Definitely a much needed book for girls these days. Informative and relevant to today's teens. Would highly recommend this book!

Reading this book was like listening to hundreds of people audition for American Idol singing Whitney, or Mariah, or Celine. It was just too big, too ambitious, and failed to hit the high note.. I understand having materials out there for youth who are questioning things, but trying to be everything to everyone, and delve into everything about everything at one time was just.....no.

Book Review
Title: GIRL
Author: Karen Rayne, PhD
Genre: Non-Fiction/Relationships
Rating: *****
Review: As this is a non-fiction book split into various sections I will be writing my review in sections starting with:
Biology and being a girl
We are introduced to the branding idea which is the way we represent ourselves both online and in person. It talks about our face to face interactions and our visible and invisible identities. Our visible identities are things like our race and religion and whatever else about ourselves were make public knowledge. Our invisible identities are the parts of ourselves we choose to kept private. It also discusses our more obvious forms of communication in face to face interactions like the language we use and our body language and what this says to other people. However, it must be said these things are cultural, take eye contact for example, in Western cultures like in the UK it is considered respectful to make eye contact with your teacher but in Asian culture like in China it is considered very disrespectful. It discusses what makes us up physically as a person from out appearance to our hobbies, but it also begins to delve into how social media and it can affect our face to face interactions and how people perceive us. It references Danah Boyd who has done extensive research into social media and texting and she stresses the important of 4 key areas: online communication is persistent meaning the content is there forever and there are opportunities for people to save and share your content even if you delete minutes after posting it, online communication is shareable, online communication is visible and online communication is searchable which all stress that online communication can be saved, shared and viewed by third parties without your authorization whereas face to face interactions don’t have these limitations or hinderances. I also like that this book includes links and references to outside resources where you can read more on specific topics. It also discusses social pressures and roles that we are expected to fit into.
Gender and Identity
This chapter starts by explaining what is meant by gender, gender identity, gender expression and biology mean which all are very different despite sounding quite similar. It also poses questions which makes us think about our own gender identity whether we identify as female because we are biologically female or is there more behind the psychology of our minds. I also really liked the diary entry from a transgender woman called Erin it was very enlightening to see the struggles she went through to accept her own femininity. It also introduces new terms Cisgender someone whose assigned gender is the same as their birth gender, Transgender is someone whose assigned sex doesn’t align with their birth genders and Genderqueer is someone whose gender doesn’t fit into the standard binary genders. It was nice to see some different stand points; this book makes the case that coming out in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation isn’t allows the best things to do as not everyone is supportive and it may be better in some cases for people to hold off coming out until they are financial independent.
It then throws culture into the mix of gender and identity, the diary entry in this section sums it up perfectly as it is from a girl who attended an Indian wedding that had a female priest. Obviously, she wasn’t even aware that women from her culture could become priests, however, a relative told her that it was disgusting that a woman was doing this job because she was considered unclean because of something she cannot control. She talks about social stigmas in her culture and how limiting they are to women and how it isn’t that different in American culture. This goes back to ancient times when men and women wanted different things from relationships, men want to mate with as many partners as possible to have the strongest offspring whereas women wanted men to commit to one women and their children exclusively always putting them in constant relationship conflict. It also looks at slut shaming and how boys can sleep with many girls and be brushed off with the response boys will be boys while it is very frowned upon for a woman to do the same thing which is something we still see in modern society.
Attraction
As you can probably guess this chapter really delves into sexual orientation and sexual identity and explains what LGBTQ+ means. L = Lesbian, G = Gay, B = Bisexual, T = Transgender, Q = Queer, Q = Questioning and + = refers to people whose sexual identity doesn’t fit with any of the previous categories. It is also worth noting that this doesn’t include heterosexuality because it is a historically dominant sexual identity and many people start off identifying a heterosexual and come into their true sexual identity as they grow and discover themselves. It was also interesting to learn in a 2016 study by J. Walter Thompson found that over half of 13-20-year olds identity as non-straight.
