At Dark, I Become Loathsome is disturbing, raw, unflinching, & the most intimate thing he has written. The way in which LaRocca peels back the layers of the heart & uncovers the wickedness in its depths is truly stunning. Recovery from this one will be tough.

Eric LaRocca is a force to be reckoned with!

Ashley Lutin has recently lost both his wife and his son. As he struggles to continue to exist, his grief and his feelings of guilt are constantly fighting to take over...everything. Perhaps as a way to assuage these feelings, Ashley comes up with a ritual to help others in the same situation. He posts this:

“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”

As it turns out, Ashley was right. There were other people out there in the same situation and he was prepared to help them. What does this "ritual" involve? Will it change people's lives in the way Ashley promises them it will? You'll have to read this to find out!

Eric LaRocca's writing is only improving as his career rolls on. His characters look and feel real. His prose is sparse, yet vivid and easily pictured in my mind's eye. Ashley is not a likeable man. However, somehow, Eric got me to care for him. As I read about his life, the tragedies that have affected him, and his responses to them we do learn that at dark, he becomes loathsome. His constant repetition of this is like his personal mantra.

For me, the highlights of this book lived in the stories within the story. First off, I love when that happens in a book. Looking back at some of my favorite books of all time, many of them contain a lot of stories within the story-Straub's Ghost Story or John Langan's The Fisherman, just to name a few. There were two of these in this book and both of them were stark, brutal tales. This is where Eric really excels. Body horror blended with the bizarre, sex, and the nihilistic is where his best work shines. In this way, he always reminds me of Clive Barker in his early days.

Eric LaRocca is going to be part of the future of horror, there is no denying that fact. His work is consistently fresh, exciting and brutal. We are lucky to be in on the ground floor. We LaRocca readers can say "I remember when he just started out." and be proud of it. I will be able to say I invested early and I earned as much as Apple stock purchased in the 80's. Eric surprises me. He entertains me. He stirs up the darkest shadows of my black, rotted, horror-loving heart.

At Dark, I Become Loathsome earns my highest recommendation!

Available January 28th, up for pre-order now.

*ARC from publisher

feels like his weakest work to date, largely due to its disjointed flow and confusing narrative structure. The book’s pacing is erratic, and the way it weaves between themes and character development often feels unnatural, as if key emotional beats are rushed or muddled. This could be a result of LaRocca having explored grief extensively in his previous works, and here, it feels like the theme is stretched too thin, lacking the raw, visceral impact that marked his earlier stories. Despite his evident skill in exploring complex emotions, this novel seems repetitive, as though he’s rehashing familiar territory without adding anything new or compelling to the conversation

This is my favorite Eric LaRocca so far. I didn't expect with such horror to also end up so heartbroken. This book does contain a lot of themes that many people might want to avoid,, and never lets up with the feeling of doom and darkness. Right when I saw a glimmer of something that might have been light, it was snatched away. This kind of realistic horror stays with me.
Thanks to NetGalley for letting me read this.

Time and time again, Eric LaRocca knows how to unsettle readers, never seeming to run out of ways to make your skin crawl and your soul squirm. At Dark, I Become Loathsome is a meditation of nested viciousness. Stories within stories within stories of broken humans and devastation.

No other author has disturbed and unsettled me more than Eric LaRocca. This is definitely my favorite book I’ve read from them so far. I was hooked from the first chapter. LaRocca has a way of writing very unlikable characters that you want to follow throughout the entire story. I do appreciate that his stories are short because there is only so much of this unsettling feeling I can take. This will not be for everyone as it does contain some dark and disturbing content, but at its core, it does have glimpses of hope and beauty in the end.

I am once again thoroughly grossed out, stunned, and at a loss for words after reading another Eric La Rocca novel. This was one of the most odd and yet gut-wrenching reads I have had in a while. Thank you NetGalley for letting me read it early.

This nightmare fuel will have you sharing my fear of being buried alive.

My greatest fear is being buried alive. And page one starts with that exactly.

I could only read this book in the morning. Our main character, Ashley, is so twisted and his acts are so depraved that I was consistently horrified. However, Eric's writing gave Ashley this depth, this reason behind his monstrosity that made him a fully-fleshed out, complicated, yet deeply flawed human.

The writing was amazing. There was even a nod to one of my favourite poems, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock which I appreciated. Like the poem, this story is a meditation on the value of life and the complicated relationship we all have with grief.

Based on the previous stories I read in, This Skin Was Once Mine, I was hoping for a different sort of ending. But the story was compelling enough to keep me holding on right until the last page.

Thank you to Net Galley and Blackstone Publishing.

This book is best read with all the lights on.

purplest prose i have read in a while! i don't always mind wordy writing but it just felt a bit overwritten to me.

"at night, i become loathsome" makes for a catchy title but i was less of a fan of its constant repetition every few pages. not nearly interesting enough of a phrase or theme for how often it was repeated imo

was confused by the degree to which the protagonist is fixated on how grotesque his facial piercings are... he just sounds like a guy i'd see at a punk show?? it's certainly in part to reflect the character's self-hatred + conservative upbringing, but his assertion that people stare at him in public with disgust is just puzzling quite frankly

a couple other notes:
- the ritual rules stipulate that the caregiver may only touch the client to hold hands or hug, but one of the steps of the ritual is for the caregiver to bathe the client? minor plot hole perhaps
- i like the thing larocca does when they intersperse short stories within the larger novel(la), it adds texture!
- "I type in my username, 'sad_boy'" ok i'll admit i laughed
- two different objects are estimated to be approximately the size of a quail egg. why? i do not know

all of that being said, i will probably continue to read larocca. i'm not confident his writing style is for me, but i appreciate how creative and twisted his imagination is! definitely a pillar of contemporary experimental queer horror

A short, grim and dark story that will certainly linger with me a long time. It was completely orginial and left me feeling gross - as a compliment!

the majority of this book was just the main character going over the fact he has so many piercings in his face and lost people in his life, irrelevant stories of characters that have nothing to do with the main story, and shock value. Eric's writing is getting better, but I really think he should stick to short stories where I feel like he really shines

The first Eric Larocca book I could not finish. I liked You've Lost A lot of Blood but they have steadily been getting worse and worse.

