What word have you been called as a woman that would never have been used to describe a man? Is it "shrill" or "emotional" or "ambitious"? There are so many terms used to demean women or even just to diminish their light in some way. Each essay in this collection focuses on one such word; each female writer details how this one word has affected their perceptions of themselves and the world at large.

This collection was eye-opening for me. While some of these words have negative connotations, a lot of them don't immediately bring to mind abusive or toxic language - until you dig a little deeper. For example, the word 'too.' It's pretty rare for this word to be used in a complimentary way. It's usually being used to put women down: "You're too nice," "You're too loud," etc. I hadn't thought before about how this small word can be used to insult women. I also found the essay about 'victim' to be really powerful. This word should be reclaimed, rather than used as a way to dismiss someone's experience and/or pain.

As with any essay collection, some were stronger than others. There were a few essays that felt more like accounts of personal events, rather than an insightful look into an experience. But I do think this book and its message will stay with me for a long time - the words we use with each other can have a super long-lasting effect (especially the ones we use to label children). And these types of words are just one more thing that women have to overcome in order to accept themselves for the amazing beings they are.

*Pretty Bitches* is a super smart collection of essays by feminist writers about the words that have been used to belittle and degrade women. My favorite essay was the one on "too" - i.e., the way that being too-something is never a compliment and usually used as a way to say that women should be less of themselves. Each essay, though, offers a thoughtful exploration of the ways that women's options, opportunities, and modes of expression have been condemned and constrained through words.

If you've ever been undermined because you're a woman? This book is for you.

A compilation of essays on the things women are called on a regular basis, that may seem commonplace, or harmless to those doling out the terms - and are anything but. With essays from Meg Wolitzer, Jennifer Weiner, Glynnis Macnichol, and more - at the very least, reading this will make you feel a little less alone - if not still outraged.

Thank you to Netgalley and Seal Press for advanced access to this title!

A group of eye opening well written essays that show how certain words effect women.Each essay shares words the way they are used the harm they can cause.A group of essays women will pass to each other perfect for discussions.#netgalley#persusbooks

I received this book in exchange for an honest review from NetGalley. I regret to report that I did not finish this book, and only made it about 11% in. To be fair, I think the topic is interesting, I just don’t think I was in the right mindset for it at the moment. My guilt over abandoning a text on Feminism for something lighter was further compounded by the fact that the author is Black and we clearly need to be amplifying black voices right now, but even after trying to read it a second time, it just didn’t capture my attention. Perhaps it is best to absorb a short story collection such as this one in smaller doses. I may try to do that in the future.

Some of these were hit or miss for me, which can be expected of any collection, especially those that are compiled of different writers. I loved seeing some of my favorite writers in here, as well as being introduced to some that are new to me. Overall I think this book did its job of providing commentary and lived experiences about being a woman in today's society and I enjoyed reading the different perspectives.

This collection of essays is a really powerful look at the influence of language, both how we use it and how it shapes the way we think about gender. The essays themselves are an excellent example of how the personal is political, as each is focused on individual experience, which then informs the larger conversation about gendered language and how words can be extremely powerful. I especially appreciate the diverse perspectives throughout, both in experience and authorial style.

More of a solid 3.5 but I’m rounding up.

I knew I had to read this book as soon as I saw the title. Every single word that the authors discuss in this collection of essays has a history of dehumanization and insult when attributed to women, even though some of them don’t feel so on the face. Some of these personal stories were very relatable, some interesting to get to know while others didn’t leave that much of a mark - but ultimately, this is a noteworthy collection of essays, not just to understand the implications behind using these words, but also to see if there are ways we women ourselves are using them to put down other women or if we can reclaim them for ourselves.

Too by Adaora Udoji

The author really drives home the point that woman are shamed and made to question themselves very often because they are “too” much of something, and that it’s a word which is used over and over to make women shut up and stick to their lanes. The author talks about how it affected her personally and how important it is for us to not let go of our voice and keep telling our stories, even if they are too much.