This chapter also makes references to some new sexual identities that many may not understand such as A = Ally, someone who is straight but supports those who are not, A = Androphilic, someone who is attracted to masculinity, A = Aromantic, someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction, A = Asexual, someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction, D = Demisexual, someone who only experiences sexual attraction in the context of a deep emotional connection, G = Gynephilic, someone who is attracted to femininity, I = Intersex, someone whose biology is not clearly male or female, K = Kinky, someone whose sexual activities differ from the sociality norm, P = Pansexual, someone who is attracted to people across the gender identity spectrum, P = Poly, someone who is drawn to be sexually/emotionally involved with more than one person with the consent and support of all parties, 2S = Two Spirit, A Native American identity for a person whose identity incorporates both male and female traits and S = Skoliosexual, a person who is attracted who gender or identity falls outside of the binary male and female.
This was absolutely astounding as lots of these sexual identities I had never heard of and was very interested in learning more about. While all the identities mentioned aren’t the only ones that can be found in society they are the “main” sexual identities. Although it must be said your sexual identity does make you up as a whole and isn’t set in stone, for example, someone can identify as pansexual but be more bisexual, but this is completely unique to the individual. This then brings us to an important section, coming out or how to tell people who you are. Now, as someone who is non-straight this was a section I was really interested in as when I came out to my family and friends I was subject to ridicule and jokes although meant in a good-natured way they were still harmful to me and resulted in some awkward conversation to say the least.
The first point made about coming out is it may not live up to your imagination of the event. Some people might not be supportive or might not understand what you mean about your sexual and/or gender identity. It was a little disheartening to read the diary entry from a young girl who was outed by her best friends’ mom when she had told the woman her sexual identity in confidence. However, it is your personal choice to decide to come out and it gives some helpful pointers of helping people understand who you are like choosing a label that most accurately describe who you are and giving a description of what this label means and why you identify with it. It also introduces to two new labels which are seen a lot, but many may not realise it these are heterosexism, so naturally assuming that someone is straight and homophobia which literally means to be afraid of people with same sex attractions and related to biphobia and transphobia and how these can affect you when coming out.
Inside and Outside Bodies
This chapter looks at biology and how different people with different gender and sexual identities look. This look at what physically makes you male and female as these are the binary genders, but it also looks at what makes a person intersex which was very interesting. So, in terms of biology chromosomes determine our gender, so XX makes someone biologically female and XY makes someone biologically male but there are more chromosome combinations that affect our gender. XXY, for example, is someone who is male biologically but make have less body hair and increased breast size, also known as Klinefelter syndrome. X which is known as Turner syndrome as these people are close to women biologically but there are a lot of variations. There are also these combinations XX/X and XX/XY known as mosaicism or mosaic Turner syndrome and most people with this syndrome identify as female although not all. People with these conditions are considered intersex although some people who are intersex don’t have variations in their chromosomes but rather in their hormones or internal/external genitalia.
Our genitalia are what most people consider out gender, so women have vulva, vaginas and ovaries while men have a penis and testicles. This chapter does contain some detailed drawings of the male and female genitalia so be warned. It also discusses the changes we experience during puberty for example, the menstrual cycle in women. Also, because this book is aimed at teenage girls but doesn’t exclude boys, I must warn boys reading this book that it does talking in great detail and periods and medical conditions associated with periods such as PMS and PMDD as well as products used during a girl’s period. Up until this point this chapter has been discussed the noun sex, now we move onto the verb sex associated with arousal and pleasure.
