Gretchen Mills has a fall, is badly hurt and is hospitalised. Her emergency contact is her wife Jax Levine. However, Jax and Gretchen are estranged and in the process of getting divorced. A month after moving out of their house and out of a relationship of almost a decade and a half, Jax is already involved with a younger woman (and the nanny of Jax and Gretchen’s son), Meredith. Responding to the call, Jax goes to the hospital where Gretchen is admitted. When Jax and Gretchen’s sister Amanda arrive, Gretchen is in coma. She is kept in a medically induced coma for a while as she has hurt her head and the brain needs time to repair itself.

When Gretchen revives, she has amnesia – she has no recollection of the past four years of her life. In her reality, she and Jax are deeply in love, her son is a baby, her relationship with Amanda is not so great and her estranged mother is alive. She tries to grapple with what new life she’s woken into – Jax is at best a reluctant presence at her bedside, her son is a hyperactive toddler, Amanda is fiercely protective and the strongest anchor she has and her mother has been dead for two years.

This book is obviously about second chances. As their past unfolds (mostly through fights and some notes that they had once exchanged), you get a real feel of the relationship. As in any long-term relationship, both the women have been right and wrong. However, since she has no memory of the worst years of their lives together, Gretchen is desperate to get back to what they had (and to what she remembers) while Jax is completely unwilling (and angry that she is the only one who remembers). Despite the author trying to keep a balance between the two, slowly Gretchen becomes the more likeable person and Jax becomes increasingly unlikeable. She is just not good enough as a person, a partner or a friend.

There is a steady timeline used as the chapter headings – and this is an important part of the story because suddenly, bam! Groundhog Day! Gretchen is back in the hospital and everything starts repeating except that she has the memory of all the things that happened and all the information she’d got the first time round while no one else seems to have lived that period.

We’re not sure about this narrative choice by the author because it detracts from the sobriety of the storyline making it kind of unbelievable. In fact, it served to disengage us from the relationship for a while, for quite a while.

We are also not either fans of or even understanding about collateral damage to a third person outside the relationship between the MCs in an effort to get the MCs together. In this, from not-quite-liking we slipped into intense dislike for Jax after she dumps Meredith. Valentine’s Day, Meredith has made the evening special in every way, bought a really thoughtful gift for Jax and declares that she loves Jax. In response to the ‘I love you’, Jax dumps Meredith. After that we truly couldn’t care about what happened with Jax though we felt for Gretchen.

The writing is strong. Characters and relationships, well developed. But...

But, this book didn’t leave us positive feelings – in fact, quite the opposite.

I was really excited for this book. Since reading Life after Death I’ve placed the author in my must-read-authors list. What the Heart Remember Most is one of those stories that will keep you glued, plenty of drama, a bit of mystery, you would try to guess what’s gonna happen next, you’d think you have predicted the outcome then you scratch your head coz you’re wrong, you’d think it’s building up to something, that it’s going to a definite route, but then it’s not. Not yet. you’d start to think maybe it’s not the kind of romance that will have a typical HEA. Will they end up together or will they not? Shall I give up hope on them? My loyal heart can’t take third parties so the Meredith part was kind of upsetting for me. But it all worked out in the end. Interesting story. Prepare yourself for a mental and emotional calisthenics. You’d get confused, you’d get frustrated, but it will make you believe in ‘forever’’.

4.5 stars

When Gretchen wakes up in the hospital after a terrible accident, she thinks it's the 4th of July and her son is only a year old. She's lost the memories of the last four years, ones where she and her wife Jax are on the brink of divorce after years of fighting. Jax remembers every lonely evening and every harsh word, but for Gretchen she's every bit in love with Jax as when they first got together seventeen years ago. Will this accident be a chance for them to rebuild their family? Or is it gone forever, just like Gretchen's memories?

I have loved the memory loss trope since I was a teenager and I read Mirror Image by Sandra Brown so by the synopsis, and the fact it was written by M. Ullrich, I was pretty sure I was going to enjoy this book. I wasn't prepared for how much this book was going to blow my mind and how much I was going to love it. It's one of the best books I've ever read. I got my heart broken, I fell in love, and I felt like I was going a little insane. The characters were written so beautifully and the depth of their emotions was something very tangible to the reader. The raw anger and sadness Jax felt mixed with Gretchen's confusion and pure love for Jax was really something else. The chemistry between Jax and Gretchen was amazing as well. I loved witnessing their relationship in present time, but also through letters they once wrote to each other.

This is one of those books I would bring to a desert island if I were only allowed 10 books to read for the rest of my life.

I received an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

So first off I would like to thank Netgalley and Bold Strokes books for providing me with the arc in return for my honest opinion. As many that have read any of me reviews I tend to stay away from telling what the book is about but rather stick to if I liked it or not. So I have read a couple of other of Ullrich's books and I follow her. I had read the blurb for this book and thought it looked like it would be interesting so tried for the Arc. The book grabs you from the start and is time based on the chapters starting from the accident time. It cruises right along and keeps your interest up nicely and than all of a sudden you get a big HUH???? moment..its was more than a moment..I thought maybe it was a error or I was missing something and took more than a few pages to grasp what was going on. It's not what I was expecting and frankly I did not think this plot change was going to work for me. I kept thinking that for a while and then it just did? You need to read it. Overall I really enjoyed the book and it kept me thinking pretty much right up to the end. All the characters were for the most part likeable. Do not hesitate to pick this up as it has a little bit of mystery and I was not thinking I would see that. 4 plus stars