“You are born to one mother, but if you are lucky, you will have more than one. And among them all you will find most of what you need. Your relationships with todas las madres, the many mothers, will most likely be ongoing ones, for the need for guidance and advisory is never outgrown, nor, from the point of view of women’s deep creative life, should it ever be.” - Clarissa Pinkola Estés

An exploration of female archetypes in Latinx culture, interspersed with personal anecdotes and interpretation of those archetypes in her own family, I found this such a beautiful book! Besides a lot of recognition of who fits which archetype in my own family, this is a beautiful reflection on the role the various women in your family, besides your own mother, play in your upbringing and view of the world.

I love the writing style, which is engaging and vivid. I felt the love received from and that the author has for the women in her life, which was so heart-warming. I devoured every story behind the archetype and highly recommend this to everyone who has a big family, who was raised primarily by women and who wants to learn more about female archetypes!

The archetypes Tías and Primas explores (and my favourite quote from that chapter):
La Matriarch - A matriarca is missed because a matriarch is exceptional. She is the reason for so many of your happy memories, and you don’t even realize it until she is gone.
The Young Tía - She was a protector, a confidant, and also an adult who saw me as someone who was her own person, and not as someone who was not yet a full person.
La Prima Perfecta - The strictness of our upbringing was mother-led. We were also the oldest daughters, so how we acted seemed to be very much a primary preoccupation of our parents, who felt pressures around how they were reflected in their roles.
Widowed Tía - And do not get me wrong, this tía appropriately mourned her husband, but once she found her rhythm, she became bulletproof.
Tu Tía, La Loca - easier. At some point, the reward of true freedom outweighs the burden of burning bridges that lead to respectable womanhood.
The Tía Who Sees Fantasmas - Today I understand that assimilation takes our mother tongues, our family recipes, and our cultural cues, but it also robs us of our ancestral knowledge.
Street-Smart Prima - Someone who is viva will circumvent every narrow-minded perception of her and adjust before you even realize she’s outsmarting you.
Dignified Tía - The curse of a dignified woman is that she does not want to be alone, even if it feels like that is what she wants.
Tía Who Loves Plants and Animals - Even when she is spiraling and being merciless to herself, she will always find benevolence to pour into these animals she loves. They are a vessel, a manifestation, of her transferred tenderness.
Tu Tía Escandalosa - The thing about tu tía escandalosa is that she is not here to be palatable, and her husband seems to not only understand that but love that aspect about her.
Prima Who Doesn't Like Other Women - For the prima who does not like other women, her disdain for those women-centric gatherings comes from having absorbed misogynistic interpretations.
The Childless Tía - The tía who has chosen to not have kids and the tía who cannot have kids have the same destinations but different stories.
The "Te Éstas Engorgando" Tía - Sometimes people who love us harm us because they are not healing, and it takes a lot of grace toward yourself and them to sit with the harm and not let it destroy your day.
Book Smart Prima - Family is oftentimes who we reflect; we reflect their teachings, and they imprint culture onto us through our constant exposure to them. But if you are a reader, you have an additional teacher— an additional reflection to imprint onto you.
Divorced Tía - I have this tía who loves differently, engages differently, and most importantly shows you that being detached from people who are critical of your life is sometimes a smart tactic. We do not have to allow people to be mean to us, and we do not owe them our vulnerability when they are quick to throw salt into a wound.
Second Mom Tía - A second mom tía teaches you that difference between friends and acquaintances. She keeps you in touch with parts of yourself this world will try to rob from you.
Whatsapp Tía - I want to encourage you to see what they are trying to show you through their social media posts and responses. Being seen is a powerful thing, and there is no greater feeling than feeling seen by your own family, even thousands of miles away.
La Tía Cuir - Mi tía cuir taught me to be soft, and she taught me to be kind. Through her, I learned at a very early age that sometimes adults are mean because I saw how cruel my family was behind her back.
MLM Tía - The truth of the matter is that the American dream is often an American terror.
Your "Pretty" Prima - The overemphasis on outer beauty does not mean that you taught them to be kind, anti-racist, anti-transphobia, anti-misogyny, justice-seeking, or community-oriented.

I LOVED “For Brown Girls with Tender Hearts and Sharp Edges” and was excited to read this second book. (This is a standalone book and can be read without knowledge of the previous work, but I also highly recommend that book) 

This book is an exploration of female archetypes specifically in Latin-American immigrant culture, as the subtitle states on knowing and loving the women who raised us.

I believe the author’s goal is to democratize knowledge and she delivers. She went to graduate school and came back to bust open the gates of knowledge previously cloistered for the wealthy and privileged. 

This is a book to highlight and annotate with tons of little sticky tabs. I am buying a copy for all my sisters. This should be required reading.

It will resonate the most with Latinx communities, but it’s also universal, giving names to common issues we might not all have been taught to identify such as: Assimilation, Colorism, Femininity, Homophobia, Sexism, Racism, Heteronormativity and how it’s perpetuated in Latinx culture. How these things are harmful, why sometimes they’ve been tools for survival and how we can make changes. 

My hope is that armed with this knowledge I can keep the parts of my Latinx culture that I love but guide my children and my siblings’ children on how to be more equitable and just. It definitely vibes with my gentle parenting style. I read this at the same time as I was listening to “All About Love” by bell hooks and it was cosmic synergism that blew my mind.

Early in the first chapter, she writes “people often talk about being their ancestor’s wildest dreams…” and then states she thinks her “matriarca would turn in her grave is she knew the extent of my fighting spirit”. I hope your ancestors (and mine) are proud that you are free to live your life on your terms and make choices she was denied. It’s my greatest dream for my kids and theirs. 

📓Alternate title: For Brown Girls without Access to Therapy. 

Thank you to Seal Press and Hachette Book Group for the ARC in exchange for my honest review.

This book was beautiful and captured the beauty of female friendship and family in a way that I’ve never read before. It was healing and so refreshing to be able to relate to a book. You can tell how each word was intentional and so carefully thought out. I am going to reread the physical copy when it’s available. Thank you for putting this out to the world, Prisca!