion to It’s Not Dark Yet. Ruth Fitzmaurice is Simon’s wife and she writes of the same time period from her own perspective. At the time she wrote her memoir, Simon was still alive. I read an ARC that was clearly written before Simon’s death, and don’t know if it will be updated to reflect this sad fact. But, regardless, both books are a beautiful tribute to love, life and dealing with — and not dealing with — the crappiest of circumstances.

Simon and Ruth had five young children — the last two are twins born after Simon was already significantly incapacitated. They live in a small town in Ireland, close to family and good friends. And, thankfully for Ruth, close to the sea where she and a small group of friends find odd solace by jumping in at all times of year. Ruth’s memoir is not linear nor is it particularly fact focused. It’s poetic, honest, gritty, funny and a bit chaotic. Underneath, it’s full of sadness, but these aren’t the emotions she dwells on. Mostly, she dwells on her means of emotional survival — close friends, her deep love for Simon, the ways in which her children take their odd life in stride and always the pull of the sea.

It’s a short beautiful book. It can be read with or without reading Simon’s own memoir. I expect that Ruth has a lot more writing to do. She is very talented and original. And my heart aches for her and her children. But I suspect they have the right tools to find a way to carry on.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for an opportunity to read an advance copy.

I have never not finished a book that I started. But this will be a first. I actually feel awful writing the review because I know that the author spent so much time and effort on the writing of this book. I can't decide if it is the writing style or the story itself that I just cannot get through. I will not delete this from my kindle but I am going to have to put it to the side for now. I find the description of the book to be interesting but after getting 16% in I just don't seem to care. I did receive this from NetGalley and I do appreciate it but I will not be finishing this one for now.

I had previously started this book before my most recent health scare and hospitalization. People who have so much more on their plate than they know how to handle, how do they manage day to day. How do they work through all the muddles of life, and Ruth with young children and a husband who is suffering from Motor Neuron Disease, how does she cope? How does he? Always, I am looking for words of wisdom, even if one thing shines out from the dark, it is something to grasp, grab a hold of and work toward.

A very introspective read, as Ruth takes us back and forward, to the present in all it's messiness, sometimes hopelessness. Decisions she alone has to make, caretakers, nurses, aides, who invade their house, her relationship with her husband. She finds solace in the sea, swimming, it reaffirms her, helps her find her own tribe, those who love the sea, the wildness, the quietness, it's changing face. She makes the most, or tries to, of such moments, trying to invigorate her soul. She is full of love, full of angst, bitterness,all the many things one expects to feel in her situation. She, though, never stops trying, she has her children, a life of sorts, and it is this always striving but also the honesty in her thoughts, feelings that appealed. I think this is a book that will call! To certain people, maybe like myself when it is needed, a reminder that we are never perfect nor is the life we lead ever promised to be so, yet we can and do continue.

The storytelling reminded me of [book:M Train|24728470] by [author:Patti Smith|196092], which was a book I loved for the same reasons that I embraced this one. A woman trying to come to the best of their ability, to retain some sense of self against incredible odds.

ARC from Netgalley.

Ruth Fitzmaurice is a woman who sees past the definitions others put on her, on all of us. Those who know her might describe her as a loving wife. A mother. She is known as a writer, although this is her debut book. She would describe herself as a mermaid.

It’s magical, that connection she feels with the sea, the cove with her female friends Michelle and Aifric, who share her enthusiasm, joy for this ritual. Michelle can relate to some of her sorrows, with her husband in a wheelchair, as well. Within the sea she finds solace from life and its myriad ways to submerge you in fear, and return you to shore transformed. On these shores, amid the waves, the ”Tragic Wives Swimming Club” was born, with these three friends.

In 2008, when she was 32, Ruth Fitzmaurice’s husband, Simon Fitzmaurice, an author and film-maker with a then rising career, was diagnosed with motor neurone disease, or MND, which encompasses a group of diseases including Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), Progressive Muscular Atrophy (PMA), Progressive Bulbar Palsy (PBP) and Primary Lateral Sclerosis (PLS). Simon was given four years to live, with declining function. They had three small children at this point.

”Illness by its nature is disorderly.”

Two years pass, and he is on a ventilator, choosing to be at home – against the advice of his doctors. Their home in Greystones is filled round the clock with nurses, coming and going so often it’s hard to envision this feeling like “home.”

