Member Review

When I started writing my review of Queering Him by Katherine Wela Bogen, which I made notes of before I even finished the book, I hardly new where to begin…

Maybe that’s terribly symbolic of Avra and Kieran’s relationship in a way I’m really starting to appreciate the irony of as I have faced my own setbacks in approaching my ARC review of Queering Him, which is an alchemical transmutation on a soul level of Earth shattering shadow work woven through intersectional lenses of social justice featuring mind blowing erotica, if people are into that sort of thing... (I am VERY into that sort of thing).

My first thoughts upon completion:
”I just finished reading the ARC of Queering Him by Katherine Wela Bogen and I am devastated... broken open in ways I didn’t imagine erotic literature could accomplish where decades of therapy couldn’t. Absolutely beautiful, powerful, and should be considered essential Kink and Queer canonical reading. If it hits you like it hit me, then make sure you have ample water and tissues.”

Immediately I felt the tension and seduction of resonance when I thumbed the first few digital pages, that I was about to be devastated as advertised and this was my last chance to turn back as I felt myself sucked into the narratives that so vividly and transformationally mirrored my own lived experiences in so many ways. Parts of me that I had wished for, Avra had lived and paid for in her pain, and I watched an adjacent timeline play out that healed my quantumly entangled events. Recollections of exes and relational fumbling, illumination of intergenerational familial dynamics and adolescent wounds, Queerness and Kinkiness as culture and identity… just to name a few of the themes ready to plumb your soul…

Luckily, I’m the kind of person who does shadow work for fun, and accepted this activation of my multidimensional reality in exchange for what I hope will be an encouraging review. I sincerely cannot stop talking about this book, and maybe people are starting to perceive me as they did Avra just couldn’t stop talking about Kieran even if it was bordering on too-much-ness and other social sins. And yet I couldn’t talk to too many people about it because I need more people in my life with whom I can casually discuss elevated erotica.

All the same, I have to admit that at first I was a little disoriented not only by the use of language itself, lending itself to the natural clumsiness of a developing, young psyche, but by how effectively I was transported back into the psycho-emotional state of my adolescent youth through the introductions to our main characters. Possibly the first indication of how deeply I would relate to the angst and longing specific to our many shared intersecting identities and life events, and solidified my attachment to Avra and Kieran’s story.

It can be off-putting to see the most intimate and vulnerable experiences and thoughts put on display that way, not all readers are open to that - but not all readers intentionally dive into their triggers in the name of self awareness and healing. So I guess I found a new favorite author willing to broach the heaviest relational topics with honesty, nuance, and grace missing from most literature of any genre. Part of a wider shift I’ve noticed back to deep emotional vulnerability and sociopolitical compassion in the context of not just romantic love but community connections.

Katherine Wela Bogen navigates the span of years with intentional elegance that helps carry the story line across Avra’s past, present, and future while carefully introducing and reconnecting strands of the many colorful characters that shape her experiences. Illustrating and illuminating the morally gray shadows that are especially prominent where unhealed attachment trauma has grown thorny armor and weapons against perceived attacks in the social wilderness of growing up where you sense you aren’t truly welcome. Which is addressed with the messiness of youth clarified by the maturity of the author throughout the events of book one.

This lends itself beautifully to the coming of age that unfolds as Avra and Kieran stumble and mature through stops-and-gos of their own wounds and egos, and into their sensual experiences that flower into their sexual obsessions and expressions.

Queering Him seeds the tension early, with a sort of symbolic pinky promise, before pulling us along through their tumultuous, upending passions (for better or worse) to the infamous Tequila Scene and all the way through to the end that circles right back to the beginning while teasing the opportunities that open at the transition from books one to two.

Each scene builds on the last and sets up the continuity, weaving the story lines to bring you back around with illuminations and premonitions. Characters with real and relatable stories with relevant seasoning of the polycrisis echoing outside and through the bubble of their microcosm. It’s easy to be sealed into their world while immersed in the pages and still see how the reflections make this book such an important part of current literature.

As hard as it was to start, it was harder to finish… Once hooked, it was nearly impossible to put the book down and I only did so with a practiced patience that I repeatedly thought Avra and Kieran would possibly privately admire.

I wanted to immerse myself in every delicious scene as fully as possible, sexual or not, and taste the story as it resonated with memories of lived experiences, wishful imaginings, and close-calls of my past. Rooting for them and cherishing their victories, grieving and transmuting their wounds and harms mirrored in my life.

Taking it slowly to read and notate and explore the edges of my psyche along the pages. I easily could have polished the book off in two days but I made it last so I could enjoy the newness that won’t come again, or be tasted in kind until book two (if Avra and Kieran had to wait a few years I guess we can too…) and then let myself digest the fullness of the impact to provide more than a hiccup of awe to share.

There are so many instances where I genuinely felt that this book was divinely written to help me work through some of the relational traumas I’ve experienced, and while I’ve done significant work on healing from the harms, I still found places where I needed closure that I received from the insights I realized in reading Queering Him.

As a result, much of Queering Him felt like a coded book of activation for healing. I found myself re-reading passages in awe, and torn between flipping the virtual pages of the book or turning the pages of my body when I wasn’t pausing with a box of tissues while absolutely overcome with the humanization and raw realness of the characters and their woven tales.

Each scene builds on the last and sets up the continuity, weaving the story lines to bring you back around with illuminations and premonitions. Characters with real and relatable stories with relevant seasoning of the polycrisis echoing outside and through the bubble of their microcosm. It’s easy to be sealed into their world while immersed in the pages and still see how the reflections make this book such an important part of current literature.

It wasn’t just the concepts and content, but also the care with which Katherine Wela Bogen constructs the scenes, with a style that builds tension and release with exquisite detail to create a breathtaking landscape for your imagination to join Avra and her companions on this complex adventure. There’s no easy way to approach this book, it has made itself deliciously unapproachable to a casual reader and magnetizes those who love the chase of well-written prose that takes complex characters with emotional and intellectual depth through a powerful coming-of-age narrative through Queer and kinky perspectives.

Queering Him itself is an erotic journey regardless of which pages you’re flipping, giving life to the Queer femme bisexual/pansexual experience in a way that few authors attempt and far fewer have succeeded. Queering Him serves not only as a must-read book, it’s also a milestone indicating a much desired shift towards intellectually, socially expansive literature, erotic and otherwise that simultaneously levels up and amplifies sorely this underrepresented genre and it’s represented readers.

This is the exact sort of book that I have longed for, that I look forward to re-reading over and over throughout the years with new perspectives and learned lessons and reflecting on my growth… perhaps growing with the characters or growing away from them and appreciating the wisdom gained from second-hand experiences. I’ve already begun to think of all the folks I’ll gift copies of this absolute gem as a love language. I know I’ll continue to reference Queering Him in conversation with partners, beloveds, and clients for years and years to come.