Very dark and disturbing, which made this book perfect for me. It was interesting seeing where Vanessa was at in present day verus when she was fifteen. I took a lot of notes for when I eventually use this in one of my book discussions at work. I tried to read this title as a mini book discussion along with my friend, but she couldn't handle anything past 30% due to the graphic content.

Kate Elizabeth Russell's debut novel, My Dark Vanessa, is a complex exploration of guilt and innocence set against the backdrop of the #MeToo movement.

The plot of Kate Elizabeth Russell's My Dark Vanessa follows the life of Vanessa Wye, who at the age of 15 begins an affair with a teacher of hers, Jacob Strane, not quite thirty years her senior. The first-person present narration first shows Vanessa at 32 years old, as she becomes aware of social media posts concerning her former instructor; another young woman has come forward accusing him of abusing her when she was his student. Strane calls Vanessa, and while it seems they've maintained contact over the years, it's clear that his purpose is to make sure Vanessa has no intention of backing the woman's story. It's also apparent that while Vanessa's life is a mess—dead-end job, meaningless one-night stands with strangers and self-medication with drugs and alcohol—she is still in love with Strane and thinks he's done no wrong. As more women turn up with similar claims, Vanessa comes under increasing pressure to tell her story.

Alternating with the present timeline is Vanessa's account of meeting Strane as a teenager and how they eventually become intimate. 15-year-old Vanessa is immediately entranced by her teacher, and she deliberately goes out of her way to make herself attractive to him. It's clear to readers how she might think she's the instigator of what she considers to be a romance, but as she describes how the two become close, we can see how Strane is grooming her, even if the young Vanessa can't. This plotline tracks Vanessa as she ages into adulthood, with the thread eventually meeting up with the current Vanessa's timeline.

Russell's writing is stunning, bordering on poetic at times. Vanessa is first wooed with the works of Dickinson and Plath, and the character writes verse herself, so the lyrical nature of her observations feels right:

"Winter makes everyone weary this year. The cold is relentless, nights dipping to twenty below, and when the temperature goes above zero, it snows – days and days of it. After each storm, the snow banks grow until campus becomes a walled maze under a pile of gray sky, and clothes that were new at Christmas quickly turn salt-stained and pilled as the reality of four more months of winter settles in."

The author goes beyond simply beautiful writing to completely get into the mind and soul of her character. During one encounter with Strane, Vanessa thinks to herself, "His worry is obvious, about me and what we're doing. The smallest movement makes him jump, like I'm an animal prone to bolt or bite."

There are ample risks in penning a first-person narrative, particularly when the story concerns a character at two radically different ages; the protagonist's voice may end up being too similar throughout, their perspective can become one-dimensional and young characters may come off as being too mature for their supposed ages. Russell expertly dodges these traps, creating a character who isn't necessarily likeable all the time but is convincing.

Readers should be aware that the subject matter is without doubt disturbing. Strane's manipulation of Vanessa (both as a child and an adult) is unsettling, as is Vanessa's inability to see the harm he's causing her. The sex scenes between the two are also fairly explicit, adding to the disconcerting feeling some may experience when reading these pages. While the book may be a good object lesson for late teens, its graphic nature makes it more appropriate for an older audience.

My Dark Vanessa raises a number of complex questions: Is someone a victim of abuse if they believe they were complicit? What responsibility do people have to broadcast their painful experiences if doing so may prevent others from harm? What responsibilities do abusers have toward their victims when their actions have colored every aspect of their victims' futures? What does justice look like in these cases? Russell offers these and other conundrums up for discussion without answers; it's up to each reader to ponder them.

My Dark Vanessa is a very apt title for this book.  It is, indeed, very dark.  I was at turns disgusted and frustrated by the characters, but hung in there and kept reading because, despite my frustration with Vanessa, she is a product of Strane's abuse.  I mostly felt sorry for her.  This was a difficult book to read, and I have to admit, I never did finish Lolita for the same reason.  This sexual exploitation of girls is stomach-turning, but I was drawn to this book anyway.  Don't get me wrong, this is a good book.  Just be ready for some nauseating scenes and if sexual exploitation is a trigger for you, steer clear.  This book brings to the forefront a real, true-to-life issue that we continue to struggle with, whether it be through inappropriate teacher-student relationships like this one or other inappropriate adult-minor relationships (coaches, tutors, etc.), this is something that needs more attention and needs harsher punishments for the adults and institutions involved.  Maybe this book can bring some awareness to the lasting damage that these relationships cause.