It talks about the academic model of sexual response which include four phases; excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. The excitement phase is the phase where your experience biological changes such as an increase heartrate, the plateau phase is more physical changes like vaginal wetness and an erect penis, the orgasm phase is the act itself and the resolution phase is where the body return to its pre-sex state. While this talks about sex briefly there will be more detail in further chapters, but it does talk in-depth about cleanliness especially for women as women can contract infections from being too clean like yeast infections, which 75% of women will get at some point in their life and this is because the pH balance of the vagina is very sensitive and changes in the balance can result in this infection. Women can also contract bacterial vaginosis also known as BV, which is an upset in the ratio of good and bad bacteria in the vagina. It also discusses penial and anal cleanliness, because both of these areas are also able to contract infections, for example, men can also contract yeast infection.
A very important area that I feel is sometimes skimmed over is self-exams. Self-exams are extremely important because unlike a medical professional no one knows your body better than you do. It gives some easy self-exams you can do at home for both boys and girls. It also stresses the importance of having an annual examination done by your doctor just to make sure have haven’t missed anything significant. It also talks about self-love as if you are not comfortable with your own body you aren’t going to be comfortable enough to perform self-exams or to go to your doctor to get one. I also really liked this book give you tons of additional resources, so you can further understand some of the topics that the various authors write about. I really liked the diary entry from Erin and trans woman talking about her second puberty and how difficult it was compared to her first puberty.
STI’s and Prevention
Now, this is a very important topic especially for younger people and it is also quite a taboo topic among teens. Now STI’s are sexually transmitted infections and STD’s are sexually transmitted diseases and there is a huge difference between the two. STI’s fall into one of three categories; viral, bacterial and parasitic. Viral STI’s included Hepatitis B which primarily affects the liver, this can have flu-like symptoms such as headaches and joint pain although sometimes has no symptoms at all, but there is a vaccination against Hepatitis B. Viral STI’s also include HVS or Herpes simplex virus which can be oral or genital. Unlike some STI’s herpes is incredibly common and is one of the easiest to detect as it presents itself as sores around the affected area. One of the deadliest viral STI’s although less people die from it presently than in the past is HIV or human immunodeficiency virus. This is one of the most complex STI’s as it is a retrovirus and damages the immune system to the point where it can’t even fight of a simple cold. This section also clears up some common misconceptions about HIV and AIDS. The final major STI’s in the viral categories is HPV or human papillomavirus. This particular virus is similar to HIV and causes irregular cell growth. HPV if left untreated can become a cancer which can spread from the site of infection, so it can be spread from the vagina to the cervix and anus.
Bacterial STI’s are considered to be alive and can be treated with antibiotics. Common bacterial STI’s are chlamydia, gonorrhea and syphilis. Chlamydia and gonorrhea are very similar in the way they impact the body. These infections can cause pain or burning when urinating, discharge and abdominal pain. Both infections have the potential if left untreated to cause some serious biologically damage especially in women. Syphilis can be a major problem if left untreated as it can cause painless sores, rashes and flu-like symptoms often mistaken for something else. If left untreated this infection can migrate from the original state and wage war on the entire body. People who have advanced syphilis can have mental instability, cancers and seizures.
The final categories parasitic STI’s include pubic lice, scabies and trichomoniasis. Pubic lice are the close cousins to head lice although these lice before a moister environment. These are treated by shaving the pubic hair off, washing or there are medical treatments available. Scabies unlike lice burrow into the skin a little like mites, scabies causes a rash and intense itching and are treated with a simple over-the-counter cream. Trichomoniasis or trich for short can cause discharge and intense pain when urinating however, many people who contract trich experience no symptoms and won’t even know they have them and is treated with a simple antibiotic. It also talks about STI’s testing and some of the language you may encounter during the testing process including fluid exchange and incubation period.
It talks about the stigma surrounding STI’s and the disclosure you need to have if you or your partner are diagnosed with having an STI. One form of contraception and STI prevention that everyone seems to forget is condoms. Most people seem to forget that STI’s are transmitted through fluid exchange or skin to skin contact and condoms can prevent this.
Pregnancy and Prevention
So, like the STI section this is going to talk about pregnancy and obviously how you get pregnant. It talks about the step by step process from intercourse to falling pregnant which most girls will already be aware of but one thing some girls forget is even if you have sex on your period sperm can live up to a week, so it is still possible to get pregnant after your period ends. If you do get pregnant there are three major options for you; termination, parenting or adoption. If you chose termination this choice is time pressured as you are only allowed a termination up to certain point in your pregnancy. If you are considering a termination you should seriously consider your feeling on termination and whether this is the right choice for you.
