Cover Image: Girlish

Girlish

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Member Reviews

I am in charge of our Senior School library and now during this time of lockdown, I am looking for a diverse array of new books to furnish their shelves with and inspire our young people to read a wider and more diverse range of books as they move through the senior school. It is hard sometimes to find books that will grab the attention of young people as their time is short and we are competing against technology and online entertainments.
This was a thought-provoking and well-written read that will appeal to readers across the board. It had a really strong voice that I think would capture their attention and draw them in. It kept me engrossed and I think that it's so important that the books that we purchase for both our young people and our staff are appealing to as broad a range of readers as possible - as well as providing them with something a little 'different' that they might not have come across in school libraries before.
This was a really enjoyable read and I will definitely be purchasing a copy for school so that our young people can enjoy it for themselves. A satisfying and well-crafted read that I keep thinking about long after closing its final page - and that definitely makes it a must-buy for me!

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A compelling story, unlike any I've read before and one which I wasn't expecting to read. Lillibridge is a brilliant storyteller and she has done something amazing with this memoir and her choice to tell her story in this way.

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From my blog on 3/29/18

I don’t read a lot of nonfiction. Reading is my escape and I like to stay on the fiction side of the aisle the majority of the time. However, every now and then something will catch my eye that has me putting down the make-believe in exchange for the real. Truth, after all, is sometimes stranger–and often funnier–than fiction.

I wasn’t sure about this particular book at first. On the surface, it didn’t look like I could relate to it. I didn’t grow up with lesbian parents. I’m younger than the author and our childhood references differ. I’m not from New York. We have seemingly nothing in common. However, a friend of mine suggested I read it because she couldn’t put it down.

So I decided to request it through NetGalley. I have an account there and have gotten a few ARCs (advanced reader copies) of books that are coming out soon so I can provide honest reviews to be available for potential readers by the date of publication. Seriously, after getting the copy of the book, I have no contact with the person sending it. There is zero pressure for me to love a book or to lie about loving it.

By the middle of the next day, I received my ebook copy of Girlish. The author is a name I have seen on Twitter and we were both interviewed for the Winterviews series on K.J. Harrowick’s site, though I have not ever actually met her. Still, I felt the slightest trepidation as I opened her life story. What if I hated it? How would I ever tell this poor woman that I couldn’t even finish her book?

For the record, that’s not a problem. She is so raw and real that I laughed, I cried, I cringed. The author tells the story in third person to give herself a bit of distance from it. I don’t blame her for a minute. I said before that from the outside looking in, I have nothing in common with this author, but as I read through her life story, I found myself nodding along with her feelings. Her struggles. Her heartbreak.

There were chapters that I could not stop reading, much to the detriment of my sleep schedule. There were chapters that I had to put down because I could not handle them and needed some distance myself (Be prepared for this, there are a few scenes that could be triggering). The book is an emotional rollercoaster. She doesn’t leave anything out. Even the ugly, hard stuff. She is so open about her experiences that you feel connected to her from the beginning.

It is a beautiful and also heart-wrenching account of a real person’s life. To me, it is proof that we are all more than the labels life hands us. Lara Lillibridge is labeled the daughter of lesbian parents, but that’s not all of who and what she is. Yes, it had some bearing on her experience, but it was not the sum and whole. Her parents are lesbians, yes, but there is more to each of them than that identifier.

And she is honest about the times in her life when she went through phases of being anti-lesbian because of what she went through. She admits the problematic thoughts she had at the time and that it took a few months, or sometimes years, to see things in a different light. She was, after all, a child trying to sort out who she was in life.

It is both painful and hilarious, but most of all it’s honest. She’s not perfect. Her parents weren’t perfect. Her childhood was messed up, but that seems to have less to do with her parents being lesbians than it does with the other factors in her life.

I would recommend this book to others with the caveat that there are some moments that can be triggering. I don’t want to set anyone off here, so if you need more information, head over the Contact Me page and send me a message. Otherwise, you can pre-order Girlish today or you can wait until April 3rd when it officially hits the market.

