3.5 Stars

This was a truly gripping tale of two broken men, battling their way through the darkness.

The insight into living with PTSD was raw and heartbreaking, and something I really connected with.

This isn’t an easy story. If you’re wanting sunshine and rainbows, look elsewhere; here lies a gritty, edgy romance tucked into darkness.

This story is brilliant. It is both edgy and gripping and I really enjoyed reading it. For me the best part of the story is that it is very realistic and draws upon the lived experience of the author and it manages to do this without being dry or technical. It is this sense of reality that makes the story gripping because although it is fiction, it could actually happen in real life.

Cameron has spent ten years working in UN refugee camps. He is excellent at what he does and he is a lead UN staffer, but this has taken its toll and now the only way he can deal with the pressures and the stress is by allowing his inner darkness to sustain him. He has some kind of depression and although he manages it from day to day things are building up and getting worse.

Tyler has spent many years building up his career as a journalist and when the opportunity comes to go to a refugee camp in Kenya he sees this as a chance for him to move into overseas correspondence. It is another step to further develop his career. When the two men meet there is a frisson of attraction between them but Cam struggles with this because on the field he is in the closet. He cannot risk his safety and the safety of others. He won't act on that attraction because of what haunts his past.

Life is surprising and the two men bump into each other on the plane home to New York and then again at a party. Eventually the attraction between them bursts into flames and the two men combust along with it. This physical attraction is scorching but the darkness in Cam is growing and eventually gets out of control. Despite this Tyler is there to help him and support him even though Ty has struggles of his own.

Cameron and Tyler both do a good job of denying what they feel for each other and allowing the circumstances of their lives to prevent them from recognising the feelings they are developing for each other, or maybe both men are just afraid of what the feelings may to lead to, but at the same time neither of them wants to let go.

“They had navigated through a maze of wrong turns and false starts to find the real versions of each other, and they couldn’t afford to lose even one moment.”

I really enjoyed this story and I read it all in one day because it just has a very subtle way of creeping up on the reader and gripping them. The story would just not let me go. The characters are so realistic and multi-dimensional and the issues that the men face are contemporary. All of this makes the book very engaging.

Cam and Ty struggle to sort out their relationship and what they truly want from each other. They struggle with their careers and the demands made on them and they also struggle with the demands they have placed on themselves, like career minded people often do. All of this was beautifully portrayed. Reading this was like watching a tv drama and I refused to put it down until the very end.

As I read the story I was drawn into the complexities of the characters and the issues facing them. I have always wanted to work for the UN but at the moment I work for an international charity. I could understand the complexities of Cam's work and the immensity of the task and the pressure to 'get things moving'. I also enjoyed the secondary characters. Cam's sister Izzy was such an irritating person, but at the same time she was the kind of person that you need in your corner. His mother was well meaning but insensitive and oblivious. The issues Ty faced as an ethnic minority person in the work place are very real. Many of us have been there and his frustration and the way he handled it were so well depicted.

The story has a really good pace and every aspect was just so well integrated. I am not a great fan of 'polyfilla' sex scenes. There were sex scenes in this story but they moved the story along and fit in so seamlessly instead of being obligatory like in some books. Fluffy reads are all very well and good, and I do enjoy them but sometimes I want something deeper. This story provides that depth. It is is mm romance with intelligence and maturity.

I haven't read anything by this author before but I really enjoyed her writing style and I am going to be following her from now on. This was truly a very satisfying reading experience.

Copy provided by Riptide Publishing via Netgalley in exchange for an unbiased review - many thanks.

I was captivated by this story. Strangely, and almost against my will, reeled in.

There are two MCs and two main struggles in this story. Cam, a UN field aid worker, suffers from untreated and escalating PTSD. Ty is an American of Chinese heritage. Orphaned at a young age and raised in the American foster care system. He has made a life as a journalist relying on no one but himself. His struggle against race typing and discrimination is tangible.

These two meet when Ty travels to Cam's aid outpost and refugee camp. Their first meeting is explosive but not in a good way. Although the attraction is there, Cam's illness gets in the way of making any kind of connection possible.

At the end of his rope, Cam requests transfer back to the states. Fate intervenes to bring these two together time after time so that they can't possibly ignore each other. Ty reluctantly assumes the role of support for a quickly degenerating Cam.