"At Dark, I Become Loathsome" is a deeply disturbing, yet intriguing, examination of the lines between grief and sexuality, all told through the lens of a flawed individual with their own ideas of how to help those in grief. LaRocca's writing is smooth, but is poetic and beautiful at the same time. The subject matter can be quite difficult to take on, but this is such a unique way to examine one's queerness, as well as grief. This is my first read from LaRocca, but it won't be my last.

Eric Larocca truly is a master of queer horror. At Dark I Become Loathsome shows that yet again. This book is unsettling, nauseating, disturbing, and may actually make people feel seen. Sometimes being a part of this community isn't all rainbow capitalism and quipper one liners. Sometimes it's pain, and suffering, and feeling loathsome. Sometimes it's the joy of others making you feel sad. This book is most assuredly a horror novel, but it's also a love letter to the loathsome ones.

Loved this! Eric continues to put out books that are scary and off-putting in new and surprising ways. Another great book!

At dark, Ashley Lutin becomes loathsome. In the wake of his wife's death to cancer and his son's disappearance, Ashley begins to perform fake funerals (complete with burial) for clients on the verge of suicide. He advertises his services as a "second chance at life". Interwoven with this storyline is an online correspondence with a potential client featuring a horrific tale of torture, Ashley's search for the truth of his son's disappearance, and his self-hating issues with his sexuality.

With so much going on, in what is essentially a novella, nothing much comes together in a satisfying way. The most disturbing parts of this book are the multiple interspersed vignettes told by various supporting characters. However, most of these stories never connect back to the main plot and function more as horrific diversions and side quests that go nowhere. The main storyline is rather dull and predictable, and Ashley Lutin as a character is boring, unsympathetic, and annoying.

A story about grief, depression, self-identity, coping skills or maybe the lack thereof, and depravity interwoven with the intense love between a child and their parent. How does one continue in life when the only reason they feel alive is now missing? Ashley resorts to trying to find solace through the Internet and believes he is providing a much needed service to those who answer his call. The call for what? The author puts forward a twisted dark tale of obsession, animal abuse, murder, sexual-abuse, homosexuality, and many other themes intertwined throughout.

I do feel the abundance of shame and horror he rests upon piercings is over the top. I mean the whole story is over the top so it may just continue the level of story-telling.

Thanks to Netgalley for this advanced ebook. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

After losing his wife to cancer and having his young son kidnapped, Ashley becomes a sort of underground grief counselor, creating a ritual the daring pay good money to participate in. Said ritual involves being buried alive for 30 minutes in a “fake death” exercise where people’s lives are guaranteed to change.

But things take a wicked turn when Ashley’s purpose comes into question, and his own world is challenged by an unusual client.

LaRocca’s latest is as dark as it gets, and will surely not be for the faint of heart. But as disturbing as it is, I saw the twist coming early on and felt things may have been more effective had the third act gone in another direction.

AT DARK is well worth the reader’s time, and most readers of stronger horror won’t be disappointed despite the obvious twist. Can easily be enjoyed in one sitting.

This novella is not for the faint of heart and I will say this book won't be for everyone. That being said, fans of LaRocca's work and similar ones will be very excited to read this. Our main character, Ashley Lutin has created a ritual. A rather ... unique ritual that people can seek him out for and pay to participate in. This book addresses topics of grief, remorse and pain. As always, heed any trigger warning as this tale IS bleak and heavy. It also includes parts where different traumatic events take place, in much detail. Thank you so much to NetGalley & Blackstone Publishing for the ARC. This book publishes January 28, 2025.

What really makes us a monstrous being?
At dark I become loathsome is a new novel by Eric LaRocca that asks if we don't fit into the norms are we monstrous? Well exploring the concepts of loss and grief being able to make us into something that is monstrous and dark?

Goodreads activity notes
Arc ebook copy sent by publisher courtesy of Eric LaRocca - because I have a fan girl problem on social
Genre :
- horror
Novel
General adult fiction
LGBTia fiction
Repetition of sentence throughout entire first chapter 'At dark, I become loathsome"
First person narrative
"I think people should remain protected when nighttime approaches, almost as if twilight were a cancer that could rot us away until we were threadbare, tattered, and broken things, never to be repaired again."

"It's just that l become different at night.... I believe most people change considerably when their environment shifts. Darkness is a substantial change to our environment when you consider the implications that nighttime brings. Some things can only happen at night for this reason. People's inhibitions are lowered-their wants, their needs, their desires become paramount."

Progress
3%
"But though humanity doesn't escape us when it's dark out, l've learned that human decency only exists when it's convenient. The rest of the time, we're feral creatures tirelessly spinning against the whitewater current of rapids bearing us down and carrying us toward an infinite black sea."
1 Like


Progress
4%
"I'm something monstrous, something unspeakable, something appalling, something to hide away like a shameful secret. That's what I am—a secret to be kept, away from everyone, in a dark room."
1 Like

Interesting imperfect protagonist- Ashley
Wife dead from cancer
Son missing from abduction
Lost - helps people who want to kill themselves w his 'fake death' ritual where he buries them alive for half hour than digs them up for. A rebirth
-reflect on life and desire to live or die while in coffin
underground

Progress
7%
...a woman who had seen all the wonders of hell and knew keenly of the nothingness, the oblivion, that waited for her there."