4.5 stars
This is an extremely emotional book. April feels as if she’s a bit crazy, but I don’t agree. April is so much like the average woman who is made to believe she’s crazy because she doesn’t fit in an easy mold of one specific thing. The thoughts April has running through her head, whether it’s just before having sex or sitting and watching Dawson’s Creek, are so real. In fact, they are so real that I think a straight cis man would think there’s no way women think these things. That’s how far this author goes into April’s thoughts.

As I said at the beginning, this is an emotional story. In April’s past is a very abusive relationship, emotionally and sexually. So be warned if these are things you need to avoid for your own mental health. This story is April’s mental health journey. At least part of it. One of the interesting things the author did was to pick up this story a couple of years post-relationship. I appreciate her showing that these issues do not just go away over time. In fact, if you try to ignore your trauma it often just gets worse. April’s struggles are coming to a head, and it’s not pretty.

There were many times in this book where I wanted to be mad at April. I wanted to dislike her and yell at her and leave her in the dust. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. While she does some terrible things, all the things she does make sense due to her past and the things she sees daily in her job. You see, April decides to have some revenge on men. That’s over simplifying things, but the easiest way to explain what she does. The problem is, you can’t really have revenge over every man in the world. So she narrows it down and picks one at random. Only, Joshua seems like a legitimately nice and decent guy. That’s where I end up having my issues with April. Again, I wasn’t able to ever get truly upset with her. As much as I love Joshua, I understand April’s blindness to the true goodness of any straight male.

This is a difficult read. Not because it’s bad, but because the writer really delves into some uncomfortable things. I’m purposely not going into too much detail because I don’t want to give anything away, and I think you need to take April’s journey with her. From start to finish. It’s the best way to really understand her for yourself.

This cover and the blurb honestly did not prepare me for the tone of this book in any way. This was a good read, but a heavy one, definitely not the light quirky rom-com I was thinking it would be. Was there romance and some comedy weaved in there?...Sure, but this was a brutally honest, raw, emotionally packed story of a woman struggling to deal with trauma. There should undoubtedly be some trigger warnings attached to this one, it deals heavily in rape/sexual assault.

There was times when this book was hard to read, emotionally. I cringed at some parts, mainly in how painfully merciless April could be with herself in such stark contrast to how understanding and kind she could be with others in distress and pain. Which is relatable at its core, quite frequently we are our own toughest critics, but also it chillingly articulated that extra level of self blame so many that have been through trauma experience. 

Even when painful, watching April go through some really dark times and emotions, it was also hopeful and heartwarming in the times that she was facing things head on, finding her voice/power and safe places and people. The boxing class in particular really just struck a powerful emotional cord for me. It could also be funny at times, how (albeit kinda cruelly sometimes) April was in her critical analysis of men, but still notes of humor in the truthfulness in there. I think the deepness of her hurt overshadows a lot of humor within for the reader though. 

To be honest I cared much less about April's relationship with Joshua than her relationship with herself. I liked that, that part was always at the forefront of this book. And while it maybe wasn't the nicest or the fairest to use Joshua as a tool in this process, at least initially, it was very fitting in where April was at that point in her journey and I could understand it very clearly. I thought it ended in a fairly good tone too. Not too HEA (which wouldn't have fit with the rest of the story) but with April personally doing better and mostly content on the path she was on. Still a work in progress, but progress being made, much like the rest of us.  

I could see this one being a great book club book. Sparking a lot of good conversation about important things that aren't frequently talked about. Also, would be great to have a buddy (much like the buddy system in the charity April worked at!) to emotionally lean on while reading.

First, let me say this book surprised me. I went into it thinking I was going to get a cute, funny, silly romance story. What I got was something completely different. A story of trauma, violence, hope, healing, and emotions. 

When I first read the blurb I thought what a cute story. I get this girl as we all seem to pretend to be someone else with social media as it is what you see isn't always what you get. So I thought okay here is a girl pretending to get a guy. 

But no what I got was something a whole lot deeper. 

April has suffered a traumatic event in her life. She is the victim of a sexual crime. So in the process of trying to get over it, she tries dating. However, they never seem to go very far. This leads April to create the perfect woman in her head, Gretel. 