I would have liked to see the role reversed somewhat so that Cam also supported Ty in his unending struggle to overcome the color of his skin. Instead, Ty dealt with this entirely on his own. Eventually facing a decision strongly affecting his future. It's true that people come to a crossroad a few times in their life. They have to choose the path that best seems right at the time. However, the romantic reader in me always wants the whole, undiluted HEA.

This story was more about compromises. About getting through day by day. Reaching out for help but not finding a miracle cure, only a long hard road filled with potholes. There is no great romance here. Just two men who slowly fall in love in spite of the obstacles they have to overcome in their lives. I think the beauty is in how they learn to accept each other for who they are.

At times I felt like it was more one sided with Ty supporting Cam more and more. I couldn't really understand why Ty would devote so much of his life to help someone who he barely knew. I thought Cam's family should have been more involved in his mental illness. His sister was present but his parents were very much in the background. I'm not entirely sure what role Cam's childhood friend, Cary, played in the plot. Both Cary and Cam's sister did some ugly slut shaming early in the story. I hated to read that. It made me feel icky and ultimately it didn't have any bearing on the story so it could have been easily left out. There was another icky-feeling inducing scene with Cam's parents. His mother came across as rudely, cruelly, ignorant with regards to Ty's heritage. I literally wanted to jump into my Kindle and slap her. Then slap all the people around her for not forcefully calling her out on it.

So, those are all my random thoughts about this book. The story was engrossing. I wanted to keep reading. There were a few things that bothered me, but I think it felt so real that I excused them as part of life. I was definitely more sympathetic to Ty than Cam. It's funny, but I'm sitting here at the end of the story wanting to wish them the best as if they were a real couple.

3.5 stars

I've been sitting on this review for a little while, trying to put order to my thoughts about Inside Darkness. From the blurb, we know it's not going to be an easy ride, and yet somehow I managed not to realize how truly difficult a journey it would be.

Cam is a dedicated aid worker in some of the most unforgiving places. He pushes himself until his nightmares become so huge, they take over his life. He thinks that by returning to the states, he can regroup, heal, and return to the field. It's on one such assignment that he meets Tyler, an aspiring journalist intent on furthering his career. To say that their chemistry is angsty and volatile isn't doing it justice, and what better way to hash that out than with sex? It happens fairly quickly for them, but it didn't give them a deeper or more meaningful connection. In some ways, I think that ease allowed them to maintain their emotional distance.

At least until they were back in the states where Cam is spiraling out of control. Cam's battle for his sanity is raw and gritty and heartbreaking, and as much as I wanted to get to an HEA, I couldn't see how that would happen unless the author throttled back all that grit and flipped this to a love conquers all trope. That terrified me more because I was deep in the trenches, choking up, angry, and wallowing in all the feels. I wanted to root for them so badly, but Cam crossed the line so many times that I kept questioning why Tyler was bothering. Then I would ask myself why I was continuing and had to set the book down.

Normally a one sitting reader, it took me almost a week of starts and stops to get through this book, but I couldn't give up until I got to the end, which was more of an HFN and 'we're working on it' than a magical cure-all and that did my heart good. Not sure I'd jump into a sequel if that's what the author planned, because this was a hard one, but where we leave them gives me enough hope and that's enough (for me).

I enjoyed the fact the the person suffering PTSD was not a solider. Tyler Ang, a refugee himself of has his own sad life story. Growing up in foster care after the death of his mother and being thrown around and harrassed more than once, his ultimate goal is to make something out of his life, to be someone, which also makes him ambitious in his job to a fault. Nothing and no one will stand in his way and he had built up bricks around his heart. Hook-ups are his own distraction and that earned him a certain reputation. Suddenly there is someone, though, who sparks an interest in him. Whose vulnerability whose broken soul speaks to him. The story is told in both POV's, but I wish I would have gotten a bit more insight into his past, other than the few glimpses the dialogues between Tyler and Cam sometimes were a bit too clinical on Tyler's part at least at the beginning, but maybe that is the journalist in him. I absolutely adored them both together. Everytime they rested their foreheads together I was made me melt. Definitely a highly recommended read from me!

