"At Least He Wasn't Hitting You : A Personal Memoir of Abuse and Survival" by Greg McVicker.

5 stars.

Wow!  Heartbreaking, touching, troubling, meaningful... 
A scary reality that many can't even think about.

Well written.  I couldn't put it down!  It made me so sad and brought back some memories...
This will stay with me for a long time!

Everyone should read this book! 

Thank you NetGalley and BooksGoSocial for the opportunity to read this book.  This is my honest review.  All opinions are my own.

"I had anticipated this day. I did not know when or how it might come, but it had. I just knew within my heart, with every single beat, every step I took, and every breath I drew, I was closer to the end of his desecration of me."


Going into this book I knew that the author isn't exactly experienced. They've published a handful of books, the most rated being 21 ratings. 

When writing a book like this, the author has to take responsibility for how it is laid out, how the story is told and just how good it is to read. 

For me, this wasn't a good read. 

Firstly there were the usual, spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes, layout mistakes. If you're the type of person who can look past things like that then I am sure you can read it smoothly, but for me, they were too noticeable and kept distracting me from reading. 

I understand that someone's life played out into a book can seem like a "story" at times because it is a story really, isn't it? But for me, this just felt like a made up story. Not because what was being read was unbelievable (trust me, I know it isn't unbelievable), but because of how it was laid out. 

I can't exactly end this review with "Overall I enjoyed this book". Did I enjoy reading about someones bad experiences? Did I enjoy being "triggered" about my own? It's a tough one to answer. But what I do know is, the author is too amateur for me to rate any higher than 2 stars because I feel like that is what is to blame for the book not being up to scratch. 

I also wanted to comment on cover being as I received an ARC: The cover is terrible. Other than looking like it was put together with Microsoft Paint, the image isn't fitting to the book. I understand the "being captured" part of the image, but to me it is tacky and for anyone to pick up this book and take it seriously, you need a better cover. I'm not a cover expert so I can't offer any more advice, but I suggest seeking advice. 

In the nicest way possible, to the person who the story is about, you could have picked a better writer to tell your story.

I received a DIGITAL Advance Reader Copy of this book from #NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.  

From the publisher, as I do not regurgitate the contents or story of books in reviews, I let them do it.


Within intimate relationships, abuse is the furthest thing from one's mind. 

After meeting the man of her dreams and saying, "I do," one woman realizes her lover's modus operandi is to gain ultimate power and control over her life by utilizing malicious patterns of verbal, emotional, financial and psychological abuse. 

In this gripping, unsettling personal memoir, the fight for survival while enduring unfathomable trauma becomes a do-or-die situation.

This was not an easy book to read as I see abuse daily in my life work and it brings up a lot of personal bad memories (I will leave it at that and thanks God every day for MY husband).   The book shows and proves the fact that psychological abuse is worse (can be worse?) than any and every hit to a woman's body. It is well written (but I hate the cover) and it needs a place in every social service organization to prove to women that abuse is prevalent.

Just finished reading this thought provoking book on a very difficult subject. The author tells how his friend reveals to him the treatment, torment and fear she went through from the early days of her marriage and beyond . As i read more and more, I was shocked by the way her husband , the very person who promised before God to love, cherish and care for her, made her life a living hell . This book is about one woman''s journey of being downtrodden and made to feel like a nothing, worthless and the way this man demeaned her at every turn! I ended up being so angry at her husband and so much sadness for this lady,  but then I was forced to realise  this was a journey traveled by many more than this one lady. Although it was a disturbing read in parts, I'm glad I read it as I feel I understand  more now about the mental abuse which can be every bit as hurtful and dangerous as physical abuse, but is much less understood  and evryone needs to know that these ladies who are so badly treated by their spouses, need our support sympathy and understanding.!

Chilling! Disheartening! Deeply Troubling! 
In search of freedom from abuse a young woman risks her own life to escape, fleeing for her life, leaving her abusive spouse and former past behind.
When fleeing abusive situations the abuser will try to hoover, love bomb, swoon, and convince the abused that they are genuinely sorry for the abuse inflicted upon someone they claimed to have loved. They are raged, erratic, have terrible mood swings, are unreliable and may become even more abusive.
Regardless of socio economic status, race, color, creed, religion, education or any other distinguishing factor the reality is that abuse happens daily. Abuse that's defined as any form need not be physical as there are multiple forms to acknowledge such as verbal, emotional, sexual, religious, psychological, financial and yes the most noted physical.
What I was happy to see in this book is two fold. One is that in telling this story of a friend of the author's he's in turn giving her a platform to not only help her but others in similar situations. It's important to tell your story and have your voice heard in providing not only validation but support, love, empathy, and courage.
This courage is noted in the author's own words as it relates to his homeland and his own struggles that existed there. It's equally important to not just voice one view but a wide range of views from both genders.
The fact that the author notes that abuse causes one to feel isolated, a sense of self loss, a sense of needing to belong in knowing that the shame and blame is not their fault is equally of value.
I can't stress it enough that you're not to blame for someone's actions. You cannot change the mind of someone else and certainly not alone. This is there actions that they need to own and acknowledge is they truly which to be helped. The most dangerous time in any person's life (male or female) is when fleeing, escaping, seeking safety from abuse. To live daily in that constant eggshells moments while incorporating the flight or fight mode of thinking is exhausting! Stockholm syndrome is real and the longer one stays the harder it becomes to escape. Please seek help for anyone who has lived this horror as I have and as this author portrays so vividly! Always remember to document and utilize 3rd party intervention along with boundaries and no contact if possible at all times.
Forgiveness is something we often hear by victims and survivors. Hope for change. The need to stay in it for the sake of the marital vows or children or finances. Yet they are risking their lives for the sake of another and sadly the other doesn't care if one lives or dies.
In this book the words spoken about her suicide and her depression and how she nearly died and her abuser simply ignored it all as irrelevant was so triggering.
I lived this life and if you read my profile you'll understand the depth of my words. The passion in which this author portrays brings goosebumps to my own body.
I feel every word as an empath which many of us are who fall for these monsters in disguise. We want to believe in the inherent goodness that we lose sight of our own safety and well being.
Our health needs to be top priority. 
I was left for dead with three of my own children living in extreme poverty having escaped. My former spouse was arrested for violating our protection from abuse order and was sentenced to 3 months probation including alcohol and drug treatment and anger management. After refusing support and throwing us out of our home by refusing to pay utilities and threatening to not pay mortgage we had no choice but to vacate or risk living in unsafe conditions.
A warrant was issued for failure to pay and appear with 15k arrearages as he wined and dined the next unsuspecting target.
I say target because these toxic individuals in my case (malignant narc) was in need of source of supply. They need constant attention, adulation, praise, pedestal placement. They have grandiose ego's that make them feel far superior to anyone else. You are in existence to benefit there needs only not as a partner but as many married individuals to these toxic partners find they are there as kept woman or men, they are seen as business partners. These perpetrators appear likeable, believable, credible and will smear your name through smear campaigns leaving a trail of destruction behind. 
Sadly I can truthfully back up in writing what was noted is exactly reality for those who survived to tell their stories.
This novel should be a required read for everyone who has endured similar situations and those who seek to treat the survivors and punish the abusers and perpetrators.
I thank you for exposing this 'behind closed doors' scenario as it plays out far more than we would hope and I know as I now help others heal on my own FB page The Lost Self Life After Narcissism that it's a worldwide problem that needs our attention.
I'm honored to have read this copy and hope others will do the same.