Member Review

2-Star Review: “Vampires at Sea” by Lindsay Merbaum

I’m honestly not sure what I just read, but I’m pretty certain it wasn’t horror. Vampires at Sea bills itself as a “smutty, super-queer horror-comedy,” but I found it more disorienting than entertaining—and certainly not scary. If anything, it felt like a chaotic urban fantasy with LGBTQIA+ representation set against the surreal backdrop of a Mediterranean cruise, with vampires who barely resemble the traditional mythos and who certainly didn’t leave any bite marks on me, metaphorically speaking.

Vampires at Sea ♦ Lindsay Merbaum - A Review

Opinion
The story follows Rebekah and Hugh, two “emotional vampires” from San Francisco on a pleasure cruise. Right away, I struggled to connect with either of them. Rebekah is one of the most narcissistic narrators I’ve encountered in a long time, and not in the fun, self-aware way. Her constant self-focus—every scene and interaction filtered through her ego—quickly grew tiresome. Hugh, on the other hand, is her polar opposite, to the point of being practically inert. He has the emotional engagement of a sleeping pill. I found their dynamic dull, not intriguing. Then there’s Heaven, a non-binary influencer who was supposed to be alluring and perhaps even magical, but came off as more of a sketch than a fully realized character. Like the rest, they lacked depth and believability.

The writing style is where things really unravel. It reads more like a stream-of-consciousness travel journal than a novel, and the narration jumps in time and topic without warning. The result is a feeling that you’re stuck at a dinner table listening to someone’s disjointed vacation recap—only this one includes a heavy dose of exhibitionist sex and identity crisis. Some passages were genuinely well-written, with clever turns of phrase or flashes of emotional insight, but they were few and far between.

As for the “vampirism,” it remained confusing throughout. Do these characters feed on blood? Emotions? Trauma? Desire? The book flirts with ideas but never commits. It left me with the impression that the concept of “emotional vampires” was more aesthetic than functional.

Conclusion
Ultimately, I found myself more frustrated than intrigued. The book had potential—a queer cruise, supernatural themes, a backdrop of war—but squandered it on surface-level drama and an unreliable, self-absorbed narrator. If you’re looking for horror, or even something emotionally resonant, this might not be it. I’m doubtful I’ll pick up another title by this author.