This book has both good sides as well as bad sides (as any other - tell me something new, right?) But I would say it leans more towards the good. Especially if you're someone in a transitioning family, it's a good book to read to lift your spirits, but I doubt its worth as a resource alone. It's because the bigger part of the book is dedicated to the personal backstory of the author and it doesn't actually even talk about the kids all that much. Up to 35%, you'll only be hearing about the mother growing up in a dysfunctional family. Another third of the book is dedicated to the kids being little. One son's gender change and the other son's sexual orientation and dealing with the transition as a family if maybe one chapter, maybe two? I mean... I expected to learn about the things teens go through when this happens, to learn more about them - but I have to say I learned only about how good a person the mother is and how she felt about everything. I do agree that she handled it all so well, but seriously, how many times can you congratulate yourself? That would be all fine and well, because the memoir IS well written, but... I don't think it should be named or blurbed the way it is. It's misleading. This isn't about a transitioning family. This is about a mother's life, in which some LGBT teens happened to be and how she dealt with the feelings that come from that.

I thank the publisher for the review copy in exchange to my honest review.

It was both fascinating and heartbreaking to read about the family's struggle to understand and support their sons.

This is a poignant, educational and informative memoir of a mother dealing with the transition of her FTM transgender child, and the effects it has on the family. Peggy, who was adopted and raised by a mentally ill mother and a father who was emotionally unavailable, starts her story in her early childhood and takes us through her childhood and into becoming a wife and later a mother herself. Peggy works hard to make sure she is the wife and mother her mother never was.

She later takes us through the struggles faced by her daughter Julia, as she comes to terms with feeling like she's truly a boy on the inside. We are shown what not only Jake (Julia) faces as he becomes a young man and leaves Julia behind, but the effects it has on Peggy, her husband and Jake's younger brother, Jay. It's not an easy transition and they hit plenty of bumps in the road, but we see how these bumps can be made bearable with the support of understanding family and friends.

This memoir was well-written and interesting. It's educational without being filled with statistics and definitely recommendable to anyone trying to come to terms with or just understand more about a transgender family member or friend or just what it means to be transgender period.

*copy provided by author/publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review*

The cover states a Story of a Family In Transition. But mostly this is an autobiographic book about Peggy. I had hoped it would involve ways that she experienced and dealt with the issues her family went through when one of your children is gay and the other is transgender. Instead I got a lot of how wonderful she was that she was open to these kids after her awful childhood and unsupportive husband. She spent more time on the steps to get her child's name/gender change than on the actual transformation of her child. I had hoped for so much more.

I’m glad to have been given the chance to read this book. It was a very well done memoir. The writing style was easy to read and follow. It’s almost conversational. In the beginning, it does focus a lot on Cryden’s own life growing up, and while this was interesting, I still found myself more eager to hear about her sons. After all, that was the aspect of the book that made me most interested in reading Straight Expectations!

It was heartbreaking to hear about all that her two sons had to endure growing up, but it was also great to see how they grew and become wonderful young men. The book focuses on a transgender son, a gay son, a son with OCD and a eating disorder, and more. The author doesn’t shy away from these topics. She’s open and honest. This is a good book to read whether you know a lot about LGBT+ youth already or not.

Not as informative or as selfless as the blurb makes you believe. Disappointing, tbh. More like Peggy's story.
By Roroblu'sMum TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on 23 May 2017
Format: Kindle Edition
This is a quick, not-very-detailed read about a family with a trans gay son and a gay son. Unfortunately, the tale didn't really focus enough on the kids and their journeys, as it seemed to me that mum wanted her story to be told. TBH, I got fed up with her longish part of the tale and skim-read.

I did appreciate her unconditional support of both her kids, even when her husband couldn't deal and their marriage came under pressure, and I am happy that the family is still close today, with both boys happily dating. Unfortunately, it didn't deliver what the blurb made it out to be. I'd have been very disappointed had I paid for this.

