4.5 stars- Wow! I had a hard time remembering this was a piece of fiction and not an actual memoir. Based on other reviews, I am not the only one.

Trey's story was fast-paced and emotional. He was so young and needed guidance until he found his voice and place in activism. The fact he was a teenager worked for him because some of the stunts he pulled would not have worked as well by someone who was much older. He left a different world behind in Indiana before finding a new place for himself in NYC. I liked the Trey at the end of the book much better than at his beginning. He grew a lot.

My favorite parts of the book might actually be the footnotes. I learned a lot of history that I did not know! I also like how some historical figures like Bayard Rustin were interwoven into believable context. Thank you to Flat Iron Books, Rasheed Newson, and Netgalley for this e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

There’s a lot I could say about this book but here are my 2 main takeaways:
1) how is this a novel?! I read the entire thing thinking it was a memoir, it felt that real and honest.
2) the footnotes were extremely helpful! I was also very grateful I had the background of And the Band Played On, as a lot of references and events coincided with each other.

5/5 and one of my top books this year.

Thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for an Arc in exchange for an honest review.

In “My Government Means To Kill Me”, author Rasheed Newson writes about the intersection of gay and black identities in 1980s New York City. Our young protagonist is 18, newly arrived in the NYC from Indianapolis, the son of well-off black political movers and shakers in the Democratic party, finding his identity in gay bathhouses while surviving hand-to-mouth, having become estranged from his family. His journey takes him to the bathhouse scene where he meets an aging Civil Rights activist who becomes a black gay mentor, and eventually he becomes part of Larry Kramer’s ACT UP, protesting the government and pharmaceutical companies handling of the health crisis. Along the way he learns that he brings something to the table – his own unique value – and his need for mentorship decreases as he discovers his own role, his own voice, his personal moral code, as an activist.

Newson is primarily a television writer, and this is his debut novel. I am not familiar with the shows he’s written – although they are now on my radar to discover. I was drawn to this novel because the time is past due for an exploration of the black gay experience in NYC and during the AIDS crisis of the 80s. So much of what has been written and portrayed is focused on the white cis gay male experience, as was most of the LGBT civil rights movement of the last 40 years. Shows like “Pose” began to change the lens from which the greater community viewed these events and I’m glad to see other artists taking up the call.

I appreciate that Newson’s writing style is unambiguous and fearless. Gay sex, relationships, couplings, fears, desires, strengths, and weaknesses are all depicted in an unflinching and unapologetic way. He’s not here to code anything to protect the tastes of middle-America book clubs. There was, however, a certain lyrical quality that was missing. That “thing” that makes a novel transcendent. I got the grit but didn’t get a lot of the beauty. I think is partly due to the novel’s chapters seeming like they were separate episodes of a television series. A show I would probably binge-watch, but still something needing flesh and blood actors on screen to really transform the story into a fully human experience.

While I appreciate the directness of the writing, there is something special about the novel as an art form – a poetic or lyrical quality – that I didn’t quite get from this. Younger readers (younger as in 20’s or 30’s, rather than 40’s or 50’s+) may find this to be one of the strengths of the book as they are accustomed to consuming episodic things. Likewise, a reader’s age may effect on how they respond to the structure of the book. This novel is written as if it was the narrator’s memoir. This is not a device that I particularly love, although I don’t hate it either. What I distinctly don’t like, and hope this trend goes away, is the use of footnotes or endnotes in a piece of fiction, giving me lots and lots of additional information. It’s entirely overused in this book and while it is sometimes valuable, it is often unnecessary, and almost always interrupts the flow of the story. The mash-up of non-fiction with a novel just never works for me. I would rather the information be folded organically into the writing, or just left for the reader to investigate on their own.

A reader’s overall enjoyment of the story may depend on how much you know of this time period and the events of the LGBT movement of the 80s. I have read and watched quite a lot, so some of this was revisiting ground that has been covered. But seeing it from the eyes of the gay black narrator does give it a different focus. There were more than a few instances where I stopped and considered something I never had before – such as the effect it would have on a black protestor to see a mannequin being hung in effigy by a mob. How the visceral reaction that would stir in him was different than what his white friends were experiencing. It is in moments like that you can see the valuable contribution being made to LGBT literature, and to all of American history.

