Murder mystery + Twilight Zone horror : how can you go wrong? Pokwatka keeps you turning the pages with her prose and ability to generate an environment of the creepy unease. I had a great time reading this book!

The book follows Pepper Rafferty as she peels back the layers on her mysterious birth mother Ula Frost's life. Through all this, Pepper unravels her own secrets and vulnerabilities. The book does defy your expectations in quite a few places - I enjoyed the glimpses into Pepper's relationship with Ike, and the ending felt unexpected yet fitting. It was easy to imagine this as a series or movie (Ula Frost: Tilda Swinton? Cate Blanchett à la Bernadette?), and the pacing was excellent as you get midway through the book. Some of the inner monologues Pepper had felt unnecessary to me, and I wish we were taken to even more unsettling places with the book, I feel like that would have made it more compelling and fun.

Overall though, I'd recommend this book for fans of speculative fiction and mystery thrillers. It's a breezy read and I'm looking forward to more from the author.

4.5 stars. I was sucked into this debut novel from the first chapter. I thought, "what did I just read?" and knew I wanted to keep reading! I don't want to say TOO much about the plot, because I think this novel is best enjoyed without any pre-conceived notions. Pepper is a great character, and the secondary characters are also well-developed. Are there parallel universes where other versions of ourselves exist? If so, do we want to know?

"If a picture paints a thousand worlds...

Abandoned as an infant on the local veterinarian’s front porch, Pepper Rafferty was raised by two loving mothers, and now at thirty-six is married to the stable, supportive Ike. She’s never told anyone that at fifteen she discovered the identity of her biological mother.

That’s because her birth mother is Ula Frost, a reclusive painter famous for the outrageous claims that her portraits summon their subjects’ doppelgangers from parallel universes.

Researching the rumors, Pepper couldn’t help but wonder:
Was there a parallel universe in which she was more confident, more accomplished, better able to accept love?
A universe in which Ula decided she was worth keeping?
A universe in which Ula’s rejection didn’t still hurt too much to share?

Sometimes living our best life means embracing the imperfect one we already have…."

Thanks to NetGalley and Macmillan-Tor/Forge for the free ARC in exchange for my honest review. All opinions expressed herein are my own.

I admit to having struggled a bit with this book- to follow the multiverse that Pepper explores in her hunt for her mother Ula and herself. Ula,, an artist, went missing, leaving Pepper to be raised by two veterinarians. Now, Pepper is 36, she's married. and she's inherited some of Ula's work. It genre hops between mystery, thriller, and sci fi, with the last being what stuck in my mind (that mutlverse thing). Hard to describe, interesting to read. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. For fans of literary fiction looking for something different.

Self-Portrait with Nothing follows Pepper, a 36-year-old anthropologist. Her biological mother, whom she has never met, is an artist who can allegedly paint doubles of her subjects into our world from alternate universes.
Over the course of the book, Pepper uncovers the mystery surrounding the elusive and secretive artist.

It is a fascinating premise, and there are also interesting secondary characters, like Pepper’s husband, a historian specializing in the history of sexuality, and Pepper’s adoptive mothers, who own a veterinary clinic.

The pacing was slower in about the first 60 percent of the book, and after that, it really picks up as more fantastical elements were introduced. It’s definitely one to check out for readers interested in the concept of the multiverse.

This book is like a mix between The Midnight Library by Matt Haig & the mobile game Death Palette and I love both of them so freakin' much so need I say more?

I found this an intriguing read. It was a unique and surprising take on the many worlds theory, and I enjoyed the mental gymnastics. I think it will have wide appeal with both sci-fi/thriller fans and those who usually read literary fiction.

Many thanks to NetGalley and to the publisher for the chance to read the e-ARC!

Self-Portrait with Nothing by Aimee Pokwatka is a psychological mystery-thriller that uses a fascinating approach to multiple universes that can be crossed through the impact of art. At the opening of the story, we learn that Ula Frost, world-renowned artist whose work is compared to that of Frida Kalo and Georgia O’Keefe, is missing. At least she seems to be missing. It turns out that Ula has gone to great lengths to keep everyone at a distance, and only one person, her intermediary with potential clients named Gordon, has been in regular contact by phone. And even he never knows where she is calling from and hears from her only once a week. After he fails to get a call for three weeks, he goes to the police.