ARC received by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

So. Many. Feels. I tend to steer clear of pain/comfort books or ones that contain certain triggers, but I was so captivated by the cover I threw caution to the wind and jumped in. And I'm so glad I did. There are a few scenes that feel disjointed but overall, a solid book. I was especially happy to see the PTSD didn't stem from the typical trope of solider returning from war but that of a foreign aid worker.

Sometimes you feel the darkness and you can't do anything against it...

There once was a time when Cameron Donnelly was a young idealist. Openly gay and seeing no point in hiding his sexuality, he was eager to change the world. Eager to make a difference. And his job as an aid worker in refugee camps being sent to the focal points on earth, was his chance to go for it, to help people accept themselves. Stand up for themselves. Against all odds and against the narrow-mindedness of the country they were living in. Ignoring each advice of being careful, he threw caution to the wind. One horrible incident, though, showed him that pursuing one's ideals can be dangerous in some places and the result of what that means to someone he cared about, threw him into a loop of nightmares, depression, anger and a feeling of helplessness. There is a darkness looming at the edges of his mind and even if Cameron is determined to push it away, he also welcomes it when it somehow becomes his safe place, his security blanket. It also crammed him so deep into the closet, though, he is bound to never see the light of day again.

Suddenly, that changes ten years later, when Tyler Ang steps into his life. A reporter with CBN doing a coverage about the refugee camp Cam is working in. And a pain in his backside, because suddenly there is a spark of interest waking up in him. A spark of attraction. Cam is too worn-out and weak to resist it any longer and it takes everything out of him to tamp down on the spark again. Soon to be on his way home, finally admitting to himself that his job has grown way over his head and that he is burned-out to the core, there is no chance of seeing Tyler ever again anyway. Or is there?

Tyler Ang, of Chinese heritage and a refugee himself of some sorts, has his own sad life story. Growing up in foster care after the death of his beloved mother and being thrown around and harrassed more than once, his ultimate goal is to make something out of his life, to be someone, which also makes him ambitious in his job to a fault. Nothing and no one will stand in his way and he had built up bricks around his heart as high as the Chinese Wall. Hook-ups are his own distraction and that earned him a certain reputation. Suddenly there is someone, though, who sparks an interest in him. Whose vulnerability - whose broken soul - speaks to him. For him, Cam is a living contradiction and for some reason he would not mind solving this riddle, but what begins as a short encounter, seems to end exactly like that. And when his job is done, going back home will block out any chances of seeing Cam again anyway. Right?

Wrong! Fate seems to have other plans and throws both men together at the weirdest of places. Finally giving in to their attraction it slowly grows into something deeper with Tyler becoming Cam's anchor and Cam scratching bit by bit at Tyler's walls, so that they are about to crumble down.

But now that Cam is home, there is nothing to occupy his mind, nothing that keeps his darkness at bay, no hard work he can bury himself into keeping him from thinking and slowly but surely it is spiraling out of control. When life sends both men into different directions, it takes another terrible incident for them to open their eyes and see what is really forth fighting for in life.

Hudson Lin is a new author to me, but no way my last book by her. The blurb immediately caught my attention because although I have a penchant for anything military-related, I tend to forget that there are other people involved - like in this case aid workers - who also experience the terror of war and the misery in the world first hand. Shame on me, I never spared a thought about how they are dealing with it. Never again, though.

The author's writing style got me sucked right into the story and made Cameron's struggle feeling real and authentic. The dealing with PTSD was excellently exuded, in my opinion. I also loved the slow pace of the romance here and that even if Tyler proved to be Cam's anchor, it was not all sunshine and roses in their relationship.

The story is told in both POV's, but Tyler remained a bit bland for me compared to Cam. I wish I would have gotten a bit more insight into his past, other than the few glimpses I got and the dialogues between Tyler and Cam sometimes were a bit too... -how should I say it? - clinical? on Tyler's part for me, at least at the beginning, but maybe that is the journalist in him. These are my only niggles, though, and I absolutely adored them both together. Everytime they rested their foreheads together I was melting like ice cream in the sun. Definitely a highly recommended read from me!

