Forgiveness? Is that even possible when a person goes through the hideous acts put upon Joanne and her siblings. This is an emotional read that is like watching a train wreak unfold. You know something really bad is going to happen but you cannot turn away, but you may close your eyes every now and then to regroup. I had to put the read down every now and then to process and reflect upon what I had just read. Parenting is tough stuff and in this case, I wish these parents had a manual for what to do and definitely for what not to do. I shake my head in astonishment that Joanne and her siblings could walk into that hospital room. Forgiveness? This is also a read about growing up, working in the film industry, coming to an unacceptable realization of the movie/television business, and realizing/embracing your sexuality. What is most awesome is Joanne's desire and drive to make a difference in the lives of others; especially girls and women.

I'm embarrassed to say that prior to reading this, I had no idea who Joanna Vannicola was and was instead intrigued by the synopsis. Suffice to say having read her fascinating and well-written memoir, I'm incredibly impressed by this woman and inspired by what she lived through and who she became.

*** WARNING - TRIGGER WARNING***

This book contains scenes of child sexual abuse and physical abuse of children. If any of these topics cause emotional triggers for you, I strongly suggest you do not read this book.
***************************************

There are many memoirs that contain disturbing subject matter and ALL WE KNEW BUT COULDN'T SAY is no exception. However, the difference between other memoirs and that of Canadian Joanne Vannicola is that Joanne somehow managed to live through her horrific childhood and yet still emerge into adulthood full of compassion for others. Rather than allow her abusers to keep her 'small,' she has gone on to have a phenomenal career. To my way of thinking, Joanne being happy and successful is the best revenge. Her strength and determination are a big "F" you to her abusers. She didn't let them win.

Not only that, but she has also become an advocate for LGBTQ youth. According to Joanne, "[Her] role meant [Joanne] could impact their lives, provide a little hope for others even though [she] still hadn't learned to hold on to it [herself]...and it provided a deeper purpose..."

Joanne says in the book:
"I could not erase my own pain, but if I could help other kids, it meant healing was possible."

This memoir is powerful. It is horrific in parts, especially when readers learn how Joanne was treated as a child, but it also includes some wonderful and touching moments and shows the power of friendship.

I do not want to give away too much with my review because I am hoping that everyone who reads this review runs out to buy/pre-order a copy of ALL WE KNEW BUT COULDN'T SAY.

YES, this book will make you shake in anger at the people who were supposed to love Joanne the most, but who turned out to be the perpetrators of her abuse, BUT I BELIEVE THIS IS A BOOK THAT NEEDS TO BE READ.

There are children suffering at this very moment, and people who see these things happening are often afraid to call Children's Aid in case they are wrong. BUT ... What if a child dies or suffers irreparable harm because you did not make that simple phone call? How would you feel? Could you ever forgive yourself?

PLEASE MAKE THE CALL. If it is determined that there was no abuse, then you can rest easy knowing you did the right thing. A bit of embarrassment is nothing when a child's life and/or his/hers mental health.

This book is not only about abuse. It is also about growing up and trying to come to terms with your sexuality. Joanne came of age not too long ago, but it was long ago enough that being gay, bisexual, trans, or queer was not acceptable to society at large. In fact, the phrase "non-binary" did not even exist. People kept their sexual orientations quiet and this fact made Joanne question what exactly was "wrong" with her. This memoir follows her journey from questioning her sexuality to accepting it and to become an advocate and role model for other LGBTQ youth.

Joanne's life has been full of pain and agony, but it has also been a life filled with many triumphs, including her winning the her battle with anorexia.

I could go on and on about how amazing Joanne Vannicola is (all based on her book as I have not met her yet.) Instead, I will encourage everyone reading this review to pre-order her book immediately. Don't wait to do it. Order it immediately. You will not be disappointed. ALL WE KNEW BUT COULDN'T SAY is a 5+ Star Book and you will continue to think about Joanne and her life long after the final page has been read. It is impossible not to. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

A heart wrenching book a book that is so raw acts done to the children horrific .A very important look at what can go on behind closed doors and congratulations to the author a true survivor. #netgalley #dundrenbooks.

The author, an award winning actor, activist, and writer, hides nothing and most importantly is honest with herself as she relates her real life story in raw, lyrical detail.

It’s a book telling of abusive parents, of being a professional actor since she was 8 years old, of brutal battles with anorexia, drugs, and alcohol before the age of 15.

It’s very difficult to read early on because you’re thinking, she’s 5, 8, then 11 years old, a child who is experiencing heinous acts, physical and sexual abuse, attacks on her psyche by the people in charge of her, parents, teachers. Her friends are in no better shape, skinny, gay kids like herself making it on the streets by any means or being shamelessly exploited by adults in the industry or who are in other roles of authority.

Then we follow her to Toronto at 14 years old, living on her own, still working as a professional actor, not even knowing simple adult things like cooking or even being able to afford a meal, doing laundry, or buying shoes because, again, she’s an exiled child with an already bitter and scarred disposition and no practical life experience. We wait for the bottom so that we can watch her make her way up. The author is alive to tell the story so we know there’s salvation in the end. No heroes come to her rescue. It’s the author’s own strength that not only
saves her but also gives her the insight to help others to climb out of the same type of “wreckage.”

If you can bear it, this is a hell of a read.

A really beautiful memoir. A very heart wrenching story but it was very well written. It was a difficult subject to read but again very well told so I could get through it. I went through a plethora of emotions, to sad, shocked, angry and finally admitiration for Joanna.

All We Knew But Couldn't Say is a gut wrenching looking into the life of, Emmy Award winner , Joanne Vannicola. .