”Nurses, nurses everywhere. Nurses filling kettles in the kitchen. Nurses scuffling with coffee cups. Rings cups scattered about like a student flat. The bathroom door is locked and there’s a queue. Who’s in there? It’s a nurse…Nurses are in every corner of our tiny home.”

This memoir covers some of her life as a child, traveling back and forth from the life she knew before the MND diagnosis, and after. The lives of their children, their feelings as they grow from the everyday to their feeling about their father’s MND. It reads a bit like these were letters sent to you, with simple prose sharing her day, sharing so much emotionally, sharing her heart. The whole breadth of emotions from when she’s feeling strong enough and powerful enough to tackle another day, fates be damned, to those days when she can’t help but argue with an arrogant, rude driver.

This is an emotional read, but it isn’t solely or even primarily focused on the tragedy of MND. It is at least equally about the restorative magic of friendship, the invigorating, soothing magic of nature, and the need for us to find our own solace, and our own tribe.

”Worriers can become warriors. The moon and the stars come gift-wrapped in darkness. Embrace them all. Run with all your heart and everything will be OK.”


Pub Date: 06 Mar 2018



Many thanks for the ARC provided by Bloomsbury USA

I enjoy reading memoirs, but it is difficult to know what to expect when reading a memoir of someone stuck in a precarious position such as being the wife of someone who suffers from ALS. It is a life no one could imagine unless put in that exact situation and I think it is why I feel compelled to read books like these. It was the same reason I felt an obligation to read When Breathe Becomes Air. I find it vital as a human to try to understand the lives of others when we can and these memoirs are a great way to peek into these lives, and understand a little of what they go through. Ruth is an open book and honest in her essays. At first, I wasn't sure if I liked the essay format, but as the book progressed, I realized it was really the only way this book could have been written. These are snippet's from Ruth's day to day so to have short essays on these days was definitely the way to go. I applaud Mrs. Fitzmaurice for having the courage to share her feelings, and not sugar coating the unpleasant ones. Life can be hard without an ailing spouse, let alone seeing the love of your life suffer. I recommend this book to anyone who likes reading memoirs.

Ruth Fitzmaurice was a 32-year-old aspiring writer with a film-maker husband, and three small children at home. Life was busy but it was good. In 2008 Simon, her husband, was diagnosed with motor neuron disease (or MND) and given four years to live. I Found My Tribe is their story.

"It all started in his foot. His right foot went floppy," then before long Simon lost complete use of his body, having to use his eyes to communicate. Before Simon completely deteriorated, him and Ruth were able to conceive and have twins, so now Ruth not only cares for her husband (with the help of around the clock home healthcare) but also their five children.

As women, we tend to bottle everything up and put on a brave face for our families and Ruth is no exception. In these times, you have to have something to diffuse that pressure; a moment to just forget it all. For Ruth it's swimming in a local cove near her house in Greystones, Ireland. Some days she takes a dip companionless and other days her children join her. But on most days she swims with the Tragic Wives' Swimming Club; a group of women who are each dealing with their own lives' struggles.

It doesn't matter if it's summer or winter, these women daily dive into the Irish sea without abandon. Some nights, if the moon is full, they even swim naked, leaving all of their burdens behind, getting lost amid the waves, and soothing their souls.

I Found My Tribe is written like a dairy with the author jumping from stories of the past and intertwining them with what is currently going on in her life. You can feel her anguish when she reminisces about their life before MND and the hard choices that she has had to make since, like having to leave her marital bed due to all of the medical equipment needed to keep her husband alive, or the heartbreaking decision to put their family dog to sleep. Their story is heartbreaking yet beautiful; a crazy, messy, hard, wonderful life.

I hope to see a lot more from Ruth Fitzmaurice. She has a refreshing tone to her writing style and you can really feel the emotion in her words.

Highly recommend!

A special thank you to NetGalley and Bloomsbury USA for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This rambling, manic at times, narrative is a raw and honest book about living with MND (here in Canada known as ALS—amyotrophic lateral sclerosis—or Lou Gehrig's disease). Ruth Fitzmaurice's filmmaker husband, Simon, was diagnosed with motor neurone disease in 2008. He is wheelchair-bound, not able to move or breathe on his own, and can only communicate through the use of an eye gaze computer. It is these eyes that Ruth uses as the windows in which to find her husband—she knows he is still in there even though he can't speak to her, or touch her.

