I went into this book with a lot of trepidation. I wanted to be open minded, but I went into the book knowing I had a bias. I started the book right after I received it, but didn’t get very far and put it down. It took a while for me to return to it, but I am so glad that I did. I am glad that I pushed past my bias and really fell in love with this family.

My personal bias surrounds open relationships and infidelity, so I was concerned about the polyamory aspect. I believed that one person would ultimately get hurt; that the relationship would be unbalanced. That’s probably why I really identified with Cal throughout the story, a lot of his insecurities mirrored what I expected in a relationship like this.

Initially, Anya and Zac seem to reinforce my biases. They are very committed to each other, but enjoy bringing strangers into their bed. When they talk about approaching Cal, it felt like a violation of Zac and Cal’s close friendship and the dynamic with their band. But I was wrong.

All of my concerns were addressed through Cal’s perspective. And they are handled beautifully. There are definitely miscommunications along the way, and yes, people do get hurt. But they fight for each other and force the others to communicate. They are forced to confront their own biases and hang ups, their feelings about each other, and the legitimacy of their relationship.

The story is written beautifully and I was ultimately so invested in the family Zac, Cal & Anya created.

There are explicit sex scenes throughout the book and trigger warnings should be added for alcoholism, but I definitely recommend this one.

Disclaimer: I received an eARC of this book through Net Galley on behalf of the publisher in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

This Is Not the End was a bit of a mixed bag for me. I waffled back and forth through the whole book and finally landed somewhere in the middle. It's pretty angsty, which is kind of surprising given the lack of outside conflict. It's pretty much just these three characters plus the baby who pops in and out when it's convenient - Sorry, I don't actually know that's the reason, but it sure felt that way. First little I've ever known of to be completely out of the way without any interruption when it's time for steamy fun, and there was plenty of steamy fun. Now, I have nothing against that, but I had a hard time seeing any other connection between the characters. There is also a ton of inner monologue, and the back and forth was both irritating and emotional. I liked the emotional elements because they gave me some reason to invest in this relationship and to want it to work. Now, I realize it sounds like I didn't like much of anything about the book, but I actually did. In fact, some of the things I didn't like have elements that I did like. The lack of outside conflict allowed for more focus on these characters and the building relationship. Speaking of characters, I liked all three at least most of the time. There were times when they irritated me to no end, but I still liked them and wanted them to work. I feel like this story had so much potential that just wasn't realized. I would've liked to see more interaction between the three of them. Well, more substantial interaction like some real conversations about compromise and what it's going to take to make things work - some real discussion about feelings and life, etc. Love and lust is great, but it takes more than that for a solid, grown-up relationship. That's what I feel was missing here. On the flip side, there is plenty of steam generated between these characters, and I think Bell had the right idea. It just didn't all come across the way I'd hoped.

Oh good god. Can I forget about reading this so that I might experience it for the first time again?

It’s been a while since I read This Is Not The End but just skimming through the passages I’ve marked… I fell in love again.

I don’t even know what I love the most. The characters? The friendships? The relationships? The dynamics? Just yes.

I’m trying really hard to not just gush unintelligable about this novel but it’s hard. There isn’t even a way to determine my favourite character because whenever I think of one I remember a certain thing a different one did or the certain way another just is and I just can’t okay?

I love how Anya and Cal are as a married couple, I love how they invite Zac into their life, I love the way their insecureness and happiness made their way over into my mind. There was so much rooting and being anxious going on inside of my mind while I tried to not just inhale Sidney Bell’s book.

Bookish Thoughts
If there is anything I didn’t like about this book I can’t remember it. I’m also quite excited to reread it sometime soon and maybe I’ll get sucked even deeper into the story and the characters.

Zacary Trevor and Anya Alexander are a famous couple. She’s an ex-model turned photographer and he’s the lead singer of Hyde. Their romance was sudden, intense and tumultuous, but they both decided to settle down and lead a relatively normal life when they decided to have a child.

In the past they engaged in one-night stands with other men (Zac is bissexual and enjoys watching his wife with other men, and she likes him watching), but ever since PJ was born they haven’t done it again.