If you choose to continue the pregnancy and parent the child, then you have to understand that parenting is hard and require a lot of time and effort and you will probably sacrifice your social life in order to raise that child. You should also make sure that you have a support network of some sorts whether this is family, friend or an internet community is up to you and your personal preference. It also lists some great resources for potential parents need advice and support.
Should you decide to put the child up for adoption, you have to remember that pregnancy and giving birth is very labour intensive (no pun intended) and you need to make your choice clear early on as many people including your own family will assume you are going to raise the child yourself. You must also be aware that you will have to choose the adoptive family yourself and this can be a very difficult process emotional for you and you will have the pressure of choosing a family that you feel will be raising the child correctly and will care for the child.
Obviously, should you become pregnancy you should make the right choice for you and not be pressured into making a choice you aren’t comfortable with. However, there are several methods for preventing pregnancy the most common being contraception which has two types barrier and hormonal. Barrier methods include internal and external condom, diaphragm and cervical cap. These work by physically preventing the sperm from entering the vagina.
Hormonal contraception includes the pill, IUD, the implant and the injection. These contraceptives work by introducing a balance of estrogen and progestin into the body. There is also one type of hormonal contraceptive that is slightly different from the others which is the morning after pill which prevents ovulation taking place up to five days after unprotected sex.
There are also surgical methods of preventing pregnancy such as tubal ligation and a vasectomy. Some surgical procedures are reversible, and some are not so when choosing a surgical method b sure, if you want to have children in the future choose a reversible method. There are also the controversial behaviour methods of preventing pregnancy such as withdrawal and abstinence, while these methods aren’t as effective they can be right for some.
Dating and Relationships – Decision making
So, the first thing about relationships is deciding whether you want a sexual or emotional relationship and although these may overlap there is a large difference between these two types of relationship. The main thing this section stresses is knowing your own life goals and asking yourself some serious questions about what you are willing to give to a relationship and what you expect from a relationship. You must also consider your sexual and gender identities and whether you are willing to discuss these things will potential sexual or emotional partners.
This chapter poses different scenarios and asks us the reader how we would feel in these situations. It also discusses the pros and cons of the different types of decision making that people can relate to.
Communication
So, after entering a relationship whether sexual or emotional a key thing that you have to have with your partner is communication. There are two forms of communication; listening and speaking but you need to be honest about yourself. Honesty is important in any type of relationship because if you aren’t honest then the other people can’t be expected to help and support you through life.
When talking you need to communicate in a way everyone can understand without being harmful to other or being hurt. When it comes to sexual relationships and emotional relationships communication is even more important as inefficient dialogue can lead to you getting emotionally and sometimes physically hurt and the diary entry really hits this home. So, even though, sexual communication may be awkward, and you may not want to do it, it will be really helpful in the long term.
When it comes listening it isn’t just about hearing what your partner is saying but really understanding what they are asking on a deeper level than words. You can also listen nonverbally, like listening and understanding your partner’s body language especially when being intimate as your partner might not be not be comfortable in voicing what they want during these times. When you combine being honest, listening and speaking you now have a rounded communication system.
Healthy Relationships 101
Now we have learnt about everything that creates a relationship we can now look at what makes a healthy relationship. We are going to look at the Columns and Shadows model which is shaped by four attitudes and behaviours; respect, equality, safety and trust. Each of the columns under this model looks at the good aspect and the shadow looks at a negative perspective, so for example, respect, the column for this is that one partner like dancing and the other doesn’t so they compromise and find an activity they both can enjoy, the shadow is the partner that likes dancing belittles and berates the partner who doesn’t until they feel obligated to go dancing in order to please their partner and example of a healthy and unhealthy relationship.