Gordon has been sending Ula requests for portraits from thousands of people, only a few of which have ever been granted. The reason for this huge demand, aside from the intrinsic value of a portrait by the great painter, is that each portrait is rumored to open a portal to another universe and let in a doppelganger of the painting’s subject. When Gordon himself had his portrait painted some time earlier – well, I won’t spoil it for you – he was left profoundly shocked and moved by the whole experience and more than ever committed to helping Ula Frost in any way he could.

The real story gets going when we meet Pepper Rafferty, a young professor seeking tenure, who specializes in the forensic analysis of human bones. She has worlds of ideas and hypothetical selves rushing through her imagination but is rather awkward with people and limited by her difficulty expressing things in words. Whereas Ula Frost seems able to open doors to other universes through her painting, Pepper imagines multiple versions of herself in other universes who solve problems that stump her in this one and come to much better, or sometimes worse, outcomes.

One of the things she has not been able to say to anyone, even her husband Ike, whose patience is always strained by trying to communicate with Pepper, is that she is the abandoned daughter of Ula Frost. As an infant, she was left on the doorstep of two veterinarians who became her loving and supportive Moms. Pepper has never wanted to have anything to do with the mother who abandoned her and cut off all communication, but events make it impossible for her to keep this secret or to avoid searching for Ula.

........
I found this to be a deeply satisfying and original novel, but not at all what traditional fans of science fiction are probably looking for. Self-Portrait with Nothing explores radical ideas of self-hood, identity, loneliness and longing in the context of an exciting mystery-thriller. And it examines the idea of stepping between universes as the complicated and dangerous experience it would have to be.

Thank you to Macmillan-Tor/Forge and NetGalley for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I was as gripped through the entirety of this book as I was gripped by its cover and premise. Pepper feels nuanced and known by Pokwatka, and is relatable without being a blank canvas for the reader's projection. She is largely well-adjusted and comfortable in her life as an anthropologist, [adopted] daughter, and wife, but she has deep-seated question marks in her past and her identity that motivate her throughout an unplanned, high-stakes adventure. There are twists and turns throughout this adventure as Pepper tries to get to understand her biological mother's disappearance (or understand her biological mother, period), but each turn felt important; I never felt jerked around as a reader.

Self Portrait with Nothing is a little contemporary fiction with elements of mystery and sci-fi without fully leaning in to any of these genres; it's too strange to be contemporary fiction, it's too character-driven to be mystery, and the supernatural elements are too under-explained for it to be sci-fi. But I don't mean any of these things as criticisms. In fact, I liked reading something somewhere in the gray area between defined genres.

While I thoroughly enjoyed this book and would recommend it, I did feel that there could have been a bit more of a climax in terms of emotional development. There's so much to unravel in Pepper (especially when it comes to her relationship to her biological mom) and her growth throughout the novel is apparent, but never quite reached a point that it had a profound impact on me as a reader. A more minor criticism: I sometimes tired of Pepper frequently imagining, "In another universe..." It felt like a cheap and unnecessary method of Pokwatka reminding us of the multiverse at play.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC.
I took a little bit of time to get into this book and figure out what was going on, but then I enjoyed the story very much. I especially liked watching the main character develop and how her understanding of her relationship with her husband changed during the course of the book. It was a fun and unique take on the multiverse.

Oh I loved this book. It was such a good surprise, a good atmosphere. Such an involving prose, I felt captivated and taken by the story.
“Self Portrait with Nothing” tells the story of Pepper, a normal woman that happens to be the biological daughter of a famous painter that has gone missing. But the lore around this painter spans universes and so many different lives.
The book has vivid imagery and descriptions of actions to transmit feelings, like “she felt like she could lift a car”. More than once I had to stop reading just to let a description sink in, as it was just something I had never thought of using to describe feelings and sensations. It’s a touching book, and I felt it in every description, really sensing the reality it was imparting.
I love the intention the other universes had on the story, and how they help to show the consequences of decisions. Even with so much unexplained, for me the book had a perfect balance of information.
Bonus points for me were Pepper and Ike’s relationship, the bond between Pepper and her moms, and Tilda’s focus in building a relationship with Pepper.
This goes very high in my list of best books of the year. An amazing debut! Can’t wait to read more by Aimee Pokwatka.