Peggy Cryden is a family therapist who specializes in a number of areas, including gender identity and sexual orientation. Peggy's expertise stems, in part, from her own experience raising a transgender son and a gay son. In this memoir Peggy tells her story.

Peggy's determination to unconditionally support her children may have been fueled by her own difficult upbringing. Both Peggy and her brother were adopted as infants by a middle-class, Jewish couple: Joan and Joe. Joan was a painter and taught English as a second language and Joe was a physicist, immersed in his job as an aerospace engineer. Though Joan functioned well in some areas she was mentally ill and incapable of being a nurturing mother. Peggy didn't know what was wrong with Joan at the time but now believes her mother suffered from borderline personality disorder, bulimia, depressive disorder, and anxiety.

Joan's prescription medicines made it almost impossible for her to rouse herself in the morning to prepare the kids for school, and in the afternoons she was often laid out with headaches and backaches. Joan made little effort to prepare meals: a packed lunch might be a sandwich of peanut butter, mustard, and lettuce.....and her dinners were often burned. Joan also did odd things like eating entire packages of cookies and ice cream bars while pushing her cart through the supermarket and sitting down on the front lawn in her dress and heels. According to Peggy, Joan lacked self-esteem, was insecure about interacting with friends, had panic attacks, and was paranoid - thinking people didn't like her.

For his part Joe was a distant father who had little interaction with his children. Joe's engineering job and his position as a reserve captain in the Navy required a lot of travel, and in his spare time Joe joined 'every club imaginable' and wrote newsletters for all the neighborhood organizations. Thus, Joe didn't spend much time with his children - and when he 'babysat them' expected the kids to be quiet and entertain themselves.

As a result Peggy and her brother had to learn to be self-sufficient, and grew up with few physical or verbal expressions of love from their parents. Living in a home where she felt neglected, Peggy told herself "If I ever have kids, I want my family to be different".....meaning she would bond with her children and be involved in their lives. And in time, this came to pass.

Peggy met her future husband Izzy when she was in her late twenties - after difficult and damaging years as a rebellious teen and 'fast' young adult. By this time Peggy had earned an Associate Degree and was applying to universities, and Izzy was a television advertising executive. Peggy and Izzy got married and had two children: a daughter named Julia (who would later transition to Jake) and a son named Jay.

From the time she was a young child, daughter Julia rejected 'girly' things like dresses and dolls - and preferred to play male characters when she acted out her favorite movies. Conversely, son Jay enjoyed playing with his sister's Barbie dolls and avoided rambunctious boys' games and sports. In time, both children were diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Jay had Obessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) as well. As Peggy had promised herself, she was a hands-on mother - and she organized therapists and treatment teams for the children.

A few years later, more serious problems arose. At first Julia thought she was a lesbian, but then admitted to her mother that she was transgender.....really a male. In additon, Julia was being severely harassed at high school because she dressed like a boy, and Peggy felt compelled to arrange an independent study program to keep Julia safe. When Julia was fifteen she changed her name to Jake and began hormone replacement therapy (HRT) to align her physical appearance with her true gender. (At this point in the book Peggy starts using male pronouns to refer to Jake.)

Jake's gender affirmation was a long and complex process. When a person transitions from female to male, testosterone supplements can add body hair, lower the voice, and increase musculature. However, gender-affirming surgery is necessary to remove the breasts and - if one chooses - restructure the genitals (though Peggy suggests this is rare for transgender men). Peggy was concerned about her son's transition but ulitmately accepted his gender dysphoria.....and this probably helped Jake through difficult times. After Jake's transition he realized he was attracted to men - so Jake is a gay transgender male.

Meanwhile - because the family had been focused on Jake - Jay's difficulties were being overlooked. In his early teens Jay developed an eating disorder and starting showing signs of anxiety and depression. By the time Jay was sixteen he was often dizzy, irritable and fatigued. A trip to the doctor revealed that Jay's weight had dropped from 153 to 103 pounds. He also had low blood pressure and decreased heart rate, which caused him to pass out, get migraines, and have heart palpitations. Jay was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa - and once again Peggy put together a treatment team.