One afternoon a simple question sets in motion a series of events that will change their lives forever… Anya asks Zac why he’s never slept with Cal Keller. Cal is the bassist of the band and Zac’s best friend. He and Anya have a somewhat forced relationship but she knows how important he is to Cal. And the truth is that Zac is different when he’s around Cal… She can’t help but wonder if everyone’s relationship won’t improve if they get each other out of their systems. But Zac doesn’t even know what Cal’s sexual orientation is...

What follows is a journey of self discovery for the three of them, as they navigate their feelings, their problems and their expectations while trying to arrive at the desired happy ending for all. Assumptions are clarified and secrets are revealed and, as they uncover each other’s layers, it’s obvious that what blossoms between them is so much more than a fling...

Writing a believable romance between three people is not easy, but Sidney Bell does it masterfully. Zac and Anya were happy, it’s not like they were missing something, but with Cal they are happiest, more complete. I loved this story, it’s already one of my favorite books of 2021. I wouldn’t change anything about it… The characters are so complex, they have doubts and faults, they are human and it’s so easy to fall in love with them. I also loved the fact that the story is told in three parts, each in the perspective of one of the protagonists.

I had never read anything from this author, but now I want to read all of her books!

Thank you to NetGalley and Carina Press for an eARC of this title.

I really enjoyed this story overall. It took me a little bit to get into it. I found that the writing style and narrators voice at the beginning took a bit for me to get into the flow of. We jump into the story in the middle of Anya and Zac’s life so we are doing a little bit of catching up. Once I got into the flow of the story I really enjoyed it.

One thing I liked a lot was how messy and real all the characters felt. They felt like real people with pasts and passions and flaws. I really enjoyed how healthy the relationships were. Though they had flaws and issues, they did their best to be open about them and support one another through whatever the issue is to come out with a better understanding of each other at the end.

This is definitely an unconventional love story but I love how honest and real it felt. I also really enjoyed how mental health and addiction was discussed. There is significant discussion about addiction and alcohol abuse, but I loved how it was discussed not as a horrible thing experienced, but something that can be managed and worked through when there is support, love, and understanding surrounding that. I think overall I really enjoyed how this story went and ended. It just felt so real and honest. It wasn’t all perfect and it was messy and complicated, but that’s how life really is, so I enjoyed that a lot.

Rating: 4/5 stars

4.5 Stars

Zac Trevor and Cal Keller are bandmates, and the longest relationship/friendship either man has had in his adult life. Zac is an avowed hedonist and has indulged in much and frequent sex with many many partners over the years. Cal is his opposite, keeping himself in check and sober is a huge part of his life--ever since he lost control and nearly injured a family member about 8 years back.

Zac is married to Anya Alexander, a former model turned photographer. Anya is a keen observer of humanity, and also a sexually-liberated woman. Zac is in favor, enjoying sharing Anya with sexy men they each find attractive. It's interesting that Zac is completely mum on the attractiveness of Cal, because he's a very sexy man, in her opinion. Even if he's standoffish, and she thinks Cal resents her. It becomes a mission to learn more about Cal, now that she's home more and can explore building a friendship--or more--with Cal.

Zac and Anya have a young son, PJ, and Cal thought being married and a father would settle Zac. But he's absolutely stunned to learn about the kinky hijinks Zac and Anya entertain. Once Anya makes it clear that she would be more than willing to engage in some sexytimes with Cal, while Zac watches. Because Zac very much likes to watch. And Cal's even more stunned to learn that Zac has had fantasies of this very act--and more--with Cal in the bed with them. It's so unsettling that Cal's sobriety is threatened, and this becomes a turning point in the relationship between Cal and Zac, that Zac can finally confess he's seen the rigid manner of Cal and knows his sobriety is an issue.

This book is told in three parts, no chapters. Anya tells the beginning, how she initiates this journey and guides Zac and Cal to confess their secrets and needs. Then Cal picks up the story, giving us the inside look into his fiercely private struggles. He has loved Zac for more than a decade, but he kinda loves Anya, too. And, he's a little jealous of their idyllic life, with a sweet son and a house that seems to be filled with love. And it is, but a different take on love than Cal had imagined. He's not sure if he is welcome to be a full member of the family, or a temporary lover like all the others before him. Because that's his secret-est desire of all--to truly belong in a family, and one that includes Zac is the biggest bonus. Zac wraps up the story, which brings in the largest of vulnerabilities: Zac and Cal being intimate with one another. And, the full acceptance of their blended family by each of them. I liked how this turned out, with firm reassurances that they are committed to each other and to their poly-family.

