Even though I could empathise with the author (I came out of an abusive relationship myself), I was hoping to read into the book with more thorough and scripture-aligned content. Unfortunately, I had a hard time forcing  myself to finish reading it, to be fair to her. The book ended with an unsavoury taste in my mouth... I just can't describe in words how disappointing the read was. Some analogies drawn were distastefully done. The way Ruth chose to describe her experiences, is neither compelling nor gracious.

I was intrigued by this title and it was exactly what I thought it would be

I have been an abused girlfriend so I do understand Ruth's turmoil.  I was also sexually abused by my father, who was, a church man.  SoI feel like we were kindred spirits of sorts.
To say I enjoyed this book would be wrong, but I liked how honest Ruth was in her account of the abuse she suffered in marriage.

The many accounts in this book are harrowing, abuse is always hard to read about and must be tougher to write, but this is an honest read and one I am glad I read.

This book read more like a college dissertation than it did on her story of finding hope.  She did weave her story into the book but it was all really disjointed.  I also couldn't determine which side of the issue she was on at times.  I have not been in this situation but many women have.  I'm not clear what message of hope she had for other women going through this.

This is a touchy subject, spousal abuse by a Pastor! The author uses her own experiences to show how spousal abuse can happen in pastor's families, she tells us how her husband used his position as a pastor and his knowledge of the Bible to abuse her verbally and physically.
There were some warning signs before she and her husband got married : the husband had been expelled from 2 colleges - at Wheaton College for stealing and breaking into a faculty office to obtain answers for a test, at Miami College for behavior that was not clearly explained, and also for being a Peeping Tom near his parents' house in Long Island. The couple ironically got married at Wheaton Chapel.
The author gives us examples of good and bad husband's and wives in the Bible as examples of good and bad marriages. 
The author's husband even attacked their son when he tried to defend his mother.
You will have to read this book for yourself to learn about the many case studies the author discusses that contain proof of spousal abuse and how the courts ruled on their cases. You will also find out what happened to the author and her husband.
The concept of male headship is discussed at length, and rightly so, it has been used too much to put women in their place and let men think that they are superior to women

This is a book that you must read, but you probably won't want to.  Not because it is poorly written, but because it will take you places that you don't want to go.  But make no mistake...especially if you are a man, you really do need to read this book.  Ruth lays bare the emotional trauma that she went through...and the reason that it is so important to read this book is because she isn't alone.  She isn't alone, but while many endure silently (as she did for so many years) she has given them a voice by sharing her own experience.  It is a hard read at times...but a very important one.

“Can we come together as a Christian community and recognize that the doctrine of male headship has sometimes been used as a cover to perpetrate violence against women?”

—Ruth Tucker

I admire Ruth Tucker's courage to open up her wound about her past abusive marriage. I believe her intention of writing this book is not to write a good theory of equality in marriage between husband and wife but to help every women out there who are and might facing the same problem as hers. 

This book open my eyes that domestic violence does not only happen to the low middle class uneducated woman. Ruth Tucker is a smart and Godly woman, and planning to pursue her PhD when she first met her husband. Her education didn't prevent her to be trapped in an abusive marriage for 19 years with her preacher husband (now ex-husband).
 
With a little bit of her story and other stories, in Black and White Bible, Black and Blue wife, Ruth Tucker share her opinion how a marriage should be a mutual equally relationship between a husband and a wife. A husband should lead his wife but not rule over his wife.

Genre: Non fiction; Christian
209 pages.

Ruth Tucker argues that a Christian marriage should be based on mutuality- the mutual submission of both partners to each other. The wife should have a say just as her husband does- equality. On the other hand, she shares how the 'headship' marriage style often leads to the abuse of the wife, physically and in other ways. The headship model affords the husband more liberty and privileges in decision making. Ruth urges that just as in her previous marriage, this latter model often leads to a tyrannic and abusive behavior from the husband. Surprisingly, both the mutuality and the headship models are constructed from Ephesians 5. 