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As a lesbian, this gives me a lot of insight on what life may be like for my kids. Hopefully without the hard parts (though there are bound to be some), but still, this was amazing.

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Lara Lillibridge was raised by two mums. She writes in the third person and the memoir is harrowing, detailed and so well written.
She writes as “Girl” and her accounts of happiness, sadness and the ups and downs of life as well as the personalities and lives of everyone in the book are very honestly portrayed. I especially liked the rapport between her and her brother and their childhood exploits. Be warned though, there are some parts that are graphic sex, nudity abandonment bullying, you name it. The harsher more unpleasant side of life which we don’t get to see in many memoirs.
Life for Lara and her brother is split between her mums’ house in urban New York (where the pace of living is faster and the motions more predictable and day-to-day) and the feeedom of the wilderness of Alaska with her dad and his many wives, (all of whom are referred to by a number).
The sections entitled “Notes from the Fourth Wall” throughout the book are written in the first person. The change in point of view fits just as well as the third person, and these sections are more advice or observations. The diary- style format of these parts was really enjoyable to read.
All this makes Girl a unique memoir because it is written so openly and honestly and Lara is not afraid to show the world through her eyes. I have found very few memoirs where certain “uncomfortable” subjects like sex, nudity and violence are represented so openly.
This memoir should be a lesson to memoir writers everywhere and shows that no one should be frightened to write about their experiences.
The structure of this memoir is very well thought-out and everything and everyone is well represented.
Thanks to Lara Lillibridge and Skyhorse Publishing for my ARC in exchange for an honest and voluntary review.

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I am conflicted about this one because of its subtitle, "Growing Up in a Lesbian Home." While it is not misleading in the sense that Lillibridge was raised by two women, it is not the only thing she focuses on in her memoir. The author had an usual childhood that goes beyond her mother's sexuality. The fact that her stepmother mistreated her--because of undiagnosed bipolar disorder--may be used by the right wing to show why everyone needs to be raised in a heterosexual household. Do not misunderstand, I am not conflicted by the fact that the story is told,--I found it powerful, heart-wrenching, and compelling--only that it might be misconstrued because of its emphasis in the title.

Besides the focus on her feminist mother and mentally ill stepmother, Lillibridge talks about her father, his seven wives, and how her brother and she were sent--unsupervised--to visit him in Alaska. This book deserves to be read, but I will be ranting to those who ask about it because I cannot get over the misleading subtitle.

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I tried really hard to get into this book, but couldn't get past the fact that the main character was never named and solely referred to as "girl". This made me feel like I was missing something, and I couldn't connect with the character. I'm sure this won't be a problem for most!

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Why I picked up this book:

OMG… this book! All right, so I met Ms. Lara several months back when she was recommended to me as a Winterviewee (http://blog.halon-chronicles.com/winterview-with-author-lara-lillibridge/). I may have never looked twice at her book as memoir is not really my thing, but I adore Lara. The more I kept seeing blurbs of her book everywhere, the more I wanted to read it. I was so lucky to get an ARC to read off of NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

This review may contain spoilers.

What I loved:

First of all… this is a 10-star book! Lara’s voice throughout the narrative is strong and beautiful, but she weaves this tale that is both hilarious and heart-wrenching. I couldn’t tell if I was excited because my family feels sane compared to hers or heart-broken because so much of my family and childhood are just like hers. It’s a strange duality that resonates on a deeper level.

In the opening chapter, the main character’s name is Girl. It took me a moment to get used to this, but as the family and their everyday problems unfolded, using ‘Girl’ as a distancer is actually a stronger take. It becomes a role any reader can slide into and be Girl. They feel her pain, her longing, and her desperate need to escape these weird, volatile instances where the adult voice is screaming no no no! I really liked that no main family member had a name, because bits of this tale are everyone’s family.

So much of the interwoven era bits were spot on. In many ways, I got to relive the feel of my childhood through high school and college while reading this story. It’s a nice trip down nostalgia lane to feel the hot summers and warm breezes and smells coming back. I grew up in the same era as the author, so perhaps that’s why I resonated so strongly with this book.
Areas needing a touch of refinement:

There are several spots in the story where two words are missing the space between, or the hyphen between. Not sure if this is just the ARC copy or in the final version as well, but it could use one final tweak to fix these. There weren’t tons, but enough that they started pulling me out of the story.