I loved the straight-talk. I loved the sexytimes. I loved that Cal was well-hung and well-heeled. I loved that Anya and Zac were so open with each other, and how they got Cal to open up, too. For a manage, this one was centered on personalities and relationships, and not sex. Definitely recommend for people who like menage, or MMF stories.

First off I want to say I appreciate any book that explores polyamorous relationships and bi-sexuality, these relationships aren’t often given the attention they deserve in romance books or that families can be made of all kinds of relationships. My problem came in was that this story was quite honestly the over the top almost stereotypical characters. The synopsis grabbed by attention which is why I asked for an ARC of this one to read, but as I read the story I honestly wondered if the person who wrote the synopsis had actually read the book. I get that the original hero and heroine hadn’t been together long, but given that the hero had been in a rock band with what becomes the second hero in this story for decades, and the first hero has been married to the heroine for three years you can’t tell me the three of them haven’t interacted enough for the heroine to have noticed the way the two men interact with one another before the onset of this book.

Zach (hero #1) is the front man for their band; even though he’s late 30’s he acts more like he’s 16 most of the time; he was a bit annoying for most of the book. Before he met his wife he lived the whole sex and rock and roll lifestyle but of course it all changed when he met her and married her three months later. Let’s be clear she is a former model; because why not, let’s go down that clichéd road of a rock star and a model wife who is now a photographer because yes it’s oh so easy to just become a famous photographer after you’ve been in front of the camera most of your life. I’m so sure all of the people who have spent years and years studying photography would be so happy to know how easy it is to just buy equipment and start getting high end gigs. Honestly other than he’s supposedly good at sex and loves his wife and child, he comes across as lazy, immature, and spoiled. Not really someone most people would want as a partner but apparently the other two in this book do.

Anya is the ex-model, now photographer and Zach’s wife and PJ’s mom. At the start of this book she supposedly barely knows Zach’s bandmate, Cal, even though she toured with them and knows enough to know he hates green peppers so she purposely puts them in food when he comes around for dinner just to see if he’d say something (I mean seriously, grow the eff up). She’s younger then Zach and Cal by a bit and supposedly super smart but what I see is a mouthy, over the top, bossy, insensitive mean girl.

Cal (hero #2), has been Zach’s friend and bandmate for decades and has been in love with him for most of that time without ever saying it. He’s been a bit out of sorts since Zach met and married Anya and while he is the talent in the band writing most of the music and lyrics he doesn’t thing he’s any good. He’s a bit of a sad sack character but from his actions he’s a good guy who just lost his way at some point and never really got back on track.

The story kicks in when Anya decides to ask Cal to be a third wit them for Zach’s birthday, informing him they do this from time to time something Cal was not privy to. She asks him against Zach’s wishes and kind of shocked Cal and then didn’t understand why he was upset. Them coming together wasn’t organic at all, it felt forced and staged and I had a really hard time getting into it and believe me there was plenty of sex of all kinds (m/f, m/m, m/f/m) in this book but there was just so little emotion to it all it wasn’t sexy and at times I felt I was reading the script for a really bad porno movie. Then when Cal finally opens up because he is a bit closed off Anya and Zach, but especially Anya, basically make fun of him for needing more because, “He’s traditional. He’s old-fashioned. He’s Nebraskan.” I mean seriously WTF, this is someone you want in your life permanently and this is how you treat him?

I needed less of the build up to this story and the over the top sex scenes and more of what happened between the last chapter and the epilogue, I needed to see their relationship progressing together not just bits and pieces thrown at me so the story could be tied up with a nice, neat little bow.

While I appreciated what author Sidney Bell was trying to do with this story, the execution was poor and instead I found this book to be a disappointment.

A book about an M/M/F relationship (throuple, triad, whatever you want to call it) that's not just about sex?! Heck yeah!

