Confessions of a Gay Priest

A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary

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Pub Date 15 Apr 2020 | Archive Date 15 Apr 2020
University of Iowa Press | University Of Iowa Press

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Description

Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. Confessions of a Gay Priest divulges the clandes­tine inner workings of the seminary, providing an intimate and unapologetic look into the psychosexual and spiritual dynamics of celibacy and lays bare the “formation” system that perpetuates the cycle of abuse and cover-up that continues today.

Under the guidance of a charismatic college campus minister, Rastrelli sought to reconcile his homosexuality and childhood sexual abuse. When he felt called to the priesthood, Rastrelli be­gan the process of “priestly discernment.” Priests welcomed him into a confusing clerical culture where public displays of piety, celibacy, and homophobia masked a closeted underworld in which elder priests preyed upon young recruits.

From there he ventured deeper into the seminary system seeking healing, hoping to help others, and striving not to live a double life. Trained to treat sexuality like an addiction, he and his brother seminarians lived in a world of cliques, competition, self-loathing, alcohol, hidden crushes, and closeted sex. Ultimately, the “for­mation” intended to make Rastrelli a compliant priest helped to liberate him.

Tom Rastrelli is a survivor of clergy-perpetrated sexual abuse who then became a priest in the early days of the Catholic Church’s ongoing scandals. Confessions of a Gay Priest divulges the...


Advance Praise

“In demanding celibacy and damning homosexuality, the Catholic Church condemns legions of its best and brightest priests to lives of hypocrisy and shame. Rastrelli recounts his struggle with heart, wit, and courage. The Church’s loss is literature’s gain.”—Mary Roach, author, Grunt: The Curious Science of Humans at War

“Tom Rastrelli is a gifted writer whose personal journey is in­sightful and enormously important. Confessions of a Gay Priest is a riveting, powerful book, rich in detail and deeply relevant to the times we live in. It exposes painful truths that must be told. Read it.”—Michelangelo Signorile, author, It’s Not Over: Getting Beyond Tolerance, Defeating Homophobia, and Winning True Equality

“Tom Rastrelli’s brave, candid, self-critical memoir is part of a great tradition of spiri­tual autobiographies, from St. Augustine’s Confessions to Thomas Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain. Tom’s story differs from theirs because of his time and place. But he shares with them a commitment to hon­esty and to understanding the meaning of faith. This is an often beautiful, sometimes shocking, always important book.”—M. G. Lord, author, The Accidental Feminist: How Elizabeth Taylor Raised Our Consciousness and We Were Too Distracted by Her Beauty to Notice

“Rastrelli’s carefully observed testimony speaks real truth to power. I am amazed by his ability to navigate a traumatic emo­tional landscape with such grace. This book is an essential document for the Church’s many victims of abuse.”—Garrard Conley, author, Boy Erased

“Tom Rastrelli is that unique blend of courage and talent, a remarkable personal story to tell, a passionate voice, and a sharp, skillful pen with which to fashion the tale.”—Janet Fitch, author, Chimes of a Lost Cathedral

“In demanding celibacy and damning homosexuality, the Catholic Church condemns legions of its best and brightest priests to lives of hypocrisy and shame. Rastrelli recounts his struggle with heart...


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Featured Reviews

Tom Rastrelli’s Confessions of a Gay Priest might just be the most painfully difficult book to read that I’ve finished in my entire life. I realize that sounds like an exaggeration, but believe me, it’s not. And it’s not Rastrelli’s style or writing ability that made this one so hard for me to stomach, it’s what the book is about. The book’s subtitle (A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary) accurately warns readers of what’s inside, but even then I thought I could maintain an emotional detachment while reading it. That did not happen. Instead, I found myself growing angrier and angrier at the Church hierarchy that allowed the things described in Confessions of a Gay Priest to go on for decade after decade. And not only did those at the top, the only people who could have possibly stopped the kind of abuse described by Rastrelli, allow it to continue, they covered up for the criminals in their midst by transferring them from parish to parish or seminary to seminary every time it appeared that the truth was in any danger of being exposed.

This is Tom Rastrelli’s personal story, the story of a rather naïve gay teenager who felt a calling to the priesthood. Rastrelli is a handsome man, and as a young man he was eagerly targeted by an authority figure in his parish church eager to take advantage of his confusion about his sexuality and the role of gay men in the Church. Then, having survived (for the time being at least) that relationship, Rastrelli was immediately targeted by a mentor-priest of authority at the seminary in which he would spend the next four years of his life. These would be four years during which Rastrelli would struggle to live up to the Church’s celibacy requirement while being sexually abused and exploited by some of the very people responsible for his physical and mental well-being as a seminarian.

But somehow, Rastrelli did manage to survive the seminary experience and become a Catholic priest. Probably because he was older and a bit wiser, the new Father Rastrelli began to question the hypocrisy of the church elders and came to the realization that the corruption and cover-up of the predatory sexual nature of some of his fellow priests went all the way to the top – all the way, in fact, to Rome. The lack of support he received from his Archbishop when he exposed what he had witnessed and what happened to him personally, Rastrelli’s desperate cry for help, left him suicidal and on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Tom Rastrelli’s story is a sad one, and it does not really end well for Rastrelli or the Church even though Rastrelli has now found a second career for himself. Rastrelli ended up a disillusioned man and the Church lost a talented priest. That’s a lose-lose proposition. The thing that still infuriates me (as a lifelong Catholic who has come to feel cheated of his faith in the Church) is the way that the church hierarchy continued/continues to hide the sexual abusers in its ranks, in effect creating thousands of new victims year after year of the kind of abuse that should have been stopped decades and decades ago.