April decides to become Gretel but then she meets Joshua and bits of April leak out and well Joshua doesn't run. April begins to think he is different. 

As April faces her past she begins to heal and find hope. This book took me on an emotional roller coaster. I cried for April, got angry for her, and even found hope with her. It definitely wasn't the story I was expecting but it was a story I truly enjoyed reading. 

I will also say this book needs a trigger warning as the author does not shy away from the hard stuff. She delves into it and takes you along. You must take April's journey with her to truly appreciate this book.

I think Holly may just become a new favorite author of mine.

Pretending is a contemporary novel about a young woman sick of heartbreak and fear, who turns to another identity, a fake version of herself, to get by in the app-driven dating world. While it has a strong hook and a sympathetic main character, the story is so loosely held together that it was a drag to get through. Despite that, it is a decent read if you can get invested, though I would not recommend it to anyone triggered by descriptions of sexual assault.

April has been hit hard by the dating world – she keeps meeting and hating men, her patience dwindling. She doesn’t just dislike most men, she hates them. She hates how they are thoughtless, and hurtful, how they are passive-aggressive and mean, how they hurt women without consequences. This worldview is somewhat fostered by her job at a non-profit that deals with relationship violence, where she reads emails sent to her by survivors every day. This hits her particularly hard, because she is a survivor, too. It’s what drew her to the work.

So when April is once again frustrated and hurt by a man, she does the obvious (!) thing: opens a fake dating profile under a false name. April knows that men don’t want the heavy stuff, the neediness and the insecurity, they want Gretel. Gretel listens more than she talks, she thinks all his jokes are funny, Gretel looks perfect, Gretel is laid back. Gretel is relaxed, she doesn’t have PTSD. Gretel is everything men want, no pressure, no leading questions, no labels. This is how April can get her revenge on the men of the world – she can be the perfect woman, she can make them love her, and she can break their hearts. But then, April meets her mark – Joshua – who turns out to actually be kind of okay. April knows she’s unlovable, but Joshua likes Gretel. And, despite herself, April finds herself starting to like Joshua, too.

April is a winning protagonist, and while her actions are sometimes impossible to fathom, they feel honest to the character. Her friendships ring true, and her best friend/flatmate in particular is a really great secondary character. April’s development throughout the book is earned, and she comes to milestones in a realistic way. Someone loving her doesn’t solve all her problems, and she doesn’t fix herself with a motivational poster. She is a nuanced survivor of trauma who has to come to terms with herself, and that is really the best part of the book. I also liked that the ending was realistic; the story’s conclusion feels true to April’s journey.

The difficult subject matter of sexual assault is described in visceral, unflinching detail, which really conveys the seriousness of the heroine’s experiences. However, the book is marketed as a light-hearted rom-com-stroke-women’s fiction title (and Amazon categorises it as “Humorous Dark Comedy”), wherein there is a kooky deception, the ruse is uncovered, and there is a happily ever after. This isn’t that book – the fraud April undertakes is driven by extreme emotional distress and a feeling of ultimate rejection, by society, by men, and even by herself. While Pretending is well-written for the most part, this is not the light-hearted romance promised by the blurb.

While the premise seemed exciting, I found the execution to be a bit lacking. The thing that really brings my rating down is the way the book is structured; it jumps around in a truly strange way. There are little interludes where April is talking to the reader about her thoughts and feelings, and some chapters that are just text-threads of messages and emails. Then, there are the more traditional chapters of prose and dialogue. While in some books, this less traditional format might work, here, it made the novel seem scrambled. The book was also a bit longer than one might normally expect for the genre, and it felt bloated in some places.

Pretending’s winning protagonist and realistic resolution save it from a D rating, but those things can’t make up for its serious structural issues.

Simply amazing book! The main character, April, works at a center that helps victims of violence. It’s a hard job especially since she was a victim of violence in her past. She grows tired of dating apps and not being able to find the perfect mate. She decides to make a fake profile and be the woman every man wants. Will it work? Will it work too well?

April is such a strong woman. As much as she tries not to be, she is defined by her past history and can’t heal. I love her strength in her journey as the book progresses. This book may be a trigger for someone who suffered from violence. It is a very healing book. April learns not everything is how she thought and I love that.