Anya and Zac are married, but they have an open relationship. They regularly invite other men into their bed, but it's never resulted in anything permanent. Because of pregnancy and birth, and then adjusting to having a little human around the house, they haven't really had any chance to play around. But Zac's birthday is coming up, and Anya starts to wonder about something: why haven't Zac and his best friend and bandmate Cal ever slept together? She thinks it could be the perfect birthday gift for Zac, and after assuring Zac she won't do anything to spook Cal, she sets out to find out if Cal would even be interested in sleeping with them. Anya is all about being straightforward and open, and expects the same from the two men in her life. As the three of them navigate the new dynamic between them, it quickly becomes clear that this relationship will redefine what family and marriage means to all three of them.

This book focuses heavily on the characters' emotional growth, their history and their relationships. Zac and Cal have been friends for 20 years, so their friendship is completely different from the tentative friendship between Cal and Anya. Meanwhile, Zac and Anya are married and have started a family, with Cal being the one on the outside looking in at their bliss. This story is a raw, passionate, emotional look at what makes a family and these characters' journey of building their version of it.

There's an emphasis on communication that runs through the entire book, as it is the key to making any kind of relationship work. The book also talks about addiction and trauma. Anyone going into this expecting a fluffy romance story, will be in for a surprise. But it is also not a hard-hitting gritty look at the messed-up lives of these characters. There's a very down-to-earth, sober approach to life's troubles, mostly represented by Anya since she's portrayed as the more clear-headed one of the three, with her almost always being the one to sit everyone down and talk frankly about the issue at hand, whether that's addiction or how to deal with people judging them for their relationship.

The author's writing is just simply exquisite. I very much doubt that a lesser writer could have produced something so thought-provoking and poignant. I know that I will carry this story with me for a very long time.

I am always looking for more polyam books, especially ones with heat and emotion. This one delivers on both sides. Anya and Zac are married and have a son, and what works for them in their marriage is for them to have sex – together – with other men. Other people may not understand this but it works for them. Zac’s bandmate, Cal, definitely cannot understand this but both the emotion and the heat kick into high gear when all 3 realize there is some major attraction happening amongst them.

I just loved the balance between these three so much. Anya has a knack for drawing Cal out of his shell and making both men realize their feelings for each other. And the banter between all of them in their tender moments and not-so-tender moments cracked me up to no end. The emotion and angst between the two men, in particular, made me just melt though. I love Bell’s voice and can’t wait for more from her.

Early review -

This is Not the End is a fabulous read by Sidney Bell.
I love this book. Everything about it works for me.


Full review and blog post link to follow
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This is Not the End is great polyamorous MMF romance by Sidney Bell.

This is a tale of bandmates Zac and Cal. And Zac's wife Anya.

Zac and his wife Anya are players. With Zac's birthday approaching, she wants to do something special for him.

What follows is emotional and intense. And hot!

We get to follow along as they make their way through their feelings, conversations, first times, and the development into more. And I love it all!

Written in third person present tense, it's definitely not my favorite writing style. But the storyline and emotional are enough to overlook it.

This is Not the End is a fabulous MMF menage romance. Sidney Bell gave the readers everything we'd want in such a story. It's a riveting and beautiful tale of unconventional love.

I was drawn to read this title because I'm always interested in unconventional stories of love, and it's been a while since I've read a poly-amorous title, and this looked interesting. Zac and Anya are young parents, in love, and adventuresome in their sex life. Even though they might catch the eye of someone else (or vice versa), they might play, but they always go home together.

Cal is Zac's friend, business partner and creative collaborator in a successful rock band. He's reserved and doesn't say much around Anya. Still waters run deep as they say, and eventually Cal catches Anya's eye. She wants to know more about Cal and encourages Zac to take his relationship with Cal to a new level which leads to Anya and Zac talking about bringing Cal into their marriage.

The proposition is not an easy one for Cal and a good part of the middle of the book is Cal's deliberation of whether he can handle such a relationship. I thought Cal had a lot to work through in this story and he dominated much of the conversation.

At first I wasn't quite sure but I ended up liking this throuple. Zac's beta personality helped balance out the intensity of Anya and Cal and I left the story thinking they just might make it. It did take me a little time to get used to the third person present tense narration as well, but at some point the story pulled me in and took precedence over my noticing verb tense.

So overall, I liked this M/F/M story, mostly because I found the characters interesting. Anya's open and forthright way of dealing with things, Zac's don't-rock-the-boat personality and Cal's brooding heart of an artist made for an interesting mix.

