This is a fantastic read, a must read for everybody. And Ruth Coker Burks is an amazing woman. The way that gay men were treated in the past,  at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic was deplorable.  Ruth showed nothing but compassion and understanding to all. Allison was amazing too and I loved Billy. Ruth treated them all with the love that they deserved. Most were thrown out of their homes, alienated by their families. Ruth provided them with the emotional attention they needed when they were at one of the lowest points of their loves. To think that this happened so openly for so long, and was allowed to proceed too. It is such a testament to a wonderful woman, who should never be forgotten.

One of the most inspiring books I have read. Ruth Coker Burks is just such an amazing person, her journey and the compassion she shows to strangers give me hope. She didn’t have much money or spare time, but when faced with someone else’s suffering, she found a way to help. Ruth’s spirit and courage and the wonderful storytelling had me rapt.

Ruth's story is incredible. In telling her own story she gives voice to just a fraction of those that lost their lives due to AIDs & societal neglect. One of the most heartbreaking & touching things I have ever read.

Having watched the series It's a Sin on TV it reinforced my interest in reading this book. 
From a chance encounter when she is about 26 we follow Ruth as she becomes  an activist for the victims of Aids. However her approach is very hands on , cooking meals, dropping off HIV tests, finding homes for the gay men she later identifies as family. All this is done whilst being a single Mum to Allison and trying to work too. She even starts checking out the bins of food shops to help cook nutritious food for her "men".
She particularly finds a home at a drag Queen venue Our House and develops an awareness campaign backed up by practical help like offering  condoms . She even takes her campaign to Governor Clinton (later president)
Ruth is never sure about her motivation except maybe as an example of her Christianity in practice (although her Church refuses to help and is passively-aggressive towards the community she deals with). Ruth is always hands on and not afraid to circumvent rules and conventions to act humanely . 
In the Epilogue , written in 2019,we find out that her vast experience wasn't recognized even within the organisations that evolved to deal with the Aids crisis and particularly is disregarded by the medical profession.
It seemed that Ruth travelled round for a while, needing to get away from Arkansas and also needed time to grieve for all the losses she suffered and all the men she "put" in her own family's cemetery.
Of course people are now able to lead full lives with HIV  and a generation has grown up who maybe didn't know much about it . This is due to  good treatments for which we must be eternally thankful.  I didn't have direct experience of losing anyone to , but do remember the climate of fear. I am glad there was  Ruth to alleviate the stigma and suffering of those men and offer them love.

The story of a woman who single handily brought compassion and educated her state of Arkansas and beyond on AIDS . In the late  1980’s many young men were dying from AIDS and the medical society was ill equipped to educate its own and subsequently the communities where these young men lived . AIDS Individuals were ostracized from society. Ruth , the co -authored this book  saw how misinformed not only herself , AIDS patients and society in general were on the topic . Her mission was to learn all she could and help those suffering . This book details her journey of discovery on so many levels.

Ruth Coker Burks writes about her experiences caring for HIV/AIDS patients in All the Young Men: A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South. She wasn’t a nurse or other health care provider. She was just a young woman with a big heart and buckets full of determination. And her mission to help simply happened because she couldn’t bear to see someone dying alone. If that’s not a relevant theme for 2020/2021, I don’t know what is.

Burks was visiting a friend recovering from cancer surgery in the hospital. The year was 1986 and it was Little Rock, Arkansas—the Deep South and the early years of the AIDS crisis. The fear and recrimination about contagion were at a fever pitch. And Burks was that helper who walked towards the crisis instead of away from it.

Down the hall from her friend, a young gay man was dying alone is his hospital room. He couldn’t get out of bed, but the hospital staff just left food outside the door. They wore full contagion gear when they did enter. And it broke Burks’ heart to see, so she decided to take a risk. She stood just inside the door and heard the patient asking for his mother. And that was the start of her journey.

Along the way Burks met many gay men, both with and without HIV/AIDS. She navigated the social services available to them. Often, she brought them leftovers from her own home. But she also learned the skills of dumpster diving and drawing blood for testing. What came naturally was her caring and ultimately love. She also didn’t take any shit from community and family members when their fear and prejudice reared its ugly head.

My conclusions
This book is the perfect combination of hope and sadness. When HIV/AIDS was first identified nearly every patient died. The differences were in their medical experience, family support, and personal attitudes. Burks helped make all three situations better. She got “her guys” as she calls them onto the first treatments, even when money was tight. When it was possible, she helped the men reconnect and spend time with their families. Often, though, it was the LGBTQ community that created their own family, welcoming Burks into their circle.