As she gets news of her mothers pending death she is forced to look back on her life and relive childhood traumas . From physical, sexual and emotional abuse at the hands of her parents to struggles with anorexia and drugs all the while trying to discover her own identity.

A memoir filled with real demons, heartbreaking truths and finding oneself in the midst of all the madness.

Quality of Writing: 9/10
Pace: 10/10
Plot Development: N/A
Characters: N/A
Enjoyability: 8/10
Insightfulness: 10/10
Ease of Reading: 7/10
Overall Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
So, I don't normally put trigger warnings, but you will have a hard time reading this book if you are sensitive to the following: eating disorders, suicide, child abuse, sexual abuse, or child prostitution.
I had never heard of Joanne Vannicola until I received this Advanced Reader Copy through NetGalley, but I definitely have an appreciation for her now. It is difficult to imagine someone having such an unimaginably troubled life, but I know that it can happen. This book was so hard to read knowing that all the events she listed really did happen. I felt frustrated and I wanted to scream at certain points.
The book itself if very well written, with smooth transitions between the hospital room and her memories. The imagery was crisp and clear, and I felt like I was there with her. I do wish we learned a few more things about her mother at the end of the book. (Spoilers in bold!) I wish we learned more about Dot and Luke and who they were or are. I wish we learned more about the girls pursuing DNA tests to find out if their dad is actually related to them.
This book is nonfiction though, so I cannot ask more from the author than what she can give.
I will say that her epilogue felt a lot like an acknowledgements page and was pretty repetitive, but I was pleased with the writing in the rest of the book. Vannicola keeps readers hooked by promising them something in the beginning, but only hinting at the details until the end. She didn't do it in an annoying way though. She gave us just enough to keep us reading and concerned for where the narrative was going next.
Overall, if you can handle the triggers, it was a very good book.

Received a copy through NetGalley for review purposes. All opinions are my own.

This memoir discusses trauma and how it carries into generations. Joanne Vannicola gets a call that her mother is dying from cancer. She has been estranged from her mother for fifteen years, and has questions that need to be answered.

All We Knew But Couldn't Say is the questioning of why did things happen the way they did, and sometimes not receiving the direct answers that one may need.

The book starts with the dynamic of a physically abusive father and emotionally/sexually abusive mother who target their daughters. One gets taken by Children's Aid, another gets kicked out. Joanne is forced to leave at fourteen.

Joanne is an actress. Her mother tells her that she has hired an image consultant.

There are many moments that shocked me in this book, and a heaviness that carried me throughout.

This book also discusses the path of self-acceptance regarding Joanne's sexuality, and her defiance of portraying heterosexual roles when she wasn't heterosexual.

All We Knew But Couldn't Say will be released on June 25, 2019.

An incredibly important and often painful book, difficult to read at times but necessary. Certainly cathartic for the author, and a story that so many people who might be suffering need to hear. A harsh and harrowing story, eloquently told.

This book could be hard to read at times, the hell that these children went through due to their parents. Joanne is a strong character, who manages to keep going and even win an Emmy, despite her struggles.
Sometimes the book was a little hard to follow and seemed disjointed. But overall, it was a good read.

This is a poignant, heartbreaking story of a difficult life.

Joanne Vannicola has courageously laid her whole life bare for the world and the impact is huge. She has shown great sensitivity in writing about the physical and sexual abuse at the hands of her parents. She has said enough to share the extent and type of abuse she and her siblings faced, but hasn't let it degenerate into gory descriptions. In fact, at the end of the memoir, you really feel for her mother (who is mostly the biggest negative influence and factor in Vannicola's life) and both her sisters.

She describes her struggles with anorexia in great detail. So much so that at times you're wondering how she existed at all, leave alone be functional, work and and win an Emmy during this period.

Her discovering her sexual identity and the subsequent relationships are reminisced with the tone of narration rather than experience but remain engaging, nevertheless. They make you think rather than feel.

This is a difficult book to read in terms of the subjects that it lays bare...but it is an important and empowering life.

This was a tough book to read and review. You always wish that while reading an autobiography that there's a glimmer of hope, something to make you feel that things are ok at the end but I never felt that while reading this book. It's extremely well written and insightful into a horrible childhood.

Such a heartbreaking memior. A book that is important about childhood trauma and definitely ome that needs to be read.

This was a hard book to read. Knowing that the author had gone through so much, abused and not taken care of.

Thanks to author,publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free,it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

I ARC received via NetGalley and in exchange for an honest review.

Joanne grew up in a violent home at the aged of fourteen her mother pressure her to leave home so she can start an acting career.

As years went by Joanne made a name for herself and decide to cut her mother out of her life but when she get word that her mother is dying she decide to go see her and learns some devastating secrets that rock her.

As she struggle to connect and forgive her mother she learns that she survive with that learns to trust and be loved.

Description
Joanne Vannicola grew up in a violent home with a physically abusive father and a mother who had no sexual boundaries.

After Joanne is pressured to leave home at fourteen, encouraged by her mother to seek out an acting career, she finds herself in a strange city, struggling to cope with her memories and fears. She makes the decision to cut her mother out of her life, and over the next several years goes on to create a body of work as a successful television and film actor. Then, after fifteen years of estrangement, Joanne learns that her mother is dying. Compelled to reconnect, she visits with her, unearthing a trove of devastating secrets.

Joanne relates her journey from child performer to Emmy Award-winning actor, from hiding in the closet to embracing her own sexuality, from conflicted daughter and sibling to independent woman. All We Knew But Couldn’t Say is a testament to survival, love, and Joanne’s fundamental belief that it is possible to love the broken and to love fully, even with a broken heart.

What a heartbreaking life Joanne Vannicola has endured. I was shocked, angry and feel admiration for Joanne Vennicola. She has survived and learned love and trust.