An ARC was provided by the publisher. This is my honest review.

Heat Factor: The sex writing is remarkable. Also there’s pegging.
Character Chemistry: I believe the friendship. I believe the attraction. And I believe the love.
Plot: The third wheel becomes an equal partner.
Overall: This is a beautiful book.

Here’s the set up: Zac and Anya have been married for three years. They sometimes invite other men into their bedroom, because it’s fun. Mostly, only Anya has sex with these other men, while Zac watches. They are both a bit wild, both a bit volatile, and they’re very happy together.

Anya proposes that, for Zac’s birthday, they invite Zac’s best friend of twenty years into their bedroom for some sexy rumpus. After all, Cal’s hot - and it might help clear the weird vibes between Anya and Cal, who are not exactly friends. Zac shoots the idea down not because he’s not interested, but because he’s sure that Cal won’t be. After all, Cal is from Nebraska.

However, Anya doesn’t let it go. So the first part of the book, told entirely in a limited 3rd person narration with only Anya’s perspective, is about Anya wooing Cal. Not necessarily for sex, but because she realizes that she may have judged him too quickly, that he may have hidden depths. But when she propositions him, after ascertaining that he is, in fact, attracted to her, it goes very badly.

Now, this is where this book gets really interesting. Because Anya can tell that Cal is judging her, is judging her marriage - even when she explains that just because she and Zac share casual sexual experiences with other people, at the end of the night, she and Zac still go home together, are still a family. For her, a sexy rumpus isn’t love, and she doesn’t understand how someone could know and love Zac as much as Cal clearly does, and still find Zac’s predeliction for casual sex off-putting. But still, Cal is important to Zac, so she apologizes, which clearly makes Cal more uncomfortable, which, in turn, makes Anya angry, because why did he have to be such a dick about the whole thing?

Of course, even if Anya can’t see it yet, what Cal objects to is not being invited to have a threesome with his best friend and best friend’s wife. He objects to being treated as something casual by the most important people in his life. Because - yes, reader, you guessed it - Cal has been in love with Zac for years.

Part one climaxes with a climax - by which I mean, a friggin’ hot sex scene. And then a minor meltdown, because we are not out of the woods yet.

In the second half of the book, the narration switches to Cal’s perspective (still 3rd person) as the three of them work out what this new relationship will look like. I will admit that Cal is a little angsty for my taste, but by the time we got to the part where he wasn’t sure if Anya and Zac *really* wanted him, I was already hooked on the characters and their fate. The hang-up here ties back to the scene where Anya first invites Cal to her bed: he continues to be convinced that for she and Zac are the family, and that he is a bonus feature, no matter how many times Anya and Zac try to explain to him that he’s different from those other men. Turns out it’s not just words that he needs, but actions. And it also turns out that Anya and Zac and Cal all need each other in ways that come to light as friendship becomes something more.

This book works really well as a close character study of these three people - there are basically no other characters - as they negotiate and renegotiate their relationship. But where this book really sings is Bell’s attention to detail. The very first thing I said in this review is that the sex writing is remarkable, so let me give an example. Cal and Anya are about to get it on for the first time, and Anya is removing her clothes. Then we get this paragraph:

She sees a flash of movement from the corner of her eye. Zac’s sliding down to sit on the sofa, apparently realizing that they’re not getting to a bed anytime soon. She watches him for a few seconds as Cal’s hand strokes up to her hip, playing over the fabric of her panties, because little in the world gets her hotter than Zac’s expression when he sees her like this - the way his eyes go wide and started, the way his mouth goes soft as if he’s hurting, the way his fingers stretch and flex as if he wants to jerk off but won’t let himself. He’s too caught up in trying to memorize the moment, and his own cock becomes a secondary concern.

Panning away from the main event, as it were, may seem like a distraction, but Bell accomplishes so much here, in terms of reinforcing the beats of Zac and Anya’s relationship - and not just because of what Zac’s face does, but because of Anya’s response and interpretation to the changes in his eyes and mouth and hands.