Reading this memoir, I fell in love with both Burks and her guys. She’s a born storyteller, made better with the able assistance of writer Kevin Carr O’Leary. Every time I picked up the book, I felt like Burks and I were chatting over coffee. I laughed plenty over Southern charms, and also shed some tears over the injustice and loneliness of it all. Mostly I cheered for this “family of choice,” which endured unimaginable hardships together.

In this time of another pandemic, the most important action I’ve taken away from Burks is to call and (safely) visit my friends and family. Connectedness is as lifesaving as medicine. Humans are meant to support each other—to be a tribe. And the tribe from All the Young Men is one I’ll never forget.

I recommend this book if you want a memoir that tells it to you straight and touches your heart.

Acknowledgements
Many thanks to NetGalley, Grove Atlantic, and the author for a digital advanced reader’s copy in exchange for this honest review.

A while back I read the fictional account of the AIDS crisis, [book:The Great Believers|45304101], which made a huge impression. I personally do not know anyone who has died from this, but I did have a male friend in the late seventies, whose quite wealthy parents gave him a sum of money and disowned him after he came out. I have five sons and there is not anything they can do that would make me act like so many of these parents did. Not my idea of love, nor my idea of being a mother.

Ruth is an angel, she fought so hard for these young men, tried to educate people on AIDS, but so many people doing to distrust and ignorance, then and now. She spoke at rotary clubs, other organizations, held dying men's hands, offered comfort and love when none was available and lastly buried their remains. She put her friendships, reputation, she put everything on the line. What an amazing woman, an amazing story.

She had a strong faith, and unlike many in thereligious community who shunned these desperate, dying men she saw her faith as leading her to provide succor not condemnation. A wonderful, personal story and an awe inspiring one. In times of darkness, we need our real life angels.

ARC from Netgalley.

Ruth Coker Burks is in the hospital visiting a friend when she hears someone asking for help behind a curtain.  No one seems to be heading for the cries of help so she pokes her head in.  She discovers a man dying of AIDS in need of assistance.  This is the mid-1980s and medical professionals (really just the general population) are scared that they can get AIDS from coming into contact with someone infected with the virus.  Ruth doesn't care about the risk and helps him by soothing him and helping to keep him nourished until he dies a few days later.  When she learns his family won't help with his burial, she takes it into her own hands to ensure this gentleman has a resting place.  By going to help that man, Ruth started off on a path that will change her life forever and this is the first of several AIDS patients Ruth will help through the 1990s.
This is an inspiration memoir that talks about how we need to have more compassion for those around us.  I think that's something that we easily forget in this day and age.  I did have some problems with the book and Ruth's Pollyanna attitude regarding how her community would see her actions.  She seemed shocked that they didn't help AIDS patients with open arms although she was covertly helping them since she knew she would be scrutinized for her actions and when she is scrutinized for those actions she seems shocked too.  Although Ruth had a naive attitude at times, she did some good in her community when others weren't stepping up.  
Thank you to Netgalley and Grove Press for an electronic copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.
Rating: 3.5 stars

As recently as last week I became aware of this memoir when I read a trusted friends five star review of it.   It sounded inspiring and Angela's words describing <b> All The Young Men. A Memoir of Love, AIDS, and Chosen Family in the American South</b> brought to mind Abraham Verghese's book 'My own Country. A Doctor's Story of a Town and it's People In The Age of AIDS' which I'd read some two or three years ago.   I had been mightily impressed, shocked and moved by the Verghese title and this one impacted me in exactly the same way. 

Though this is a story about the early years of AIDS I found myself reading with a similar mindset as the one I have when reading holocaust stories.    Both are important because they remind us of our recent history and provide important lessons to help ensure our mistakes are never repeated.    I feel shocked at the atrocious ways people behave towards others, the way they're able to turn a blind eye to what's going on around them.   I feel the utmost admiration for those who stepped up to come to the aid of others and I find myself challenged to wonder which of the two categories I would find myself in. 