Professional by Afua Hirsch

As a black woman studying to be a barrister, the author talks about how the word “professional” in and of itself is a barrier to her and most women like her, how professional standards are often defined in a way conforming to White men and anyone not automatically falls short of those standards. From being told to tone down the voice, to dress properly to not keeping natural hair, the burden of being a professional is too much on women and the author tells how it took her very long to realize that she didn’t have to conform to those standards which were never made for her anyway.

Effortless by Amy S. Choi

This was a very important essay about women (especially of color) are expected to adhere to white beauty standards but we are also expected to make looking beautiful feel effortless; how we should never talk about all the things we have to do and juggle and buy to get that perfect look and behave as if we just wake up that way. The author’s message that - if we put all the time that we use to make everything look effortless into actually loving ourselves the way we are and just talk openly, we would save so much effort - felt really important and resonated with me a lot.

Princess by Carina Chocano

The author talks about how nothing much has changed in the depiction of princesses in pop culture from her childhood to her kindergartener’s childhood, it’s still a young girl without much agency who is swept away by a prince. My hope is that we are seeing little changes these days and that they will get better in the future.

Ugly by Dagmara Domiñczyk

Ugly is a word that is often used to make a woman feel powerless says the author, and there’s always a lot more meaning hidden behind using that word, but people use it because it’s easy. She asks us to embrace ourselves, both the beautiful and ugly sides of us, and whichever we want to be whenever we want to be.

Shrill by Dahlia Lithwick

This was a brilliant essay and something I felt deeply in my heart - how shrill is a word that is used for women not because there’s something wrong with our tone but because we have dared to speak up in a public space, and how we have been conditioned to lower our voice and soothe the men around us so that they can finally listen to the actual crux of the matter. And the author justifiably asserts that in recent times when we are having more discussions about female anger, she doesn’t care who calls her shrill anymore and she will express her unfiltered opinions. Maybe we should too.

Lucky by Glynnis Macnicol

The author talks about how the word “lucky” is used almost as a sly remark while referring to her because she is a forty year old single women - the meaning behind its usage that she has escaped all the responsibilities women are supposed to have like marriage and motherhood and is leading a charmed life, but she is never congratulated for her accomplishments like a man would be. Everything about her is attributed to “luck” and not all the hard work she had put in over the years. But she also understands that she is lucky indeed to be born in a generation when women can lead independent lives and have control of their destiny.

Mom by Irina Reyn

I think the author was talking a bit about imposter syndrome and not feeling worthy of the word, but I unfortunately didn’t understand the message in this essay.

Mature by Jillian Medoff

The author talks about the dichotomy of the word mature - how when she was young it meant her body was too noticeable and men couldn’t stop staring or commenting on her big breasts; but now as a fifty five year old professional, mature means she is too old and slow and sliding into obsolescence and may not be considered worthy of her job despite her decades of experience. Mature is a word that might have a gender neutral positive meaning but it never does when applied to a woman of any age.

Ambitious by Julianna Baggott

Ambition in a woman in definitely scorned and the author talks about how she was derided directly or just as an aside about how she could possibly be balancing her writing while being a mother of four, their point being that her ambition to publish and her later success made her a bad mother. And while she doesn’t necessarily believe in reclaiming the word, she thinks ambition just means figuring out what we want to do and desiring to do it well.

Victim by Kate Harding

I understand the author’s wish to be called a victim and not a survivor because that’s her choice, but at times I slightly felt she was dismissing the others’ choice to call themselves survivors. Or maybe I misunderstood it. I just didn’t completely get what the author was trying to say except that we should be able to choose individually what we want to be.

Disciplined by Laura Lippman

The author’s story about how she was repeatedly called disciplined and organized for being able to write one mystery novel per year while working and winning awards, but never a genius or natural because that word is usually reserved for men. She is absolutely right when she says that neurotic and eccentric men are hailed as geniuses while women who work jobs, fulfill their passions and also run a home and take care of children are never called the same for being able to do it all, maybe even derided for being so passionate about their dreams. So she has decided to not wait for anyone and claim whatever word she wants for herself.

Yellow-Bone by Lihle Z. Mtshali

The author’s take on how colorism and the self-hatred of being too dark persists until today despite decades after abolition of apartheid in South Africa, really resonated with me. It’s so painful to know that while black people won political power, the influence of white people on economics and culture still remains and their standards of beauty are still considered the norm.