I loved the idea of this book. It sounded like fun and I thought it might be funny, too. It turned out to be very different, but I fell in love with it. It’s a heavy women’s fiction novel. It’s about a complex and complicated woman trying to strip the complexity from her in order to be the one doing the dumping. But it also deals heavily with rape and the lifelong trauma of it. This is definitely a book I’ll be ensuring my daughter and my son read when they’re older.

The Plot: Serious Women’s Fiction
After being dumped by Simon after she seemingly freaks out during sex, April is angry. She hates men. She’s pretty, smart, works for a non-profit, is always there for her friends, and is, more or less, as normal as the next woman. But every man she’s dated seems to believe otherwise.

So April creates a woman in her head. The perfect woman who isn’t clingy, has an adventurous life, is always sexy and low-maintenance, and is everything April isn’t. Her name is Gretel. April decides to become her in order to attract a man and then be the one doing the dumping.

And that’s how she meets Joshua. He’s really into Gretel and things get serious fast even though April/Gretel keeps holding him at arms’ length so he does the pursuing. At the same time, bits and pieces of April leak through, and April starts to wonder if maybe, just maybe, Joshua might be different.

But there’s something holding April back. Something someone she loved did to her. Something that has a heavy impact on her work where she provides assistance to those who have been sexually traumatized. Something that breaks her so she has to build herself back up and face the truth and reality of who she is and who she could have been.

Pretending is so far from a light, fluffy women’s fiction read. It seems fun and like it might have a cute romance, but it’s so much more than that. It’s serious and knows just where to hit the reader. It’s easy to see where April has been coming from, easy to sympathize with her. At some points, I even felt like she should pretend to be Gretel and should go out breaking men’s hearts on purpose! It is, in some ways, a sweet romance, and the sweetness was even sweeter because of everything that had happened.

Pretending deals heavily with rape and the trauma women will forever carry with them from it. It’s not easy to read. It’s painful. I’ve never experienced it, so can’t comment on what it’s like, but April’s pain felt real to me. My heart broke for her and I couldn’t help but root for her as she learned to pick up the pieces of herself, to see herself as beautiful and lovable, to accept the damaged parts of herself and still see her worth.

Pretending presents two twining stories, stories that perfectly twist around each other to paint the picture of a traumatized woman who still longs for love. There’s the story of April going all in to reclaim the power in a relationship, to feel like she’s in control. Then there’s the story of April grappling with her trauma. The latter constantly intrudes on the former and the former is always trying to pin down the latter. But it never feels like a push and pull. It’s just April trying to reclaim her life.

The Characters: A Couple with Plenty of Baggage
Pretending is focused around April and Joshua, though the reader does get to see some of the people around both of them. The supporting cast is lovely and each of them adds a little bit to April and Joshua as well as the story. I just wish they could have been seen more, especially Megan and the kickboxing group April joins, as they mostly just felt like a plot tool to support April despite having some wonderful personalities.

April is forever pretending. Even when she’s April she’s always pretending to be someone. Throughout the novel, though, the reader gets to see her, gets to know her, as she’s stripped down to her core. Her life has been heavily impacted from being raped. She’s complex and feels like a normal woman, but, like normal women, only thinks she’s crazy. Gretel made me cringe a little, but I did love that it takes her a step closer to being able to take control of her life, despite the price it demands.

Then there’s Joshua. Since the story is focused on April, the reader doesn’t get to become intimately familiar with Joshua, so he sometimes felt a little bland. But that’s okay because April brought tons of color so Joshua felt like a perfect counterpoint to her. He was so sweet and so eager, and was dealing with his own relationship failures that had him acting a certain way at times. The reader gets to see how honest and caring he is, but April is so busy pretending it takes her a while, but it never gave me a moment of thinking it was taking too long.

The Setting: London Heat Wave
Set in London, I found it interesting that there seemed to be a rather serious and prolonged heat wave going on for most of the book. But it was a brilliant plot device. London itself wasn’t too fascinating, though the reader is taken around the city a bit. Instead it’s the general behavior of everyone that had me thinking of London.