I'd like to think I'd be in the latter category of those who risked everything for others but fear I would not have the strength nor courage to be that person.   Ruth Coker Burks is one person who definitely fell into that category.   Ruth was not a health professional in the regularly accepted sense.   She did not study as a medical practitioner but despite her lack of formal qualifications she was so much more of a carer to dozens (scores) of people from across the state of Arkansas than other so called carers - Doctors, family members, religious groups and even morticians.   In a time when fear and ignorance of AIDS prevailed, where homosexuality was an actual crime and prejudice against gays was rife. In a time when whole communities were prepared to turn away, to shun, to ignore, to abuse and to simply refuse to provide any assistance or compassion whatsoever to AIDS sufferers Ruth was out there literally getting her hands dirty and getting things done.   Her greatest gift was that of compassion, showing these men and women that somebody cared for them. She fed, bathed and cared for them.   She advocated on their behalf.   She researched and learnt all she could and then educated others.   She sought practical assistance, food and housing, she co-ordinated medical attention and medication, and when the end came she arranged funerals and buried the poor souls whose families had disowned them. 

This lady was top of the class in the real world school of good deeds and humanity. There was no mention of any kind of recognition for her and she was certainly not in it for the money,  but in my opinion she deserves commendation for her actions.    Top marks too for Kevin Carr O'Leary who put her story into words. He made it an engaging and highly readable work and I thank him for his efforts in sharing Ruths story.   My thanks must also go to Grove Press and NetGalley for the opportunity of reading this digital ARC in exchange for an honest review which it was my pleasure to provide.

A wonderful memoir by a woman who cared for AIDS patients in rural Arkansas during the height of the AIDS crisis. Difficult? Yes. But such a necessary tale of compassion and love. The added element of Ruth raising a young girl during these years added another layer of both complexity and hope.

What would you do, if you were in the hospital visiting a friend, and you saw a door covered in a blood-red tarp adorned with a BIOHAZARD sign? Just walk on by, right? What if you heard a plaintive, "help" coming from inside the room? Would you go in there? Would you hold his hand?

Ruthie did. Then, after he died, she took his ashes and buried them in her family plot. At night, because if word got out that she had buried an AIDS patient (in Arkansas in 1986), she might have lost custody of her daughter. 

After that, she just... kept providing care. Cooking for others despite barely being able to make ends meet. Helping them get medical care. Respecting their final wishes. Later, her efforts would grow to include safer sex education. (Not to mention letters to Governor Bill Clinton, who she knew from growing up - she wanted him to know what she was seeing. And he later brought that knowledge to the White House.)

It's hard to describe the impact this one woman had - she just did so much.

All the Young Men is a powerfully affecting memoir. The authors neither shy away from reality, nor veer into the territory of "tragedy porn." Perhaps most stirring is the belief that there was no one behind Ruth - if she didn't keep helping, there was no one else waiting in the wings to step up. But instead of a burden, she saw her work as an "honor."

I know those hospital night shifts. Gathering information to fill out death certificates. Finding spots to bury the dead. What a book, NetGalley. Painful and raw and detailed. And beautiful and inspiring. Read this book.

Ruth Coker Burks was just 26-years-old when she found her life’s mission: to care for HIV and AIDS patients. Many of whom she barely knew, and didn’t even know at all.

She was there for those who she called “my guys” in every way possible when no one else was. She educated them, fed them, medicated them, tested them, transported them, nurtured them and buried them.

“I was tired of waiting for them to die. I was actually trying to help them live instead.”

A single mom, who was barely making ends meet on her own, became a surrogate family member to those who found her name and phone number by word of mouth. When they were shunned by their families—and even their doctors—she was there for all the young men who were left behind. Angel. Antonio. Carlos. Luke. Todd. Jerry. Douglas. John. Danny. Neil. Marc. Tim. Jim. And Billy. Plus, many more.

This deeply emotional and powerful memoir that paints a true picture of life in the past 30 years, when having HIV and AIDs was so taboo that no one would go near you. Ruth Coker Burks is a saint for giving her life to those who needed her care.


Special thanks to Grove Atlantic who gave me an advanced copy of “All The Young Men,” via NetGalley, in exchange for my review.

Thank you Grove Atlantic and NetGalley for gifting me with an ARC of Ruth Coker Burks memoir, All the Young Men. In exchange I offer my unbiased review.

Sometimes a simple act of kindness can alter a life, and in this case thousands of lives. One ordinary woman did something that was extraordinary. Ruth Coker Burks a single mother, barely able to support her young daughter became a beacon of hope, love and tenderness for a population of men who no one wanted to help. By random chance, Ruth found herself the lifeline for those alone, sick and suffering  from the AIDS virus in the early days of the disease. This story is inspiring and heartbreaking. Simply written, Ruth shares her story on the fight to end ignorance and homophobia while also giving the readers a glimpse into her personal struggles as a single mom living in poverty. It’s an eye-opening read, and one that will stay with me for a very long time.