I agreed with the author that the concept of 'men loving their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her' must have been the shocking news to the believers of the first century who read the epistle to the Ephisians. However, Paul plainly likened the husband to Christ, the man as the head of the wife. Although Ruth gave strong points for mutuality, she did not show how Paul distinguished the man as the head of the wife. It would seem that even in the call for mutuality, the mutuality is not even. I hope she examines this. Furthermore,  unlike what is commonly observed, the family would most likely succeed if the husbands spent more time doing their part of love than flogging submission issues.

The real life experiences shared in this book are very touching, strongly emotional and hang red flags that sound warnings to the readers. I was very surprised at some unfortunate incidents that could go on between professing Christian couples, starting with threats and going on to wife beatings and in more extreme cases, murder. I had a rethink of what it meant to follow Lord Jesus Christ because many of the characters in the book were so un-Christlike. The divorce rates among Christian couples was shocking to as well. I began to have a strong feeling that a good number of the people who had such issues really put Jesus out of their homes while trying to use what I may call the 'methods of men' in getting a solution to their problems. I did not find any place for prevailing prayer in this work. I read so much about getting assistance from different kinds of therapists than about turning to God in fervent prayer. 

Ruth is a seasoned writer. There is something to learn as well as unlearn from her well researched work. She asks a lot of deep questions and puts up scenarios that aim at putting to trial traditions that have lingered for so long. 

I got a copy of this book from NetGalley for the purpose of review.

Definitely not what I thought it would be. A huge rant about male headship and I did not enjoy it at all.

I thought that this would read more like a memoir than a book on men/women equality. It's not that I disagree with the author's premise, it just was not what I thought it was going to be. It did not hold my attention and I only made it half-way through the book.

This was a great book...it would have given me strength...to leave my first husband...years before I actually did...it is very hard to get out of a domestic abuse situation...you always think it's going to get better...but then comes the next "situation"! I hope more women will read this book...and find strength in it...strength to leave and strength to keep going!!! God Bless All the people out there...that are going through it...gather your strength...and do what is best...always put yourself first!

A really poignant and touching story.the plot brings us really harsh realities to face but realities nonetheless, but realities that shouldn't exist. I loved the prose and the message delivered was really significant.  I loved it and would recommend it to everyone.

While the author has a heartbreaking and true story of what she experienced in her first marriage, it doesn't discount the idea of complementarian theology.  While that may be the view that was spouted and thrown at her, that is not complementarian theology at all.  I can very well understand how her experience would color that view poorly, it isn't the theology that caused her abuse rather someone's egocentric take on that theology.  Abuse would happen if they don't ascribe to complementarian theology.  That is not how it was designed, not as an overruler, but as a caretaker position.  While it was done poorly, that isn't the fault of the theology but of her ex-husband.  

I do think this is an issue that needs to be addressed within the church, but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater either.

This is a difficult book to review fairly. Ruth Tucker's personal story is a horrendous account of her life married to a man who used his Christian faith to dominate and abuse her over many years. As such, it gives insight into how a certain interpretation of the Bible can be used to validate evil behaviour. She writes a painfully honest account of her own experience. This is central to the book.  
Alongside her own story is her attack on the complementarian approach to biblical interpretation. At times I was left feeling uncomfortable with the (unwritten) implication that this approach is automatically abusive. I found it difficult because I agree with her approach to scripture, but wondered whether wrapping her own story into the exegetical sections would, ironically, diminish her scholarly approach to the text in the eyes of those who need to see it most.
At root, the book is a sad story of a woman who was betrayed by an insecure, weak man who used his understanding of Christianity to vindicate his appalling treatment of his wife.

I work without a lot of women caught in the prison of domestic abuse, so I was very interested in "Black and White Bible, Black and blue wife".  I found this book to be extremely unique because it was part memoir, part research project.  Ruth A. Tucker does a beautiful job explaining what it feels like to live abused. Her relationship with her husband exposed so many misconceptions about abusers and the places they serve in their community. For someone looking for an emotional read, this book may be too deep. She explains her religious background in depth and it could be too much for some readers. I most likely would not suggest this book unless I knew the reader I was suggesting it to, very well.