What a rollercoaster ride of emotions this was! Oh my!

For one half the book I was internally yelling at Rowan to make better decisions and to not drag Shoshana down with her, and for the other half of the book I was doing the same thing at Shoshana for trying to take Rowan back down the rabbit hole with her again.

I do feel like the book was very open-ended, but I guess in a way that's fitting for people who are dealibg with mental illness. It never really ends, you can just hope to learm how to live and cope with it better.

TW: self harm, anorexia, bulimia, death, rape

☆☆☆☆/5
Pub date : 14th September

Trigger warnings : eating disorder , suicide , physical and mental pain , violence , sexual assault.

This books talks about mental health in its raw and real form , this book being a own voice, shows you the reality of how it feels and it to go through eating disorder or any other mental illness.

The two main characters Shoshanna and Rowan both are hard to like , messy and very delicately created , they show you the two ways of ' recovery ' yet their stories merge perfectly. The are cruel , gruesome and even sadistic at times which makes then quite unlikable and maybe you'll hate them in the beginning.
Shoshanna who really wants to be better because she wants to regain her life back as it was before she entered the rehab center while Rowan has some other plans . And they get their ends likewise .

Before we were blue is a vulnerable story , a story I want everyone to read yet , not everyone should because it contains so very heavy themes which even made my heart shatter into a million pieces , so check the trigger warning before you go on to read this .


Thank you netgalley and Flux for providing me an arc of this book .

“I slide my hand over the tsk-tsk, the smiley face above the waistband of my shorts, a pot belly grown like the Secret Garden. Suddenly, I feel a burning at my core, a warning that tomorrow I’ll be gone too. Suddenly, I feel blue.”

Before We Were Blue is a fresh, creative take on eating disorders, mental health facilities, and the toxic relationships and mentalities you can form while trying to get better.

Told in dual perspectives, you see two very drastic ends of ‘recovery’; those that actively want and are trying to recover, and those that are still wrapped deep within the murderous clutches that is an eating disorder and it’s mindset.

Shoshana is a very enjoyable and likeable protagonist. It’s very clear she wants to get better, she wants to recover, but spends far too much time in her own head comparing herself to others (understandably, as a competitive cheerleader).

Rowan, at the start at least, has a wall built up to keep her defences set. She can be cruel, vindictive and manipulative at her worst, but kind and gentle at her best. She isn’t ready to get well, at least not yet.

E.J. Schwartz does a particularly incredible job of displaying just how disastrous and ugly mental illness is, and the portrayal of eating disorders is spot on, as someone who suffered with the same from my early childhood into my early teens.

Both the main characters are selfish, to no fault of their own, but it made the book all the more interesting and enjoyable as they embarked on, what started out to be, two very different and separate journey’s that turn out to be not too dissimilar in the end.

Overall, a wonderful look inside the mind of someone suffering with mental illness, the toxicity that exists within relationships hinging on the other’s sickness, and how sometimes you need to get better - not for anyone else, but for you.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author and the publisher for giving me the opportunity to read and review this brilliantly written book with such a great, unique perspective and energy to it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one.

3.5/5 stars! 🌟

Thank you so much, NetGalley, North Star Editions and Flux, for the chance to read and review this book.

TW: eating disorders, anxiety, emotional and physical pain

Recovering and Relief is a treatment center for girls with eating disorders and there Shoshana and Rowan meet and become friends, creating a strong bond with one other. Shoshana, a cheerleader on a reality TV show, starved herself to ensure her growing didn't ruin her tumbling skill, while Rowan was pressured and influenced by her own mother to stop eating, only to "chew and spit". The girls develop a beautiful and intricate relationship, a intimacy, while struggling with their problems and disorders.
In the center girls are divided in Gray and Blue and the dream is to become Blue and to achieve more freedom and then get home. But that means get separated and return to face the world and its problems. Shoshana and Rowan become closer and closer, in an intricate, sometimes toxic and unhealthy, relationship, until they are forced to choose between getting better or staying together.

Before we were blue hit home for me and it was hard and moving recognizing similar patterns, thoughts and attitudes. The story is told by two POVs, Shoshana's and Rowan's and the book follows them, struggling with their eating disorders, memories and anxieties, fears and dreams, hopes. families and past traumas.
Shoshana and Rowan are very different from one other. While Shoshana is more introvert and quiet, Rowan is vibrant, but both are complex characters in their thoughts and actions.