Shortly afterwards, Jay was 'caught' dating a boy, and confessed that he was gay. Jay admitted to his parents: "I didn't want to tell you because......I know how much you went through with Jake. I wanted you to think at least one of your kids was 'normal'." Peggy asured her son that she loved him 'no matter what' and Jay was honest about his boyfriends from then on.

All these changes in the family required a lot of adjustment. Peggy admits "We went from being the parents of a caring older sister and adoring younger brother to being the parents of two gay sons, and this was a whole different dynamic that affected everyone in the family." Peggy's husband Izzy took a while to come to terms with Jake's transition. In addition, Jay's perception that his brother was getting all the attention created a distance between the boys, who were once best friends. These and other issues required time and effort to be resolved, but the entire family is very close now. Both boys have graduated college, live on their own, and are doing well - so this is a success story all around.

In an effort to help other people like Jake and Jay, Peggy allowed the family's story to be publicized. Jake participated in an MSNBC documentary entitled "Born in the Wrong Body", and Peggy and both boys made appearances on the 'Oprah Winfrey Show.' Afterwards Peggy and Jake became advocates for transgender individuals, held workshops, and started a foundation called Trans United with Family and Friends (T.U.F.F.), which raises money to help transgender people.

Towards the end of the book Peggy discusses therapeutic methods she uses with LGBTQ individuals. She also provides suggestions for further reading and includes a list of resources for the LGBTQ community.

I found the book engaging and came to admire Peggy's strength and understanding in the face of family turmoil. To some extent, though, I feel the book's title is misleading. I expected the story to be almost entirely about Jake and Jay, but at least half the book is about Peggy herself: her childhood; her turbulent teen years; her 'substitute' mothers; her relationship with Izzy; her adjustment to Izzy's 'buttinksy' family; her education; her career; her pregnancies; her deliveries; her early years as a mother; and so on. Though all this is interesting, I would have liked to learn more about the boys and how they feel about their experiences. But maybe that's a different book.

Peggy is very hard on her parents in this book, especially her mom, whose poor mothering is mentioned again and again - to the point where it's repetitious. As a therapist, Peggy might be expected to understand her mother's psychological problems.....but maybe Peggy's childhood hurts are too deep to let go.

I'd recommend this memoir to people interested in LGBTQ concerns, especially readers who want to know more about being transgender. The book also provides a compelling story of an admirable and devoted mother and - on that score - would probably appeal to a general readership.

Thanks to Netgalley, the authors (Peggy Cryden with Janet E. Goldstein-Ball ), and the publisher (Jessica Kingsley Publishers) for a copy of the book.

There are two good reasons to read this book:

1. If you are a parent who deeply needs to know they aren't alone in raising LGBT+ children and need to hear a story from another parent who has been there.

2. You need a starting place to get resources: check out the section between 85%-93% of this book, in which Peggy Cryden speaks of what she's seen as a therapist. Even more helpfully is the appendix, which has a wonderful list of resources, who to contact and why.

As for the rest of it, no.

Nope.

Nuh-uh.

The tagline is: a story about a family in transition.

This book is not a story about a family in transition. It is the mother's story--a largely self-congratulatory story for being such an open, non-judgmental, awesome parent after the fact sort of story. And given some of the stories enclosed--and of the author's profession--I would have hoped for something far different.

Things to know:

1. The first 35% of the book is about the author's childhood. Perhaps it's helpful background but given the book is supposed to be about the 'family in transition'--it's telling they aren't even born until the second third of the book and first indications of queerness only arise after the 50% mark.

2. The first child was physically bullied at school. The mother went the route of independent study. Fine, great. But for parents, bullied children, or siblings of bullied children, there is nothing else about how to actively prevent bullying, talking about bullying, creating a safe space at home to openly speak of bullying, of how to be proactive when you know your child is queer and attending a school where this may not be welcomed, how to change the dynamic with kids, how to change the dynamic with adults, self-defence (verbal and physical), and how to deal with long-lasting ramifications for having been bullied.