Ce bouquin m'a tapé dans l’œil dès que je l'ai vu apparaître dans les futures parutions sur Goodreads. Une couverture sombre et énigmatique, un titre accrocheur, un résumé alléchant ... Bref, une tentation à l'état pur !

Ce roman se déroule dans un univers assez inédit, puisque l'un des personnages, Cam, est un travailleur humanitaire. On peut le considérer comme un "vieux" baroudeur, rôdé aux camps de réfugiés, à la misère, la mort, la maladie, la précarité ... Seulement, un tel engagement n'est pas sans risques, et Cam souffre d'une profonde dépression, assortie d'une addiction à l'alcool. Il souffre aussi de stress post-traumatique (et c'est bien la première fois que je lis un roman avec un PTSD autrement que pour un soldat). C'est un personnage accompagné en permanence par ce qu'il appelle sa 'noirceur', qui est aussi bien une béquille sur laquelle s'appuyer, qu'une arme d'auto-destruction massive.

Tyler est quant à lui un journaliste, exceptionnellement envoyé à l'étranger, dans le camp où travaille Cam. Ce jeune homme d'origine asiatique est cantonné à la rubrique des bols de riz et autres thématiques asiatiques. Issu d'un milieu très pauvre et ayant vécu une enfance compliquée, il veut prendre sa revanche sur la société et prendre sa carrière en main, prouver que sa couleur de peau et ses origines importent peu, et qu'il est bien un Américain à part entière, avec les mêmes droits et les mêmes opportunités que ses collègues caucasiens.

La première rencontre entre Tyler et Cam est explosive, et ensuite, ils vont se recroiser par hasard à de nombreuses reprises, à New York. Leurs échanges ne sont pas toujours très cordiaux, mais l'attirance physique est bel et bien forte. Ce sont deux personnages imparfaits, qui ne s'épargnent pas, qui trébuchent, jugent parfois trop vite, se volent dans les plumes. Leur romance n'a rien de simple, mais elle reste finalement assez discrète et très naturelle, comme si elle coulait de source.

Le livre a t-il été à la hauteur de mes attentes ? Oui; et non à la fois.
Si j'ai aimé la façon dont l'auteur dépeint les démons des personnages et relate leur manière de s'y prendre pour les surmonter, j'ai en revanche été gênée par certains rebondissements et incohérences, qui ont quelque peu gâché le plaisir éprouvé à la lecture, surtout à la fin. Pour autant, c'est un livre dont je garde un souvenir ému, tant la détresse de Cam m'a touchée.

I enjoyed this book but it didn’t give me any feels, the plot was good but I didn’t get a feeling of What the characters were going through.

I honestly don't know what came over me here. Nothing about that blurb usually appeals to me. Hurt/Comfort is hit or miss. I'm averse to books that feature mental illness. Pain usually sends me into the blanket fort, but for whatever reason when I first saw this book a couple months ago I was drawn to it. Maybe it's the word 'darkness' in the title, maybe it's the cover or maybe it's some weird woowoo shit. Whatever it was I'm glad for it, because this book was seriously good.

Cam has spent 10 years as a UN aid worker. He's a lifer but that dedication has taken its toll. His PTSD is at the forefront of this story and well portrayed; there are no magic cures. It takes work and his trauma isn't something that disappears when he connects with Ty. He's plagued by nightmares, battles depression, anger outbursts and avoidance behaviors even after he's been in treatment a while. He's been through a lot but I enjoyed the authenticity of there being one standout incident that not only traumatized him but forced him to change. The struggle to downshift out of that mentality isn't an easy thing for him. The distraction of constantly being busy while on assignment kept it at bay to a certain extent, but once he returns home those distractions evaporate. He needs to fill that darkness with something to make it go away and suffice to say, he spins out.

He met Ty while he was on assignment in Kenya and there was a connection, though short-lived, but life seems to keep throwing them together-on the flight home, at a party, wandering in a random neighborhood, they keep running into each other. I'm kind of a sucker for fate and these two seem fated to me.



Ty, too, has his own demons. He is self-reliant to a fault and almost single-mindedly driven toward his goal of becoming a successful journalist. He likes to travel light and has acquired a bit of a reputation, but Cam's vulnerability burrows beneath his armor and Ty seems to be the only person Cam turns to when it gets to be too much.