We learn that unhealthy relationship doesn’t start that way and that unhealthy relationship usually devolve from healthy ones over time. There is a specific term for this is gaslighting. Gaslighting is when a romantic or sexual partner question your knowledge or memory on specific events to make you question whether you are right or not. In most cases where gaslighting occurs there are healthier form of communication that can be used to resolve the issues at hand.
Intent is also a massive part of unhealthy relationship, but you have to be aware that some many intentional manipulate you in to doing things and others may not even realise they are doing it until someone points it out. Earlier when we discussed coming out might not be for everyone what happens if one partner is out and the other isn’t. In this case this can really damage the relationship because their can be little to no public interaction on a romantic level which some people need the reassurance from this. In this case you can’t force your partner to come out but finding a way around it can be really difficult, but it can be done with dedication and communication.
If you are in an unhealthy relationship you might feel really embarrassed about asking for help from an outside source. The first step in getting help for an unhealthy relationship is realising you are in an unhealthy relationship and wanting help. It is also helpful to remember being in an unhealthy relationship doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the relationship as there are options available.
Hooking Up
Hooking up can mean different things to different people and this can be good or bad depending on what it means to you. One of the issues with hooking up is there are different kinds of emotional, social and physical risks associated with different sexual activities. If hooking up means oral sex to you then there is an STI risk but no pregnancy risk, if hooking up means penetration to you then there is both an STI and pregnancy risk. While the term hooking up can take a lot of the pressure from terms like sex and virgin it also creates added pressures on terms like slut and frigid. When you are hooking up it is key to be specific about what this means for you and the other person, if you aren’t specific you could end up in a situation you don’t want to be in.
Like with any other form of sexual encounter all hook ups should be healthy and you should make sure that this is the right thing for you and make sure you and the other person or persons involved understand what everyone wants from the hook up.
Dating or starting a “thing”
In modern dating the concept of going on a date is quite old-fashioned and most teens now would prefer to communicate online rather than going to the movies or out to dinner. The cultural concept of dates is old-fashioned and causes problems over who asks who out. In the original concept the boy asks the girl out but with the discover of some many new gender and sexual identities it muddies the water a little.
The act of asking someone out on a date is done at a time when you are emotionally vulnerable and open to rejection and because you have to express your emotions, the level of communication can be diminished because you are nervous or embarrassed.
Being in a Relationship
The first point made in this chapter is that relationships unlike hook ups require a lot more time, effort and attention from both parties involved. I liked the information on the psychology behind our relationship and how and why we choose the partners we do. When you enter a relationship, there will be a lot of emotional vulnerability meaning going public with your relationship can be a very difficult time for some couples. It talks about the public and private aspects of a relationship and how to deal with common relationship problems that can occur.
This chapter also looks at two taboo topics in cheating and can teenagers fall in love and the impact these things can have on a relationship especially if that relationship is fairly new. It was interesting to read real life accounts from people that have cheated and their reasoning behind it and honestly, you couldn’t disagree with it.
Ending Relationships
Now, ending a relationship can be quite a controversial topic especially if you love that person. So, before ending a relationship you should consider whether the relationship has run its course, has it become unhealthy or do you just not want to be with that person anymore and to make sure you aren’t dumping that person for the sake of dumping them.
Obviously, any break up should be done in a respectful and safe manner and this chapter gives some advice on how to break up with someone. It does mention the only time you should break up with someone over the phone i.e. text or phone call is if you feel your safety is in danger. If you are the one being dumped it gives some amazing advice on how to move on and process the hurt that comes with breaking up.
Cheating is also a topic in this chapter and unlike what most people think cheating doesn’t necessarily mean the ending of a relationship. This chapter also poses some very serious questions you have to ask yourself when your partner has cheated, and you are considering ending the relationship.