"My Dark Vanessa" tells the story of Vanessa, a 15 year old who attends boarding school in New England. She becomes enraptured and involved with her professor, Jacob Strane.  The book follows their relationship over time, flashing back and forth to their time at school to the present. I found this book hard to connect with, and uncomfortable in places.  While the story was well written, I didn't understand the character's motives and why she keep inflicting pain upon herself.

Fantastic book! Beautifully written story, although deeply disturbing subject matter. I think this book is timely, though.

I could not put this book down. I read it on my kindle, on my phone, at work, at home; anywhere I could. Russell is a powerhouse. Everyone should read this book!

I received a digital copy of this book from Netgalley for an honest review.

This was the most accurate portrayal of grooming and manipulation by a child predator I have ever read.  I think it goes without saying that this is an important, eye opening story that should be read but it will make you uncomfortable.  It is supposed to.  It is also another good example about healing at your own pace, not anyone else's.  

I have to say I'm confused about other reviewers saying this ends without hope when I read the opposite.  It may not end how everyone wants it to but I definitely felt hope and optimism.

Dark, disturbing, infuriating. My Dark Vanessa is the story of a 15 year old high school freshman who earns a scholarship to an elite boarding school in Maine. Her English teacher begins grooming her and they begin a relationship that haunts Vanessa well into her twenties. The author does a fantastic job of illustrating the roles of victim and predator. The story is told from Vanessa’s point of view which shows the reader the depth of her trauma and abuse as she slowly comes to the realization that she is indeed the victim. Such a timely read in light of the present day stories about Jeffrey Epstein, Harvey Weinstein, and most recently Marilyn Manson.

Going between the present and the past of Vanessa, you will find out just why the word "dark" is used in the title.  Step into the life of Vanessa and all the intimate and disturbing things that happens to her.  Can you handle everything that has happened to this young lady?  Or not?  Read it to find out....

Lolita from the young woman's perspective. It leans on Nabakov. I wondered if Vanessa was being gaslit, and it is to the writer's credit that it was not apparent at first. By design, an uncomfortable reading experience.

I had already heard this book was amazing before publication but I was not prepared for this. When there's a book that deals with physical, emotional and/or sexual abuse, a certain set of criteria comes to mind. This book throws all of that out the window and explores a more nuanced reaction. Not everyone is the same and this book's portrayal of Vanessa from 15 to late twenties shows that. At the end of the audiobook, Kate Russell in an interview says she wanted to write a book that people talked about and dissected.  I think she did just that and people will never be able to stop talking about it.

An interesting read that will bring out several different emotions in people. I found myself very uncomfortable but could put it down,

Was not what I was expecting at all. I had a tough time with the subject matter. DNF at about 60%. That aside,  it will most likely be a popular title for thriller fans and I look forward to discussing it with them.

The topic of inappropriate student and teacher relationships is difficult to read and for a debut book, the author to draw the reader in just like that and not want to the put the book down, is a great feat. The book covers a wide range of emotions that I would or could imagine the character feels having never been in such a situation. At times, I disliked Vanessa and wanted to shake her awake and I disliked her teacher and wanted him to get caught. What an ending! The book is definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions, you want to jump off the moving train, can't watch the ending, but can't make herself stop reading the train wreck. I feel the book is timely given today's culture and the need to bring the reality of this issue to light.  I would definitely read anything else by this author. My library did purchase it and I do recommend it to other readers.

Absolutely the best debut I have read in years!  Beautiful writing,
Devastating and horrifying.  I loved it.

As much as I loved this book, I struggled to like the narrator as a person. I thought this was an interesting, but flawed take on #MeToo.

A complex, timely novel which reflects the MeToo movement and adds an element of an age gap. A teacher takes advantage of a young student. It is morally ambiguous to the point where the reader questions the relationship alongside the narrator. Set in a familiar, this book is different enough to stand out. Recommended.

Hoo boy was this one interesting.Honestly I'm not sure if I mean that in a good way or a bad way. I know there was a lot of buzz on this one (it was even mentioned a few times when I was at PLA in Nashville) so I had to pick it up and read it, if only to see what all the hype was about. Aaaaannnnddd... I kinda wish I hadn't. 