I loved reading this book, and skimming through my highlighted passages to put together this mess of synopsis and gushing that I’m passing off as a review is just reminding me how much I enjoyed it, so I’ll leave you with this description (from the epilogue, Zac’s POV) of Anya eating popcorn because it’s amazing:

The popcorn bag is open and her fingers are sloppy yellow as she crams popcorn in her mouth. It’s disgusting. He wants to kiss her. He wishes Cal were down here, because he’s missing the sight of their cultured, terrible Anya looking like a werewolf as she gnaws on her prey, only with butter all over her face instead of blood. Which should not remotely be an appetizing image, but it is.



I voluntarily read and reviewed a complimentary copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own. We disclose this in accordance with 16 CFR §255.

This review is also available at The Smut Report.

I've steered away from poly books in the past because many of them seem to be overly focused on the physical relationship while glossing over the emotional relationship between the characters, but there was something about the description of this one that drew me in. I passed over it several times before I finally committed. Within the first chapter, I was really afraid I'd made a mistake. Oh, boy, was I wrong. The physical intimacy is off the charts in this book, but it's the emotional intimacy that blew me away. I absolutely loved all three main characters and the strengths and weaknesses they each brought to the relationship that almost destroyed it and ultimately made it work. I laughed and outright cried multiple times. Just hands down an absolutely gorgeous love story. This is my first book by this author but it definitely won't be the last.

Anya Alexander and Zacary (Zac) Trevor are happily married and parents of baby PJ. Theirs is an unconventional relationship to say the least but not surprising given that he’s the famous lead singer and guitarist of a rock band and she’s a former model turned fashion photographer. They’re wealthy and unconcerned about what others think of them, which isn’t a consideration when Anya proposes introducing Zac’s best friend and bandmate Cal Keller into their relationship.

This story turned out to be polar opposite of my expectations and that was a good thing. It’s not my first polyamorous story but it is also nothing like any I’ve read before. Anya, contrary to stereotype, is the dominant force in the relationship and you get that from the opening line. Zac led a fairly hedonistic lifestyle before meeting and marrying her but she grounds him in a unique way. He and Cal have been lifelong friends but neither has been honest with themselves or each other about their deeply rooted feelings.

What makes this story work is the outstanding character development. Yes, the sexual component is provocative but Anya is unlike any character I’ve come across. She’s pretty out there with her life choices but is so incredibly honest it’s refreshing. I didn’t always like her but always admired her authenticity and devotion to being that way. Her deft manner in coaxing Zac and Cal to be as equally honest in their communication kept me in this story. I’m really glad I chose the audiobook as the narrator was so talented in her performances for all three characters, I was about midway before I realized there wasn’t another narrator for Zac & Cal! I enjoyed this story that’s more about three people who are bonded far beyond their sexual attraction and created their own definition of family. And, I’ve discovered a new narrator to add to my list of favorites.

Reviews by the Wicked Reads Review Team

Sarah – ☆☆☆☆☆
This is a beautiful and insanely sexy poly romance. On the surface, Zac and Anya are a slightly cliché rock star/model couple that I really wanted to hate. But they’re wonderful. Slightly wild, highly entertaining, and the best of friends, Zac and Anya are total relationship goals. But their marriage altered Zac’s relationship with Cal, his best friend and bandmate. This is the story of Zac, Anya, and Cal working to repair the rift between Cal and Zac while finding a place for each of them in a new relationship.

Even though this book is sexy enough to tip into erotica at points, it is very definitely a polyamourous love story, not m/m/f ménage erotica. All three characters are complex and beautifully human. Cal and Zac shared their music and their lives long before Zac met Anya, and the connection between the two men is electric. Anya is strong and confident – and she’s the one who helps both men open their mind to new possibilities.

It was Cal who stole my heart in this story. His past is dark, his demons are strong, and he struggles to love himself. Zac and Anya fight to convince Cal he’s worth loving, that he deserves a family and a home. And this is a book about consciously building a family and a home.

I really loved this book. The characters are wonderful, the writing is excellent, and the relationship that grows between Zac, Cal, and Anya is beautiful.


Ruthie – ☆☆☆☆
As I started this book, I was a little surprised at the somewhat fiery relationship that Zac and Anya seemed to have – but it soon evened out to be normal, and I completely loved how they behaved together. Understanding their lifestyle, their past, and the pressures that they inevitably faced in the outside world made all the difference in the world.

