How to Successfully Kidnap Strangers
by Max Booth III
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Pub Date Jul 20 2015 | Archive Date May 05 2016
JournalStone | Bizarro Pulp Press
Description
1. Do not respond to bad reviews.
2. If you must respond to bad reviews, please do not kidnap the reviewer.
3. If you must kidnap the reviewer, do not kidnap him in a public area.
4. If there are witnesses, do not also kidnap them.
5. If you also kidnap the witnesses, consider quitting crystal meth.
6. If you find yourself surrounded by hostages, purchase extra duct tape.
7. Do not let the hostages take their own hostages.
8. Invest in better coffee.
9. Don't forget: dildo crucifixes have more than one use.
10. And, most importantly: do not engage the severed heads in conversation.
2. If you must respond to bad reviews, please do not kidnap the reviewer.
3. If you must kidnap the reviewer, do not kidnap him in a public area.
4. If there are witnesses, do not also kidnap them.
5. If you also kidnap the witnesses, consider quitting crystal meth.
6. If you find yourself surrounded by hostages, purchase extra duct tape.
7. Do not let the hostages take their own hostages.
8. Invest in better coffee.
9. Don't forget: dildo crucifixes have more than one use.
10. And, most importantly: do not engage the severed heads in conversation.
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