Ruth and Simon are parents to five children, all under the age of ten. As if that weren't chaos enough, there is a constant parade of nurses that come and go 24 hours a day, and a gaggle of pets including an aggressive basset hound. One of the many challenges Ruth faces is to find any sort of peace in the chaos, any moment of stillness and calm to keep her sane and grounded. She craves connections, whether it be to her "Tragic Wives' Swimming Club", or to her favourite nurse, Marian. Human connection is so important to survival, especially in times of tragedy.

Fitzmaurice doesn't use any type of timeline, or write in any kind of order. Instead, she chunks her staccato type narrative into mini essays. To be honest, it took me a while to get into her groove, there are times where she is all over the place and scattered and it feels like she has simply taken every thought in her head and put it on the page in order to make sense of her life. While this type of writing doesn't appeal to everyone, it works for this book. This memoir is raw, honest and heartbreaking, while at the same time showing the beauty of love. It inspires, and demonstrates the resilience of the human spirit. Ruth is unabashedly open with her thoughts and feelings and I think she is incredibly brave to bare her life in this way.

This is a memoir about an Irish married couple with two young kids (and one on the way) who get the devastating news that the husband has MND (Motor Neuron Disease), also known as ALS. This devastating diagnosis portends the degeneration of the muscles, or neurodegeneration.

Two years into this tragic diagnosis, Simon Fitzmaurice was emergently hospitalized for a respiratory issue and was accidentally put on a ventilator. The normal protocol in Ireland is not to employ ventilators in the management of MND. However, Simon emphatically made the decision that he wanted to live, so a home care treatment plan was fashioned and Simon was sent home with the ventilator. Simon eventually lost the use of all movement other than his eyes but was able to still communicate with the use of an eye gaze computer. A film maker by trade, he continued to write and direct while paralyzed with MND.

Ruth and Simon Fitzmaurice live in Greystones, Ireland where their cottage leads to a cove. Ruth finds a spirituality and therapeutic lifeblood in this proximity and use of the cove. She and her "tribe" of friends often meet to swim here, treading the rocks and the cold shock of its waters. Ruth also speaks of driving places merely to cry, living with the new normal of 24-hour nursing and carers who drink her tea (and funnily, sometimes re-arrange her messy clothes closet), and the cacophony of sounds emitted from the air mattress and ventilator. The thing is, Ruth fervently loves her husband, so there are a lot of raw emotions on display here. Ruth even makes the startling decision to have another baby with Simon when he is well into his MND situation and winds up having twins...bringing their brood up to 5 kids. While this may seem a bizarre choice to some, this is a burst of joy and new life to offset the bitter pill of Simon's reality.

While the subject matter was as brutal and poignant as one can get, I was not a fan of Ruth's poetic writing style which at times I couldn't relate to. I also lost solid ground navigating the story when Ruth would volley back and forth unexpectedly with time periods.

'I hold his hand but he doesn’t hold back. His darting eyes are the only windows left.'

Ruth’s Tribe is a beautiful intimate memoir not just about husband Simon’s ALS (a motor neuron disease) nor is it focused on her friends, and fellow “Tragic Wives Swimming Club” tales and woes. It’s about everything that happens before and after disease decides to become a permanent family member. It’s the desperation to believe in and try every remedy or treatment on God’s green earth! It’s the torturous crawl as ALS steals Ruth’s beloved from her and their young children, much as the tide erodes the land. Each loss Simon suffers, the deterioration of every function, is a fresh gutting of the family. Before the gravity of their new reality struck Ruth, there was hope and belief that it could be fought! This line moved me “Alternative diagnoses seek unconventional cures. It’s a road that Simon is compelled to limp and trip upon.” Anyone who has ever dealt with illness knows too well the search, the desperation for answers, for ‘fixes’ and it’s not just the patient who lives with the despair. The healthy pass so much time angry that all they can do is watch in helpless horror as their loved one’s health is in decline. Those doctors are a last resort, they aren’t making it better! That journey, with the strength of friends, won’t change the outcome but the sick aren’t the only ones who need to be healed. Love and friends who can bear some of the burden, people who are solid, who can bring life and joy if only to still the chaos for a moment sometimes that is all you can ask of the universe. Ruth is lucky, and blessed with the best people in her life.