3. The second child had OCD and anorexia. He went from 150# to 103# and people hardly noticed because he wore loose clothing. She felt awful. She took the kid to the doctor. She got him on a plan. But there was very little about what she might have done differently, what she wished she would have noticed, how she checked in with him after the diagnosis, how the long-term treatment went, how the entire family got involved in supporting him--or how they COULD have if they didn't.

4. The first child was physically and sexually assaulted. The text literally says (about the mother) "it wasn't my fault" and "my child's innocence was taken." Okay. Fine. But why is she sharing this? LGBT and people in the trans community are often targets for violence, sexual and otherwise. She has a real platform here to say: Hey fellow parents and caregivers--if your kid says they are trans, love them, accept them, and here are some things you should know about how they are targeted. Here's how to help them keep information private. Here's how to help them watch their surroundings. Here's how to them stay safe. Here's what to do should something happen. And after the fact--since she's a therapist--talk through how to be a loving, supportive parent through the physical healing process, which might end, and the emotional healing process, which never ends.

I was so upset to read the account of this in which it was treated as a "so this happened" moment. Nothing about helping work through the trauma of the event or of the all-night appointment for which evidence was taken from the child (which is ALSO very traumatic) or how to support the child through the trail (which is ALSO very traumatic) or how to get involved in community awareness/law enforcement for predators and attackers. I'm sure there is also something to say about what to do if your child is the bully, rapist, attacker but I acknowledge this isn't necessarily the place for it.

5. The second kid Jay--cis and queer--was left behind. The treatment in the book: I realized at some point, we had totally ignored Jay. We didn't talk to him about Jake's transition or explain what was happening or even support him through his own process of coming out as gay. I felt so bad. Let's talk about Jake again.

6. The father, for some time, refused to acknowledge Jake as a boy. He publicly and purposefully used the wrong pronouns. The mother threatened the father she'd leave if he didn't get his act together but opted to stay because medical support where one parent could move through the system wouldn't be available if she did leave him. So, she explained to Jake and Jake was okay with this. Yes--totally understandable. She was caught in a tough place. And, after a meeting with a magical doctor, the father was all of a sudden on-board. Did he apologize for the repeated violence to the child for his behavior? Did the family speak about the dad's process and what his non-acceptance meant to the entire family? Again, this happens SO often and does real harm to the person who is not acknowledged. If I were a parent--or if I could go back in time and give something like this to my supportive parent--I would want to know what my options were in terms of: How do you talk about this? What to do when the family is divided? What about the non-transitioning kid...what does this mean to them? And what about after the fact? Again, it's presented as an "everything's fine" scenario but I know for a fact that the healing process for the child and for the relationship with a parent who has devalued them in this way, is a long, long, long process with lasting effects. For an author who is a family counselor, I would have hoped something about this be included.

7. At the end of the book, their floor is always covered with visitors--kids either permanently or temporarily kicked out of their homes because their parents haven't accepted them the way she's accepted her kids. These displaced kids "know" they aren't judged. Um. And what about a discussion of why they are homeless. What about a discussion on how to change this narrative? What about providing safe places for a kid you might know who is displaced? What about working with shelters?

If it sounds as if I am angry, it's because I am. Peggy Cryden isn't just a parent of two queer kids, she's a licensed professional. People who pick up this book are likely doing so because they need real help.

There are SO many jumping off points to help people in this book and SO many missed opportunities. It seems to me that the author wanted to come across as an advocate--and perhaps she is.

But as a person who has lived through similar events in childhood and who had a parent who treated the issues in a similar way to Peggy Cryden as a parent (oh, it's horrible...but it's in the past...I'm non-judgmental...I love you) it is both deeply dismissive of the child's experience and doesn't provide the concrete support to help a parent/ally truly help with the 'big stuff'.

If you are a parent looking to support a child--use these resources (they are wonderful), get to meetings to connect with other parents/kids, learn how to change the dynamic in your community, and lobby to get laws passed that support them.