The story is moving and intense, narrated brilliantly, showing the reader the struggles, pains and difficulties, how the characters fear and dream, hope and are scared to face the world, to lose themselves, to lose one other.
Their relationship is layered, they cling to each other, supporting, helping, pushing, hurting, in a complex and sometimes toxic, other selfish bond. While the side characters add layers to the story, showing recoveries and struggles, deaths and problems, Shoshana and Rowan are the main ones and their story is amazingly written. The author did an outstanding job with this book, I felt so involved reading Before we were blue and I loved everything.

Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions for this ARC!
I requested it knowing I had at least two things in common with the main characters: first, like Shoshana, I'm Jewish. Secondly, I'm queer. Thirdly, and more importantly, I've also been in residential treatment (though for different reasons).

This book was a lot. I knew it would be when I requested it, but I wasn't sure of all the places it would hit. There was so much that struck true to my past experiences in treatment: the close-knit friendships that veered into the codependent, the distrust and dislike of any newcomers who were viewed almost as a threat, the desperation to leave, the jealousy of those advancing, the burning jealousy of those who got to leave, even if you pasted on a smile. Too, and so familiar, there was the mention of fifteen-minute phone calls to parents, the waiting for graduated friends to write and despairing when they started falling out of contact, the anxiety-inducing moments during visits when you broke programs rules and the need to either hide it or lie because your parents didn't understand.. . and the reversion into what you'd done previously. I was able to see it coming, see myself and my friends, and my heart ached for Shosh.

Shoshana is on a reality tv show as a competitive cheerleader, and while in treatment, she's the Golden Girl you either love or resent. Rowan is different, the type of girl she'd never meet outside, cynical, bitter, wounded, and trying so hard to be strong. Rowan takes Shosh under her wing, and the two fall into a tight friendship above which they prioritize over nearly everything else. Or-- Rowan does, at least, and Shosh is only a little more level-headed about it. Told in both POV's, each of the voice come across differently-- Shosh is trying and failing to keep herself together, and Rowan's let herself fall apart in jagged edges, brutal, honest, and self-deprecating in her pain.

They have a treatment bond. It's the way you meet and are crushed into friendships with people you'd never meet otherwise, glued together by a shared, difficult experience few others they'd meet outside would have. Shosh is more focused on the here and now, letting herself be pulled in any currents she falls into. Rowan struggles against the stream, forward-facing while never wanting things to change. Both are so incredibly a familiar dynamic. I've absolutely been both.

While incredibly bittersweet, the book struck and ending that seemed inevitable with how they had progressed in their times, and the growth they've been able to make. I think it was truly the best-case scenario both were in. I truly loved the realization of (general lack of) sexuality, especially as it's something I share.

CWs: eating disorders, along with mental, emotional, and physical impacts of them.

Thank you to Netgalley, Flux, and EJ Schwartz for giving me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Before We Were Blue follows Shoshana Winnick and Rowan Parish during their time at a treatment center for girls with eating disorders called Recovery and Relief. It should be noted that anyone who is sensitive to discussing eating disorders may want to refrain from reading this book. Additionally, as someone who has not ever suffered from an eating disorder, I cannot say whether the story accurately depicts the treatment of ED.

We learn a lot about the girls as the story progresses but I found Rowan's character extremely unlikeable. Additionally, a lot of Shoshana's character revolves around the fact that she is Jewish but the references made to her ethnicity are extreme and just go too far. At times it was a bit much. I was really into the competitive cheerleading storyline but there were just so many references to the fact that she was Jewish that got in the way of it.

Overall though, I think the quality of writing was strong. I wish the characters were easier to connect to and support but in many ways, this book unfortunately just did not do it for me.



#BeforeWeWereBlue #NetGalley

3 ⭐

Can we all take a moment to look at the cover first?! It's so gorgeous 😍
I liked this book! This book is set on eating disorder and both of the main character are heavily reliant on their EDs

It was emotional and very heart-wrenching journey. I found this book well-written but it took me a lot of time to actually get into this book!
I feel like it could have been better!