Bottom Line: Nothing in Confessions of a Gay Priest particularly surprised me. What the book did do, is confirm my worst fears and, as a consequence, I sometimes found myself struggling to begin the next chapter. Rastrelli is a frank writer who does not pull any punches here. I hope that the right people read this book and that they are moved to help make sure that this kind of thing is not allowed to happen anymore. But somehow, I doubt that that will happen.

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Confessions of a Gay Priest is a must read if you want a peak into the Church and sexual activities of its principals. I found it compelling. I was hurt by the protagonist's experience as a seminarian and then as a young priest. He eventually left the priesthood, found a young man to be his husband and they were living comfortably in the Northwest. If you are intrigued by the sexual goings on of priests it is a must read, if sad.

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Horrific, anxiety-inducing, disgusting, but revelatory is how I'd describe this book. Having grown up Catholic and forced to be friends with more priests than I'd care to admit, it shocks me, and I find the behavior in this book completely revolting. What Rastrelli went through with his abuse and the covering up by high leaders, only makes sense given the church's history of hiding away despicable actions.

This is a book about pain in the Catholic Church and the enormous grief and shame placed on one priest as he tries to fight against everything about who he is. It moved me in a way that I was not expecting at all. Several times I was so angry that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. But if Rastrelli was able to live through this, then I could read through his pain.

There are many triggers throughout the book: sexual assault, rape, gaslighting, and the one to me that's even worse than the rest: the acknowledgement of these things, and then turning and ignoring it. It is NOT a book for anyone who wants to continue to love and feed at the breast of the Catholic Church. This book is about abuse, and the long-enduring pain that comes from the Church's power.

It's mesmerizing and heart-breaking. And I am so glad to be away.

Confessions of a Gay Priest publishes 4.15.2020. Pre-order this book immediately. And I don't make that recommendation lightly.

6/5 Stars

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God, this book was difficult to read. Rastrelli really didn't pull any punches recounting the abuse and hardships he received throughout his life in the church. While fictional stories about this topic are hard enough to read as is, knowing that this was a memoir made it excruciating. This book isn't for everyone! I'm someone with an educational background in sexual offenders and sexual abuse, and it was still hard for me to read. It definitely isn't for the faint of heart. However, if you think you can handle it, I highly recommend it. We all know that the church has a history of abuse, but it's so powerful to be able to hear from the victims themselves.

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Memoirs are read because you know of the person or event. Memoirs are read because of interesting titles and covers. After a brief moment on discerning why I requested this title, I am still unsure why I opened its pages.

The scandals of the Catholic Church are well-known, almost overly so. The institution serves both as the butt of jokes and as a highlighted example of abuse of power. Tom Rastrelli experienced an interesting life on the inside as a seminarian and as a minister. He lived through ups and downs of the church’s reputation with his own mental health on the line. I admire that he was able to keep his faith through it all, despite his disappointment with the events within his archdiocese. By the end of the book, I was so relieved that he was able to find peace and happiness in his life.

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The intensely conflicted struggle of faith and redemption amid the power of the Catholic Church is highlighted in this unforgettable memoir: “Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary” (2020) is written by Tom Rastrelli.

When Tom Rastrelli returned to his hometown in Clinton Iowa, he was enrolled at the University of Northern Iowa and studying the dramatic arts (1994-1996). Although he was raised in an observant Catholic home by his hardworking middle class parents; he was gay, closeted, lacking in self-esteem, and felt terribly shamed and diminished by childhood sexual abuse. Rastrelli’s decision to enter the priesthood didn’t happen with any amount of ease. As his faith and spirituality deepened, his resolve to follow the teachings of the church increased. Eventually Rastrelli realized he could serve and administer to a parish flock, with the priestly vows of celibacy offering a path towards redemption, keeping him right with God.
As he entered his local parish to study under the guidance of Father Scott Bell, Rastrelli quickly learned that behind closed doors the priests were not the noble holy men of public perception—and honoring the vows of celibacy was a priestly “journey” that wasn’t clearly or directly followed. It was surprising how one priest old enough to be Rastrelli’s grandfather could face himself in the mirror. Rastrelli was advised by Father Scott to watch the movie “Mass Appeal” (1984) -- also to date women and enter therapy designed to address his homosexual orientation—none of which seemed realistic or helpful.

The path that was strictly followed was the “Code of Silence” as the governing body and hierarchy within the church acted in its own best interests to protect itself from the disgrace of all public scandal. In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a public apology for the child sexual abuse cases within the church that had been brought to public attention. The mistrust of church officials became apparent as members began leaving the Catholic church in greater numbers.
After becoming a priest and serving in a parish, Rastrelli experienced a crisis of faith that slowly led to a mental breakdown after a shocking cold and cruel rejection by someone he had deeply loved. Despite his own difficulties and serious issues within the priesthood, this is not a memoir of judgment, self-pity, or blame but rather of a true holy man that embarked on a spiritual journey that led to unexpected love, peace, and happiness. **With thanks and appreciation to the University of Iowa Press via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.

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