Consent, Harassment, Sexual Assault and Rape
Now, this chapter does touch on some very difficult topic so if you find this triggering please skip over it, but this is also a topic very close to my own heart. So, consent is like tea, but rather than explaining it here there is a wonderful YouTube video that does it perfect, which you can watch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZwvrxVavnQ and it makes the point that you shouldn’t feel obligated to put out just because you are in a relationship with someone and if you feel pressured then that person if violating your consent. For people that say that the concept of consent is really complex, well it isn’t it is as simple as making a cup of tea.
There are many different types of consent when it comes to sexual activity the most common being the maybe rule. This is when someone doesn’t expressly say no but they don’t encourage the situation either, this is a consent violation because the other person obviously isn’t comfortable with the situation and probably feel pressured or obligated to continue. You should ask them if they won’t to continue and ask for a definite answer yes or no. There is obviously the no means no rule and the yes means yes rule which are pretty clear if someone says no at any point during the sexual encounter then you stop and if they yes then you are ok to continue.
It is made clear that the issue of consent becomes clouded when alcohol or drugs are involved, and communication is key as your partner may assume just because you are slightly drunk that it is still ok to have sex when it could violate your consent, and this should be made clear beforehand. The book talks about the legal and social implications of sexual harassment and rape and the story of rape included in this section really hits home how difficult it can be for a rape victim to come forward to their family let alone the police.
Sexual assault has many definitions, so it isn’t always clear what constitutes sexual assault, but the most common definition is any form of sexual contact or behaviour you haven’t consented to. And it is very similar for rape and some of the steps girls go through to protect themselves from this unwanted contact is extraordinary. Reporting is the first step into getting closure and resolution after being assaulted or raped but it is also the hardest for a lot of women. Moving on from an assault is one of the hardest things you will have to do as a person but one of the things the book and myself stress is that a support group or network of some sort is absolutely vital to moving on with your life.
Sex – Your First Time
As we move away from the emotional aspects of relationships to the physical ones, the loss of your virginity is the first time you will have probably experienced the joys and disappointments of sex. The rumours around having sex for the first time are largely false especially the one about first time sex being painful. It doesn’t have to be but it is for some for three main reasons; timing – women go through a hormonal change which makes the hymen less flexible and vascular meaning after this change first time penetration is a lot less painful than before this change, speed – first time penetration of any kind should be slow and allow the body to relax into the intrusion of the body and finally fear, most people are nervous and afraid of their first time and this can make it painful because you are tense. Obviously, if it is painful you should stop and try and find out what is making it painful was it too quick? Too large? Do you need lubrication etc.
It also reminds us that there are a lot of first you can have before sex and doing these things beforehand will make the big event a lot easier and you will feel more relaxed and comfortable with your partner. Also, being honest and communication what you want is a big help as well as having realistic expectations. It also discusses firsts with a new partner, for example, if you have had sex and your partner hasn’t and some good advice and tips on what to do in these situations.
Orgasms
So, most people reading this book will have some idea what an orgasm is, but they may not understand that an orgasm feels different for everyone although there are some universal indicators like a build up of pressure and heightened sensation before climax is reached.
So, there is a lot of biology that goes hand in hand with orgasms, but there is also psychology and cultural influences to consider as well when it comes to achieving climax whether male or female, but the golden rule is self-love. If you can give yourself an orgasm, then you can instruct someone else on how to give you one or tell them what does and doesn’t work for you.
This book has so much information on some things that teens and young adults really need to know a bout sexual health and relationships and because it is informative so could be used in a classroom setting. The section I have covered are only a fraction of what is covered within the book and I highly recommend it to all even if you feel that you know about sex or that this book won’t apply to you. Yes, it is aimed at teenage girls but there are huge sections for boys and it also caters for trans people and a few other categories of the LGBTQ+ spectrum.
Buy it here:
I received this review copy from NetGalley

