Member Review
Review by
june l, Educator
If you're not blessed with having a best friend who will tell you the truth, no matter how painful, and swear like a sailor to make you smile as you cry, you need Heather Havrilesky in your life. I've been a fan since her Ask Polly column was on The Awl. It then moved to The Cut, then Heather went to Substack like all the cool kids. Anyway. If you're new to her, you might want to start with her previous book How to Be a Person in the World, which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like. For those already managing being a person, it's now possible to level up to relationship stuff with Foreverland, the memoir of her marriage thus far and observations on the strange and contradictory land of commitment. As flawed, selfish human beings, we naturally get angry and insecure at situations in which we have to share our lives, yet we need other people to survive and accomplish our goals (including having children), and that's the paradox where this book resides. As a childfree person, I've been put off by a number of smug self-help writers, but although Foreverland has a lot about parenting, it's told in a self-deprecating way and relatable in that it's part of the overall discussion of committing to one's family.
As an aside, I am still upset about the story Heather tells in which a physician assistant endangers her and her unborn child through profoundly stupid actions, and then doubles down on her mistake and tries to project shame onto Heather. A disgusting but typical example of mid-level slide. Physician assistants and nurse practitioners are not doctors, yet many are often on power trips to prove that they're just as good as MDs, but.... they're not. Allopathic medical school and physician licensing and oversight are light years beyond the minimal training that mid-levels get. As a patient, each one of us deserves to be seen by the provider of our choice, whose credentials we feel comfortable with, rather than bait-and-switched by some money-grubbing healthcare corporation and its least-qualified stooges. Anyway.
I highlighted a ton of passages in this book, but here's just a couple to wet your whistle:
"Watching someone fall in love is like watching someone eat a really big, sloppy submarine sandwich. The more they’re enjoying their sandwich, the less enjoyable it is to watch them eat it. Savor your true love as much as you can, just have the good grace to do so in private."
"All of us were there, our former selves and our current selves. We were excited and melancholy and needy and pissy and impatient and satisfied. And *that* was the most romantic moment of this very romantic story. Because as we sat and chewed, we realized that love had not transformed us into great, glowing gods, optimistic and invincible. Instead, all of our former and current selves would be packed into that tiny car like temperamental clowns, and our agony wouldn’t end when our trip was over. We were in for a rough ride that would last a lifetime, or even longer. Maybe we would even be jammed together like sardines in the afterlife. Anything was possible."
Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
As an aside, I am still upset about the story Heather tells in which a physician assistant endangers her and her unborn child through profoundly stupid actions, and then doubles down on her mistake and tries to project shame onto Heather. A disgusting but typical example of mid-level slide. Physician assistants and nurse practitioners are not doctors, yet many are often on power trips to prove that they're just as good as MDs, but.... they're not. Allopathic medical school and physician licensing and oversight are light years beyond the minimal training that mid-levels get. As a patient, each one of us deserves to be seen by the provider of our choice, whose credentials we feel comfortable with, rather than bait-and-switched by some money-grubbing healthcare corporation and its least-qualified stooges. Anyway.
I highlighted a ton of passages in this book, but here's just a couple to wet your whistle:
"Watching someone fall in love is like watching someone eat a really big, sloppy submarine sandwich. The more they’re enjoying their sandwich, the less enjoyable it is to watch them eat it. Savor your true love as much as you can, just have the good grace to do so in private."
"All of us were there, our former selves and our current selves. We were excited and melancholy and needy and pissy and impatient and satisfied. And *that* was the most romantic moment of this very romantic story. Because as we sat and chewed, we realized that love had not transformed us into great, glowing gods, optimistic and invincible. Instead, all of our former and current selves would be packed into that tiny car like temperamental clowns, and our agony wouldn’t end when our trip was over. We were in for a rough ride that would last a lifetime, or even longer. Maybe we would even be jammed together like sardines in the afterlife. Anything was possible."
Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
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