trying was a great memoir about trying to have a baby but also working on her marriage. I loved the vulnerability and nuance Caldwell brought to the memoir.

Trying: A Memoir
Chloe Caldwell
Graywolf Press, 2025

Chloe Caldwell’s newest book captured me from the double, perhaps triple, entendres of her memoir’s title, “Trying.” Caldwell and her husband, B, experience fertility difficulties while trying to conceive. Midway through the book, Caldwell undergoes a marital split from B, which lends to trying socioemotional experiences and revelations. In addition to her career as a writer, Caldwell also works in a retail store that advertises (no joke) “life-changing pants.” Customers try on pants in efforts to find a magical new self. (For $200 a pair? Yes to all the magic!)

What begins as a magnified view of her continued infertility treatments, appointments, and disappointments soon expands into a soon-to-be-divorced memoir and how-to-experience-this-body book. Interspersed with her stream of consciousness writing style and curious paragraphs (not curious-bad, but curious in a “I wish I could make sense of life and writing this way”) Caldwell regales readers with heartbreaking, matter of fact, who the hell talks to people who are experiencing infertility this way stories that take my breath away from equal parts laughter and shock value. For example, “A close friend tells me, 'Your books mother so many people!' As if I give a shit.”

You might like Caldwell’s Trying if you enjoyed Knocking Myself Up: A Memoir of My (In) Fertility by Michelle Tea, The Rules Do Not Apply: A Memoir by Ariel Levy, You Could Make This Place Beautiful: A Memoir by Maggie Smith, Splinters: Another Kind of Love Story by Leslie Jamison, and Waiting for Daisy: A Tale of Two Continents, Three Religions, Five Infertility Doctors, an Oscar, an Atomic Bomb, a Romantic Night and One Woman's Quest to Become a Mother by Peggy Orenstein.

Thank you to Chloe Caldwell, Graywolf Press, and NetGalley for the eARC.

What a delight!

Trying begins with various episodes related to treating infertility, from humorous discussions of the vaginal ultrasound "dildo cam" to grappling with a continued rejection of IVF while others consider it their "only choice." So much of this story is about choice and agency in a situation where so commonly women feel they have none. And in a great attack of her agency, halfway through Caldwell's experience of writing her memoir she learns about her husband's betrayal. The second half of the book is focused less on the pursuit of creating life and more on the pursuit of living her own. That's not to suggest this memoir is a rejection of motherhood, but instead an open-minded, queer perspective on what it means to have agency, to heal, and to cultivate familial relations.

Thank you to both NetGalley and Graywolf for the e-arc.

really enjoyed this book, which went in directions I wasn't expecting. I've ready everything else Caldwell has published, and this was a great addition to her previous works.

a memoir told in a series of fragments and acts that details the author's experience with "trying" for a baby, then in life. for fans of loosely held narratives, creative nonfiction, and [spoiler alert] divorce novels.

though i'm typically a fan of "this sort of thing" (and chloe's other books), this fell flat for me. i failed to see how her work at "the pants store" (loup for anyone wondering) created enough of a narrative structure for the first act. i was annoyed when she said she knew she *could* give some more symbolism here or there, but basically told us she was too cool to try (!). i wanted more detail, more heart throughout, and while her obsessiveness comes through, she lacks a "why." did she love B so much she wanted to have his baby? did she imagine holding this tiny thing and responding to its every need? apparently not, though that revelation was more up to the reader to construct as her tone changed from flat to a bit...and only a bit...more animated by act three, when the clouds part and she works to change, or maybe even just accept, her life.

i still devoured in one sitting <3

ty netgalley for the ARC!

thank you to NetGalley and ESPECIALLY Graywolf Press for the advanced digital copy.

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i ate this up faster than i thought possible. trying is raw, nonlinear, smart, and deeply human. it's a memoir told in sharp, sometimes funny, often heartbreaking fragments. the vignettes that build slowly until you realize you've been sitting in something much deeper than you expected. what starts as a book about struggles with age and infertility becomes something much bigger: a story about shifting identity, queerness, betrayal, grief, consumerism, and trying, really trying, to find meaning in it all.

chloe caldwell writes about the cultural expectation that people with uteruses should be either dreaming of giving birth, actively pregnant, or raising children. she doesn't just challenge this, she interrogates how it's weaponized. how not wanting kids is treated like a failure. how being unable to have them is cast as tragedy. how age, especially for people with uteruses, becomes a countdown clock, while men get to coast, often leaving the child-rearing behind.

there's fascinating critique in here about heteronormativity within the fertility industry, how straight couples can jump right to IVF while queer couples are expected to "prove" infertility through multiple rounds of less effective treatments like IUI. there's also a brilliant metaphor tucked throughout the book about a boutique selling 'life-changing pants'. the pants don't fit everyone. they're advertised as inclusive, but they aren't. just like life, there's no one-size-fits-all. and no purchase, no herbal tea, no miracle diet will fix or change something if it's unfixable.

caldwell also touches on how infertility invites unsolicited advice: cut out caffeine, try acupuncture, take these supplements. it's part of a larger pattern - consumerism dressed up as wellness, fix-it culture disguised as care. the book doesn't scream about these issues. it just shows you how heavy it all gets when the trying leads nowhere.

the middle of the book contains a rupture. an infidelity, a divorce. the narrative shifts. caldwell finds herself moving from a hetero marriage into a new world of autonomy. the title still fits. she's trying to understand what she wants. trying to reclaim parts of herself that got buried. trying to write, trying to live, trying to start again.

there's a beautiful, piercing thread in here about how painful it is to be happy for others when your own grief is so big it eats you from the inside out. it doesn't make you cruel. it makes you human. caldwell handles that tenderness so well, without moralizing or apologizing. she just tells the truth.

and the details are SO good. there's pop culture scattered throughout like little gifts: hacks, MUNA, search party. it's specific and current in a way that grounds the book in time and place. the writing is clean, sharp, but not emotionless. it simmers. it stings. it lands hard.

the format - fragmented, meandering, vignette-based - won't be for everyone, but i found it perfect for a subject as slippery as this. trying doesn't offer neat resolutions. it doesn't tie things up. it just invites you to sit inside the mess of not knowing. and for anyone who's ever had to rewrite their life mid-sentence, this will feel like being seen.

An interesting book--I have read all of Caldwell's books and appreciate their deep lyricism and fragmentary nature. Many surprises and swerves in this short memoir which I very much enjoyed.

Chloe Caldwell can do no wrong in my opinion. I've taken some of her writing classes, and forever hold her as the highest esteemed writer in queer literature. Though Chloe is always vulnerable and honest with her audience, Trying felt particularly raw and inviting to readers. Examining her own experience in the quest for motherhood, relationship shifts, and her place in the world led me to examine both my own wishes and preconceived notions of what these places we define for ourselves truly mean.

*Trying* by Chloé Caldwell is a raw and introspective memoir that delves into the complexities of infertility, personal identity, and the unexpected twists life can take. Through candid reflections and sharp observations, Caldwell navigates the challenges of trying to conceive, the unraveling of her marriage, and her journey toward self-discovery. Her writing is both vulnerable and empowering, offering readers a glimpse into the messy, beautiful process of becoming who you truly are. For anyone who's ever questioned the path they're on or sought meaning in life's uncertainties, this book is a heartfelt companion.

Memoirs are one of my favorite stories; I've read them extensively. Caldwell's book is interesting and insightful. It is much more than a story about a person trying to conceive. I liked how open and brave the words within this book are. It was easy to feel immersed in the story. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

As a fellow infertile person looking ahead to a future without children, this was the exact book I needed in my life right now. The book of my dreams. THANK YOU.