Zaftig by Lizzie Skurnick

While talking about how much hardships they overcame on both her Black and Jewish sides of the family, the author wonders if she is squandering their legacy by spending too much time worrying about her weight, and if she should instead reclaim the words that were used as slurs against her. Interesting food for thought.

Crazy by Mary Pols

The author’s personal experience itself wasn’t relatable but when she talks about the word “crazy” is used to talk about any woman who doesn’t fit the boxes the men have made for her, when she tries to be more, or when the men are trying to gaslight women to cover up their own mistakes - it was too hard not to resonate because we have all heard it. The word has been so extensively used that even we women shame ourselves for being called crazy and the author implores us not to fall into that kind of self-hatred and just be what we want to be.

Small by Beth Bich Minh Nguyen

Small is not a word I would have associated with myself because I was always the tall one, and even the big one. But the whole idea of small being used in the context of making ourself take up less space, diminish ourselves and not voice our thoughts loudly is something I feel deeply about and I don’t know when I’ll get into the process of unlearning it all, I’m so glad that the author is much more comfortable in her body and confident in herself that the word small doesn’t bother her anymore.

Funny by Meg Wolitzer

I’ve never been a funny or humorous person, but I still felt it when the author says how her over my expression of humor and being funny and acting it out became a bit distasteful to other men as she grew up because in our gendered society, it is they who are allowed to express themselves fully but women never have the same freedom.

Sweet by Monique Truong

Tracing the origins of how sugar became such a prominent food group with its link to slavery and colonization, and using the example of Dr. Christine Blasey-Ford, the author talks about how we just love to diminish the worth of a woman and all her qualities and accomplishments to the single word “sweet” as if that single word can encompass the complete personality of a woman.

Nurturing by Racquel D’Apice

The author talks a lot about how giving birth to a baby doesn’t make anyone a natural at nurturing, but loving and and trying to take care of the baby gradually does. And that is why she says it is very condescending when men use the word nurture in terms of saying women are good at it because they are more emotion rather than practical or logical. I thought the author did a great job trying to dissect this myth about nurturing and talking about it as a realistic process that anyone can and should develop.

Pretty by Stephanie Burt

The author tells us that pretty is often used as an infantilizing word, meaning not really beautiful, not upto the mark, not perfect. But it all stems from the patriarchal beliefs that feminine presentation is somehow weak. And that’s why as a trans woman who transitioned late in her life, the author talks about embracing the word pretty and everything that comes with it - being feminine, the pink, the tulle, the makeup and et al - because there is power in them too.

Intimidating by Tanzila Ahmed

As a desi myself, I related so much to the author’s experiences - how we are taught to be educated and independent, but don’t act too smart or intelligent with guys because they don’t like feeling intimidated by their partners; how we should stay silent and listen and take care of them and let them take care of us even though we are perfectly capable ourselves. I know I’ve done it myself and it’s frustrating but I actually liked knowing that the author has managed to not have to sacrifice her sense of self for the sake of a relationship but also a bit sad that that she is still single probably because the guys can’t handle a well educated smart woman.

Good by Tova Mirvis

Growing up in an orthodox Jewish community with her name literally meaning “good”, the author talks about how her whole upbringing was divided into being good and bad, with good being obedient and quiet and religious and everything else being bad. Her struggle between good and bad, trying to suppress herself to ensure that she was being good was tough to read but I loved that she managed to break out of it and her lesson that we should just live our truth instead of asking ourselves if it’s good or bad, is very important.

Tomboy by Winter Miller

The author’s journey of being called a tomboy but unable to accept it and then trying to find the right word to identify herself from lesbian to gay to queer to dyke to androgynous, it’s a fascinating read and I liked how confident and comfortable the author seemed in being exactly herself.

Aloof by Elizabeth Spiers

This was another very relatable topic where the author talks about how a woman is always expected to be a validator a man, especially so if she is a woman with some sort of power, in which case she has to make all other men around her feel comfortable. But when a woman has both some form of power of agency but is so shy, reserved and silent, sinister designs are attributed to her and called as aloof whereas a man in the exact same situation would be called “the strong, silent type”. The author talks about this hypocrisy with many examples and I realized how true it is, but there’s also nothing we can really do to change it.