Picked this up from Netgalley and it's pretty much what you'd expect. The author is the mother of two LGBTQIA+ children, and works as a psychotherapist as well, which gives the book an analytical, rather than preachy style. It's good to see people talk about their 'unconventional' family dynamics, especially regarding the flexible spectrum of gender and sexuality. It's the 21st Century, we need to be more open and aware about each individual's differences.

While the book is supposed to be about her transitioning family, the first half of the book is about the author's life. It's a fascinating life in itself, worthy of a carefully edited memoir if she wanted to go down that road, but didn't quite fit with the premise of the title. It's important to note that she was adopted and about the external maternal influences that shaped. These parts of her story certainly aren't 'straight' and most likely defined her later open and accepting outlook. But, it detracted from the (more) important story the book blurb drew us in with; that of her sons. We do not get their voices in the book, the perspective is purely from the mother's point of view. We could have done with more insight into the transition, the internal workings of a person - a young person at that - who goes through this challenging experience. Gender being on a spectrum is hard for a lot of people to understand, but it's not something that's clearly laid out enough for people to get a grasp of. Given the author's psychological knowledge, I was hoping for a lot more detail about the psychology of not only being transgender, but also that of their family. The author is candid about many of the struggles of the family, including the negatives; that must have been difficult to put down on paper. We get the story of the family, none of the science behind it.

The general writing feels rushed as it is slotted into neat episodic chapters. It makes for an incredibly easy read, but one that feels like it's only part of the picture. It has a happy, positive ending, which is needed for anyone on the spectrum looking for a little sense of hope. For young people, especially those struggling or coming to terms with the identities, this will be a quick, uplifting read.

Ever since they were young, Peggy Cryden noticed her children’s gender expression did not correspond with society’s expectations of their biological gender. In this moving and honest memoir, Peggy details the experiences and challenges of raising both a gay son and a gay, transgender son and shares her family’s journey of adversity and growth, which has helped inform her work as a psychotherapist.

Each chapter explores a particular year in the family’s life, following the children from birth to adulthood and through their numerous experiences including coming out, depression, hate crime, relationships, school and various aspects to do with transitioning (legal, physical, medical, social) as well as their appearances in the media as a family. This book is insightful, charming and thought-provoking, and through levity and humour, offers a positive approach to parenting outside of convention.



When I came across this book in Netgalley, I knew I just had to have it. Unfortunately, it’s not very often that we see loving, supportive families when it comes to lgbt+ youth stories. Especially for trans kids, more often than not, the reality can be a pretty scary and horrifying scenario. Reading a memoir of a mother who not only accepted, but also supported her children while they came to terms with their sexuality and gender identity is a heart-warming story, one that needs to be heard.

Telling her story from the very beginning, Peggy Cryden begins by narrating her own childhood growing up in a neglectful and harmful environment, to her teenage years, to meeting her husband and her own struggles as a mother later on. Reading about her, her story, her struggles and her life was an emotional roller-coaster. Her honesty and unsugar-coated version of reality made this book so special I can see myself going back to it again and again and again.

Reading about such a supportive mother, such a wonderful, great woman, really gave me hope. Hope that kids like me (lgbt+ kids), kids struggling with their sexuality and gender identity, kids that don’t exactly fit in society’s expectations, can find solace to the people closest to them, that they can overcome their obstacles and get their happily ever after. Straight Expectations is a book I really needed to read, and a book that needs to be read and praised for its very honest depiction of life and for spreading a hopeful message for trans youth and for spreading awareness, for very simply, honestly, and authentically depicting a matter many cisgender people are unfamiliar with. Its language is a very simple one and that’s exactly why this book is so amazing; because it delivers very powerful, positive and inclusive messages without being strictly educational or didactic. Definitely one of my favourite reads of 2017 so far.



Expected publication: May 18th 2017

**An ARCopy was provided via Netgalley in exchange of an honest review **

This is a good book for people looking for accounts of gender transition from the people directly impacted by it. Unfortunately, I don't think there's anything about this particular title that makes it stand out among the other similar stories that have been published.

