this book has left me with a lot of mixed feelings.

a seemingly straight women gets into a romantic or mostly sexual relationship with a soft butch. there are no boundaries, at least non respected. this is a short novella about an intense short lived relationship.

my favorite thing about this book was the diary like was it was written, even though it was fiction is almost like i was being told a true story directly from the mouth of the main character.

i saw myself in the main character, in the trying to fill an empty hole inside yourself with drugs, sex, people, experiences and then trying to turn that into art and failing. or succeeding?

even though this book was short, it took me a while to get through. it’s not dense by any means, but living in the MCs head is not an easy task and the way the book is written gives you no option but to.

i loved all aspects of this book separately, and only mildly enjoyed them all together. the writing, the characters, the story line, the book length. i can see why it is highly rated.

I really enjoyed this novel and would have read it in one sitting if it wasn’t for work and responsibilities! Still, I read it in a day. I couldn’t get enough of these two lovers. So toxic for each other, clearly, yet obviously so in love. I like how it handled addiction with honesty and zero glamor. Addiction fuels mental health instability and vice versa. These women were truly addicted to each other. It felt very raw and honest and you just wanted to keep reading to find out what happens next. I found myself rooting for them even though they were obviously not good for each other. Also, the ending. No spoilers but this ended just the way it should have.

a story about me is that i remember reading this back upon original release and as a then baby queer, i don't think that i was quite ready to reflect on what this little novella does to communicate the emotions of trying to comprehend your own sexuality.

it reminds me of rewatching the l word, it reminds me of but... i'm a cheerleader. it reminds me of sitting in my room desperately seeking any book i could find that MENTIONED queer women and subsequently asking myself, "am i gay?" then going through period of convincing myself boys who i no longer remember the name of were soooo cute. years later, i still remember the name of the girl in algebra ii that i used to write bad poetry about. this book really asks you if you're gay, then gently reminds you that straight people don't spend all their time asking themselves if they're straight.

this story is about a young writer who encounters a soft butch about twenty years older than her named finn. their relationship starts as that homoerotic friendship replete with cuddling, with wanting to be around each other all the time - you know that old chestnut.

finally, finally, the two get together. for our protagonist, the connection is affirming. there's literally a moment where you can feel with her that sensation of, "oh, that's what i've been missing."

our story descends into chaos from there and it's sweet and it's sexy, but between navigating the toxicity of that first love that truly feels like love and finn carrying on a relationship with our protagonist despite having a partner back home, we're treated to a lot of prose about a first, big relationship being the center of your universe and when it evolves to something you do because it's something you're doing.

a really great story about what it felt like for me - and a lot of other people, i'm assuming - to be a baby queer, trying to learn about your own identity, then heartbreak, too.

lots of classic queer references in this, too! anne carson! jeanette winterson! leslie feinberg! annie on my mind! the l word! definitely a time capsule of a story. for me one of the best parts of this reading experience was though some things were absolutely lesbian cliches, the differences between what the world looked like just ten years ago and now, just in terms of lesbian visibility in media, is really kind of neat. also loved the imagery of the color blue throughout, too.

You can’t always predict what gets famous or why. This novella of a torrid love affair between two women had somehow made it. Something about it struck the chord with the general audience and a slew of celebs of screen and written word as the many pages of praise preceding the story AND the numerous quoted letters to the author in the afterword attest so loudly to.
Apparently, people found this sort of story relatable, be it their coming out book or what. It boasts a sort of beyond-queer appeal.
Outside of all the noise, if you just take the story as is, it’s an easy one-sit read about a woman in her twenties who moves to NYC and begins an affair with a butch nineteen years her senior. The butch is in a ten-year relationship with a woman, but this is the first lesbian affair for the younger one. Cue in drama, heavy heavy drama. Bucketloads of drama. In some ways exactly the sort of drama ugly clichés about lesbian relationships might be talking about. Unnecessary, ludicrous, overbrlown drama.
And yet, something about this tiny book—the confusion of it all, likely, of figuring out one’s sexuality and one’s needs and wants in a relationship—had really connected with the audience over the years, hence this ten-year anniversary reprint from a major publisher.
Well, look at you go, tiny book. It is objectively compelling, so kudos there. Otherwise, your level of emotional engagement will depend entirely on your levels of personal confusion. Thanks Netgalley.