There is something so incredibly welcoming about the writing in this book, some quality to every sentence that just pulls you in further and further. That the plot is more propulsive than any thriller I've read in recent memory, and that the characters are so clearly rendered that you're left with a distinct impression of even tertiary characters who barely exist for more than a page ends up just feeling like the icing on the cake. This is a book to get lost in: at every level, at every turn it has something interesting to say. And, truly, it delivers on its concept tenfold.

If I have any complaint it's that Pepper's constant self-recrimination seemed like a little much. No one needs to have a rational ground for self-hate but it felt like this book was trying to convince me at times that Pepper's whole life was falling apart (which it very much was not) and that she was the Worst Wife In the World(TM) for not telling her husband (or anyone at all) that she was Ula Frost's daughter. I mean...one thing if everyone else but the husband knew, but no one else in her life knew so I couldn't really feel like she was in the wrong. That was the biggest thing I had trouble connecting with here.

But beyond that I deeply, deeply enjoyed this book. Came in with basically zero expectations and left feeling more gripped by a book than I have in a while. I definitely recommend this and I'll definitely be reading more of Pokwatka's writing.

Count this one as another reason to judge books by their covers. I requested this #arc based solely on the title, the cover and reading about one sentence of the synopsis so I was wholly unprepared for the ride this novel took me on. And I loved every second of it. Like watching a movie without seeing the trailer a billion times beforehand, I was surprised by each twist and even the genre! Again, this is all on me, most of this information was readily available.

But, in that vein, I don’t want to give too much away. Suffice to say, this is a book about art, motherhood, understanding your place in the world and the magic of the universe. Plus it's expertly paced and literary to boot. What more could you ask for??

Pepper Rafferty has built a solid, quiet, stable life for herself. She is a successful anthropologist, she is married to a man who adores her, she was raised by two loving mothers. She knows who her birth mother is but they have no relationship with each other, she knows her history but doesn’t feel the need to hunt it down. That is until her birth mother, a famed artist, goes missing, and history comes crashing in on her.

The book is layered in surrealism, and steeped in the mystery; it makes clever use of multi-verse theory. You can tell that the author did their research. Pepper is exceptionally likable as a character because she is very human in her thinking, you can seen the moments where she is clearly like wtaf, where she struggles with the realities of her situation and how she copes when she is confronted with the unbelievable. I loved all the contrasting “what if’s” as Pepper moves through her own insecurities and doubts. There is also a steady undercurrent of dark humour in this that keeps it very engaging for the reader. I can safely say that I have never read anything quite like this before and look forward to reading more of the author’s work in the future. It was thoroughly enjoyable.

When she was fifteen, Pepper discovered that her biological mother was world-renowned artist Ula Frost. Ula was famous because if she painted your portrait, your parallel dimension self is summoned to our world. When Pepper’s thirty-six, Ula disappears. Now people, some dangerous, are going to Pepper to find out where Ula’s paintings are, and Pepper will find out who her mother is.

I’m not sure how I feel about this book. The story and side characters are compelling. Finding out about Ula’s life and what she was really about to do was engrossing. However, Pepper is detached from the story, making me detached from her. Whenever she displays emotion in a scene, I’m surprised there was impact.

A problem I hope gets fixed in the final addiction is that the texts between Pepper and her husband get confusing. In the beginning, a different font indicated who was texting, but I had to guess when the book gave up on that.

I requested an arc of Aimee Pokwatka's "Self-Portait with Nothing" due to the stunning cover art and the title that grabbed me immediately.

I am SO glad that I was granted the opportunity to read this story because it was THOROUGHLY enjoyable.. Despite being a hardcore Sci-Fi fan, there were occasional parts of the book where the science involved went a tad over my head but that was totally OK because I was learning something new!

