She thought she’d have it all figured out by now—career, relationships, identity, purpose. Instead, she had a PhD in behavioral science, a brain full of spirals, and a growing suspicion that the story she’d been telling herself about how life should look was wildly off script.

In her whip-smart, laugh-through-the-cringe debut memoir, Sarah Watters explores what happens when your 30s don’t go to plan—and how the sticky stories we cling to about success, love, and self-worth can quietly run the show.

Blending academic insight with emotional spiraling (and a lot of strikethroughs), This Is Not How I Thought It Would Be is a sharp, vulnerable, sometimes chaotic look at identity, change, and rewriting the narratives that no longer serve us.

“If you’ve ever thought, Wait, how did I get here? (in life, or in the CVS checkout, I guess)...”—you’re in the right place.