This was a rough one to read. The book itself was great, but that's the problem - Schwartz gets you to care about these characters and they are realllly going through it. Additionally, she throws the previously established balance of the novel askew very near the end, I still don't know if I like that choice, but I definitely respect it..

EJ Schwart’s novel Before We Were Blue follows two anorexic teenagers, Rowan and Shoshana who are patients at a in-patient eating disorder clinic. The story alternates between the two girls and examines their relationship and the effects it has on both of them as they try to get healthy.
This book has some intensely emotional content, such as eating disorders, sexual assault and suicidal ideations, but is done in a way that feels genuine and powerful. Rowan and Shoshana’s relationship with each other is fascinating, and I appreciated that Schwartz chose to tell the story from both of their perspectives, demonstrating how they both absorb aspects of the other as their relationship pulls them closer- almost as if they are becoming one.
Overall I think this was a fascinating read, well-written and thoughtfully structured and revealed aspects of eating disorder rehabilitation that aren’t usually portrayed in mainstream media, as well as exploring the ways in which friendships can be life-altering in both positive and negative ways.
Thank you for opportunity of reading Before We Were Blue!

I really wanted to like this book but the way it is written just is t for me. I couldn’t focus on the story.

***Thanks so much to NetGalley for this arc in exchange for an honest review!***

I have such incredibly mixed feelings about this. I thought it was well written, especially considering it is a debut novel. However, having worked as a mental health professional in an eating disorder residential treatment program, I wonder if this impacted my ability to look at the storyline objectively. While we obviously cannot and should not avoiding triggering content in literature just because it’s triggering or hard to read (if anything it’s more of a reason to do so), but I’ve seen the ways (especially kids on the unit) would idealize depictions of poor coping skills and maladaptive behaviors in media. So that being said, I would say go into this if you feel that you are able to safely do so. I am very curious to read own voices reviews to get a better idea and understanding of the perception of the story!

Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for allowing me to read the eARC copy of, "Before We Were Blue." This book was outstanding and hard to read because of the realistic portrayal of eating disorders and the associated problems with mental health. Having struggled with eating disorders and having a history with competitive dance, this book was incredibly life-like in portraying the struggle and co-dependency of the characters. Overall it is a fantastic book worth reading, just be aware that the situations are realistic and could be triggers for people struggling.

Incredibly sad and hard to read at points. I loved it a lot but would be careful when recommending it so as not to accidental trigger the reader.

I would like to thank the publishers for giving me an advance copy of this book to review. I was very nervous going into this book as I haven’t read much surrounding the topic of eating disorders and have very little understanding on the topic. Debut author EJ Schwartz does a wonderful job of showing the realistic struggles that one faces when grappling with an eating disorder whilst also handling sensitive subjects like sexual assault and suicide. For me, Shoshana was a character that I was able to connect with, in comparison to Rowan, who I found to be a little manipulative and harsh at times. Given Rowan’s difficult past, it was understandable, however did not make it easier to empathise with her. The relationship that the two girls share is one of co-dependancy as they navigate their respective journeys to recovery. I really appreciated the insight we get into the treatment that the girls received and the life at the centre as they build, grow and move forward. Whilst this certainly wasn’t an easy read, I admire Schwartz for bringing this book together in a meaningful way for those who are facing the same challenges in their life whilst informing readers about an important topic, not often openly discussed.

I received my eARC from netgalley and would like to thank the author and publisher for it. This book mentioned and touched over a lot of topics that are very rarely ever written in books. It mostly takes place in a Eating Deficiency center and I honestly know very little about ED and so my comments or assessment of the matter has no significance at all.
I love how two people found each other amidst all their hardships and overcome it .
I really liked this book. I definitely had a lip quiver moment at the end. So would recommend for sure.

Thank you to NetGalley and North Star Editions/Flux for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Shoshana and Rowan don’t really make sense as friends. At least maybe not in the real world. But they met at Recovery and Relief, a treatment center for girls with eating disorders. To Rowan, it seems like Shoshana has everything: a loving, supportive family. But Shoshana has a secret that explains why she’s been struggling. Rowan on the other hand, has been in and out of treatment centers for years already. Her mom fuels her disordered eating and she’s just waiting for the nurses to give up on her. Both girls start in the “grey girls” section of the center, where nurses watch their every move. Will they stick together, become “blue girls” with more freedoms and stay together outside the center? Or will something tear them apart?