Zac’s bandmate and very best friend, Cal, has had a strained relationship with Anya. After all, until she met Zac, they were always together. And now they also have a son, PJ (wait until you find out what that stands for!). I love how we grow to understand the quiet way Cal lives and why. I loved learning how things could change in the future, if only he can see his way to it – and how they have every intention of supporting him. It is such a great way of bringing us to the point that we can see how the dynamics of a possible trio could be. Getting the buy in from Cal, the levelling of all three of them so that they are all equal in the relationship is important to me and works really well here.

I really, really enjoyed this book and will definitely be reading more by this talented author.

This blew me away.

This is another book that I’m not sure I can do justice to with a review. Read the blurb – it tells you what you need to know about the story. All I can say is how much I loved this. The relationship between Zac, Anya and Cal is complicated but it ends up being a beautiful (and HOT) love story.

The only thing I know about polyamorous relationships is what I read in romance books and I think this story is one of the best of this type that I’ve read. Once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down.

A review copy was provided by the publisher via NetGalley but this did not influence my opinion or rating of the book.

This Is Not the End is a beautiful story about unconventional love.

Rather than chapters, the story is split into two parts and an epilogue, each from a different POA. I liked this format. it worked well with the characters and plot.

"...marriage is less about how many people are in it and more about how happy you are."

This Is Not the End is the story of married couple Anya and Zac, and Zac's best friend and bandmate, Cal. Each character has a rich, distinct personality that meshes well with the others despite how different they each are.

Anya and Zac are both strong personalities and have great communication in their relationship. I enjoyed the insight into their marriage and family life. They take something as typical and conventional as marriage and a baby, and make it into something entirely unique to fit who they are.

Zac and Cal are polar opposites: Zac wears his heart on his sleeve, and Cal keeps his emotions locked up. They pair well as a rock duo and as friends for decades. The introduction of Anya (something that occurs well before this story begins) adds more depth to Zac and Cal's relationship, in a way. Certainly, Cal sees Zac in a new light; he's no longer the raucous rock star, bedding different partners every night...or so Cal believes.

Cal's discomfort with Anya and Zac's "arrangement" (for lack of a better word) is the center of the conflict. Out of the three, he is my favorite. He can be broody and judgmental, but I think that comes down to his lack of confidence in himself. There's lots of turmoil in Cal, and I was surprised by his secret-to-Anya life.

There's some angst and more than a few come-to-Jesus moments that, combined with the passion and love the three have for each other, make for a delightful read. And I cannot end this review without including one of my favorite quotes:

"Stop trying to make love to me, you nerd."

***Big thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.***

This is Not the End by Sidney Bell

Anya is married to Zac, a rock star, and while marriage and a baby have led them to a more sedate lifestyle than what once knew, they have brought a third person into their relationship many times. These have always been one-time encounters, and that’s fine with Anya and Zac. After all, they weren’t looking for anything deeper than that.

But then Anya realizes that she’s attracted to Cal, Zac’s best friend and bandmate, and neither Anya nor Zac knows how to process these feelings. Cal doesn’t know about the open relationship, and furthermore, if the feelings aren’t reciprocated—or even if they are and things take a bad turn—the aftermath could do permanent damage to Zac and Cal’s two decades of friendship.

It is not, dear reader, a spoiler to say that Anya and Zac do approach Cal with their proposition, and things get intense pretty quickly. Cal has always avoided relationships for the most part, but he desperately wants Anya. As the three of them are adjusting to this new dynamic, both Zac and Cal begin to acknowledge their bisexuality and act upon the UST that’s been simmering for years, starting when they were unsigned and broke musicians barely out of high school.

The book is divided into thirds, with each protagonist getting a solid POV segment—no skipping around from perspective to perspective. What I liked the most about this book was the emphasis on family: there are numerous scenes of Cal playing with Anya and Zac’s baby, as well as everyone cooking dinner and just hanging out together. These happy domestic scenes serve a distinct purpose in demonstrating that polyamory is more than rockstar threesomes. These are actual people with unique needs, and they all put so much work in making sure that everyone is on the same page.

I would also like to point out that I appreciated the treatment of Cal’s….. um…… size. Apparently, some women have had difficulty accommodating him, so he needs to go slowly at first. Pointing out this reality is so refreshing, when considering all the descriptions of monster sized genitalia whose owners are able to thrust away with reckless abandon.