This is a potentially complex story of family issues and changes within the family group. Peggy is the mother; her children at the start of this book are Julia, who has issues with her gender, and Jay her son who has issues with eating and OCD.

After the general introduction to the family Peggy talks about her background as a child and then an adult. While it touches on Peggy's family generally we do find out that her mother was certainly somewhat dysfunctional at best. Once she leaves home it is apparent that Peggy herself has a tendency towards a chaotic and complicated lifestyle.

Moving on she covers the birth of her two children and their early years when she sees some signs of potential difficulties with both children although there is nothing very specific at that time.

The story then starts to focus on Julia more and it is clear that Peggy is a genuinely nice/concerned mother. Peggy seems to take the view that they do not particularly want to air their issues on TV however a slot on the Oprah show would be acceptable and that call comes. I found the fact the TV appearance did lead to some consequences and that it exposed some of the differing attitudes to Julia's problem very interesting. Julia certainly has problems to deal with in her transition process to Jake.

The book moves on to Jay and his issues. This actually leads to another appearance on Oprah as a family. A foundation to help people with gender issues and transitions is set up and administered by the family and in particular the now adult siblings. Peggy herself is by now a counsellor with her own private practice and she reviews the overall situation in the USA as it relates to her children's issues.

I found the book both readable and interesting in general. It is worth noting than the "Further Reading" section has useful information in. However more particularly the potentially very useful "Resources" section offers solely USA based ones.

In a sense I guess I was expecting a rather straightforward story of the changes that took place in Peggy's children. In practice quite a lot of the book is given over to Peggy and her life rather than being fully focussed on the two children. If I had any criticism of the book it would be about that. However if the children had been the primary focus then they would have had to have their own input which doesn't seem to be the case. I think it would be of interest to those with an interest but I'm not sure that there is really enough about Julia in this which makes it more of a "general" family story rather than a gender transition book in the main. Ultimately I found this an interesting read.

This book was fascinating. The author begins with her own childhood. She was adopted as a baby and grew up with a distant father and a mother with mental health issues. Her childhood was difficult and unconventional. Later in the book, we see how this affected her, and how in spite of her early role models, she grew up to become a caring and strong mother to her children.
Her children went through their own tough times, with gender dysphoria, bullying, an eating disorder and struggles with depression. They are lucky to have such a wonderful and strong mother, who supported them through all this. Her account of her eldest child's transition from girl to boy and how they coped with it as a family, and her youngest son's struggle with an eating disorder and his sexuality, was fascinating.
I hope that this book will bring hope to families going through similar issues, and better understanding to others as to what it is like for these families.

This is terribly embarrassing but I requested this book when I was tired and unobservant and didn't see that this was a memoir. For some reason my brain doesn't click all that well with memoirs. I tried to get into this but sadly I couldn't, so I won't be writing a review. I might try to get back to it at some point but most likely not. Sorry again...

Review can be found at knightlyreads on Tumblr. One thing I forgot to add: I noticed some repetitive wording, especially in the beginning chapters. For example, on pg 41: "I thought I looked more like a boy than a girl. ... My skin was milky white, which some people told me was beautiful, but I thought I looked like a ghost. I had green eyes, which I received compliments for..." On pg 42: "....I was an awkward child who looked more like a boy than a girl. I had ivory-white skin, which most people told me was beautiful... I had green eyes which I was told were beautiful, but I didn't believe it."

This book is a must read for anyone unsure or challenging their sexuality and/or their gender too. Also their family may find it useful as a guide to accepting the changes ahead.

After a detailed look into years of Peggy's own life, alike us all she grew up through a lot of turbulent events within family members, abusive partners, breaking up of relationships, teenage curiosity and growth.

Growing up is hard enough, but for Julia, she knew there was a bigger issues. Self doubt buried away for years until finally beginning the transition which is a big step, taking hormones, altering your look, continuing education and also therapy sessions.

The book reveals a full look into issues facing family, friends and obviously the individual making the transition. There is also a look into campaigning for LGBTQ rights which proves how much the issue raised truly still needs tackling as no one should face discrimination or abuse towards them.