Father disappeared from the story about 3/4 of the way through. I would have liked to see a closer for him. Or perhaps their final ‘talk’ was the closer, but it was early enough that it didn’t feel like closure with him.
Overall:

I honestly can’t say enough good things about this book. It was funny. It was heart-breaking. At one point my skin crawled so bad I had to toss the kindle across the couch and walk off the shudders. But these characters are very real. They have occasional nefarious acts, but aren’t villains. They have good days and bad, terrible and redeeming qualities. In essence… they’re the same people we grow up with, we bounce to and away from, we have in our families, and they’re just like everyone else. Trying to survive.

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What a great story. It’s sad to see just what Lara went through growing up in such a messed up home. As if having lesbian parents and having to hide it wasn’t hard enough, she also faces a mentally ill step mother and a very sexually addicted father. She talks about things she seen, went through and the struggles she faced. It was very interesting to read about her life and what Lara over came. Ok sure not all same sex households are the same, as mixed sex households aren’t all the same. This story was intriguing and held my interest. Thanks NetGalley for the advanced copy and the chance to review this book!

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Overall, I enjoyed this book a lot. I do feel that the subtitle here of growing up in a lesbian home" sort of misses the point as her parents lesbianism wasn't per se the cause of her crazy upbringing so much as general dysfunction combined with mental illness. I enjoyed the layered structure of the book but I would have found it easier to relate if she had used names and not just generic titles ( girl, mother etc). Still, the book was well-written and a pleasure to read.
My thanks to NetGalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for my honest review.

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3.5/5 -- Girlish is a well-constructed rendering of an oddball childhood, where the author's lesbian mothers are perhaps the least of her concern. I liked the changing tense, as it read to me like a sort of defense mechanism of Lillibridge: like it was too personal to write in first person, so she separated herself, treating her own story as if she were a character by using third person. And she keeps things fresh with her Notes From The Fourth Wall, which are a more straightforward, adult approach. These layers in the narrative structure helped give a depth that I appreciated. My biggest gripe with the story would be that the book felt a bit long-winded/over-written/repetitive. I think it could've done with a hundred less pages.

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The things that I loved...
1. books about families and family drama (all families have drama and it makes me feel like we are all on the same playing field in life)
2. I love books about what was happening in a different era (specifically the 80's when I grew up).
3. The author spoke her truth and that is always a good thing.
4. A lot of people can relate to this family for many different reasons.
5. She articulated what is is like to grow up with a family member who has a mental illness and that is sooo hard to do-and Lara nailed it!
6. This book got me thinking, questioning and conversing with friends long after I read the last page. For me, that is everything.

Things I didn't love as much...
1. The subtitle of the book. If the subtitle read, "growing up in a dysfunctional home" or "growing up with my truth" or "Growing up in a family with mental illness," I would have been totally on board. The way it is, "growing up in a lesbian home" made me feel defensive. The truth was, her family was dysfunctional and it really had nothing to do with growing up in a lesbian home. The sentiment was all the same and it was a great look inside of a family, that's not so different from a lot of families out there, but the premise really didn't have to do with her mom and stepmom being lesbians, the book was about growing up with the dysfunction.
2. The author never gave names to who she was talking about (including herself) and this made it difficult for me to connect with them as people. I got used to it after a while, but I struggled a bit.
3. I sensed slight bitterness throughout this book. Although if I were her, I can't promise I wouldn't be bitter as well, but again, I felt myself feeling defensive.
3. In my opinion, this is not an LGBTQ+ book and should not be shelved or put into that genre.

Overall, I enjoyed this book and stayed up many nights into the wee hours of the night reading to see what went on next. Days later, I'm still thinking about this book and find myself talking about it to friends, my partner and even a stranger at the gym (sorry stranger lol). Also...what was Lara's moms reaction? Her stepmothers? Brothers? In general, I feel that when you speak your truth, only positive things can come from that and I think this is exactly what Lara did in writing this memoir.

