Oh my goodness I adored this book. This is the perfect 'WTF do I do now my life is in shambles in my 30s' book, because it paints with bold strokes the value and importance of your ride-or-die besties. Absolutely devoured.

I really enjoyed this second novel by Jessica Seaborn, Isn't It Nice We Both Hate The Same Things - also, what a title! I think this one might not be what many people are expecting it to be. There's no romance - winning! - nor is it overly funny. Rather, it's just entirely real, and I loved it all the more for that.

"In the middle of the conversation, I realised that being an adult is just saying 'after this week things will slow down a bit' until we all die."

I would call this a crossroads story, in that it's character driven, and the main character driving it is at a crossroads. Six months after a marriage break-up, she's also finding the other parts of her life are being turned inside out: her career, her friendships, and her family relationships. All of which causes her to have a reckoning of sorts.

Reading this novel was a bit like hanging out with a good friend. I felt invested in Charlie's life for the duration, enjoyed her witty banter with her co-workers, was outraged on her behalf at the shoddy way she was dropped by her ex-husband's friends, and felt the deep sadness along with her over the widening rift with her sister and the acceptance of her best friend moving interstate.

I enjoyed the overall story arc and would recommend this one as the ultimate comfort read. It has all the feels and hits the right notes at the right time, all the way through.

4.5 stars. Thanks to @penguinbooksaus
for the copy.

Isn't It Nice We Both Hate The Same Things by Jessica Seaborn
☀️☀️☀️☀️⛅ (4.5 rounded up)

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin Random House for this ARC!

An earnest, poignant examination of life in your thirties through relationships with those we love, those we lose, and those we meet along the way.

When Charlie leaves her husband she quickly realises that many of her friendships come with a catch - they were his friends first. Processing the large scale loss is made harder by huge changes at work and with her best friend, and Charlie finds herself starting over again. The process is challenging and emotional and it is a hell of a journey to come along with as a reader, but I was committed and struggled to put the book down.

Charlie is a loveable and complicated protagonist. She felt so relatable as a woman of similar age - losing friendships and having career and family struggles are painfully real, and Seaborn balanced the different narratives effortlessly. I adored the focus on family and friends as primary relationships in our lives, especially the friendship between Charlie and Genevieve.

The biggest theme here is change, and how we often struggle to cope with it. Some changes are good, some are not, and perceptions of that can shift as time goes on. All of these variables exist in Seaborn's novel in thoughtful and believable ways. Charlie's growth over the course of the book is heartening and mature and inspiring.

For anyone struggling to feel settled in their thirties, especially during times of change or uncertainty, this is the book for you! I loved reading this and look forward to placing a physical copy on my shelf when it's released next month.


"It's not that I've missed Dave. I haven't. Not as my husband, anyway. Not in any way that makes me want him back. But as one of my best friends? Oh, yes, I've missed that. I miss him in the way I wear a lot of dark grey clothing, because he once pointed out that it suits me and contrasts with my blonde hair. I miss him in the way I complete a crossword before bed every night, because he introduced me to the app years earlier. I miss him in the way I still buy the same brand of washing powder we used to use.

I miss him in the way he changed my life, in all the littlest ways."


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Isn’t It Nice We Both Hate the Same Things by Jessica Seaborn is out August 5th. It’s a sharp, well-written novel about adult friendships, fractured connections, and the messy art of starting over in your thirties.

Charlie, a breakfast radio producer, is newly divorced and freshly isolated—her old friends have taken her ex’s side, her best friend is drifting, and the loneliness is setting in. In an effort to rebuild her life (and avoid an emotionally loaded family trip), she throws herself into all the ways adults try to meet people—book clubs, pub crawls, team sports—and finds herself face to face with her own insecurities.

There’s a lot I found relatable here—the ache of friendships shifting with age, the difficulty in trying to make new connections in your thirties, and the awkward, aching moments of trying so hard to feel okay again. Seaborn’s style is simple but effective, and her take on adult friendships feels grounded.

That said… I’m not entirely sure how I feel about this book overall. The plot didn’t quite unfold how I expected, and while I usually love complicated characters, I found myself increasingly frustrated with Charlie. I wanted to root for her, but by the end, I wasn’t really rooting for anyone. Most of the characters felt a bit awful—and maybe that was the point? That we’re all a little bit terrible and love each other anyway?

I’ve been mulling over the book since I finished yesterday and I’m still not sure what this book was trying to say exactly—but maybe that’s the point too. That life, and friendship, and heartbreak are all a bit ambiguous. A bit murky. A bit hard to wrap up neatly.

It left me puzzled—but not unaffected. And sometimes that’s worth sitting with.

Isn’t It Nice We Both Hate the Same Things is out on August 5th and I’m keen to hear what others think. Thanks to Netgalley and Penguin Random House Australia for an ARC copy in exchange for my honest review.

Charlie thought she had it all figured out until her divorce left her with something she never expected: silence. Her big group of friends sided with her ex-husband, leaving her navigating awkward run-ins and being excluded from group chats that used to be her lifeline. When her best friend Genevieve starts moving on too, Charlie realizes just how alone she really is. Dreading the anniversary of her father's death and the inevitable return to her childhood home, she throws herself into making new friends through book clubs, pub crawls, and team sports. But her quest to surround herself with unfamiliar faces forces her to confront some uncomfortable truths about what she really wants from life and who she actually wants to spend it with.

This book hit me like a tonne of bricks in the best way possible.

4 years ago I split with my husband (coincidentally called Dave) and this book took me right back to it. The feeling of “losing” all your friends because they didn’t choose you in the split. Feeling lonely, but also like you don’t want to be a burden on the people around you. This book hit it SO perfectly! It was like I was back there and god I felt for Charlie.

It is also so god damn heart warming! So I would HIGHLY recommend reading it!

Jessica Seaborn’s Isn’t it Nice We Want the Same Things is about relationships but in this novel romantic relationships take a backseat to relationships with mothers, sisters and friends.

At the start of the novel Charlie has left her marriage to Dave and is renavigating her social world as a consequence. She is painfully discovering that ‘their’ friends are in fact ‘his’ friends’. Her dream job as a radio producer is also causing stress as the show she is producing is struggling in the ratings. Her mother and sister are frustrated that she doesn’t visit her childhood home more regularly. Underneath all this is the unresolved trauma Charlie carries about her father’s sudden death when she was eight. The one constant in her life is her dear friend Genevieve but even this is changing.

Jessica Seaborn peoples her novel with believable, engaging characters. Her exploration of the ways life can change rings true. Charlie’s voice and spirit are compelling and the story unfolds with warmth. Both the comedic and poignant moments all feel very real. I am sure many readers will enjoy this charming and thoughtful book.