Just minutes after hearing the joyful news from her doctor, "You have twins," Kristen LaValley heard something no expectant mother would ever want to hear, "We have a problem." There was a problem with one of the babies and if it wasn't taken care of, it would most likely end up killing both babies and putting Kristen's life at risk as well. The doctors recommended an abortion. But, as a Christian, could she kill one child to save the other and possibly herself?

Drawing on this situation and its aftermath as well as other pains and hurts she and her husband went through over the course of her life and ministry, LaValley brings across a sometimes beautifully written book that not only presents a vulnerability and humility as we experience her grief with her, but also gives at times excellent advice both on how to understand grief and how to show love to those grieving.

Some might have noticed that in my previous paragraph, I said "sometimes" and "at times." Sadly, as great as this book was so often (and I will be recommending it to others for sure), there were other times when a message came across along the lines of, "Grieving is acceptable and healthy. This is how I thought and acted while I was grieving. Therefore, it is healthy and no one can judge me for it." I am quite sure that is not what Kristen LaValley intended to say, but I fear that sometimes it is how people will interpret it.

Some great quotes from my reading:

<i>If the equation doesn't work every time, the equation is wrong. The presence or absence of suffering is not a cheat code to determine whether we are in the will of God.

As long as you are breathing, never stop asking for healing. Never stop praying for peace. Never stop believing for redemption. Jesus is with you in your suffering. The promise is not that you won't suffer but that He is with you in your suffering, offering peace and hope, and leading you to calming waters.

Decisions can't be made on ideological hills, and ideologies alone don't hold up in a doctor's office when tragedy is staring you down.

It is small of us to believe that all the good things God has done have to be put on display for the world to consume. It is even smaller of us to believe that the only good things worthy of being displayed are the victories we have prayed for.

You know and I know that we can't actually tie the hands of God, but when we pray for a specific thing to be given to us in a specific way, we make it pretty impossible to recognize when God has answered our prayer.</i>

Part memoir, part Christian living, this book explores the different elements of our hardship and suffering. Through her experiences with a high risk pregnancy and trials in ministry, she reminds us of who God is and the hope of the gospel. I appreciated a lot of her insights and encouragements, having gone through my own seasons of suffering, this was very relatable. So I think it will be for you as well!

I've followed Kristen LaValley online for years after seeing her video about her twin daughters' potentially fatal situation during her pregnancy. Since then, I've watched her children—including both of her twin daughters, who were born under what I'd call miraculous circumstances—grow up and come to trust and admire Kristen as a fellow Christian and writer.

EVEN IF HE DOESN'T is a bold and honest book. It's essentially a theology of suffering in the life of a believer. But Kristen doesn't take the route you'd expect (if you've read a lot of Christian nonfiction like I have), and I was so grateful for that. It was a breath of fresh air, truly.

Kristen acknowledges that she's writing about suffering from the other side of a miracle, the side where her prayers were answered. But rather than use her answered prayer to say, "If you just pray, everything will work out!" or "Be encouraged that you're suffering for God's glory!" she offers raw and convicting words about how crisis reveals what we genuinely believe about God and how our beliefs about God's character and sovereignty often don't align with our actions in the face of tragedy.

She shares how her faith was full of doubts and cracks and, frankly, falling apart. And she doesn't tie a bow on it to make the reader think all her doubts have fallen away and her trauma has been resolved. Instead of focusing on having the perfect theology when our lives are in shambles, Kristen points to a perfect God. She doesn't write prescriptively about what other people should do in suffering. Instead, Kristen writes about suffering with the confidence and validity of someone who has suffered and the humility of someone who knows she doesn't have all the answers.

EVEN IF HE DOESN'T is one of the better Christian nonfiction books I've read in a while (from a traditional publisher), and I wholeheartedly believe it's because of the author's candor and experience walking through fire herself. I'd recommend this book to believers who are walking through something hard. I'd suggest it even more strongly to those who aren't—this read can help you develop a helpful theology of suffering before tragedy strikes.

*This review is based on a digital advance review copy provided to me by the publisher.