The weather, though, really made the setting. It was wonderfully used to provide even more characterization to April. Sometimes I wonder if the weather was influencing April, but I think it was a way of commenting on what’s going on in April’s world. Because, when it rained, April is different. I felt it was done to great effect and added yet another layer to an already layered story.

Overall: Serious, Yet Beautiful
Pretending was not at all what I expected. I thought it would be a fun, quick read that would have me smiling. It was not quick. It had tears prickling my eyes. It was heavy, so it took a few days to read as I had to put it down now and then. And yet it somehow reminded me of rom-coms. It captured the neuroses women usually have when it comes to romantic relationships. It also provided a beautifully painful account of one woman’s battle with trauma from rape. There were so many layers to this story that worked wonderfully together to create a very solid, breathing story. It’s definitely a book my children will read when they’re older.

Thank you to Justine Sha and MIRA-Harlequin for a review copy. All opinions expressed are my own.
Link to post: https://thelilycafe.com/book-blog-tour-book-review-pretending-by-holly-bourne/

I went into Pretending not knowing what to expect. Yes, I’d read the blurb, but the blurb has very little on the actual story. I believe this book needs a trigger warning of sorts. You see, April is trying to recover from a horrific ordeal at the hands of a man that’s now her ex. As she meets new men, they all leave somewhere around date five. It doesn’t help April that she works for a charity that answers questions for people and some of them deal with the same thing that April went through. Finally, she reaches her breaking point at work and replies to an email in a way that gets her in trouble. The pain and the anger from her past has spewed up and over her life, jeopardizing a career that she truly loves. 
During all this, she’d some up with a plan to meet a man using a dating app. As she creates her profile, she creates a new version of herself, “Gretel”. “Gretel” is perfect in every way, breezy, light, funny, charming. Everything a man would want. At least in April’s head. When she meets Joshua, she actually finds a good man, but all the years of not getting treatment for the trauma has taken a toll and she doesn’t know just how good of a man he really is. 
This is a deep story, there’s trauma, pain, anger. But there’s also healing, hope, and eventually love. This isn’t your everyday contemporary romance, there’s a lot of self-help spread through the pages. Phrases, thoughts, ideas, and activities I’ve personally used while dealing with my own trauma. There’s flashback scenes to April’s trauma, so be prepared if you have your own. 
I’ve never read a book from Holly Bourne before, but I’m truly glad I read this one. Even though there’s a dark theme running through the core of this story, it’s well written with enjoyable, real characters and it made reading the story easy.
*I received an ARC of this story and this is my honest and voluntary review.

I have never read any books by Holly Bourne, but I’ve always heard great things about her writing. I was so excited to be a part of the blog tour for her new book, Pretending. As soon as I read the book description, I knew I wanted to read it! 

I want to point out that the subject matter is very heavy and could be very triggering to some people. I was actually not expecting it to be what it was. April went through a pretty bad thing in her life and she struggles with the aftermath throughout the entire book. She struggles to find herself and who she is as a person. She had some really great friends to help her through all of her difficult times and I loved the strong friendships as part of the story.

I know I only gave Pretending three stars, but that’s because I couldn’t 100% relate to the characters and this is the type of book that it’s kind of hard to rate and review (at least it is for me, I’m sorry!). I did like the story and I liked April though. I was rooting for her the entire way through and wanted everything to work out for her. She goes through so much; so many emotions and heartache. Her struggles were pretty intense and very valid. 

Overall, I really think Pretending is an important story and I liked it. I really liked the ending and felt that April really grew throughout the story. I am so glad I was given the chance to read this book. As far as if I would recommend reading it…yes! I would recommend reading it. It may not have been five stars for me, but I know so many people will really like this book.

The first thing to say is Holly Bourne tackles some fairly heavy and emotional subjects in Pretending. We are introduced to April, who very clearly is suffering trauma from a past relationship. She struggles to find any good guys, therefore proclaiming that she hates men! However, as the story develops, we start to understand more and more why April feels this way. April has been through some very dark times.

She comes to the conclusion that men don’t want April; they want a girl who is hard to get. Carefree and open to everything and up for anything. What they want is a Gretel. April decides that the only way she will meet a decent guy is to be a Gretel! She sets herself up a profile with all the qualities of Gretel, and it’s not long before she starts chatting with Joshua. He can’t get enough of her, and April feels the same. But can she keep Joshua and just be herself – not Gretel?