What I like about this book:

Rayne has taken great pains to make this book as inclusive as possible. Information for teens who identify across the gender spectrum as well as the sexuality spectrum is included.

The tone of Rayne’s writing is informative and relatable. She shows respect for her teen readers by never talking down to them yet also using language that will be easily understood.

Rayne emphasizes that there are not always “right” answers when it comes to identity, relationships, and sexual activity. The most important consideration is what YOU want and feel comfortable with. She also endeavors to dispel myths and misconceptions about “normal” sexual desires and activities.

A Couple Issues:

There is a LOT of information covered in this book. As other reviews have stated, Rayne has packed a ton of topics/issues into one book and therefore has really only provided a brief overview of each topic.

Rayne does provide a list of suggested resources for each chapter that includes articles, help lines, TED Talks, etc. I did not take the time to review each of these recommended sources, but they did include sites that I am not familiar with. I would probably want to check out these additional sources prior to adding this selection to my library.

Overall, this book is well-written, informative, and contains information that teens NEED. But, any librarian who decides to add this to their collection should be prepared to defend their choice (particularly in more conservative areas).

Girl: Love, Sex, Romance and Being You is a unique book that would be helpful for any teenager that idenitifies as female. It is inclusive and accessible, and guides the reader to think about important aspects of growing up in the modern world. One of its strengths is its relatively brief discussion on many different topics, and posing discussion questions for the reader to contemplate herself. This encourages the reader to think for herself and make informed choices that are right for her. Another strength is the plethora of recommended resources (both books and websites) for more in-depth information of the topics addressed. Bravo! I am glad young women will soon have this book in their hands.
Thank you to NetGalley for providing me this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I think in theory this book was a good idea. It covers so many topics teens are curious about and need good sourced information on however, I feel at the same time the book tried to do to much at once and therefore wasn't able to provide enough in depth information on each topic. Good starting point. What I wish is this book was broken up into a series for Girls and went into more depth on each topic. Thank you for letting me read this book.

Well written, covered all the bases. Surprisingly went in depth on newer terms and subjects. Enjoyed the format and resources.

This is such an important book. I wish it had been around when I was a teen. Every girl should read it!

A clear, well-grounded discussion for girls about love, sex, and romance. It is frank. It is open. It is written from multiple perspectives.

A lot of humans need this book. It provides information about biological realities. It provides information about non-normative gender and sexual realities. Both of these topics (biology and gender identity) would be tricky discussions; together in a single book, they may be overwhelming.

I wonder if my largely-protected adolescent library patrons can handle this much frankness. I suspect most of their parents will have problems with it.

This book has been a popular addition to our teen nonfiction collection.

I love that the language was gender neutral, and that there were "handwritten" notes from a variety of girls, I really enjoy the author's voice and the good advice give. I'd like to read more about the different genders and gender identities.

I really appreciated how strongly this book was geared towards intersectionality, but I feared that it was really too wide of a scope to fit into one book, and I feel that my fear was well-founded. Much of the information was just directions to seek out OTHER information, such as books or sites, and that felt to me like something that would be better suited to a free site, not a bound book that you're selling to teen girls. It just felt bad to me and wasn't what I hoped it would be.

Rayne has taken great pains to write a book that is inclusive, honest and open about being a girl. She is careful to look at all the type of bodies, genders and sexualities that girls might have and tries diligently to dispel any myths that culture has given us.

I think that this book has a lot of good ideas. Rayne cares about young girls and wants to include all of them. She wants to cover a variety of important topics - and that I think is where the book ends up falling a little short. Nothing really gets the full depth it deserved. She wants to talk about kinks but only covers the most common and uncontroversial of kinks. She wants to talk about rape but only provides a short paragraph on how rape culture might affect girls. It’s clear Rayne could elaborate but opts to just give additional resources instead. Which is fine if the book needed to be brief - but it isn’t.

Rayne decided to cover every possible topic briefly which creates the double edged sword of both being not informative enough and being too lengthy. Reading this book as someone a little too old for it I didn’t learn anything I hadn’t already learned from the internet. Rayne didn’t go deep enough to teach me anything. As a teen I never would have bothered to pick this book up.