"Suffering reveals the prosperity gospel in us. When God doesn't hold up his end of the bargain even though we held ours up, we get angry. We expect a return on our investment. And when we suffer anyway, we believe God has betrayed our contract. But that's not faith, that's not a relationship; that's a transaction. When we embrace this way of thinking (often unintentionally), we reject the sovereignty of God and try to put some element of control into our own hands."

I will start with a warning for anyone that has or is suffering with pregnancy or pregnancy related issues and loss this may or may not be a great book for you. I can see how it would be hard to read for some and might trigger some past trauma, but on the other hand it can be very healing for the same person. Please read at your own discretion.

Kristen and her husband followed God's calling on their lives and lived it out in a way that I admire. It's not easy to do hard things that God's called you to do, especially when everyone around you is telling you no. They over the course of this book showed tremendous, unwavering faith, over multiple obstacles, circumstances, and eventually their children's lives. Kristen was able to take me through her pain in a way that I felt I was right there with her, and every time she endured yet another setback - she prayed, she relied on God, she didn't leave Him. The title of this book is "Even If He Doesn't," and Kristen through it all really lived that. For her, she said I still love and trust God, even if He doesn't, x-y-z.
If you have been in a season of doubt, or waiting - this is a good book for you to read. If you've been through trials and seen God work miracles, this book is a reminder of that.

I gave this book three stars because I would have liked a more seamless timeline - I am not necessarily a fan of a multiple topic chapter that bounces back and forth, that is the only reason it is not a four star review.

Thank you to Kristen LaValley and Tyndale Momentum via @NetGalley for the ARC of this book in exchange for a fair review!

This book is a raw, honest and heartfelt account on faith and suffering. It challenges everyone, especially believers in Christ on our outlook and perceptions in dealing with pain, grief and disappointment.
Kristen speaks empathetically, sharing her story with so much depth and sensitivity, giving us a common ground to speak kindness, compassion and care towards each other. It displays God's character and encourages us to trust in Him, even if things don't go according to our expectations.

Making room to acknowledge The Distortion and The Shift moving forward in this faith walk.

A memorable, uplifting read.

Thank you to Tyndale House Publishers and Netgalley for the e-ARC!

Wow, the author's honesty and transparency in this book really stood out. The chapters were well-thought out, and while I could have used more scripture and a bit less personal storytelling, the book flowed pretty well. It focuses on suffering well while keeping your hope in the Lord—a message we all need when we're tempted to question the goodness of God.

Even If He Doesn’t, is not your usual read.

With a society that struggles to embrace grief and sit with sadness, Even If He Doesn’t shines a light and offers a lifeline to all who are hurting, have been hurt or will be hurt. Kristen shares her personal experiences of unanswered prayer, hurtful experiences and trauma from a high risk pregnancy. Regardless of whether you’ve walked the exact same hardships, Kristen speaks of suffering with grace and compassion leaving room to connect emotionally while also debunking age-old lies about grief and pain.

Even If He Doesn’t will be a go to book you recommend and purchase when facing personal grief or sitting with another through theirs.

Beautiful. Encouraging. Hopeful.

Honestly, I could listen to Kristen LaValley read her grocery list. She’s eloquent and relatable. I found myself tearing up several times to have someone talk about suffering in such a real way. She tells her story while incorporating truth about God in a gentle, loving manner.

Friends, if you’re suffered, listen. If you know someone suffering, listen.

I've followed Kristen on Instagram for a long time, and have been so excited to read this book ever since she mentioned its existence. I am BLOWN away by the depth of both truth and gentleness in this book. It is a journey, that will take you through some of you toughest questions about suffering and crisis, but not without a thoughtful and truly experienced guide. Kristen has paid for this isight with blood, sweat, and tears. You can feel that in her words, and I am just so happy she is sharing this insight with us. If you have ever suffered, are going through suffering now, if you struggle to feel like God is good, or are questioning everything.. this book is for you.

Kristen is a veteran story teller. You can tell by the expert way she weaves together her own stories, biblical history, and conversational points. Reading this book feels like having a conversation with an old friend. Hot tears fell down my cheeks as I resonated with her feelings during her own experience with suffering. I nodded my head, said under my breath, “yes Jesus” more times than I can count. Even if he doesn’t beautifully and honestly shares what we believe about God both when he does answer our prayers the way we hope, and especially when he doesn’t. In my own experience, God didn’t. And yet, I know her words to be true.