Pretending is a rollercoaster of emotions, as we follow April’s journey towards recovery from past trauma in her life. Holly Bourne is not afraid to tackle very dark subjects head on, and the impact that these things can have on someone’s life. It’s not the usual type of book I would read and enjoy, and at times, I found parts of the story uncomfortable. However, it is very important that these subject areas are discussed, and Holly does that really well.

Sadly, this book did not do it for me. I so was wanting to like this book a lot. Thus I was excited to read it and looking forward to the laughs. No laughs. In fact, I actually found myself angry at April. She was too critical of the men. Poor Joshua, he did not stand a chance from the get go.

I get where Greta comes in for April. She is the complete opposite of April. She has confidence and is what men want or so April assumes so. For someone who I believe is trying to be a feminist; April did not do a good job of this. It was amazing that she was willing to do things that she did not want to do with men but as Greta. In today's world of "me too", April is not a good role model. 

To ne honest, I was so mad at April that after a while I surrendered this book up and jumped to the last few chapters just to see if April redeemed herself in the end. She might have a little but it was too late for me.

DNF @ 21%
I really wanted to like the story and the characters, but i didn't.  The plot wasn't there for me, and the characters were flat and annoying.

Well, you may colour me pleasantly surprised by this book. I wasn't expecting it to dive into such darker themes, but it was tastefully and honestly done, with an ending I could only be delighted with. 

Trigger warning: Rape, sexual assault. 

April has f**king had it with men. After getting out of a relationship where she was raped on more than one occasion, she struggles to find a man who she can trust. She can't get past Date Number 5 with any of them. Not once she opens up about what happened, and they suddenly feel like she's a problem. Something they don't want to deal with because she's no longer fun. So, fed up with not being the one in control in a relationship for once, April creates a new online personality that she believes is the woman every man wants. And once she gets them, she'll turn the tables on them. 

Of course, as you would expect, the first man to fall into cat fishing net is none other than the partner she's needed. Joshua is a kind and sweet man, who listens to her, remembers what she says, and is all around not like the other guys she has dealt with. And man did I feel bad for the poor guy. He really was genuine and didn't deserve to be her first victim. 

In reality, I cannot condone people pretending to be someone else when it comes to dating. Online dating these days is scary enough as is, and falling for someone who is a complete farce is more pain than it's worth. April pretends to be Gretel, the sexy woman of every man's dream. She lets them talk and doesn't whine, she isn't needy but needs you when you say it's okay, she's adventurous but only if you are, and she has so much going on in her life that she can't possibly see you until Thursday. It sounds exhausting, but April pulls it off. 

And, as you'd expect, this causes a lot of drama throughout in her personal journey as she comes to like Joshua. She has to tell him somehow, but what will the end result be? Certainly not what she hoped for when she started this charade. I thought the author wrangled the storyline really well, all things considered. It wasn't dramatic for the sake of being dramatic, even though some parts of her writing were a little off-putting in tone, and helped me better understand who April is and what she needs in a relationship. The solace I found in her pulling this stunt was that deep down, this "sexy" woman vibe she was going for was her all along, just enhanced and with a different name. 

I would like a refund based on the fact the author decided GRETEL was the name of a sexy persona. No. Gretel is an old-timey German barmaid with permanently red cheeks and nose. The whole wide world of sexy names, and y'all went with G R E T E L. 

What I wasn't expecting about this book was the sexual assault theme, but it is a core part of April's growth. As I mentioned, she was raped in a previous relationship, and it's made trusting people difficult. Adding another layer to it, April works for a charity that runs a helpline for sexual/relationship questions. This means responding to emails from women who aren't sure if they were just raped by their boyfriends or not. I don't know if this came from personal experience (and I certainly hope it wasn't), but I thought the author handled it well. April's emotions, her thoughts about it in general were all valid. The book discusses how it affects your mental health, why you should see the right people to get help, and that there are ways to share your trauma with other women and work through it in a healthy way that will only make you stronger. 

I read this book because the publisher invited me to join the blog tour, but I am very glad that I did.

Intense, emotional and heartwrenching!

