5* This is MH's best novel to date. You'll need Kleenex and a loved one to hand - it's a heartbreaker.

I've been privileged to be a beta for this tale, which spans 9 years following the death of Trevor's son, and Jesse's best friend, Riley. I've loved every minute of it, though I cried/welled up over much of it. Some has been out of sadness, and some a mixture of sadness and happiness and hope. If you've read Unquiet, that should give you some idea of the depth of emotion that MH does, but in this tale, beware, it's multiplied. Though it's only 27/01/18 as I read its final incarnation, I am pretty confident that this one will be a contender for book of the year, and MH for Best Author, at the many end-of-year MM blog polls.

So, the blurb pretty much tells you what happens, but what it can't convey is the devastation and the depth of feeling that Riley's death causes, or the way in which his short life imprinted on Trevor and Jesse, and on his brothers in arms. I teared up over teenage dad Trevor's utter love and devotion, and over Riley's conception and early days - that something so amazing, i.e. Riley, and his and Trevor's love for each other, started from such crappy beginnings. I cried over Riley's death in the arms of someone who loved him so much - the words that MH wrote in that scene were devastating to my heart, but later on, were a comfort to both myself and Trevor. I ached over the reactions of Riley's friends to his death, and over what it means to be Army brothers. I cried mixed tears over the period after Riley's death, in which Trevor goes from barely existing and functioning, to learning to live and love again. I ugly cried over the loss of a son and Trevor's grieving, being a parent myself. I welled up over MH's portrayal of the military honours given to Riley, but this time the feelings were happiness, comfort and gratitude. I felt all the emotions because MH's writing made it seem as if I was part of Riley's circle of grieving loved ones.

It might sound as if I did nothing but cry over this tale, but that's not the case. I felt the love in this tale, as a human being, and more so as a mother, and it moved me. Hugely. It made me think about what's important in life, what's essential and what I could and could not live without.

The tale is hard to describe - it's not an out-and-out romance, and it's not necessarily what I'd call a gay romance, but there is a very loving relationship between Jesse and Trevor at the end of it. They start off as could-be friends and as sources of support for each other, and they keep Riley alive for each other via their memories and actions, but that all slowly turns to a genuine friendship and a lasting love.

It's a tale in which we get to see many forms of love, the power and the legacy of love, and it ends in a HEA that's incredibly satisfying, but rooted in RL. And, I appreciated the respect portrayed for the military in this, and the respect shown by the military to its fallen; MH comes from military stock, and I'm pretty certain some of what I read is from a personal perspective.

ARC courtesy of Carina Publishing and NetGalley, for my reading pleasure.

4.5 stars

Just like every other Melanie Hansen book I've read, this one will rip your heart out at the sorrow and pain experienced by the characters in it.
It's superbly researched - one error aside when Riley shouts Oorah instead of Hooah (the former being the Marines battle cry not the Army) when talking about joining the Special Forces - and demonstrates clearly the pain and devastation left by conflict.

There's also a truly beautiful romance at the heart of the narrative (although I felt really bad for Trevor's original lover Carl, who seemed to be there only as a plot device to be supportive and then eventually to move aside for Jesse).

Overall though, I loved this and it will stick with me for a while.

I am a huge fan of this Author and she's delivered something quite special here.I,like most people,have watched the news reports over the years,have seen coffins being brought home to distraught families.....casualties of war.You watch,you sympathize,you take a few minutes and you get on with your life.....never really imagining what those left behind go through.This book changed that for me.Melanie Hansen's portrayal of grief,through Trevor,was so incredibly moving it brought me to tears.



The story is told in two parts,before and after....



Before ,gives the reader an introduction to Riley.How,due to a wreckless encounter,Trevor is left to raise Riley from the age of 18.He sacrificed his late teens and twenties to be there and care for his son.Actually,sacrifice probably isn't the correct word....Trevor loved and cherished Riley and made a home for him packed full of love and memories.I loved Riley and read his introduction with so much trepidation because I knew what was going to happen.


After, I really can't put into words how the Author expressed Trevor's grief at losing Riley.It was raw,painful to read as his life fell apart as he struggled with every part of exsisting.


Jesse was Riley's best friend in every sense.With him in combat,there for him when it really mattered and in turn Riley was the one man Jesse could trust with his secrets.It wasn't just Trevor who lost Riley.....Jesse suffered as well.When Jesse turns up at Trevor's door with some personal belongings from Riley the two men slowly start to find comfort in each other.

Their story was quite beautiful.The progression of their relationship developed at exactly the right pace,nothing felt forced.Two men united in grief who formed a bond,a friendship,and found love in the most tragic circumstances.

This story will stay with me for a long time.

I just know that when I open a book by this author, I am gonna be wowed. Which is exactly what happend, when I opened this one. This book made my heart break into a million little pieces but also put it back together again, in the most beautiful way....

I think I can honestly say that this book will make my top 10 of 2018...without a doubt.

I don't want to say too much though.... I think everyone should experience this one by themselves, without any spoilers....

Was it heartbreaking.... yes it absolutely was and I would advice everyone to buy some bulk kleenex, because you will be needing it !!

Was it worth reading it..... again, yes absolutely !!

This isn't just some love story, it is so much more than that. Its a book about family and war and brothers and love and loss.... It's about two lost souls finding a way to comfort and heal each other.....

Trevor and Jesse share a very special bond and slowly....very slowly...this bond grows into so much more....

Like I said....this book gutted me in the most beautiful way. Eeven if I didn't have to catch my breath after reading this one.... I wouln't say more about it. My advice, just take the jump into this one. You won't be sorry.... I promise ;)

Very Highly Recommended !!!!!

An ARC was kindly provided to me by Carina Press, via Netgalley, in exchange for an honest review.

My reviews are posted on DirtyBooksObsession