What a beautiful book written in an approachable and dare I say “fun” voice. Scripture is poured out in this encouraging book - it will be one I revisit time and time again. I will be gifting this book to many people - life is hard and the witty tone used often throughout the book makes one feel less alone. What a gift.

Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

Even If He Doesn't by Kristen LaValley is the book you need to read today! Though some of us face unimaginable suffering, none of us are spared hardships on this earth, Kristen's book is so refreshing and honest , that sometimes it even made me cringe a little. But that is the truth, life can be hard, it can be painful, and until we face a severe trial in our own lives we can not know how we will respond. God does not promise us a life spared from heartache and pain, but often it is that very pain that drives us to call out to Him. Where we experience Him in a new and beautiful way as He walks with us through it. Kristen shares her own story of life altering trials that tested her faith, and the grace of God who meets you where you are at.
. You may have a similar experience, or your struggle may be something entirely different, but no matter what it is, this book is a must read. Christ alone can give you joy and hope amidst the darkest of trials.

This book... man, it sent me for a loop! The rawness Kristen shares from her life is incredible. She carries you along with all of her past hurts, crisis, trauma, and weaves how God was there through it all. This is one of those forever on your shelf books. I'll read it over and over again through the years. Loved it.

(I received this book free in exchange for my honest opinion.)

I didn’t want to read this book. Not another book on suffering as I am actively suffering and at the absolute end of my rope...but...what if she has something different to say?

I follow Kristen on Instagram and I like the things she says and her personality…so even though I didn’t want to, I applied for the ARC and quietly hoped I wouldn’t get approved.

Books like these usually make me feel worse about the suffering I am experiencing, and let me tell you, for the last handful of years…suffering has been front and center for me. To the point, I have all but walked away from my faith. I have grown so bitter about the things I feel God has allowed and have felt completely abandoned. The last thing I wanted to read was something encouraging me to keep trying. Because, if I’m honest, I have gotten to the point, I don’t WANT to keep trying.

When I saw that the suffering she was writing about was so close to my own (involving babies — my issues are mostly health-related — chronic pain and unexplained infertility)I almost didn’t continue because I know she got her miracle and I am very sure I won’t. The envy of that almost made me quit the book before I started. Which is my problem, not hers…nevertheless, I continued. And I am glad that I did. I grew teary often seeing my feelings and sometimes exact thoughts and questions written down, coming directly from someone else’s brain. I also found myself with a lump in my throat often reading how Kristen felt and knowing very well what it was like (if suffering has taught me nothing else, it at least magnified my already fairly deep empathy)

Kirsten addresses many kinds of suffering, from devastating news about her babies, to church hurt, to how Christians tend to stray away from those who start questioning their faith and asking hard questions instead of sitting with them while they figure it out…she offers lots of insight I appreciated very much. This is for those who are suffering but also for those who know someone suffering.

I have read many books about faith and suffering and I have disliked most of them. They are full of a lot of cliches and then at the end “we just can’t know God’s ways” and I have grown tired of that explanation.

If I had any critique, and it's only because it's my personal experience, would be what advice does she have when you are at the end of your rope, so discouraged, and have been suffering for so long with seemingly no response from God at all...what do you do then? She speaks often of feeling abandoned but knowing she actually wasn't, she still believed He was good, believing He was still there but wanting to get to know Him better...what if you're at the point that you aren't sure He's there or good? When literally everything you thought you knew seems wrong and promises don't feel like they're being held up? When you *don't* feel safe with God? What then? Would her story look any different if she hadn't received the miracle?

Kristen writes as if she were sitting across the table with you. She’s funny, she’s relatable, but she’s also caring and wise. She makes you feel understood and validates the hard feelings you are experiencing, but she offers shifts for the way you’re thinking at the end of each chapter, and throughout the chapters too.

She speaks graciously about the way our theology has maybe wrongly shaped us and our beliefs, and how that then determines our view of God and ultimately our view of Him while suffering and our suffering itself.