Pretending is a raw, honest, caustic tale that takes you on a journey into the life of the traumatized, suffering April as she struggles with the devastating and enduring physical and psychological effects of rape, a career that though rewarding is hard to bear, a deep desire for companionship and love, and a dating life composed of a neverending stream of untrustworthy men.

The writing is sharp and direct. The characters are complex, angry, insecure, and troubled. And the plot using a mix of narration, internal monologues, and text messages unfolds into an emotive tale of friendship, trust, consent, sexual dynamics, power, shame, self-blame, violence, denial, pain, and mental health.

Overall, Pretending is not at all what I was expecting and is quite a heavy, jaded read at times. It’s a tale that packs a punch tackling important social issues such as sexual abuse, inequality, and mental illness through a feministic lens, and yet remarkably still manages to be hopeful, insightful, and a touch romantic.

This is not exactly a catfishing novel. After being very unsuccessful with relationships and surviving a sexual assault, the protagonist decides to re-invent herself trying to adapt the qualities she perceives successful women have innately. She creates a new name for herself- Gretel- and begins a relationship with a man who sees her emulating the qualities she is pretending to own.

Her own personality, and the residual trauma begin to bleed into the relationship and her true personality emerges slowly. The descriptions of failed relationships, and the lasting effects of trauma are the most articulate, well-written sections of the book.

While I really enjoyed this book, it was a lot heavier of a read than I was expecting and I think that you need to be in the right frame of mind to read it. This was my first book from Holly Bourne and from what I've heard she doesn't shy away from the tough subjects and writes in such a way that you really experience all the emotions along side the main character. I really liked the imagery that Bourne uses and I find that April was very relatable. This was my first book by Holly Bourne and I will certainly be reading her others!

At the opening of this book, I had the sense that this was going to be a fun feministic, chick-lit read. But as the story delved deeper into April’s world, it became very apparent that this was a story of how one copes, heals, and loves after trauma. 

There’s nothing wrong with April. She’s pretty and kind and she even works for a charity called We Are Here. But April can’t seem to get past the fifth date with any man since Ryan. Ryan was her abusive boyfriend and he raped her. Now she questions herself and is triggered easily.

April is convinced that men want a woman who is not clingy, but confident, and low-maintenance, a “Gretel.” When April pretends to be this fun-loving, care-free “Gretel,” she meets Joshua. Now she feels she has the power. But as she starts to notice that Joshua may not be like “all” guys, how is she going to explain that she’s just been pretending?

Bourne takes on a topic that is hard to discuss and hard to put into words. Every person deals with trauma in their own way. It may be easy to pick at other’s coping mechanisms or how they react, but what I appreciated in this story is that people cared and offered help. And the resolution is so poignant; April learns that men can get hurt too. Although this book’s tone is, for the most part, angry and sad, it’s also hopeful, and most importantly healing.

⚠️  Many triggers in this one: sexual trauma, rape, mental health issues, coping mechanisms for PTSD.

Thank you to @HTPbooks @bookclubbish and @hollybourneya for an invitation to this tour and an advanced copy.

Thank you so much to MIRA books for having me as a part of the Pretending blog tour and for sending me an ARC of the paperback of this book! Pretending was my first book by Holly Bourne and man, it was really heavy and I had to take quite a few breaks to finish it, just because of how heavy it was and how much trauma April, the main character, was still dealing with, but overall I enjoyed the book.

Pretending 4/5 Stars

Summary from Goodreads:

April is kind, pretty and relatively normal—yet she can’t seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she’s found someone to trust, they reveal themselves to be awful, leaving her heartbroken. And angry. Until she realizes that what men are really looking for is Gretel.

Gretel is perfect—beautiful but low maintenance, sweet but never clingy, sexy but not a slut. She’s your regular, everyday Manic-Pixie-Dream-Girl-Next-Door with no problems.

When April starts pretending to be Gretel, dating becomes much more fun—especially once she reels in the unsuspecting Joshua. Finally, April is the one in control, but can she control her own feelings? And as she and Joshua grow closer, how long will she be able to keep pretending?