In my opinion, this book should be required reading for kids in high school. It is a powerful account of the early days of the AIDS crisis and the attitudes that people had towards the LGBTI community. 

I have to tell you that I both laughed and cried throughout this book. I also cheered on Ruth Coker Burks, who is one heck of a woman!! Anything you want done, I reckon she would be your gal, truly. I loved the passages in the book where she puts on her best clothes and her highest heels and then goes and gets what she needs for "her guys". This lady truly deserves all the accolades that anyone could possibly get and I wish I could give her a hug. But I digress.

Ruth is a young, single mum living in Arkansas, and she is a woman of strong faith. She is supporting a friend in hospital when she comes across a poor guy who is being neglected by the nurses because he has AIDS. This is back in 1986 when AIDS was a death sentence. I remember the early days of the AIDS crisis too, and there was a LOT of fear in the community. For a time, we honestly didn't know how the virus spread and because everyone who got it, died, people were genuinely terrified for their lives. Of course, we all know better now, but it is something to keep in mind. 

At the time the AIDS crisis was just beginning, I was a 17 year old girl who had just left home. I had gay friends and actually went to my first drag show when I was 17 (underage of course, but they let me in anyway). I agree with Ruth, after you have been to a drag show, a straight pageant is really a bit boring! I remember everyone talking about AIDS and how it was a gay disease. My gay friends were scared but I don't remember ever been scared of THEM and life just continued on as normal. There was a lot of fear mongering on the TV though, that I remember very well. Little kids who got the virus from blood transfusions and being kicked out of kindergarten, that sort of thing. 

Anyway, this book is all about people's attitudes about others who were gay, or otherwise not living life the way they thought they should, and the way that Ruth became the "go-to girl" when you had a guy infected with the virus who didn't have anyone else. I can't even imagine how it was, to spend time with these young men, watching them fade away, and knowing that their families were living so close by but wanted nothing to do with them. It really was appalling. So much ignorance!! So much snobbery towards Ruth too. The attitudes of some of the Church members shocked me the most though, wow. 

This book was not all doom and gloom though. One of the stand-out messages for me was that family can be anyone - blood or not. Ruth didn't have a lot of family, she had her daughter Allison and that was about it. She had a few good friends, but so many in the LGBTI community became her family and that was just so beautiful to read. I LOVED that Allison was such a fantastic, kind little girl who loved Ruth's guys just as much as Ruth did and I am sure that she gave them a lot of love and comfort too. And Paul - what a special man :) Ruth's friendship with Billy made my heart feel really full as well.

Big sigh. It has taken me a full 24 hours after finishing this book, to think about what to write and I still don't think I have done this book justice. My big hope is that people know better now and all those people who judged, rejected and were downright nasty back in the 80's and 90's, have gotten themselves educated and are better people now. Human nature being what it is though, that probably isn't the case :(

Just read it!!

5 stars from me. 

Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Press.

ALL THE YOUNG MEN is one of those books that produced so many varied and opposing emotions in me. I cried. I laughed. I was angry. I was in awe of Ruth Coker Burks who single handedly did so much to help an already ostracised group of people that society, and especially their own families, shunned because of their illness.
The story is divided between the lives of the AIDs sufferers Burks helps and her own hardship-filled life that I found just as interesting.

Both stories are set against the 1980s background when the stigma of an HIV or AIDS diagnosis came with prejudice and fear. The story also highlights the hypocrisy of religion and the astonishingly sexist and insincere attitudes prevalent in Arkansas at the time. 

The writing flows nicely, and is both candid and emotive. I found the book a great snapshot of a time and place. 
Highly recommended!

Three nurses draw straws to see who must attend to the patient in the room with the red tarp covering the door. The patient, or whatever lies behind that door must pose a danger to the nurses because even after the loser has drawn the short straw they still argue, none of them wanting to cross the threshold.

Ruth, who is visiting her friend who has cancer, is curious when she comes across the nurses and the door. She must move closer to read the writing. While the nurses still argue about who must enter the room, Ruth slips past them. BIOHAZARD is written on the door in bold capital letters. Styrofoam food trays litter the floor around the door.

A desperate, weak cry of help goads Ruth into peering into the room behind the red tarp. This is Ruth’s first look at an AIDS patient, and the sickly emaciated body shocks her.

The year is 1986, not much is known about AIDS yet, and ignorance fuels fear. The courage that Ruth displays when she enters the young man’s room to console and wash his face is astounding considering that at this early stage, the medical community was still trying to find information on how the disease was transmitted, hence the nurses reluctance to enter.