I think Kristen’s book is what all faith-centered books on suffering should be. Honest and relatable, not making you feel bad for your hard and sometimes ugly feelings, encouraging you to reframe your thinking about everything you thought you knew but still in a biblical way. This sounds narcissistic, but if I were ever to write a book on suffering…this is what I’d want it to be like. Christianity is so void of honesty these days. It’s so frustrating. Kristen does this very well.

If you’re going through a season of suffering (or know someone who is)…even if the season feels permanent like mine does…I don’t think you’ll regret picking up Kristen’s book. I, myself, almost feel too far gone and I found myself highlighting many things to come back to later. Which I think is a sign of a well-written book.

I recommend it if you’re in a time of your life where you’re having trouble trusting God. If it doesn’t help, I think the way Kristen has written it, at the very least it won’t make you hurt worse. It probably won’t magically make you feel less horrible about your situation…what will? But it does. Give you perspectives to think about and chew on while you’re waiting.

I enjoyed the way she writes. I enjoyed her perspective and her personality and found that I agreed with pretty much everything she said. We’d probably make good friends (Kristen if you read this, do you want to be friends?).

I might even read it again.

This book and Elisabeth Elliot’s Suffering is Never for Nothing will be the two books on suffering I will be recommending to others from now on.

Thank you to NetGalley, Kristen, and her publisher for letting me read her ARC.

I’ve been following Kristen on Instagram for a long time and watched the harrowing journey of her pregnancy with Lydia and Chloe. I wasn’t surprised at all to love this book, but it definitely convicted and encouraged me more than I imagined possible! Kristen helps us to see how suffering isn’t a badge of honor to wear as proof of being inside of God’s Will. Similarly, a lack of suffering or a season of blessing is not a reason to fear that we are outside of God’s Will. He is a Good Father who wants to bless us; we don’t have to wait for the other shoe to drop or assume that we’re doing something wrong. The sweetest reminder was that Jesus didn’t just die for our sin in the most literal sense (to save us from hell) but he also died so that the pain resulting from our brokenness will be undone in ways we can’t imagine. This idea makes present suffering a bit more tolerable. Kristen writes masterfully and accessibly. This is definitely a book I’ll keep on hand to give away!

This book changed my outlook on suffering, and I am better because of it. I want to read it again, slowly, taking everything in little by little.

“Pain has a way of confronting our theology”

Even if he doesn’t is so much more than a book on suffering. Part memoir and part spiritual growth, sort of. But honestly I don’t think I’ve read a book like this.

Each chapter ends with a distortion and a switch which I think is a helpful way to view and wrap up each chapter.

I have had my share of suffering, being poor, a miscarriage, a traumatic birth with a premature baby, untreated PPD/A, job loss etc. I have also walked with others through seasons (sometimes very long seasons) of suffering.

This book is good for those who have suffered, those who are suffering, and those who are walking with those who suffer.

I think what sets this book apart is how gentle it is. If you have or are suffering, you will not be told how to feel, think, or believe. You will be given space to experience your emotions. You won’t be given advice in what to do/what not to do in your pain. You’ll simply hear how the author handled hers, and given permission to be however you need to be in your suffering while also gently being reminded who God is.

If you have suffered, you will look back on your suffering with new eyes.

If you are walking with someone suffering, you will gain empathy and a new gentle perspective of what your loved one might be experiencing.

I adored this book! It was super well written and really debunked the Christian ideas that get passed around about suffering. Kristin was honest and open, and it helped me feel closer to her. This book would be a perfect book to give to someone who is currently suffering, and someone who would like to dive deeper into the theology of suffering. I'm glad some of the horrible/cruel platitudes were debunked in this book, while still holding up the goodness of God, the mystery of circumstances in our lives, and transformation that happens to us because of suffering. I highlighted so many quotes this book. It's definitely one that I will need to reread and gift to friends!

Kristen LaValley is someone I have followed on social media for awhile. So when I was approved to read her ARC, I was very excited. This was an amazing book. Full of theologically sound words, pointing you to Christ, both when things are good and when things are bad. Because sometimes, things don't turn out how we think they should. But God is still there.
I will recommend this book to everyone.
All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I loved the effortless manner in which the author deftly conveys the message of hope in God amidst human suffering using poignant descriptions of life situations and impactful quotes! This book is a must read!