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Girlish is a Venn diagram of a book: it's a memoir of growing up hard in the '80's; it's a look at (a specific) Lesbian motherhood and the effect on children of having same-sex parents; it's a look at becoming a mother when you weren't properly parented yourself and it's a "mean mommy" book -- a subgenre that suits a very specific reader (like me).

There's also a genre of "coming up hard" books, and Lara Lillibridge wedges her book onto this shelf. I found myself trying not to judge her too harshly: she made much of her trouble for herself, but it's to her credit that she can see that with hindsight. I can imagine this was a very difficult book for Lillibridge to write, as she must walk a very narrow tightrope strung between blame and forgiveness.

It's difficult to consider Girlish a commentary on Lesbian motherhood/coupledom because we as a society have come so very far from the couple that raised Lillibridge.

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I ended up reading well into the wee hours of the night, because I just could not get enough of this book. The only thing I did not care for in the book was that it would break and talk about either the main character as an adult, or something that I felt was unrelated to book itself. It got to be a little confusing that way. Otherwise I loved every other aspect of this book. I felt for the girl and had similar feelings about certain things. The book was so descriptive about certain times in the girls life that you felt like you were there along side her experiencing it with her.

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The one huge thing that jumped out about this book was the main character was never given a name and she always refers to herself as girl and her mother, as mother obviously. But when she says that girl and mother went to a party it kind of makes it hard to get into because I kept feeling, as a reader, that I was missing a large part. I especially didn't like it because this book was a memoir so I know that its about the author's life so I already know her name, so I feel that there was no reason it wasn't included in the story it just made it complicated to read. The story is basically the Girl talking about how her life was and all the situations that came up because her mother was a lesbian. I do like how a lot of these were normal situations that come up all the time, like girl not liking her mother's new partner. But I also liked how the main character told the story focusing on situations that happened when she was younger not just an overall situation. While I expected there to be turmoil in this book I did not expect all of the humor and pleasant situations that the writer had. Not because of her situation but just because that is usually how memoirs are written. The best part about this book however had to be how the story was written. The language that the author picked was perfect not to poetic but not dull either. While the word choices were great also the way it was written was great. There was a serious story being told with a light tone through the whole thing. Really good story that really got me
involved as a reader. I liked the main character the most and I felt that the way she reacted to things was something that I might have done, had I been in a similar situation. I also felt that she was easy to relate to. The thing I liked the most was this was the first time I've read a book about this subject before so I didn't really know what to expect. Very well done once you get used to the pronouns it is easy to get through but as I said in the beginning it takes a little while.

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I absolutely loved Girlish. The story was introduced by a crossword puzzle that the author created to describe key elements of her story and her life. I was fascinated by it and she had my attention from that point on. I thought she did such a superb job writing about the difficult parts of her story. It brought so much beauty and light to a hard childhood with relational issues, mental health, and difficult family dynamics. I highly suggest it.

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Lara was raised by two lesbian mom’s. This story isn’t anything like the movie “The Kids Are All Right”, with Annette Bening and Julianne Moore.
In “Girlish”, .......we aren’t so sure the kids are alright!

There are some heavy - uncomfortable scenes -graphic sexual descriptions- public family nudity - abandonment- rejection - verbal abuse - abusive controlling parenting -chaos- inappropriate behaviors & boundaries- sadness - depression -
bullying from kids - bad dreams - name calling- righteous feminists parenting rules -( taking children along on protest marches), a little anti-pink vs. “Girl” loved the color pink, yelling, fighting, criticizing - longing for love, closeness, respect, and attention but feelings of emptiness, drugs- teenage sex- and many scenes in this book that will have you cringe. Heartbreaking!