Exotic by Emily Sanders Hopkins

I’m actually not sure what to say about the author’s essay except that it made me a bit uncomfortable and I’m not sure what to take away from it.

Fat by Jennifer Weiner

As someone who’s heard talk about my fat body, the need to not be lazy and diet and exercise and many other snide comments for lots of years now, this essay hit me hard. And I think I just don’t wanna say anymore except read this one. It’s important. And don’t fat shame.

Feisty by Katha Pollitt

I used to attribute the word feisty to some of my favorite fictional characters in my reviews until I realized the negative connotations of the word, how it’s just another word for angry woman disguised as a compliment; and the author explains it very well through her own experiences.

Words You Shouldn’t Call Women

There is a whole list of words and animal names detailed in this section which are still used to describe women, some of which are positive compliments when applied to men but definitely not in case of women. Knowing some of their origins makes it sound hilarious but their usage in our daily life is definitely not.

"I didn't yet know how easily that word could be weaponized against me as a woman, used against any woman, pulled from the ever-ready "stay in your place" toolbox." While this line from Adaora Udoji's "Too" refers to the same word that gives PRETTY BITCHES' first essay its title, I think it's concept can be expanded to apply to this book as a whole.

The title will be too much, for some people. Too rude, too loud, too demanding. The subject matter will be too liberal, too SJW, too special snowflake, too entitled. This book may be dismissed as feminist "drivel" and mocked in men's rights subreddits. But Udoji goes on to quote feminist poet Audre Lorde, who says, "I have come to believe over and over again that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood."

PRETTY BITCHES is a collection of essays from women who are unafraid of being labeled of too much of anything, valuing the importance to share their stories, thoughts, hopes, and weaknesses over the fear of being misunderstood or mocked. From exploring the beauty standards women impose on themselves to exploring gender roles to the impact of beauty on a woman's life to thoughts about pursuing careers and creating families, LIzzie Skurnick has gathered together an army of women with whom you'd want to be best friends. Similar to BAD FEMINIST by Roxanne Gay, PRETTY BITCHES looks at serious issues women face through the lens of pop culture, personal stories, and a conversational tone.

While I’d never heard of a couple of the words explored in this book before, including yellow-bone, most have been attributed to either myself or women I know. I expected to get fired up reading this book and assumed I’d finish it with an overwhelming need to fix something, anything, everything, like I did after reading ‘Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture’.

Unfortunately, while some chapters stood out to me and made me want to know more about their authors (these are marked with 😊) I could take or leave others and even had a few ‘did you seriously just say that?!’ moments with one author.

For each chapter I’m including a quote that either spoke to me, said something I wanted to remember about what I’d read or most accurately summed up my experience of reading it.

Warning: I don’t usually include swearing in my reviews but a couple of the quotes I chose include it.

Preface by Lizzie Skurnick 😊

“I began to realize these words weren’t pinpricks. They weren’t the punishment. They were the justification for the punishment: the jobs we lost, the promotions, the houses, the money, our respect, our bodies, our voices.”

Introduction by Rebecca Traister 😊

“But now I mostly hear it as an aggressive word, a mean word, a word that suggests that the act of fucking itself is mean and aggressive and often particularly aggressive toward women … It’s really a shame.”

Too by Adaora Udoji

“I didn’t yet know how easily that word could be weaponized against me as a woman, used against any woman, pulled from the ever-ready “stay in your place” toolbox.”

Professional by Afua Hirsch

“Woman are disadvantaged by ideas of the “professional” before we even walk through the door, because to be truly professional is to conform to the ideal on which it is based: an elite, white man.”

Effortless by Amy S. Choi

“We can’t change our culture when we lie about what the culture is. We can’t accept ourselves until we stop pretending that we already do.”