It is an early indication, and testament, to just what type of woman Ruth is when she stays with him until he passes and then organizes his cremation. All this for somebody she just met, and who, in Ruth’s eyes at the time, could pass on a lethal disease.

This tragic meeting is the catalyst that starts off Ruth’s amazing life of helping the young men dying of AIDS. The men that nobody wanted anything to do with. I simply cannot believe the lengths she goes to, helping these strangers. At first just being there as a comfort for the dying men, organizing their cremations, with little to no help.

However, she does not stop there. She researches the disease, building her knowledge, looking for cures or preventative medicines, while pilfering drugs and paraphernalia to treat the patients. This is one incredible lady.

What makes her do this? There is no pay, no rewards, in fact the complete opposite. She is demonized, vilified, banned from medical establishments, and yet she keeps going, incredibly, increasing the help and support she provides with each day. She finds food, shelter, when money and food stamps run out, she looks for fund raising opportunities and donations. She goes through dumpsters getting food that is fresh and edible just thrown out from a wasteful society. Again, this is for people she does not know, dying of a deadly disease. She does it because she feels it is the right thing to do.

This memoir is not just about Ruth helping these men. It is about her own personal struggle being a single parent and raising a young daughter amongst her chaotic life. The effect that her decision to help these men and choose this path has on her daughter’s life. The father forever behind in child support payments, payments that are rarely paid at all.

Her own childhood, growing up without a father, and a clinically crazy mother who clinically destroys every chance of Ruth having a happy, normal childhood.

It is not an embellishment to say that people like Ruth played a vital role in the fight against AIDS. It may not have been so obvious at the time, and progress was painfully slow, but progress in almost all facets of the fight was slowly made. Awareness, treatment, myths dispelled. Ruth had the courage and the morals to help, when most of the world turned a blind eye.

While reading this memoir I was constantly reminded of “The Great Believers” by Rebecca Makkai. These recollections made this book, and what Ruth achieved even more impressive. Another book that restores my faith in humanity. 4.5 Stars!

I expected this book to be really good, but it was great. It was one of the saddest yet most hopeful books I've read. In the 80s in Arkansas, Ruth Coker Burks just happened to be at the hospital when she saw how a dying patient with AIDS was being treated, and felt she had no choice but to step in. She and her daughter gradually became community and church pariahs, yet Ruth never let anyone know they got to her and just carried on caring for "her guys" with AIDS. Ruth truly was able to change the world just through kindness. I laughed, I cried, and I love that this book is able to keep the memories of these wonderful guys like Billy, Tim, and Jim alive. A must-read!

This book is incredibly poignant and exactly what I needed during the Covid-19 Pandemic. It's a real testament to the power of compassion, yet it is told in a way that doesn't feel preachy, lofty or self-righteous. I felt like the book did a good of bringing to life what it was like to fight the AIDS crisis in the South. The book also has this interesting way of on one hand generating amazement about all Ruth did and yet at the same time make you think, how could she NOT do it. It was clear at the time that if she didn't, no one else would and it's fascinating to me to read about people who step up under those circumstances.

I will also say as someone who lost my father earlier in the year and was in the room when he passed, I found the scene where she details a dear friend's passing to be so moving. I am not sure if others who were there then someone they love passed will feel this way, but this is the first time I've read something that captured for me what that experience is like.  I know for some people it might seem morbid, but I found it very, very comforting and reassuring. 

For anyone who is feeling down about how things are being handled during the Covid-19 pandemic I found this book a great antidote to remind me of the power of compassion.

Ruth Coker Burks is the personification of a humanitarian and a hero. 
When she witnessed nurses in a hospital she was visiting drawing straws to see who would care for the (AIDS) patient in the red doored room, Ruth stepped in and became an advocate, care giver and friend.. This was a time when AIDS patients carried a horrendous stigma and the compassion of the human touch was craved for and very rare. With her southern style and warmth of heart she learned about AIDS educating medical professionals, clergy and the general public. She fought for these young men, assisted them with insurance and all aspects of daily life. She handled funeral arrangements when others failed to. Her determination as a trailblazer in the early days of this epidemic also cost her personally with the loss of family, friends and jobs but she carried on with endless strength, determination and spirit.
This is a rewarding and inspirational memoir. Her honest, admirable character is one that I will never forget.
She is an angel that walks the earth.
Thank you NetGalley, Grove Press and last but not least Ruth Coker Burks for an ARC for an honest book review of this highly recommended read.