I wasn’t sure what to expect with this book. It didn’t matter in the end as I was immediately enthralled with the story. Shoshana was so incredibly relatable to me, and everything about her experiences resonated with me. I had to know more! Rowan was, on the surface, the more troubled of the two. Her story was sad, but just as relevant. Both girls kept me flipping the pages until I finished the book—in one night!

There is a lot of serious talk about disordered eating, anorexia and bulimia. If these are serious triggers for you, I might avoid this book, or read it only with a great support system in place. Both girls talk very seriously about how they started and what their triggers were. Even many of the side characters (most of whom were fairly dimensional and interesting) discuss their behaviors, or Rowan and Shoshana talk about them. There is also mention of suicide and death.

All that notwithstanding, I truly think this is an important read. It’s gripping, but truly teaches you important lessons: what to look for, how to help or not to help, what can happen to you. It is certainly a book that could help someone and I think it could stand the test of time if enough folks read it that need to.

4/5 Stars

"Before We Were Blue" follows Rowan and Shoshana, two young women in residential treatment for their eating disorders. Rowan has been eating disordered her whole life, and is entrenched in unhealthy behaviours she learned from her mother. Shoshana, a cheerleader on a hit reality show, began starving herself to achieve peak physical performance. The girl are drawn together in an increasingly intense friendship, neither particularly wanting to get well.

While I enjoyed reading this book, it did fall a little flat for me - the author was clearly trying very hard not to glamorise eating disorders, which is commendable, but in doing so, leached away something vital in the understanding of eating disorders - that pull and promise that keeps so many young women (and, increasingly, young men) held within their thrall. While it was interesting to see the more banal, every-day detail of living with an eating disorder, that was all we got - I felt more of a balance between the two extremes would have made for a stronger and more realistic story.

That being said, the book was well-written, I enjoyed the cheerleading subplot which gave the book a new and original angle, and the characters were well-realised and increasingly sympathetic. Lots of people will love this book, and I can understand why they would - it''s purely from a point of personal preference that it didn't quite hit the mark for me, and not a measure of the storytelling itself.

Thank you to NetGalley, and to the publisher, who granted me a free ARC copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

The book is told from the perspectives of two young girls, Shoshana and Rowan who are currently staying at a treatment centre for eating disorders.

This is a vulnerable journey of the two girls struggles with dealing with an eating disorder. As I have never had an eating disorder, I can not comment on the portrayal of this but I thought the book was well written. However, it is important to note that the author did not glamorise eating disorders in any way which was great. I did struggle to get into the book at first, and think the second half saved the book for me as I really enjoyed this part a lot more and felt that the novel picked up its pace here.

I didn’t particularly like either of the main characters - they both had their flaws, but I think the author did well in keeping the reader interested in the book even if I didn’t particularly grow to love the characters. I also really enjoyed the way Rowan was the one who didn’t want to get ‘well’ in the beginning and Shoshana did, and by the end of the book the roles had reversed which was very unexpected. It shows just how fragile their journeys were and that anything can influence their paths.

I appreciated this book and how it tried to address the girls relationships as well as the eating disorders they had. I would be interested in reading more by this author and I give the book 3 out of 5 stars.

Before We Were Blue did not grab me in the beginning but by the end I loved it. I liked how the multiple points of view reinforced the idea that everyone’s recovery from an eating disorder is different, happens on different timelines, and can’t be done successfully if it’s only undertaken only for another person.

I liked that eating disorders weren’t overly romanticized; both characters were more focused on their current relationships and overcoming and processing past trauma than on counting calories or obsessing about food for most of the book.

I also liked the sapphic relationship including the asexual representation and the way that Rowan and Shoshana’s relationship continued to grow after the revelation that Shoshana was asexual.

Thank you so much to Netgally for providing an arc for me to review!

I really enjoyed this book. I thought it was a great look into the realities of eating disorders/treatment, complex family relationships, and friendship dynamics. The character arcs didn’t feel predictable, and they were satisfying. I love that growth wasn’t portrayed as linear, and that setbacks, which are inevitable in life, were written in a way that made you feel like you were rising and falling with them, with a solid ending.

Overall I give this book a 3.75 or 4 out of 5 stars.