Princess by Carina Chocano

“A princess was nothing if not a pretty doormat, a machine that suffered abuse and exploitation nobly and exquisitely, not to mention without complaint. It was this quality - more than her hotness or her duets with songbirds - that caught the prince’s attention: how gracefully she endured abuse. Then he married her, turning her nobility of spirit into the other kind. Making her status official.”

Ugly by Dagmara Domińczyk

“The word for ugly in Polish is brzydka - which sounds eerily close to the word for razor blade, which is brzytwa. And for most of my formative life, ugly cut me. Quick and to the bone.”

Shrill by Dahlia Lithwick

“Shrill is much less about what the speaker is saying, as it turns out, and more about the listener’s capacity to cede ground. Shrill, in other words, is the word people use to signal they aren’t ready to listen - not to your voice, but to what you’re actually saying.”

Lucky by Glynnis MacNicol

“It was, I discovered, possible to live a notable life as a woman who had never achieved either of the two things women were noted for: being a wife and giving birth.”

Mom by Irina Reyn

“According to linguist Roman Jakobson, the reason ma is a root of the word for “mother” in so many global languages is that this is what babies are capable of saying first.”

Mature by Jillian Medoff

“Chuckling, Fuck Face let his eyes go from my breasts to my face then back to my breasts. He stared at me with intent, as if we were sharing a sleazy secret. “Jill sure is mature, isn’t she?””

Ambitious by Julianna Baggott

“Here’s the message that I received early on: male ambition is good and necessary. People assume that any man who’s gotten far in his career has a lot of it. Female ambition, on the other hand, is dirty. It’s selfish. It’s ugly. Female ambition is suspicious. It comes at a cost. It’s necessary to get ahead - we’re told - but if a woman uses it to get ahead then she’s sacrificed her soul. And she’s going against society’s virtuous goal for her: motherhood.”

Victim by Kate Harding

“And it is true that any attempt to sort human beings into categories necessarily shaves of some of our humanity, replacing each unique individual with a type.”

Disciplined by Laura Lippman

“Anne Lamott once wrote that she thought if people knew how she felt when she was writing, they would set her on fire. That seemed about right to me. I knew no more powerful feeling, that was for sure.”

Yellow-Bone by Lihle Z. Mtshali 😊

“Yellow-bone is a loathsome term that we borrowed from American blacks. Though it refers to all light-skinned black people, in South Africa, it is mostly used to refer to light-skinned black women. Yes: people are woke, black pride is a thing, and #melaninpoppin is a popular hashtag. But black men post pictures of light-skinned black women, writing that the “yellow-bones” will give them beautiful kids.”

Zaftig by Lizzie Skurnick

“Because what if we reclaimed zaftig - and, like my grandmother, left the proportion of lipid to lean out of it entirely? What if we took out the sexy part, too? What if we made it, like my grandmother did, about being strong?”

Crazy by Mary Pols

When Natalie Portman spoke at Variety’s Power of Women event in 2018, this was part of her speech:

““If a man says to you that a woman is crazy or difficult,” the Oscar-winning actress said, “ask him, ‘What bad thing did you do to her?’””

Small by Beth Bich Minh Nguyen

“Being small was another way of being silent, and that’s what white people were always expecting of me too.”

Funny by Meg Wolitzer

“Being funny, or at least trying to be, felt like a real part of me, and I never questioned it - until suddenly I did.”

Sweet by Monique Truong

“These too are compliments: sugar, honey, candy, sweetmeat, honey bun, honey pie, sugar pie, sweetheart, sweetie, sweet cheeks, sweet lips, sugar tits, and sweet piece of ass. The slippery slope from compliment to insult begins with sweet.”

Nurturing by Racquel D’Apice

“My frustration lies with the people who say “Women are more nurturing” but mean “Women are nurturing and emotional rather than practical and logical,” which bleeds into “In a family, someone should stay home with the kids, and I think the people who should be doing that are women.””

Pretty by Stephanie Burt

“To be pretty is to be appreciated and girly but small and impractical and, also, perhaps, defenseless.”

Intimidating by Tanzila Ahmed

“Society has all these expectations of how women are to show up in this world. Be yourself, they say. Be less of yourself. Be independent, but not too intimidating. Take care of yourself, but make a man feel like he can take care of you. Be everything, but not too much.”