I didn't know I could get so wrapped up in a story about one of the darkest periods of U.S. history! Newson's passion for social and political history comes alive through this breathtaking portrayal of queer activism in 1980s New York. This "fictionalized memoir" is recounted by the protagonist, although others characters (both fictional and drawn from history, e.g. Bayard Rustin, Larry Kramer) are so vividly described that I felt transported to each scene. Easily one of the most captivating novels that I've read in recent memory.

A fast-paced and evocative novel written like memoir that I had to read in one sitting! The gritty insights into what queer life and activism in 1980's New York was like for so many was mesmerizing. The themes of this book—death, social justice, acceptance—are heavy, but Newson presents them in humorous ways. Definitely representative of the television Newson is known for.

I was a very lucky recipient of an advance copy of Rasheed Newson's absolutely fantastic book "My Government Means to Kill Me: A Novel"

Trey's 1980's NYC black, queer, coming of age story is unflinching and candid and filled with a very well known cast of characters that incorporate very important history lessons into this fictionalized tale.

Newson's book made me proud that such courage exists in the LGBTQ community, and that it has existed for years, with it highlighting the strength and tenacity of activists in the early years of the AIDS epidemic. It has put me on a quest to read more about the real people walking through this novel.

Set to release on August 23rd, I'd really urge picking up a copy. I know I plan on getting several to give as gifts. Thank you @rasheed.newson.author for this book! Special thanks to @netgalley and @flatiron_books as well!

A refreshing historical fiction that transported me to the times of those in the queer community living in America at the height of the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Watching Trey evolve from caring only about himself to caring for others was heartwarming.

The ending snuck up on me and I hated for this journey to come to an end.

I look forward to more works from this author.

Thank you Flat Iron and NetGalley for this e-ARC.

I loved this book! It is written as a memoir and full confession I thought it was one until I finished! It was beautifully written and highlights the plight of young, black, gay men in New York in the 80s.

My main feedback is that the beginning of the book read more like fiction but towards the middle, there seemed to be a shift in tone and the book read more like nonfiction. I do like that the book is divided into lessons rather than chapters but the format also lends itself to a lack of continuity and interrupts the flow from one point in time to the next.

Fantastic book--love the the footnotes at the end of the chapters. Learned quite a bit about ACT-UP and the advocates for LGBTQIA+ and AIDS/ HIV during that time period. Best book I have read in a long time. I have been recommending it to many of my colleagues and will continue to do so when it is released.

Last night, I glanced up from reading this book to look at the TV, which was on in the background. It took me a few seconds to realize that this book — set during the AIDS crisis in the late-1980s — and the current reality the newscaster was talking about (violence at LGBTQ+ events, the attempted extinction of the trans community, etc.) aren’t all that far apart. What was happening within these pages and what was happening on the screen in front me were about 40 years apart, yet too much is the same.

Rasheed Newson imbues this book, a fake autobiography of a young, gay, Black man named Trey during the AIDS epidemic, with tons of heart, and Newson’s setting comes to life. This book is peppered with interesting historical tidbits and characters that add zest and make a tough-to-talk-about time period in our nation’s history more fleshed out. As a result, the story is approachable, and Newson’s lively writing style makes Trey’s voice sing. As a whole, Trey is an interesting character because he’s sheltered and naive and a little self-serving, and he stumbles into the life of an activist — he’s unable to pay his rent and, as a result, decides to start a rent strike in his building. (Fred Trump is, naturally, the despicable landlord.)

About halfway into the book, Trey finds his motivation (which took a little too long for my liking) to get involved in activism, and he finds his footing in the ACT UP grassroots movement — intentionally, this time. That’s where I think the book really shines, because bigger and more important ideas are then explored. Because Trey is so naive and impatient, I sometimes found myself wanting him to understand that there are bigger forces at play and that change takes time and isn’t always linear. (I’m also a lot more pessimistic these days given the state of, well, everything currently happening in this country.) Newson’s addition of Bayard Rustin, a gay activist who helped organize the March on Washington, provided an interesting dose of skepticism and jadedness, and I liked the dichotomy between the two characters. In the book, Rustin talks about putting the movement ahead of a single person and living with the losses — so long as it helps the movement achieve its over-arching goal. Trey can be a bit impetuous and singularly focused, so I found myself wishing he’d be given something to quell some of his optimism and recklessness and look at the bigger picture, as hard as that can be to do. Still, he serves as an interesting exploration of the sacrifices you have to make to devote your life to a cause: people you care about, your morals, and your dreams.