With everything so bleak, they decide to try for more children. The family grows and grows, Simon is there and yet not. The beauty of this novel is in the memories Ruth shares, from before she knew Simon and was just a young girl, to their early love when everything was so much easier to control, to the present when she admits she isn’t always kind and resents the things his family does for her. So often illness is wrapped up into a beautiful present, not so here. There is anger and fear. The children trickle in and out, one a worrier, another a ‘war baby’ all of them learning to have a father that cannot interact as ‘normal’ father’s do. Somehow it should feel more tragic, and it does, but there are moments so deliciously tender or silly that makes the reader feel a deeper connection to them all.

It’s tragic, of course it is! But life forges ahead, children grow up, there is no alternative to living with what the universe gave you. People talk a lot about love, but this is a genuine love story. There wasn’t a moment when I questioned the love Ruth has for her husband. I wish we could get into Simon’s mind though. I really wish there was a whole chapter about his thoughts and emotions, I cannot imagine the stillness, watching life spinning fast around you, unable to interact as much as your mind longs to.

It’s a poetic, honest, unflinching confessional of loving a man with MND, loving the children you have together and commiserating with other women, swimming to keep your sanity, swimming too against the disease. Some of her choices make their life harder, I’m stumped, but that’s how we human beings are. We want to change direction, because maybe tweaking the plan can change the outcome? The book is dizzying at times, and I thought it was perfect for a mind consumed by the weight of illness.

Incurable… disease isn’t the only incurable thing we have to bear. Life itself is incurable, and so we go with the tide….

Publication Date: March 6, 2018

Bloomsbury USA

From the hauntingly beautiful prose to the poignant story of love, commitment, and finding joy in the midst of loss--Fitzmaurice grabbed me by the heart--and has me still. I so appreciate her sharing this touching life story in such a beautiful, honest way. Reading her story will help you shape and improve the pattern of your own life story. Brava Ms. Fitzmaurice!

Ruth has 5 children under 10 and a husband with motor neuron disease, also known as ALS. To me, this book read more like a series of abstract, somewhat shallow journal entries jumping from idea to idea: her children, her girlfriends, her own childhood, her home in Ireland, and the constant presence of the now-immobilized husband Simon. I love memoirs where the writer is really speaking from the heart, and I did not get that impression at all reading this book.

A raw and powerful read by a talented author. Her writing felt as jarring, emotional and disjointed as her life as a mother of 5 and young husband with a motor neuron disease. This was a very moving book.

I can't even begin to explain my feelings on this book, without first saying that the loss of the authors husband is a loss that will be felt around the world once people read this book.
The author pulls you deep into her world with all the pain and anguish she feels from her husband's suffering. Her husband on the other hand, is still intent on doing amazing things. He is paralyzed, and with an eye movement computer system he is able to write and produce a movie. Their story is amazing and that makes this book amazing. It hurts my heart to know of his passing, and to think of the pain Ruth and the children must feel.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who enjoys memoirs and many other readers as well. This book was sent to me by Netgalley for my honest review.

There is no cure for Motor Neuron Disease. It’s sad .... no matter how you look at it.
Living with illness in your home every day can’t be ignored.

Simon Fitzmaurice, living with MND, breathed in time to a machine. Fear surrounded the plugs, pipes, and countless malfunctions that could have ended Simon’s life at any moment. Simon was a filmmaker at the time he was diagnosed with MND in 2008.
Ruth, Simon’s wife, 32 years of age, didn’t want Simon to feel afraid. She loved him.

Ruth said:
“Everything about our Home buzzes around my brain like fruit flies that I can’t swat away.”
“Our house has a hum of a stinky compost bin, making it impossible to breathe deeply. I feel just as rotten. I need something, anything to take this buzzing out of my head and distract me from a cracked chest and broken heart”.

