A girl losing herself, and two young women finding their way.

Dunet is in a state of guilt and regret. With her self-hatred and low self-worth building up in her head, she falls into an intense depression and seeks solitude whenever she can, slowly isolating herself from the world and the people who care about her. But even though she tells herself she wants everyone to forget about her, that everyone would be better off without her, there's a small part of her that wants to be saved. A small part of her seeks hope in Myllia, one of the few people Dunet trusts.

Liela is trying to move forward. She's realized that she no longer knows how to be there for her sister, Dunet, and now she is desperately leaning into others for help amid her confusion and pain. With little else that she knows, she pushes forward, tackling greater responsibilities as the new Commander of Claralis in an effort to hold her world together. While sorting through her feelings and her changing relationship with her sister, Liela must also adjust to her relationship with Myllia as their romance deepens.

Myllia is starting to realize who she is. As her relationship with Liela evolves into something much more complex and vulnerable, she realizes that romance is no longer enough for her. With her new relationships and her growing confidence in herself, she decides to be her own person and pursue a path that brings her happiness. But before she faces her newfound future, she must come to terms with her past. In doing so, she'll encounter a future full of possibility built on a promise to herself and those she loves: to be the best version of herself and settle for nothing less than what she deserves.

The Essence of Longing is an interpersonal exploration of self-discovery and depression, expanding on the characters from To Hold a Flower.

The Essence of Longing is Book 2 in the To Hold a Flower series. I would recommend reading To Hold a Flower first (which is available on Netgalley as well), as I will be more likely to approve you for a review copy.

Trigger Warnings (*Includes Spoilers): Suicidal Ideation, Implied Self-harm, Brief Self-harm imagery / thoughts, Depression, Isolation (including physical endangerment from cold exposure), Subtle Ableism / Internalized Ableism, Instances of Sensory Overload, Self-hate / self-loathing, Anxiety, Disownment (of a queer child by her parents) / implied homophobia (brief) + a Content Advisory: Sexual Content and 10 pages of sex scenes (with clear consent)

Rep List (confirmed / shown rep only):
Liela – Autism (strongly masking), Lesbian, Anxiety; Dunet – Autism, Depression, Anxiety; Myllia – Fat, Lesbian; Kreenie – Co-occurring Autism & ADHD, Mid-size; Driena –BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), Depression; Ella – Potential Learning / Mental Disability; Helin – Lesbian; Alice – Bi (Bisexual)

*A note on sensitivity reading: This time around, I worked with 4 sensitivity readers on the fat rep, so every change to the fat rep in The Essence of Longing had input from my sensitivity readers; I also recently went back to revise the first book with sensitivity reading input.

Book Version Note: This version of The Essence of Longing is a slightly edited version I released about a month after the initial release, fixing a few minor errors.

To Hold a Flower (Book 1) and The Essence of Longing (Book 2 / this book) have both been released. The next book, The Illusion We Craved (Book 3) is releasing November 2025 and will be available on Netgalley next year.