I think the book could have benefited from more dialogue; it’s so well-written when it’s there, and the book is already exposition-heavy. And, while I liked how each chapter was its own lesson, because the time period covered in these pages is so short, the book didn’t feel complete. When it ends, we have a great idea of who Trey is and what he experienced and accomplished during this time, but we don’t have any sense of his future (we don’t know when Trey is “writing” this book from), and there isn’t much resolution to his relationships with some of the other characters.

This is the kind of book I think everyone needs to read, because it shines so much light on a dark time when the U.S. government looked the other way as hundreds of thousands of its citizens died. (But, yeah, let’s give Nancy Reagan a stamp during Pride month.) This an energetic and informative book, and the way the story is told is engrossing. I’d love to reread this book in 30 years and think “Wow, look how much has changed.”

Special thanks to NetGalley, Flatiron Books, and Rasheed Newson for proving me with an e-ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review.

My Government Means to Kill Me, by Rasheed Newson, is an enthralling, captivating, and absorbing novel. This memoir is broken into sixteen lessons. The footnotes were very helpful in providing historical background. Also, it provided more in-depth information about the zeitgeist of the late 1970s and 1980s, and definitions of words of that era. The protagonist, Earl “Trey” Singleton, III, is from a wealthy family in Indiana. Trey narrated the novel from childhood until a couple of years after graduation as an adult.

Trey left a six-figure trust fund at seventeen in Indiana with his wealthy, stern, and politically active family. He felt guilty and to blame for his younger brother Martin’s death. He also wanted freedom from small-town judgment and gossip about his sexual preference. Trey’s sister Jackie was strong enough to fit in and survive her parent’s high standards. As a result, Trey boarded a greyhound going to New York and never looked back in May of 1985.

Trey hit hard times when he arrived in New York until he met Gregory, who became his roommate for the next couple of years. As Trey became acclimated to New York, he was a bicycle messenger, became a volunteer at a hospice, worked at MoMA part-time on weekends, and got involved in politics, especially rights of alternative lifestyles. Trey metamorphosized from a lanky teen to a more muscular streetwise mature individual who thoroughly enjoyed his sexual freedom so much; that he told his mom during her visit to send papers. Trey was willing to give up his trust fund and all ties to his family and past.

The novel ended in 1987 as Trey was starting a new chapter in his life. This novel was so enticing that I could not stop reading it. It left me wanting more of this juicy novel. This is a must-read for those who enjoy sexual exploration and understanding more about the struggles of alternative lifestyles from the 1980s told by a young man striving to find himself and fight politically for his rights.

I honestly would have read this book forever. It read like a classic I would've been assigned in high school if anyone gave a damn about teaching queer history. It's incredibly powerful and eyeopening. I also really appreciated the footnotes included at the end of chapters that explained the relevant people and movements. It made the reading experience much more pleasurable. This was incredibly educational and I'm really, really glad I had an opportunity to read this.


4.5 stars.

"Until Dorothy removed the scales from my eyes, I'd had one hundred ways of asking one thing: Why did I feel hunted in my homeland? Because my government means to kill me. Amen! Amen and glory hallelujah! At last, I could explain the force shaping my existence."

An explosive, electric tour of gay 1980s New York. We see it through the eyes of Trey Singleton, a young gay Black man who's run away from a family secret in Indiana and crash-landed in the city, whose energy, passion, and idealism are catching. Through Trey we are taken into sex-charged bathhouse "dark rooms" that feel almost mythical now, into home hospices filled with dying men, into the crowded apartments filled with enthusiastic young activists. All of these places and others are dripping with history, so much so that the book is heavily annotated with historical information about the people and places and cultural references Trey comes into contact with. I really feel like I learned a lot, and now I'm raring to learn more.

This book is also a call to action. Activism and volunteering are such important parts of Trey's life, reminding us of the work that has been done to get us our rights and our lives, and thus of the work left to do.