Ruth, Simon, and their 3 children were living in Ireland - by the sea- when Ruth knew she needed to visit their good friends, Daragh, and Cath, in Australia. SHE JUST NEEDED GREAT LOVING SUPPORT!
Ruth packed the entire family — boarded a plane and headed to Perth.
Ruth was “determined” to get Simon well in Perth. I soooo wished she had the power to do so.
Somewhere between this SIX MONTH vacation- which got extended from the six weeks as originally planned...Ruth and Simon wanted another baby. Ruth said the logistics - well the mechanics- of their sex was challenging -
but they were clear about wanting to add another baby to their family unit.
Honestly.....( but it was just my judgement)....I didn’t understand why they would ‘try’ for another child. They already had 3 small children - a dog - a cat - and Simon had a very debilitating illness....one that not only would he never get better from - but one that required its own type of full time tribe -24 hours a day - nurses coming and going to help care for essentially all his physical needs.
Ruth ‘did’ get pregnant. She delivered TWINS. Making their clan of children a total of 5.
But before returning to Ireland - before the birth of the twins ......one of the happiest times express in this memoir were those six months with very close friends - Daragh and Cath in Perth, Australia.

Daragh and Cath designed a system of fun for the families: swimming pool activities picnics at the beach, etc.
Daragh was terrific with Ruth’s three boys. A little girl ( one of the twins) was born later..... 5 boys and 1 girl.
But in Perth, Daragh would get physical with man-boy play and wrestle them with bear hugs. Lots of naked dancing through the sprinklers - ( the boys were still little).... tons of wholesome child’s play. Daragh could play with the boys — giving them things Simon couldn’t. Daragh was a fabulous friend to Simon too. He carried him into the pool water - took him out at night for ‘guy’ beer time ... etc.
Cath was a creative soul who cooked, planted, loved to knit, sew, and quilt.
Cath and Daragh could not have been better hosts if they tried.
That six week vacation which extended to six months touched my heart deeply. Rarely do you meet friends like Cath and Daragh. Everyone seemed calmer - peaceful - enjoying the beach - pool - meals - and the company of each other. Theses two families together were a success functional tribe in their own way.

Ruth - and the children - seemed most happy - most alive when they were staying with Cath and Daragh....
however - it was time to return home to Ireland. I, too, missed Cath and Daragh.

The twins were born soon after returning to Ireland. Home life seemed more and More chaotic. “Where did all these kids come from”, Ruth asked....
I laughed: Ha! She had something to do with those 5 children in her home.

I have two daughters- ages 32 and 36. Neither have children. I tried to imagine one of them having 5 kids. I couldn’t imagine it in my wildest dreams. But, Ruth is a rare species. She will always say YES to one more pet if one of her children asks for another.
She dances with chaos in her house with courage. - NOT THAT IT IS EASY- but she skillfully lives with chaos....in ways that the average person couldn’t do. She’s one brave woman.
SWIMMING in the ocean with her friends ( who have also suffered tragedies) - is a way of nurturing herself....and staying sane.

In Ruth’s memoir - we get an experience of her early days of marriage to Simon before MND. They loved to touch, dance, enjoy food together, etc.
We also get an experience of her present days.
Ruth had a tree for example —- that she loved to just go sit under and daydream. Her kids knew to leave her alone during her ‘tree time’....as mommy was daydreaming.
We get to know Ruth’s close women friends in Ireland who she swims with. Aifric, Michelle, Marian... etc. Highlights are shared too- holidays - birthdays - side stories about Ruth’s friends - and experiences of each child.

Ruth and her swimming friends who swim daily in the sea at “The Ladies Cove” in Greystones - (her swimming/running/friendship tribe), took a full moon naked swim one night. They cuddled together like a pack of wolves.
Ruth says...she felt an urge “to howl”. Sharing a swim - and the full moon view with
the “Tragic Wives” felt mighty untragic.

On the night of their full moon naked swim ( chilly water)....Ruth says:
“One-on-one friendship is wonderful but tonight we weave as a group. It is a night full of real joy and laughter. I feel more content than I can remember in a long time, or else it’s the whiskey that has gone straight to my head”.

Ruth’s writing is honest — letting us see her struggles - the incredible hardships - her emotions and thoughts - her joys too.
With resiliency ....and humanity, Ruth shared her life with us. I’m humbled.

Thank You Bloomsbury USA, Netgalley, and Ruth Fitzmaurice ( wishing Ruth and her family ongoing love - and support)

This is a remarkably written story of a couple facing unimaginable challenges. Fitzmaurice's strength in the face of such sorrow is inspiring and memorable, and as she finds her tribe the reader is uplifted. It's an original memoir that readers will appreciate for years to come. Highly recommended.