There were some aspects of Pretending that I was able to relate with really easily- the having a hard time getting past date five or six, dating apps being the worst, guys looking for girls who don’t really seem to care, the whole game aspect of dating these days- but there were definitely a lot of parts of this book that were hard. They were hard to relate to, not because I didn’t understand them, but because they were just really tough, traumatic experiences that we as readers seemed to be watching April try to deal with in ways that didn’t always seem to be the healthiest. Also, before I keep going with my review, this book needs to come with the biggest trigger warnings for sexual assault- I’ve never been assaulted, and this book was still really hard to read in parts because April’s emotions were so raw and what she was going through is something so normal and so many people go through that and have to deal with the recovery. There’s one scene in the book where April is preparing herself to have sex with Joshua for the first time, and after doing what’s seen as the “normal prep” (taking a shower, shaving, exfoliating, etc.), she takes out a bag of vaginal dilators and lidocaine gel so she can ensure that she’s prepared for any sort of penetration and she talks about how after her ex-boyfriend raped her and they broke up, she couldn’t even insert a tampon anymore. That scene felt like a punch to the stomach and I couldn’t read the whole scene (which couldn’t have been more than like a page or a page and a half) at one sitting. I think the way that April did the whole Gretel thing (the whole catfishing (because it totally was catfishing)) as a way to get back at men in general, was kind of sad and it made me feel bad for her. Overall, this book was really powerful and intense, but it was also hard to relate with April after the beginning when it felt like she was just being vindictive and it felt like there was so much unresolved trauma there. I did really enjoy the journey we were taken on throughout the book and how we saw her grow. This was definitely a really good book, but it’s not a light, fun, easy read, so if you’re looking for one of those, for sure look somewhere else.

This one has quite a bit of heft to it, but that is what I prefer in these types of books. Please be aware that while the synopsis is accurate it does not note that there is a focus on rape and other sexual abuses throughout the book. That being said, I was blown away by this one and thought it was very well done. The beginning was a little awkward, but once I understood April’s backstory, it made more sense, and I was in tears by the end of the book. I really loved all of the main characters in this story and everything they were each going through. April was a great protagonist, she is flawed, through no fault of her own, and I appreciated going on her journey as she tried to finally heal.

I want to also call out the excellent job that Bourne does in addressing the topic of sexual abuse, as I said above it is a common theme in here and she is just so amazing in how she hits this topic head on, and it is much appreciated. There is one scene in particular that stood out and I might have been slow clapping at the end.

Thank you to @mirabooks for the #gifted book to review.

Read in November 2020
What a genuinely surprising story! It's one of the funniest books I've read in a long time, combined with April's deeply rooted trauma and pain makes this a complex blend of that somehow strikes the perfect balance of humor and heart.

I loved April's voice - she's in a lot of pain and resentment in the beginning of the story and is desperate to act out her revenge, lamenting all the ways men have let her down. She goes on quite the journey through the story and while the premise is over-the-top, it creates a lot of tension and drama, but it is also the vehicle for April to begin her journey to healing, so for that I was able to get by all the oh no!
I received a copy of the book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review

Emotional and evocative. This is my first book by Holly Bourne, her provocative storytelling hit me right in the feels.  April has had it with the dating scene, she cannot seem to make it past the fifth date. So she decides to channel her alter ego Gretel and become the easy-going carefree no worries type of girl April is certain the guys want. The problem is after dating Joshua as Gretel for several weeks April is thinking Josh might be more than just a fling. So how does April tell Josh that she really isn’t Gretel? And how much of Gretel is really April?

   Not going to lie this was NOT the book I was expecting when I picked it up. From the blurb I thought this was going to be a sweet fluffy Romance, definitely was not expecting the emotional journey this book took me on. April is a survivor of verbal/emotional abuse and sexual assault. I felt the heavy subject matter was handled very thoughtfully. The boxing class that April attended for survivors was cathartic and I loved the bonds that formed between these women. I really liked both April and Josh, and liked them even more as a couple. As April dug a bigger and bigger hole for herself I was so worried as to how she was going to get herself out of this? I also found April’s job fascinating and liked how that played out in the story. The audiobook was narrated by Heather Long Who has the most melodic British accent. Seriously she could read to me all day and definitely brought even more depth and sparkle to the story.  A well told story that will stay with me.

*** Big thank you to Mira for my gifted copy of this book. All opinions are my own. ***