Set over the course of a weekend, BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY follows Charlotte Thorne as she returns to campus for her five-year reunion. Charlotte feels she’s floundering: she’s stuck in a toxic job with an overbearing, sexist boss (who happens to also be an alumni and is slated to do the commencement speech); her passion for drawing has all but disappeared; her post-college plans didn’t involve living the single life in a crappy apartment but here she is.

But back on campus, surrounded by her chosen family, Charlotte wonders if it’s possible to do it all over, restart her life — and even make amends with an ex she ghosted five years ago.

BUT HOW ARE YOU, REALLY was a solid, quick read with great rep (Charlotte is bi and many of the supporting characters are queer) and doesn’t shy away from heavy topics (grief, abuse and its lasting trauma, harassment, homophobia).

The book’s middle-of-the-road okayness makes this a hard one for me to review! There wasn’t anything glaringly offensive (though I did find the two major antagonists to be a bit heavy-handed and cartoony in their villainy, twirly mustaches at the ready) but there also wasn’t anything that made a lasting impression. It was an enjoyable read while it lasted — and I did find myself racing through it, the book is VERY readable! I can easily see this becoming a buzzy summer pick!

This book was such an overall great read. It had me wanting to know more and at many points had me needing to read just one more chapter. Definitely a title I want to have as my staff pick and a great addition to our fiction pride table in store for June.

I really struggled with this unfortunately. this was one of my most anticipated reads this year but I truly dragged. For the most part I think the story just lacked excitement. It was obvious Charlotte was battling a lot of inner demons and struggling with the connections in her life. Sure she had better character development but I thought people like Reese and Jackie deserve better.


My favorite part was when she finally got the balls to quit during Roger’s commencement speech. I appreciated the sense of nostalgia with a college reunion weekend

"𝑀𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑛𝑒, 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑦-𝑠𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑙𝑑. 𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑠𝑎𝑓𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒."

Where to even begin..... I'm not gonna lie I've been scared of this book since I got approved for it😅 The title already hit home as a promise for potential reflections that I was not quite ready for. If you've been in the pits (sad pits or otherwise known as suffering from depression and or burnout) before, you recognise "but how are you really?" as what some would call a sworn enemy right up there with "how are you doing?" and "are you ok?" among others. Sometimes when you're going through it and trying really hard not to think about it, these are some hard hitting questions that, though they may not look like it, are loose pins on a ticking time bomb.

The beauty of But How Are You, Really starts with the title, the intimacy of it. Ella Dawson through Charlotte Thorne our protagonist is able to portray the ebb and flow of trying to heal and move on from trauma through the lens of hyper independence and self isolation as a coping mechanism. The different shapes it takes and how sometimes that can mean you're a raging asshole😂. What is closest to my heart is the reinforcement that abuse doesn't have to be physical. Non-physical abuse is also abuse and it's valid in its own right.

I am so in love with the kind and gentle way the love interest cares for the MC (and everyone else around them) and im even more obsessed with the queer found family (we all know how i feel about found family 🖤) I'm not gonna lie Jackie's abrasiveness pissed me off alil bit at times but at the end of the day she's a down bitch and I'm down with that.

BHAYR made me feel so much that I can't even begin to articulate 😭 but most importantly it made me feel seen and validated. Ella Dawson really ambushed me and then stole my heart.

It's giving big bisexual energy and we love it.

Charlotte has had a rough go of things since she left college, needless to say that things have not gone her way. She is not thriving like she hoped that she would be, but she's given a chance to go back to her old college. Things get complicated when she returns to campus.

This was just a mess in the best way possible. I really enjoyed my time with it.

This was gifted in exchange for my honest review by Netgalley & The publisher.

I really wanted to love this book, but it just fell a little flat for me. The concept of the book is great, but I didn’t vibe with the writing. It tends to be a bit clunky and overwritten. I also struggled to connect with any of the characters.

the ending did boost it to a three star rating but honestly I wish there was more plot to it. Like it was longer and maybe even included flashbacks. I was left wanting more than I got.

Sadly I didn't love this as much as I had been REALLY hoping for. A college reunion, a bisexual coming of age/finding your footing in the workplace story that is sure to please fans of last year's Old Enough. That said, I just struggled to really get into it or become invested in the characters. Okay on audio and worth a listen but nothing super standout. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy in exchange for my honest review.

3.5 stars

But How Are You, Really follows Charlotte as she is forced to attend her 5-year college reunion as she catches up with old friends she has fallen out of touch with, reconnects with an old hookup that she ghosted, and is forced to confront her emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend, all in one weekend.

Overall, I liked the main character Charlotte and the themes of reconnection, regret, and healing from trauma. I also really enjoyed the commentary about the difference between how people present their lives on social media and what their day-to-day lives are actually like. If you like the genre of literary fiction featuring women in their 20s that are trying to Figure Out Their Life, you’ll probably enjoy this too. I didn’t rate it higher because it didn’t stand out enough for me personally. There are moments I really, really enjoyed but also parts that felt repetitive and made the book feel longer than it was. I wanted a little bit More to happen. However, I did enjoy reading it overall and I would definitely read more from this author.

Thank you to Dutton and NetGalley for the arc!

3 Stars This one is for all the millennials who are still figuring it all out (myself included). But How Are You, Really is a book about trauma, healing, communication, and reconnection, all set during the reunion weekend of a fictional college. It's Charlotte's five year college reunion and she hadn't planned on going, but her boss is giving the commencement address, so the entire thing becomes a work trip. She connects with old friends, including her old hookup who had the potential to be more before Charlotte ended it. Though this book touched on some heavier topics, it felt like there wasn't much conflict or it all got resolved fairly quickly. Some more conflict would've helped with the plot and the pacing.