I went to the gym this morning after reading this book. My plan was to start reading another book while doing some cardio…but I couldn’t do it. I had so many mixed feelings going on inside me about Lara’s book. It’s not without some flaws - and I personally may have made some writing changes....BUT....I read every word of this book ( even parts uncomfortable)- until I was drained with ALL MY HEART. MUCH OF THIS STORY NEEDS TO BE TOLD. The public needs to hear this story.
My own mind keeps spinning in many different directions just ‘tying’ to write this review....
What I’m avoiding saying is:
I came home from the gym this morning, I couldn’t hold it together any longer. I broke down. The more I kept replaying sentences in this book - specific scenes - I couldn’t contain the sadness any longer alone. I reached for my husband - hugged him — and cried!!! After crying, this is what I said to Paul:
“Lara is a SPECIAL WOMAN - BRIGHT - TALENTED.....( MY FRIEND)...and what makes me sad .....is that for most of her life she felt:
“THE MOST INTERESTING THING ABOUT ME IS NOT ABOUT ME AT ALL; IT IS ABOUT MY PARENTS”.
I’m sooooo sad for my FRIEND! I’m so sad that this AMAZING WOMAN ( I met Lara as an ADULT) she is an enthusiast wonderful mother- with gifted inspiring young boys. I ONLY think of Lara’s qualities.... NOT her parents.

My God.....when you read this book —-you can see what a great girl she was in spite of all the confusion and troubles she lived with.

Lara’s father had 7 wives! SEVEN WIVES! Who does that?
Her mother was married to him and you’ll get the entire story when you read this memoir. Her father was a pediatric gastroenterologist. He moved to Anchorage, Alaska, over 4000 miles away from Rochester, New York.
Lara and her brother spent long hours flying back and forth without parents - 12 Hour flights - alone - as small kids - to visit their father. Oh my ....and the stories ....could make up an entire book of its own.
For kicks......want to know the name of his wives? ( my best laugh - and loved it - because Lara was kind enough to make sure we never had to remember any of these names again)....The wives got numbers. Wife #4, #5, etc.
THE SEVEN DWARFS/ wives are:
Jackie, Sharon, Judy, Margaret, Jan, Theresa, and Tricia.

A VERY IMPORTANT PART OF THIS STORY IN MY OPINION .....AFTER the **MOST**
important part.....( and that is — writing this book must have been healing for Lara....which I’m most happy about).....
BUT WHAT’S also important for the rest of us ....is that Lara only knows what it was like to grow up in HER FAMILY. She cannot - and should not - be expected to be the poster child raised by normal lesbians. Her stepmother was not well. Her mother did her best ( with the tools she had had the time) to hold her family together....but stepmother had bipolar disorder. —which has nothing to do with being gay! BUT BECAUSE HER PARENTS ‘were’ lesbians—-life was always a little murkier for Lara - than not.

This book might be disturbing & hard to read -it’s not PERFECT......(yet EXCELLENT FIRST BOOK BY Lara Lillibridge).
THE STORY is what is important. Easy to forgive style - structure - and perhaps too much detail. Oh, but the structure in the beginning is AWESOME...a clever cross word puzzle.

You might even hope - like me - that they make a movie of this book. I can see it! I think it would be very powerful.

For those of us who have been cheering all along for gay rights and same-sex marriage.....THAT’S GREAT... but we must allow ALL SIDES OF THE TRUTH TO BE SEEN. We can’t protect this community - shield gay couples by creating false fairytales either. We have nothing to fear by exposing one dysfunctional gay- couple’s truth anymore than we do a straight couples truth.
There can be troubles/ dysfunctions in same sex marriages as there are in heterosexual marriages.
Children matter! Children need protection. This book clearly lets us see that there is more possible risks for same sex couples raising children ‘without’ a legal marriage certificate than ‘with’ one. Another GREAT PLUS for same sex marriage - is the safety of our children they raise.

Lara is BRAVE.... sincerely really brave! Gotta admire her!
One day her children are going to want to read this book. Lara’s not stupid....she’s clear of the choices she’s made by writing this memoir. That day will not be comfortable...no matter how old her boys are....at the same time....they can be proud of their mother for fighting for her well being - healing - clearing the past for herself - and being a protective phenomenal empowering mother to them.

Thank You Skyhorse Publishing, Netgalley, and Lara Lillibridge!!!! COME SPEAK IN THE BAY AREA .... stay at our house!

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