Coming Clean

This is a stunningly written, theologically rich, compellingly told memoir of a journey from alcoholism to sobriety, and from anger with God at unanswered prayer to a surrender to mystery. Seth Haines started drinking when his beautiful little son – emaciated, weak – was seemingly dying of a mysterious chronic illness for which the doctors had no answers. The structure of the book follows his journal of the first ninety days of his sobriety – but it’s far more sophisticated than a ‘dear diary’ format – it’s beautifully structured and crafted, with story, reflection and theology interwoven together.
The book is ostensibly on addiction, but actually the core of the book is about Seth’s inner journey to uncover the reasons behind addiction. What Seth Haines does superbly is deal with big questions of miraculous healing, what happens when prayers for healing go unanswered, and what it is like to live, suspended, in a state of chronic suffering. This is not just a book for those struggling with addiction, but for anyone who has ever struggled with unanswered prayer or a request for healing that was never answered. As someone who writes on the spirituality of suffering and lives with a chronic illness, I give this my highest recommendation – it is honest about the questions, and digs deep for – not answers, exactly, but a way through the questioning. The writing is a sheer joy to read. One of the best books I’ve read in a while – a must-read for anyone struggling with unanswered prayer or addictions of any kind. Highly recommended.

The liquor hiding isolates me from the community of faith that helps hold me up.  This is the way of any addiction, isn’t it?  Aren’t all of our vices just a convenient distraction from the voice of God speaking to the inner person, from his community that speaks too?...If you deal with your pain, you won’t need the numbness. 

Seth Haines battle with addiction is our battle as well.  We may have a different way to ease the numbness.  It is a spiritual battle.  There may not be broken limbs, but there are broken hearts, blood may not be spilled, but there is a pouring of anxiety that can be overwhelming.  

Each day you are brought into Seth’s walk as he faces and embraces his pain that stems from his own health and the health of his son.    Questions of why and how long are usually answered by Seth’s addiction.  Along with his therapist, he begins to uncover the God that never leaves and will never forsake.  He begins to embrace the mercy of God on a sinner.  

I was totally engaged with Seth’s journey and I am thrilled that he is taking others with him.  It is a journey of faith, a fight for belief, and to embrace the mystery of God in our pain and suffering.  

A Special Thank You to Zondervan and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

At just under one year old, Seth Haines’ son, Titus, has been admitted to the Arkansas Children’s Hospital.  Very ill and with no diagnosis in sight, Haines and his wife, Amber, begin planning funeral songs.  It’s at this time that Haines’ officially abandons prayer for his son and turns to gin, actually smuggled into the hospital, to numb his pain.  

Coming Clean is a collection of journal entries from Haines’ first 90 days of sobriety.  The book is parsed into 3 sections - how he came to recognize his alcohol dependence, the impact of his incorrect views of God and the poor theology thrust upon him as a child, and the start of his healing.  

One large theme of these journal entries is Haines’ childhood experience with a charismatic faith healer.  Haines’s parents took him to this healer to get him relief from severe asthma attacks.  The words of this healer stuck to him like glue – “With enough faith, all things are possible.”

Haines’ himself was not healed as a child, and to this day sleeps with an inhaler next to his bed.  And likewise, his son Titus has not received a full healing.   With the words of the healer resounding in his soul, Haines came to believe his lack of faith was a source of the problem, and God refused to interfere.  

A major turning point for Haines’ was during a morning of prayer and Scripture reading when he considered Christ in the garden.  Christ asked for the cup to be taken away, but that ultimately God’s will be done.  

I consider my appetite for liquor and realize my overdrinking is not the area of my nonconformity.  Instead, it’s my inability to accept that God’s plan might be opposed to my own human will, my desire for immediate healing.  And the mismatch between my will and God’s gives rise to the anxiety, to the pain.  

This book was a sincere chronicling of someone working to accept that God’s ways are not our ways, and seeing that God is still good and still trustworthy.  This is the stuff we all struggle with, and Haines relays his story with honesty and hope.

My will is that Titus be healed.  My will, when I was a child, was for my own healing.  What is God’s will?  I do not know.  Yes, I’ll still pray without ceasing; I’ll muster every bit of faith I can.  I’ll hope I’m Jairus with the sick child, but if I’m not, I’ll give in.  Lord, not my will but yours be done.  

**I received a copy of Coming Clean to review. No other compensation was received, and the opinions are my own.**

Best Christian book I've read in a very long time. We need more honest voices and strong words like this. God bless Seth Haines for telling the unvarnished truth. That kind of honesty just might help somebody. Loved it.