It felt like too much sacrifice to be apart for anything more than a few seconds. They had navigated through a maze of wrong turns and false starts to find the real versions of each other, and they couldn't afford to lose even one moment.

Their palpable emotional connection is what impressed me most about this book and Lin's writing style. She brought these two flawed human beings together in such an incremental way that neither of them really noticed they were in love until they had already become part of each other, fitting into the other's blank spaces. I also liked that they decided they were going to be together, despite everything they were going to make it work because the alternative was unbearable.

Their romance is a quiet but compelling one. If you're looking for a romance-y romance this will likely fall flat for you. Their relationship felt honest to me in all its rockiness. They miscommunicate. They ghost each other. Other times they are staggeringly honest with each other. They argue and can be dicks to the other, but they seem to always be drawn back together. I found myself liking both of them and rooting for them. Their journey is fraught with obstacles, some internal and some external, but what resonated was how natural their relationship evolved, how organic their conversations were and how unpretentious their story was. There's something to be said for two thorny dudes finding love.




My only quibble is Cam's "darkness". There was something about the frequency of him referring to it coupled with him referring to it as almost a separate entity that was both heavy-handed at times and somewhat disconcerting. Nevertheless, I'll definitely be keeping my eye on this author in the future.

Recommend to hurt/comfort and quiet romance fans.





An ARC was provided by NetGalley.

This book is a good read and helps with understand what someone with PTSD goes through. There could have been a little more deals in the story but Cam and Ty are well written characters.

This was my first time reading this author and it definitely won't be my last. This story was heartfelt. Both Cam and Ty were great characters. So often we read and hear the after effect of war by soldiers but we don't hear or read too much on the effect that war and world issues have on aid workers. And aid workers have such a huge impact in this world. Inside the darkness dealt with many issues: PTSD, darkness, fear, race, loss, hope and also love. Sometimes authors can touch on too many points but this book was well balanced and dealt with all the issues well and Ty & Cam's story was sweet. Can't wait to read more from this author

Reviewed for Netgalley
(minor spoilers – to avoid them, skip paragraph four)

Cameron’s situation is tragic. He has given years of his life to help others while hiding his true self behind a wall of fear that leaves him trapped within his “darkness,” which is actually PTSD manifesting as a means of hiding himself away from the world and not dealing with his issues. Turning to alcohol and booty calls only quicken his downward spiral. Tyler is a journalist on the rise, isolated by his foster care upbringing and settling for hook-ups and a slut reputation until he meets Cameron while on assignment.

This story almost lost me on page 14 when I read: “and he had yet to pull his long wavy hair back into his man bun.” A man-bun? Ugh, that’s enough to stop me from reading further right there. In my mind, I am reaching for clippers and snip, snip, snipping that stupid bun off to the ground where it belongs.

Horrible man-‘dos aside, I liked Inside Darkness, but thought it needed a little more filling out to make it a really good read. I wish we had known what caused Cameron’s trauma a little earlier on. It would have made a more compelling reason for his darkness and would have established empathy and understanding much earlier in the story. I found myself wanting stronger descriptions of his darkness and what it really felt like and what he was feeling in those moments. I found it hard to like him because he seemed a little too generalized to me. I never quite bought the relationship between Cameron and Tyler. There just did not seem to be enough between them to be a couple. More detail, more character building would have helped.

Minor SPOILERS in this paragraph:

There were a few scenes that really didn’t make sense to me. Cameron tells his therapist that he does not want to be sent into the field again, yet without any explanation or further examination, in the next chapter Cam is definitely going back into the field. I really don’t think that is realistic, and I don’t think his employer, knowing the frail mental condition he was in, would have allowed it. That was out of my realm of believability. And then after the accident, I am supposed to believe that Izzie never thought to call Tyler and tell him? I didn’t buy that for one minute and thought it was ridiculous. Izzie is a bit of a melodramatic ditz, but no way would she not have called Tyler in that situation.

And that’s it for vague spoilers.

I did like that, for once, a character with PTSD was not a soldier. I never thought of aid workers suffering from PTSD. It was an original and refreshing perspective and brought attention to the dangerous conditions that aid workers face. Overall, I enjoyed the story, but I thought it needed more detail and some tweaking to make it a much stronger story.