Thank you to Dutton and Netgalley for the ARC of this book.

But How Are You, Really is an alumni campus novel that follows a group of friends, back together for their five year reunion. They were all so excited to be back together and experience their glory days again.

The main character, Charlotte, had experienced some type of trauma from her ex-boyfriend, Ben. She spends most of the book looking over her shoulder for him and actively trying to avoid him. The reader is not exactly sure what happens until the later part of the story.

If you're one who likes to know exactly what and how the main character is feeling with lots of inner dialogue, then this book should be right up your alley! We are in Charlotte's head head, listening to her thoughts for most of the book. That part was okay but it did get a little repetitive as the book goes along

I never went away to college, so it was a good time reading about the college experience. I think it was descriptive and told the true story of what life on campus was like. I felt like I was really there with them.

There were quite a few themes weaving throughout this book. The group of friends we're following all had some sort of family misstep and formed their own found family unit. But as life happens you sometimes lose touch with even the people you love the most. As this group reconnects you can feel their bond and the way in which they pulled each other through.

Charlotte is dealing with a lot in her life. We walk with her as some of her darkest times come to the surface. This is a story of survival, finding your self-worth, and learning to lean on the people who love you the most.

Charlotte didn’t plan on attending her five-year college reunion, especially since she’s not exactly proud of how her life has turned out in the time since graduation. However, when her problematic boss (a Hein alum) is selected to give the commencement address, the long weekend becomes a work trip. As soon as she’s back on campus however, Charlotte finds it all to easy to fall into old habits, hanging out with friends she hasn’t seen in years and flirting with Reece, the hook-up (with potential) that she ended before it could get real.

Overall, I found myself really enjoying the tone of this book. Graduating myself around the same time as Charlotte, all of her references had a way of bringing back the nostalgia. Factor in a Massachusetts liberal arts college, and it was feeling like she was describing my school, until she mentioned Route 1!

I think that a lot of people might find this book healing, just because so much of the messaging focuses on clear communication and acknowledgement of feelings and the author practices what she preaches! That being said, since there wasn’t a lot of emotional/interpersonal conflict (or it was resolved really quickly), I personally would have liked to see a little more to spice up the plot and help with the pacing.

Thank you to NetGalley and Dutton Books for the ARC, provided in exchange for an honest review.

But How Are You, Really is a late-millennial story of trauma, regret, reconnection, love, and self-acceptance. I'm an Old, but found it relatable and nostalgic.

“Let’s be twenty-one again. Let’s pretend Barack Obama is still president.”

If you:

✨are a millennial
✨went to college between 2008-2016
✨have generational trauma
✨miss college, but for who you were not what it was
✨have moved across the country from all your friends and wonder if you’ll ever have that kind of community support and understanding ever again

then this book is for you.

This book is a memoir of every confused, scared, still-figuring-it-out, what-am-I-doing-here millennial. A roadmap to working through trauma, accepting that you messed up and then fixing it. Learning to accept your whole self. Queer self-love at its finest. I love it here.

Rarely have I disliked a book that should have been so up my alley this much, but even if I hadn't, the pacing dragged to the point where I might have struggled to finish anyway. Thanks to the publisher for the ARC in exchange for an honest review!

We're only six months into the year (barely) and this one will probably make my top ten reads of the year. I'm a sucker for a college book and as someone who just hit their 10 year college reunion as well, this one really hit close to home. I was sad to say goodbye to these characters when the story ended. I'm excited to continue to read Ella Dawson's words forever.

This book is chock full of queer millennial ennui and it's an excellent, relatable summer read for just about anyone in the generation. There is a lot of "real stuff" in the book with stories about family alienation, job and career stress, etc., but also, being back for their college reunion means that there's a lot of nostalgia and fun, as well.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read an advance copy of this novel in exchange for my honest review.

While I normally don't go out of my way to read anything with the second chance romance theme, I am so glad I did in this case! Charlotte is too relatable as a "burnt-out bisexual", I am so glad she got the happy ending she deserved.

But How Are You, Really by Ella Dawson was an excellent read. The phenomenal storytelling had me feeling every single emotion Charlotte was feeling.
The topics discussed in this story were realistic, raw and overwhelming.
I loved everything about this book.

Thank You NetGalley and Dutton for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to read this ARC!

Charlotte is a “burnt out bisexual” just trying to survive. Her mental health is not in the greatest shape, and she gets asked “how are you, really?” Well, really her boss sucks, her college ex boyfriend sucks, and she hasn’t really kept up with her queer chosen family after graduation. She doesn’t want to go to her 5 year college reunion, but her boss is giving a speech and she’s got to go. Once she gets there, it’s like she went back in time to 5 years ago. She relives all the good— and the not so good— parts of college. She even meets up with her really sweet (and incredibly hot) ex-not-really-boyfriend. A lot can happen in 3 days.

This book gave me so many feelings! First off, Reece and Charlotte are my favorite. Reece is one of the best written men I’ve ever read. The “spice” between them was good too! The ex boyfriend Ben sucks so bad and I wanted to punch him through my kindle. It kind of brought me back to a similar situation I was in. And the annoying boss also made me wanna fight. The queer friend group is top tier. Every side character is written so well, I felt like I was there and I knew them too. The mental health representation in this book is so real.

This book is so real and important. I really enjoyed it. I appreciate how real Charlotte’s story is. I don’t want to spoil the story too much, but this book will stick with me for a long time. Read it! I definitely recommend it.