I would absolutely recommend This is Not the End. I was intrigued by the idea of a polyamory romance, and I found this to be exceptionally well done. All three protagonists were likeable, but Cal was my favorite. This is my first experience with one of Bell’s novels, and I look forward to reading more in the future.




I received an ARC of this book from Carina Press/Netgalley.

After an intense three months of dating, Zacary and Anya are now married with a baby. Zac, a successful musician, and Anya, a successful model moving to a career as a photographer, have a relationship on their own terms. They are fiercely devoted to each other, but still enjoy the thrill of bringing a third into their bed at times. Zac loves to watch and he and Anya have no reason to apologize for their lives and are incredibly happy.

Zac’s best friend and bandmate, Cal Keller, is more reserved than both Zac and Anya. So reserved that even Zac doesn’t know what Cal’s preferences are, even though the two of them have lived practically in each other’s pockets. Zac is the most important person in Cal’s life and Anya barely knows him and doesn’t think she has any common ground with the man. But Anya knows that Zac’s relationship with Cal is special, sacred even, and as Anya sets out to get to know Cal better, she sees all that lies beneath Cal’s cool exterior. When they invite Cal further into their lives, Zac realizes certain truths about his relationship with Cal, things Cal has felt all along.

Anya, Zac, and Cal didn’t set out to redefine their relationship, but they will realize that true love and family doesn’t always look like they thought it would.

I have liked everything I have read from Sidney Bell and even though I knew This is Not the End was going to be good, this book turned out to be fantastic. It’s a deeply emotional, raw, and vulnerable look at the lives and love of Anya, Zac, and Cal and their path to create their family.

The book is told in three parts with no chapters. The third person perspective gives the book a dreamy and emotional feel. The first part is from Anya’s point of view and we get caught up on her relationship and marriage to Zac. They love hard, are brutally honest with each other, and even though they haven’t known each other all that long, have carved out an incredible relationship. Their allegiance is to each other and their family; they have rules that make them safe and happy, but bringing in a third sometimes feels natural to them both. They are true equals and true partners and how Bell sets them up is a master class of precision-filled writing. Anya knows that Cal is important to Zac and, while she includes him in their life, she has never gotten a read on Cal and Anya is not used to being in that position. When Anya and Zac set out to find out more about Cal, with Anya in the lead, it changes all of their lives.

The second part is told from Cal’s point of view and there is a whole lot going on with him. Even as best friends and bandmates, Zac and Cal have little personal communication, but Zac knows a lot more than he lets on and Cal has a whole lot he is hiding.

The book is erotic and sensual and plays off the differences in the way these three approach a relationship. All of the characters have their own strengths and watching them navigate each other was enthralling and riveting.

This book is written the way I like to read—highly character driven, with just the right words, descriptions, and details to add incredible depth to the characters and their story. This is one of those books that talking about it too much can lessen the magic of it as Bell’s words are dazzling on their own. For an exceptionally well written polyamorous romance, This is Not the End is the book you want to read.

Okay, first and foremost, I adore the way Sidney Bell portrays the polyamorous love triad in This Is Not The End. She gives both Cal and Zac a healthy bisexual identity, and Anya’s secure in her sexuality and not afraid to voice her needs. While I was concerned over the amount of time spent with these characters as they introspective battles about the validity and “rightness” of their wants and needs—paired with them then turning around and essentially saying “F*ck anyone who isn’t okay with who we are”—I feel the overall portrayal was well done. I just wish there would’ve been some external conflict in the story outside them trying to decide whether their love and lust for one another would or should be accepted by the outside world.

That being said, I think a lot of their concerns are valid—there are a lot of hateful people out there who don’t accept things that aren’t exactly as they believe they should be. But I do wish Zac, Cal, and Anya would’ve made the decision to put their love above all else a little earlier and had a larger conflict in the story that stood in the way of them finding their HEA.

Now, all that aside, I really did love this story. It had brief but steamy love scenes—lots of them!—and I think it handled the dynamics of the triad very well. I felt the love from all sides and it wasn’t something that felt forced or unnatural for the characters.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is into erotic romance and who loves love. I think this would be a wonderful read for anyone who wants more diverse romance couplings in their reading world.