The exploration of the multiverse, whether there are other versions of ourselves who are living bigger, better lives than us/making better decisions, etc REALLY drew me in and had me contemplating what exactly is life and what is reality and what isn't. Hello, existential crisis!

I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but I will say that the main character, Pepper, was VERY relatable to me and I really enjoyed walking along her during her moments of self-discovery..

Solid 4.5/5 stars.

This novel was so creative and engaging, dealing with all the things I find interesting—art, anthropology, alternative universes, sci fi-powered mysteries! I liked the main character, Pepper, a forensic anthropologist, that gets involved with the case of a missing artist, who happens to be her birth mother.

Ula Frost creates painting that may open up other universes. Now she's missing, and a shadowy group is trying to get access to her paintings. Pepper gets caught in the middle, and, this book was nearly impossible to put down. It went very unexpected places. Definitely going to get the publish version of this one!

Thank you so much to NetGalley for the ARC!

I’m truly not sure how I feel about the book. It was well written and I understand on an esoteric level how the concept the author brought forth was developed. What I had trouble with was when the various layers could all merge in one place. The characters were multifaceted and for the most part interesting but some were downright annoying. If that was the authors intent she nailed it perfectly. I would recommend this book to anyone that can suspend their preconceptions of a singular world view and embrace a view that is not grounded in reality as we know it.

I would like to thank Tor Publishing Group and Net Galley for the opportunity to read this book as an ARC. I want to start by stating that to read this book, you need to have some belief , or at least acceptance, in the possibility of alternate worlds , or universes, where you exist, but in some different version. This book is not time travel , per se, but has elements of it, as well as fantasy, mysticism and sci fi. Ula Frost is a painter. She paints portraits that she claims has the power to bring a doppelganger of the subject from an alternate universe. This has been alleged, but never proven, as several of the subjects died shortly after the painting was finished.Also, the paintings have not been seen. Now Ula Frost, reclusive for years, is missing. Pepper Rafferty is a 36 year old college professor. She and her husband Ike are happy in their lives. Pepper was abandoned at birth and left at the door of a local Veterinarian. She was raised by the vet and her partner in a loving home. Pepper has a secret that she has kept from everyone- Ula Frost is her mother. When word of the disappearance is made public, people begin to track Pepper down. Pepper is in Ula's will and everyone has a reason to want to meet Pepper and find the paintings. There is a group of investors who may or may not be legal, law enforcement officials and a reporter who also may not be on the up and up. Pepper begins a journey initially, to discover her inheritance, and as it progresses across England, Germany and Poland, to discover who she is, and is she where she is meant to be in the universe. The book takes a lot of twists and turns. It is fantasy at times, a mystery thriller part of the time, and almost a comedy as the chase through Poland borders on the madcap.I really liked the premise.The writing is very good. The characters of Pepper and Ike are excellent. Some of the minor characters are not as fleshed out, however that may be part of the plot. ( I never could get a good grip on just what Scott the writer was doing, but again, that might be purposeful.) It is thought provoking and intriguing. I look forward to more work by the author.

our main character, pepper, was highly relatable with her self-sabotaging tendencies and i immediately grew to like her. this book slightly explores the multiverse where pepper's biological mother, ula, who she had not seen before is able to drag her other selves into their universe by drawing a portrait. however, ula went missing and pepper is set out to search for her after she was entrusted with all of her paintings and people from an organisation came knocking on her doors.
i also really liked her relationship with her husband and despite most of their interactions happened via text messages, i enjoyed reading the connection they had.
around 60% into this book, it went in a different direction from what i expected. (spoilers: i did not expect pepper to meet ulas from other universes) still, the mystery and the little fantasy element did not throw me off and i was engrossed. the writing in the book was good and there were a few quotes that were memorable and i love. highly recommend to anyone looking for more stories about the multiverse, especially since this topic has been on the rise recently.

A bit slow in the beginning, and Pepper kinda got on my nerves, always considering where she'd be if she made different choices. Story gets much more interesting once we meet Ula Frost.