Member Review

What I appreciated most about this book is that it is a gender book created for *everyone.* That’s not to say that it doesn’t prioritize trans and non-binary folks; it most certainly does, especially in the later chapters. However, unlike so much other gender-specific writing these days, there's not an undertone of trying to help cisgender folks understand trans folks here. Instead, McDaniel is trying to impart the wisdom that all gender is play.

As a non-binary individual who is only ever read as a “woman” by the outside world, I spent years trying to squash any expression of femininity for fear that it invalidated my identity. But overemphasizing masculinity didn’t feel right either (because it was reactionary rather than authentic). This realization finally came to me at the height of the Covid-19 lockdown, when I noticed that the dysphoria I had been experiencing was not some innate hatred of my own body, but rather a response to how others perceived me; it was social dysphoria. Since then, I have been trying to reframe my own view on gender expression to be more authentic, experimental, and playful... but I hadn’t found much written on this concept until Gender Magic.

This book does a fantastic job of normalizing the fluidity of identity - along with the human experience in general. It asks why transgender individuals are held to the impossible expectations of never questioning their decisions or changing their minds. (A very common and natural experience in life that is allowable for everyone else.) It also decentralizes dysphoria to focus instead on gender EUPHORIA: figuring out what brings you joy in your gender expression. Working in the healthcare field, this is such a breath of fresh air and a necessary deviation from the idea that one simply must experience dysphoria to be transgender. McDaniel grants permission for folks to love the complexity of their trans identity rather than feeling pressured to pass or “blend” into society to be considered legitimate.

In later chapters, these same concepts of play and euphoria get applied to pleasure as well (including, but not limited to sexual pleasure). McDaniel’s exploration of eroticism was honestly what I had wanted when I read Pleasure Activism by adrienne maree brown earlier this year. The focus on pleasure as self care - along with the customization that is possible in life once you separate yourself from societal expectations - was lovely (especially the breakdown of intimacy types).

I think the only thing that fell flat for me was the constant reminders of “you are magic” and other similarly generic self-love statements. This is probably more about me and my personal hatred of affirmations than about the book itself, but I personally found these statements awkwardly forced onto the page and ultimately rather meaningless. Still, this is a very tiny critique of an otherwise outstanding book, and I’d very much recommend it for folks of all genders and identities. I only wish that more cisgender individuals would pick it up and take it to heart.