This is the story of Vanessa. As a teen, she has a relationship with her MUCH older teacher. Fast forward a few years and he is being accused of assaulting another student of his. This of course affects her in ways she didn't expect. My Dark Vanessa  is NOT an easy read. It can be difficult to understand why she would continue a relationship that seems so gross, there's definitely some sex scenes I could have done without having in my brain, but I think this is an important topic that doesn't get discussed enough. 

I have a few points I'd like to bring up, so let me get on my soapbox for a second. I knew there was some controversy with this book, so I looked into it to see what it was.Apparently, the author took some inspiration from another writer, who is a woman of color, in order to help her write the book, which is in part based on the author's own life. It seemed as though people were saying that because she was white she wasn't entitled to her own trauma. I understand that we need more representation and other voices in literature, and in no way am I minimizing what happened to the other author, but for a victim to be able to come forward and write through her own trauma, because of encouragement she got from reading someone else's story (which she CREDITS, I might add) is an incredibly difficult thing to do. I can remember watching an episode of Switched at Birth that reminded me very much of my own assault. To the point where they could have taken it straight from my brain. Does that mean I think they copied me? No, rather, I think it's a shame that so many women have had the same experience that it's a common enough theme for people to write about. 

My second point of frustration with this book is that one of the other victims and the reporter seemed to shame Vanessa for not wanting to come forward with her own story originally. It's frustrating that people do this. I get that doing so would help the case against him, and prevent other girls from being assaulted, but it is NOT the responsibility of someone struggling with their own emotions to keep a grown man from assaulting other girls and she shouldn't be made to feel that it is. It's hard enough to deal with, women should be allowed to process things in their own time on their own terms. *end rant*

Clearly, I had some feelings about this book.

Innocence shattered as a young teen's relationship with her forty-two year old teacher crosses lines.  At some points this is a very tough read as the manipulative English teacher inflicts trauma on Vanessa over the course of several years and, as a result, alters her life from that point forward.  Well-written and honest, Russell's debut novel gives voice to a sexual abuse survivor and gives readers an in-depth look from a unique perspective.

I very much appreciate the publisher and NetGalley allowing me to download an ARC of My Dark Vanessa.  

I am sorry that my review will not be a favorable one.  I found the book one that I wanted to be done with because it was just irritating.  Vanessa herself is a character so devoid of likability that she isn't someone I could make myself care about. I've read plenty of novels with unlikable protagonists, but the characters themselves were interesting enough to make up for it. My Dark Vanessa  seems to be an extended episode of navel-gazing and it was exhausting to read.  Is it really possible that in this woman's life she never met one male--other than her father who seemed okay in her eyes because he never seemed to require anything of her--who was decent?  I understand that this is a novel centered on victimization, but it really seemed to be more a swipe at all teachers/instructors, all men, parents, adolescence, and aging itself.  

While it would be easy to say that Strane ruined Vanessa's life, the story really doesn't paint that picture.  And maybe that was the point, but a belabored one at best.  Vanessa was obsessive and  fixated on people she had relationships with before Strane.  Her focus on Jenny was creepy.  And Jenny's (and the other students') treatment of Vanessa during the expulsion from school era was pretty difficult to believe.  Not unbelievable that they were cruel; that's entirely believable.  But I doubt that any school at that point in history would have allowed the witch-trialish scene of Vanessa being forced by the school to stand in front of a group of kids and tell them she lied.  Lawsuits were not unheard of in the early 2000s.  

As an adult, Vanessa basically stalked Strane and sought to continue the relationship.  Stockholm Syndrome maybe, I'm not sure.  But at some point, adults must become responsible for their actions.  I am not defending his relationship with an underage female and I am certainly not saying he didn't abuse his power over her as an adult and her teacher. He absolutely did.  And there was an opportunity for the book to explore that, but it was squandered in favor of giving a bit too much page time to Strane's being old.  Is the crime that he abused power or is the crime that of being old?  

Perhaps most disturbing of all is that Vanessa's account reads like that of a jilted lover.  Again, perhaps the point was that she was so emotionally damaged and so deep in denial that she was simply not functional, but if the reader is supposed to understand that she was abused even if she herself is in denial, the attempt fell flat.  

Strane's suicide is convenient.  It completely does away with any possibility that an adult Vanessa will confront her past.  This is weak; Vanessa is allowed to remain a victim forever here, which seems to be the intent of the book.  Women are victims.  Men are monsters.  Parents are incompetent.  Schools are institutional evil.  Mean girls are cool. These are tired tropes.

My Dark Vanessa could have addressed so many societal ills.  It did not.