Girl could be a good primer for teens who want a wide range of light information but the fact is that it’s too long and boringly textbookish at points for a teen to actually want to read it. I imagine most teens are much more likely to do an internet search or find something less dry and more informative. As a source for teachers and parents it can be a useful jumping off point. There are a variety of important questions in each chapter that teens might want to consider. The diary entries from several women about various topics are interesting, but it wouldn’t be able to be a full basis of a health class.

I think Girl had plenty of great ideas and there was obviously a lot of care put into the book. The inclusivity is important and not often seen in health texts. I just wish it had been a little more decisive in what it was about. There is a book about discovering your sexuality and identity. A book about relationships. A book about a healthy sex life. There’s too much going on, so much that no topic gets sufficient coverage.

There is something to be said about covering all your bases but I don’t think all these needed to be done in one boo. Perhaps girl would have been better as a series, each book focusing on giving in depth information on a specific topic. As it is, Girl feels like homework. If I want information I have to look it up. There is nothing in this book that a teen couldn’t learn with a brief google or glance at wikipedia. If a teen is specifically curious about sexuality or gender or relationships then there are books that give a much better in depth exploration.

I have never said this about a book before, but I am very happy I didn't have this book as a teenager. So I have quite a few issues with this book. The first one and also a major one is that this book is too superficial. It contains many, many topics like gender, identity, online communication, sex, contraception, relationships, flirting, biology and a few more - but it doesn't go into detail. Instead, there are links and other books that you are supposed to read if you want to know more. I think that the author put way too many topics in there and should have better concentrated on less topics, but talked about them in more detail. One should also keep in mind that not every teenager has an unsupervised internet access to safely research things like abortion, orgasms and whatnot and/or access to a library or an allowance big enough to get all these other books.

The next problem lies within the links and resources. Some of them do not offer comprehensive informations, but instead are incomplete and even incorrect at times, such as the plannedparenthood and scarleteen site (especially the informations about birth control provided on these sites are not up to date, especially when it comes to NFP and FAM, but also about side effects of the pill etc.).

So a lot of the information provided in this book is just very vague and not really helpful. The bottom line of every chapter is "you decide whatever feels good to you" or "just make up your mind and choose anything, because every choice is good". Instead of offering guidance on how to make responsible decisions about sexuality, but also identity, it leaves the teenager on its own to figure it all out alone. The reader is encouraged to doubt her identity, lie to her parents and experiment with whatever feels good. But it would be so much better if teenagers were encouraged to make responsible and informed choices, to accept their body, to pursue intentional relationships and not do to anything they might regret later.

Another issue is that this book is not just for girls, but for "anybody who might feel like a girl but has a penis or is a girl but wants to be a boy instead". The language is very genderneutral and half of the time I felt like I as a girl wasn't meant or addressed at all. There was nothing about the uniqueness of womanhood and how to embrace your feminine gifts at all, but it was very generic instead and could have been written for both sexes as well.

The last thing might just concern the ebook or the review copy I've got, but the diary entries were almost impossible to read. About 50% I didn't or couldn't read because I couldn't zoom in close enough to read the handwriting or because the picture was split up over several pages.

So I do not recommend this book, except for maybe getting an overview over what the sex-positive & gender movement think teenagers should know...

For (at least heterosexual) high school and college-aged kids, I would recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health to learn more about the female cycle, pregancy, female reproductive health and contraception, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, Things I Wish I'd Known Before We Got Married to learn more about relationships, Every Woman's Battle: Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment for info on sexuality and The Fantasy Fallacy: Exposing the Deeper Meaning Behind Sexual Thoughts on sexual fantasies, 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe about Sex: Pursuing Love with Passion and Purity on general questions (this list is by no means comprehensive, just the ones that I have read myself).

Disclaimer: I received a free copy via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.