Good by Tova Mirvis 😊

“You are allowed to change. You are allowed to decide what you believe. You are allowed to think what you think, feel what you feel.”

Tomboy by Winter Miller

“Tomboy is someone else’s idea about my gender.”

Aloof by Elizabeth Spiers

“Strong, silent women exist. Yet women who exhibit emotional control (women are always emotional!) and are taciturn in social situations (and they never shut up!) don’t get the benefit of being “strong, silent types.” In women, that alchemy of reserve and resolve makes a lot of people uncomfortable. They are people at once feminine and at odds with traditional ideas of what femininity connotes.”

Exotic by Emily Sanders Hopkins 😊

“They didn’t ask him his race; they just typed “white.” (Maybe race is just what you look like to white people.)”

Fat by Jennifer Weiner 😊

“And there it was. Fat. The other F word.”

Feisty by Katha Pollitt

“Feistiness takes the unpredictable, dangerous energy of anger and renders it funny and harmless. To call someone feisty is to imply they are in the one-down position. It’s the one-word version of “You’re so cute when you’re mad.””

Content warnings include mention of eating disorders, racism and sexual assault.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Seal Press, an imprint of Perseus Books, for the opportunity to read this book.

Great essays. Each essay was eyeopening and interesting. A perfect collection. Pick this book up during Women's History month!

I adored this book! This is an anthology of essays about different words used to describe women. The book explores the power of language and can be read a little bit each night. I found myself devouring the stories and feeling close to each author. What a culturally relevant, stirring, and beautiful collection!

4/5 stars

​Here comes the book that needs to be on every woman's to-read list.

A collection of essays written by very different women, from very different backgrounds, that blend and flow together amazingly well.

Each essays explores a word, that all of us as women collectively, have been called at one point or another in our lives. Bossy, loud, cute, lucky, fat... Words have power, and those who wield them even more so. But these women are trying to reclaim that power. Some them have already done it and are encouraging other women do the same. Some are still trying and failing under the world's expectations and their own fears. But all of them tell their stories, raw and unapologetic. No matter how far they have gotten. No matter how low they stooped before they reclaimed their power.

The essays are powerful and inspiring. Some are enraging. There were maybe two or three essays to which I could not connect, but those were very rare and in between.

My favorites were "lucky" and "effortless" among many, many others.

The book finishes on a strong note with a dictionary of words which woman should not be called, and their descriptions.

Read this. It's important.

As you might expect, this book is both terribly upsetting and freeing to read. It will bring to mind every instance in which you have personally been undermined or at a disadvantage. Reading these women's experiences is also very validating. This is not a book to read when you are in a good mood, as it will promptly ruin it, but it is still important to read.

I enjoyed this book for its diverse voices. They all fit together very well, despite being written by vastly different people covering different subjects. However, as much as I enjoyed reading the essays, I didn’t love the book itself. I wish that there had been a slightly more robust wraparound instead of a relatively short preface and ending on a list of words you really shouldn’t call women (which was clever, I admit, but I don’t think it really served in any way to end the book).

With that being said, there were a few essays in particular that I found stood out among the others:
Effortless by Amy S. Choi
Princess by Carina Chocano
Nurturing by Racquel D’Apice

As I said before I did like this book. I just wish that the wraparound had felt more cohesive – or more like a wraparound and less like a paltry intro to what is otherwise a pretty damn good bunch of writing.

If you are a woman, or have ever met one, you might find this an interesting look into the ways that we perceive our roles in society, and why we might be just a little unsatisfied with it. Either way, give this book a shot, you might learn something!

"Pretty Bitches" by Lizzie Skurnick is a collection of essays written by women addressing the labels women face in the workplace, at school, in life in general. These brave women write candidly and openly, sharing their personal stories showcasing the challenges women face for being women. Many of the topics and labels addressed are words and situations that we hear about everyday. Reading these essays opened my eyes on how hurtful different words/looks/actions can be and how women can hide that hurt but carry the pain.

I received an advanced readers copy in exchange for an honest review

I wanted to like this so much more than I did. Underwhelming