This book is sexy and energetic and political and historical and and and and. God. Just go pick it up yourself and see what I mean.

Plus, come on, the cover is gorgeous.

(ARC received through the bookstore where I work in exchange for honest reviews.)

My Government Means to Kill Me shows New York in the 80s through the view of Trey Singleton, a young Black gay man leaving behind his home state Indiana because of a want to find his own way separate from his family, hometown, and secrets tied to them. The reader gets to see Trey find his place in a world of activism and try to find himself in gay bars and bath houses, as well-- sexy and historical, what else could you want?

This novel is a great insight into life during the AIDS epidemic as a lot of Trey's story revolved around activism and gay culture. It was a balance between being having a lot of real important history and having a main character that was his own person with a lot of depth, as well. However, I do feel that this was a main downfall for me as it was difficult to fully immerse myself, especially in the beginning. Since it is told as a memoir, you would be introduced to a character and then immediately be told how they died, their legacy, and then in the annotation-in some cases- be told that there is no reason to even believe they would have been in this situation at all. I found this unsatisfying, however, many others did not mention this so I will chalk it up to personal preference.

Newson shows the scene of activism during the AIDS crisis and how there is not one good way to be an activist-- any person can respond to the many injustices we face and make a difference. While activism is a central part of this story, he shows what it was like to just be alive in that time in the Black and gay community, through Trey's lens and that of the many side characters. The novel is relevant now while still making sure to acknowledge the history of past movements that led to the culture and rights we have now.

This is written as a fictionalized memoir of Trey Singleton; a gay, black teenager from Indiana who moves to New York City during the HIV/AIDS crisis.

While this “fictionalized memoir” is not my favorite writing style, I enjoyed this book. It reads very raw and true to life. While I enjoyed the footnotes throughout the lessons, I feel like at times, certain people, places, symbols, organizations, etc. were included just to add “credit” to the book.

Trey is a morally gray character with a teenager’s false confidence of invincibility. Throughout the book, Trey demonstrates that he doesn’t care for anyone but himself and even states, “[it] was rooted in our selfishness…what lousy men we were.”

I think the book was very smart in how it was written. The was the footnotes were added in a fictionalized way but based off true events, people, etc. was clever. The arc of Trey turning when he, for the second time, denied his fortune and cemented his choices and life in the city was a great way to make the reader support him in cutting off his family.

I would love to know why the book ended when it ended. There was really no resolution except for Angie’s arc. As the readers moves through the lessons, it is obvious this is written from an older Trey; but we never learn when these lessons are written or told. It feels like the author was trying to stay under a certain page count or just didn’t know how to wrap up the story so just stopped. I wanted more. I wanted to know what happened to Trey. Did he mend relationships that were strained? Did he find love? Did he, eventually, contract HIV? Maybe that is the ending of a great book- leaving the reader wanting more!

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. I am conflicted on multiple points, but I as a Caucasian, cis female who was a toddler when this book took place, I appreciate reading and learning about this time in history. I will definitely recommend this book!

Thank you to NetGalley and Flatiron Books for an advanced copy of this book to share my humble thoughts and opinions.

It's been a while since I've read something so magnificent. I'm certainly glad I have And The Band Played On in my repertoire with how history rich this read is. Even without that hefty read under my belt, the footnotes are so helpful when it comes to grasping historical significance of names/places/events.

Though this is a heavy read loaded with death, illness, struggle, and much more, I will be buying this when it published and shoving it in everyone's face. I am absolutely shaken to my core. This is currently my favorite read of 2022.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU to NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book was so moving and so necessary. I learned so much about the AIDS movement - and I considered myself someone who knew a good amount previously. A MUST READ

What an absolutely fascinating novel. Written in the form of a memoir, this bildungsroman tells the story of a young Black gay man, living in New York City at the start of the AIDS epidemic. This book feels exceptionally timely, and although some of the messaging is a little heavy-handed, it's overall a thoughtful, compelling exploration of community activism, love, and life in the 80s. Definitely worth a read.

A fascinating and interesting look at the New York City scene in the 1980s. There's a lot of emphasis on HIV/AIDS, activism, and even family and society acceptance of sexual and racial diversity. However, it is counterbalanced by sex, mentorship, historical monuments, and musical references.

A quick and enjoyable read.